Like Water
by StoneburntHeart
Summary: A series of one-shots in post ME3 life with the Alenko family. Probably going to turn into a huge Shenko fluff-fest, but I need my happily ever after.
1. Four Letter Word

This is going to be a series of more of less closely connected one-shots. It's safe to say that there is going to be a lot of fluff involved since playing the games over and over again just doesn't nearly satisfy my need of Shenko-cuteness. All of these short glimpses are going to be post ME3, though ... I need my happily ever after. That being said, there are probably going to be spoilers at some point.

English is not my first language, so I hope you can forgive any mistakes I might have made. I'm also looking for a beta reader for future one-shots, so if anyone's interested, feel free to send me a message!

Everything Mass Effect related belongs to BioWare, even though I really wouldn't mind Kaidan ... but that's another story.

Background info on the Shepard in this story: Catherine Shepard, Soldier, Spacer, War Hero, Paragon, faithful to Kaidan through the time at Cerberus, light blond hair, blue eyes.

But enough of my rambling. I hope you enjoy these little stories, let me know what you think! That review-button craves attention, after all ;)

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**9th August 2189**

"Dada!" Little Jeremy Alenko was pawing at the picture of his father Catherine walked past on her way to the kitchen, her son settled on her right hip. However, hearing him call out for his father made her stop dead in her tracks. This was a first. Definitely a first.

Kaidan would be more than sorry to be away today of all days. He had already been gone when she woke up that morning, leaving a note on her nightstand that he had been called into Alliance HQ. He didn't say why, though, her best guess was that it had something to do with the training of biotic children. Their number was supposed to increase drastically over the next few years with all the women who were exposed to Element Zero during the war. Too many ships had gone down, their mass effect cores exploding. There was literally no way to avoid Eezo exposure, too much of it still remained in Earth's atmosphere. And since there were going to be a lot of biotic children, there had to be plans how to teach them. Which was were Kaidan came in. He was assigned as adviser on how the training of those future biotics should be approached. Jack had wrestled her way in, too, which hadn't really surprised Catherine. The woman still known as "the psychotic biotic" knew all too well what could happen if the wrong people got their hands on biotically gifted children. No way in hell would she let her history be reapted.

And usually, Kaidan appreciated the quiet job he got. A few years from now, he would probably even be teaching some of those kids. However, Catherine had a feeling that if her husband had known that their son would chose today of all days to voice something that at least resembled a real word, he would have told whoever called him in to go to hell. Oh, yeah, he was really going to hate to have missed this.

Catherine turned her head to look at her son who in turn looked up at her with his big eyes that had started to turn from their baby-blue to brown. She had known that they would. Jeremy was the spitting image of his father, which had caused Catherine's mother to joke about whether Catherine had even be involved in his conception.

_"Geez, mom. I really should hope so, I mean … giving birth wasn't exactly fun, so I better have had the fun of making him in the first place"_, she had replied, mischief twinkling in her eyes. She hadn't been able to keep herself from laughing when she noticed the tip of Kaidan's ears going red at her comment. For a man of nearly forty years, he was still way too easy to fluster. Which Catherine took advantage of more often than not.

"Can you say that again? Who is that?" Catherine asked, her finger hovering over Kaidan's image.

It was a picture from their wedding. By far not the best there was, but without question one of her favorites. Kaidan's arms were wrapped around her from behind and she was leaning back, her head resting against his shoulder, matching smiles on their faces while they looked at something the camera hadn't captured. They had been watching Kaidan's parents who were slowly swaying to the music on the small dance floor.

_"Think this is gonna be us in thirty years?" he whispered in her ear, causing her to turn her head and look at him._

_"If we're lucky", she simply replied, still smiling when she pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss. She sighed contently when she felt his grip around her waist tighten the slightest bit. This was were she belonged._

"Dada!" Jeremy's excited voice brought her back to the present. Thank God. There was hope that Kaidan would actually hear the word once he got home.

"That's right little man, it's your daddy", she murmured softly into Jeremy's dark curls before pressing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

The beeping of the terminal in the living room caused her to sigh. Apparently, the moment she just had with her son over. A few quick steps took her to the offensive beeping sound, but the scowl that had settled on her face disappeared in favor of a smile when she saw who was calling.

While answering the call, she moved in front of the terminal, allowing Jeremy to be seen as well.

"Dada!" Jeremy exclaimed in recognition as soon as Kaidan's face appeared in front of him, tinged in orange light.

The man in question groaned, a hand rubbing over his face. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Well, hello to you, too. I'm fine, thanks for asking", Catherine quipped, putting on her best pout while fighting the smile that eventually won and lit up her face.

"Sorry, love, it's just … come on. Couldn't I have been home for this? This is just another evidence that the universe has a cruel sense of humor", Kaidan said, almost whining.

Catherine nodded in understanding. "When are you going to be home? Maybe he will still be awake", she asked.

Kaidan shook his head, regret etched onto his face. "I don't think so. Jack got into another shouting match with some of the Alliance brass and … let's just say that it wasn't pretty and it's gonna take a few more hours to smooth things over."

"Damn", Catherine sighed. Sure, Jack had come a long way since they first met on that prison ship, but the former convict was nowhere near of being called a mellow personality. Especially when the question of educating and training biotic children was concerned. "Want me to try to talk to her?" She asked.

"No, it's … under control. It was a misunderstanding, really, but it really set her off", Kaidan explained. There had been a lot of those already since the meetings on this matter started, keeping him at Alliance HQ when he wanted to go home and be with his family.

"That probably means that I shouldn't wait for you with dinner tonight, either?" Knowing Kaidan, he wouldn't leave before his conscience allowed him to.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll be home as soon as I can, but ..." he started.

"... but you don't know how long it's going to take to sort it all out", she finished, nodding slightly in understanding.

_"Alenko, get your ass back in here!"_ A voice shouted in the background, causing Catherine to mockingly roll her eyes. It wasn't too hard to figure out that the voice calling out for Kaidan belonged to Jack.

"Tell Jack to leave your ass alone, this ring says it belongs to me. If she doesn't, she'll have to answer to me", Catherine said, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth when she held her left hand up, her wedding ring clearly visible.

Kaidan groaned and closed his eyes for a moment. He should have known that this was coming. "Love, I'll never get your infatuation with my behind."

"Sure you don't. Don't think I haven't caught you staring at mine when you think I don't notice", she answered.

Kaidan nervously scratched the back of his head. Busted. "Yeah … right. Listen, I have to go, Cathy. I love you. Kiss Jeremy for me."

Catherine pressed a soft kiss on her son's head. "Done. I love you, too. See you later."

With a sigh, she ended the call before looking at her son. He was still staring at the terminal where the image of his father had been just a second ago. "Looks like it's just you and me for the rest of the day, little man", she said.

The little boy said something in his own language that sounded like gibberish to her but probably made perfect sense to him. One never knew with baby talk. "Yeah … we'll find something to keep us occupied. Teasing daddy all day is getting boring, anyway", Catherine answered. Most likely, her son would take on the task of keeping her occupied … but she wouldn't have it any other way.


	2. Boom Boom

Hey everyone,

first of all, I'd like to say thanks for all the feedback, no matter if it's a review, following this story or favoriting it!  
On a second note, I want to point out that I changed the rating, just to be safe because of language that might appear in future chapters.

The chapter title refers to the song "Boom Boom" by Schmidt that has been stuck in my head for a couple of days now.

Anyway, this is a direct follow-up to the last story. I hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think! A review is always greatly appreciated :)

* * *

_You looked me in the eyes and something inside went (boom boom)_  
_Oh what beautiful night, you set something off inside_  
_Just like a stick of dynamite_

_ - Schmidt, "Boom Boom"_

* * *

**9th August 2189**

When Kaidan got home, he heard the familiar sound of explosions coming from the living room. He took off his shoes and jacket and went to investigate, but the view that greeted him made him stop in the doorway, a smile appearing on his face that had held an exhausted look only seconds ago. Catherine was curled up on the couch, sleeping, while what he supposed to the be latest Blasto movie played on the vid-terminal. He entered the room and turned the movie off before heading towards his sleeping wife. Kaidan brushed a strand of golden hair away and traced a line over her cheek, not able to help himself, even with no intentions of waking her up. He should have known better, though, because a moment later, Catherine slowly opened her eyes.

"Hey. Look who remembered where he lives", she said, her voice a little hoarse from sleep and a lazy smile on her lips.

Kaidan leaned down to kiss her. "You can thank Jack for that. I would have been here hours ago if her temper hadn't gotten the best of her – again."

Catherine sat up, allowing Kaidan to take the spot next to her. As soon as he was settled, she leaned into him, his arm moving around her almost on autopilot. She put her head on his shoulder, her lips ghosting over his jaw where she could already feel the stubble Kaidan never seemed to be able to get rid of completely.

"Guess you'll have to wait until tomorrow to be called dad in person … or, well, as close to that as it gets yet, I suppose."

Kaidan put his index finger under her chin, forcing her gently to turn her head up so he could press another soft kiss to her lips. "If I didn't know better, I'd accuse Joker of giving our son lessons in timing", he said, rolling his eyes. Catherine laughed and curled up closer in his embrace.

"That's … not gonna happen. At least if Joker favors his brittle bones intact", she mumbled, remembering how the pilot had gotten in the way of her first kiss with Kaidan. She still hadn't fully forgiven Joker for ruining that perfect moment. Kaidan's chuckle made the smile on her face grow a bit wider. "By the way, there's food for you in the kitchen. And your precious Canadian lager in the fridge."

After discovering that their fridge had been frighteningly empty earlier, Catherine had grabbed Jeremy after his afternoon nap and gone shopping. It still amazed her how fast society had been in rebuilding after the war had ended. Only three years had passed and a lot of things – even if by no means everything – had gone back to the way they were before the Reapers attacked. Of course it would still take a few years to rebuild everything that was destroyed. Entire cities had been turned into rubble and dust, after all. But humanity was getting back on its feet, seemingly emerging from the ruins stronger than ever. Everyone had been to hell and back – you couldn't make it through something like that without growing stronger.

"Thanks, love. I'm starving", Kaidan replied, the rumbling of his empty stomach confirming his statement.

"I didn't really feel like cooking, though. I hope pizza is enough for your biotic stomach", Catherine said.

Three years ago, she had no idea how to cook. She knew how to shoot a gun. How to throw a grenade. How to kill someone with the blade of her omnitool or how to cause a big-ass explosion. But cooking? They didn't cover that in basic or the N-program and spending most of her life on ships, she had never needed to know how to do it, anyway. However, when she had admitted that she most likely set a kitchen on fire or make a stove explode, Kaidan's mother had taken it upon herself to teach Catherine how to cook.

To say it was frustrating at first would have been an understatement. Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy, was tempted more often than not to pull out her beloved Cain and get rid of the kitchen as an excuse to stop the lessons. But then again, her sense of honor wouldn't allow her to be defeated by a task billions mastered effortlessly – Kaidan included. She had defeated the Reapers; she wouldn't lose against already dead animals, vegetables or fruit. In the end, she had won the battle with the domestic task.

"Sure. Anything edible and I'm game right now", Kaidan answered. Catherine tried to get up from the couch, only to be pulled back by his arm that went from her shoulders to her waist. "And where do you think you're going?"

"To get you your food? You're obviously not going to and I won't listen to your mom accusing me of letting you starve", she stated.

"Okay, okay. No accusations for you, alright", Kaidan laughed before getting up to grab his food. When he came back a few minutes later, he balanced a plate with the reheated pizza and silverware in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other.

Catherine grabbed the bottles from him and put them on the coffee table that was still littered with Jeremy's toys from a play session she had initiated to tire him out an hour after his usual bedtime. However, she raised an eyebrow when she saw the silverware. "Kaidan … what's that?"

"Most known civilizations use these nifty little inventions or something similar when they eat", he answered, already aware of where this was going. They had this talk every time they had pizza. Catherine insisted that the only real way to eat it was to use your hands since the slices where just the right size to do exactly that; however, Kaidan wasn't too fond of the idea.

Catherine rolled her eyes. "So you're basically calling me what, a cavewoman?"

Kaidan set the plate down on the table before turning around and stealing a kiss from her. "Maybe", he simply said, a grin on his face when he pulled away.

"If I'm a cavewoman, then our son will turn into a caveman. Because there is no way I'm going to let you teach him that you need silverware to eat pizza", she replied. Kaidan sighed and put down the apparently offensive things. He wouldn't win this argument anyway. He never did. So he might as well give up now.

While Kaidan ate, Catherine told him about what Jeremy had been up to all day after the vid-call that had made Kaidan regret leaving the house. Once he was finished, he took the plate back to the kitchen before grabbing the beer from the table and pulling Catherine close again with his free arm. It hadn't taken too long to eat the whole thing, either, since he more or less inhaled his food, thanks to giving in to Catherine's teasing. Even if he didn't approve, he had to admit that this got the job of filling his empty stomach done a lot faster. He would never voice that thought, though. Catherine wouldn't let him live it down if he did. Ever.

Kaidan told her about the things that had gone wrong in the meeting, though. Some apparent experts on teaching had suggested that the future biotic kids should be kept in training facilities. Of course it had reminded him of Jump Zero and he would have opposed – but he never got the chance. Jack had seen red, the whole idea reminding her of her own past and the place on Pragia she blew up once she got the chance.

Catherine sighed, taking a sip from her own bottle of beer. Didn't those people ever learn? "I'm surprised you actually managed to calm her down and continue your meeting after that. On the other hand, her temper's not the same it was when I first met her. She would have killed the guy on the spot, back then", she remarked, slightly shaking her head. Jack had grown up a lot during their mission, sure, but the teaching job at Grissom Academy was what really changed her, even if the biotic would never admit it.

"It wasn't easy, that's for sure", Kaidan said while his fingertips drew lazy patterns on her arm. Catherine closed her eyes and leaned into his side, enjoying the silent comfort their current position offered. What felt like just a moment later, Kaidan sat up straight, taking her bottle from her and putting it on the table next to his.

"I wasn't finished, you kn- hey!" she protested, but cut herself short when his hands circled her waist and he grabbed her and pulled her on his lap so she was straddling him. Catherine laughed and leaned in for a quick kiss. "What do you think you're doing?" She demanded, a playful tone in her voice. She bit her bottom lip when she felt his hands slowly slide upwards from her waist and slip under her shirt, shivers running down her spine as soon as his fingers met her bare skin.

"Showing you a nicer way to end the evening than that Blasto movie", he replied, his brown eyes staring into her blue ones.

"Are you sure? I was actually really enjoying that movie. Until I fell asleep, that is. Which was totally Jeremy's fault, anyway", Catherine argued, a challenging smirk on her lips. She was trying to play it cool, even when all she wanted to do right now was kiss him until he couldn't even remember his own name anymore. Her heart had started to beat faster at some point – and louder, the sound resonating in her ears - and she could have sworn that Kaidan just had to hear it.

Kaidan didn't answer but pulled her in for the exact kiss she had been longing for and that made any rational thought leave her mind. Damn him for still having that effect on her. When he released her lips, he starting kissing her neck, slowly making his way towards a spot that usually broke the last bit of resistance she sometimes put up for good measure. Or to remind him not to take for granted what was in front of him just because they were married, as she liked to put it.

"Pretty sure", he finally mumbled against her skin, pulling her body against his firmly when he started kissing and nibbling on that certain spot below her left ear. When her only response was a moan of approval and her hand weaving into his hair to ensure that he continued what he was doing, Kaidan knew that he won at least one argument with Catherine today – which also happened to be the most important one to him right now.

_'Enkindle this, Blasto'_, the Human Spectre thought while enjoying the victory over his fictional Hanar colleague.


	3. Like Water

Hey everyone,

just a little heads-up this time, the next two chapters belong together. When I started writing this, I intended it to be just one part – but as it sometimes happens, there's always just one more thing that comes to mind and wants to be added and eventually, I figured it would be easier to split the whole thing.

The chapter title refers to the song "Like Water" by Ladi6 – like the story title. I hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think! A review is always greatly appreciated :)

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_One morning I woke up, looked over and kissed your shoulder, it felt so right  
You didn't wake, I could see it in your face; you knew my intention right  
Sometimes I swear our connection was made amongst the stars and makes me feel alive  
Our love is powerful, so powerful, moving mountains in the night  
Oh, and I know sometimes this is hard for us, I know we sacrifice and get scarred, and cut, oh  
I know it, I feel us moving, let's never lose us this, this movement  
Momentum is building, our union is fluid like water, clean, clear, crisp, we got a love just like this, water  
Our love is like water _

_- Ladi6, "Like Water"_

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**July 28th 2190**

The first thing Catherine noticed when she woke up from her deep slumber was the dead weight keeping her pressed close to a warm body behind her. Strange. She hadn't noticed Kaidan slipping into bed last night. It had been another late-night session in Alliance headquarters for him. Sometimes she wondered if they would get around to making actual plans once these biotic children were old enough to be taught … but with all the red tape, things were moving slowly at the best of times, but even more often they weren't going anywhere at all. Which meant that as of late, her husband had been absent a lot, leaving her to deal with their by now nearly two-year-old son alone.

But today, nothing could get him to leave, she was sure of that. She put her hand on top of his that rested on her stomach and felt the gold of his wedding ring warm with body heat. Three years. _Christ … where did the time go?_ It felt like it was only yesterday when Joker had gotten so smashed that he thought dancing on top of a table with an equally drunk Samantha Traynor sounded like a good idea. He still claimed that the broken bones from the fall had been totally worth it, but somehow Catherine couldn't bring herself to fully believe that even now.

She lifted Kaidan's arm and moved slightly so she could lay on her back before putting his arm back down, trying not to wake him. Catherine held her breath for a seconds when he shifted beside her, but all he did was bury his head in the crook of her neck and pull her closer. His even breathing calmed her down. He was still fast asleep. She smiled and absentmindedly began playing with the dark hair at the back of his neck and pressed her lips to his bare shoulder in a soft kiss. The gray hair that had started to appear at his temples years ago had gotten a little more prominent since then, but Catherine didn't mind – on the contrary, she thought it was pretty sexy, even if Kaidan claimed that she was making fun of him when she first told him.

The golden ring on his left hand glistened in the sparse sunlight that entered the bedroom through the blinds and Catherine sighed softly. She still had a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that already three years since had passed since he put a matching ring on her own finger.

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**July 28th 2187**

_When the Council and some of Alliance brass had wanted to turn their wedding into a big media event, Catherine had put her best Commander-fucking-Shepard face on and told them all to go to hell and where to stick it while they were on their way. This was about Kaidan and her, not about politics. She had been brutally clear about that. So when the day came, only family and close friends – nearly all of them members of the Normandy crew - were invited. Now, about 40 people were seated in the backyard of the house belonging to the orchard in BC interior that Kaidan's parents had been on their way to when the Reapers attacked and that had survived the war – like most rural places. _

"_When we first met, you were … the most intimidating XO I've ever had, as well as the most beautiful, which, granted, wasn't that hard considering that most XOs are middle-aged men growing beards because they're starting to go bald", Kaidan started, earning him a slight chuckle from Catherine as well as the people witnessing the small ceremony. "You had me fumbling for words like a teenager, my boot firmly planted into my mouth instead of on deck most of the time." Catherine laughed, unable to resist the urge when she remembered their early talks. "But over time, I got to know you and I realized that you were as beautiful on the inside as you were on the outside. I fell in love, knowing that I shouldn't because you were way too far out of my league. I told myself that, while you always stopped by at my workstation to talk to me and even flirt with me, there was no way that you could ever feel the same way about me. But then you showed me that you did and I was the happiest man in the galaxy, even if I couldn't act on it because there were regs, as you liked to point out back then." Catherine bit her bottom lip to keep herself from interrupting him. "And then, we were rushing into hell headfirst and you made me realize that there are more important things than regulations." She chuckled, remembering how reluctant Kaidan had been that night before Ilos, even after he had come to her cabin. It felt like a lifetime ago. "We have been through so much since then. I lost you once", Kaidan paused, swallowing the lump in his throat that had instantly formed at the thought, "and a part of me died with you. And then we got a second chance and I was too shell-shocked to seize it the very second you stood in front of me. And it took another suicide mission and the invasion of Earth until I finally had the chance to make it right. We've been to hell and back, Catherine … but we made it. And through it all, it was you who kept me fighting. The thought of you, the way you still sometimes manage to turn me into a blabbering idiot with nothing but a smile, the way you make my heart beat faster just by being near me. When you were gone, my life was dull and gray and I felt like I was suffocating. You brought the light back and with you at my side, I can breathe again. I love you, more than I could ever say, and I will love you until my last breath." Kaidan let go of one of her hands to wipe away the lonely tear that made its way down Catherine's cheek. She slightly turned her head and pressed a soft kiss to the palm of his hand before reaching for it, giving it a light squeeze as she smiled at him._

"_Congratulations, you made me cry in public. I hope you realize that there are several people here who will never let me live that down", Catherine said, chuckling when she heard Joker say "Damn right" from where he sat behind Kaidan. "I had this big speech prepared, but , standing here, I can't remember a single word I wrote down. So this is not going to go as planned, but when has it ever when I'm involved?" Kaidan laughed at that, his whiskey-colored eyes sparkling. "You know what the first thing was I thought when I saw you on the original Normandy? 'Dear God, those eyes … this guy is going to be trouble.' I felt like all you had to do was look me in the eyes to be able to read my thoughts and stare right into my soul. It was only much later when you told me how nervous you were and how Joker had had a field day making fun of you. And then we were on the Citadel and you inadvertently came as close to calling me beautiful as you could get without actually saying the words. And that was when I realized that you _really _were going to be trouble. Turns out I was right. Every time you demonstrated how good you were at putting your foot in your mouth and rambling out apologies, all I wanted to do was tell you to shut up and kiss you senseless. But, thinking about it now, your by-the-book self back then would probably have fainted if I did that, so it's most likely a good thing that I didn't act on that impulse." Catherine chuckled when she saw Kaidan rolling his eyes. "But you're right, we had to go through a lot since then to get here. We had some pretty hard times, and, I'm not going to lie, sometimes I thought that we had our chance and we blew it. Seems like I was wrong about that – thank God or the Goddess or whatever deity is out there. Because I just can't imagine my life without you in it. You mean the world to me, Kaidan, and not a single day goes by that I wonder what I did to deserve a man like you. Where I like to rush into things headlong, you have the patience of a saint. You keep me grounded, show me what's really important. You were my guiding light in my darkest hours, the rock I could hold on to and my soft place to land at the same time. Even if you had a hard time pulling out a simple 'It will be alright' in the beginning." They both chuckled at the memory. "But in the end, what I'm trying to say is simple, really: I love you, Kaidan, and I always will, no matter what happens and until my last breath."_

_A sniffling sound could be heard and Catherine saw Kaidan's mother as well as her own and Liara wiping their eyes. Oh great. They had made Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard and the Shadow Broker cry. She would never hear the end of it._

…

"_You sure that you don't wanna run away with me, Lola?" _

_Catherine laughed and shook her head while she held up her left hand that now held a simple, elegant golden ring. "Sorry James, too late for that. I'm already hitched, you should have asked me sooner."_

"_Can't blame a guy for trying", Vega defended his earlier statement grinning, before he grabbed her in what could only be described as a big bear hug. "Congratulations. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you."_

"_Thank you, James", she said and kissed his cheek. There was a special bond between her and the younger man who had first guarded her for six months and then went along for the ride to save the galaxy even if he initially had wanted to stay on Earth and fight._

"_Hey, Kaidan, watch out, she's already kissing another guy!" Joker exclaimed, laughing when Kaidan whirled around with a somewhat alarmed look on his face. _

_When he saw what prompted his best man to nearly give him a heart attack, he glared at the pilot. "Funny. Really. I'm crying tears of laughter inside, believe me", he answered. Next to him, Catherine let go of James to smack Joker's biceps. _

"_Watch it, Shepard, you break it, you buy it!" Joker said, making a show of rubbing the spot where she had hit him._

_She blinked at him innocently. "I have no idea who you are talking to. My name's Alenko", she quipped, unable to fight the smile that spread across her face._

"_Ugh, that's it, I'm hitting the bar. All this lovey-dovey stuff is gonna make me puke otherwise", Joker grumbled before hobbling off to get something to drink, dragging Vega with him._

_Catherine bit her bottom lip to keep herself from laughing, but to no avail. Kaidan wrapped his arm around her, laughing as well. She looked up at him, still chuckling._

"_Happy, Misses Alenko?" He asked, brushing a strand of blond hair behind her ear before kissing her temple._

"_Very happy", she replied. "Oh no", she mumbled when she saw her mother approaching and turned around to bury her face in Kaidan's shoulder._

"_Catherine Grace Shepard, do you have any idea what you have done?" Hannah Shepard started, her gaze fixed on her daughter._

"_It's Alenko now, Mom", she corrected, her voice muffled and she could feel Kaidan's silent laughter rumbling in his chest._

"_Do you know when the last time was that I cried?" the Rear Admiral asked._

"_No?" Catherine's reply was soft when she slowly turned around to face Hannah. Her mother apparently meant business._

_Kaidan looked down at her, amazed how the woman that had freed the galaxy from the Reaper threat subdued when she got confronted by her mother._

"_That was 33 years ago, young lady. After I had given birth to you", the older woman informed her daughter who in turn cringed at being called 'young lady'. Then, her eyebrow shot up. Kaidan could have sworn to hear the wheels in her head turning._

"_Wait a second, you didn't cry when you heard that I ..." Catherine didn't get to finish the sentence because Kaidan put a finger over her lips._

"_Let's not go there today, hm?" he asked, looking at her with almost pleading eyes._

_Catherine huffed and pressed a kiss to the fingertip that still rested on her lips to keep her from talking. When Kaidan lowered his hand, she sighed. "Fine. But only because I'm weak when you look at me like a lost puppy", she informed him, mentally kicking herself when the words registered and she saw the smirk appearing on his face. Crap. 'Double crap', she thought, when she saw his eyes sparkle with mischief. She really shouldn't have told him that. "By the way, I was going to say 'that I survived on the Citadel'. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kaidan", she added, trying her best to pout before directing her attention back to her mother. "I cried with relief when I realized that you made it", she informed her._

_Hannah Shepard rolled her eyes. "Not the point, Catherine", she said. Then, a grin slowly spread on her face that was soon enough mirrored on her daughter's face. Kaidan had no idea what was happening, but soon enough, the women in front of him hugged each other tightly. "I'm so happy for you, darling", the older woman whispered. "You're dad would be so proud of you."_

"_I wish he were here", Catherine replied._

"_Me, too, believe me." Hannah let go of her daughter and moved on to Kaidan. "Take good care of her", she demanded, a small smile on her face._

"_I will. Don't worry about that, Hannah", Kaidan promised when he hugged his mother-in-law. He knew that this was a promise he would never break if he could help it._


	4. I Shall Believe

Without much ado, here is the second part. The chapter title refers to the song "I Shall Believe" by Sheryl Crow.

As always, I hope you enjoy it and I would love to know what you think!

* * *

_Come to me now and lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright  
And I shall believe  
I'm broken in two and I know you're on to me  
That I only come home when I'm so all alone  
But I do believe  
That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right ,it all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe _

_- Sheryl Crow, "I Shall Believe"_

* * *

**28th July 2187**

"_Do we have to?" Catherine whined, a pleading look on her face._

_Kaidan chuckled. "You're not getting out of this one. It's a tradition."_

"_So? We said screw traditions when it came to spending the night before the wedding apart", she tried again, biting her bottom lip._

"_Come on. You make it sound like torture. It's just a dance, Cathy", he said, holding his hand out to her._

_Catherine sighed. He wouldn't let this go. "Same damn thing if you ask me", she grumbled, but took his hand nonetheless. _

"_What are you afraid of? That you just might actually enjoy yourself?" Kaidan asked when he led her to the makeshift dance floor._

"_I'm not afraid of anything. You should be afraid if your toes are going to survive the next few minutes", she answered, glancing pointedly towards his feet. She had endured her friends making fun of her dancing skills – or lack thereof – for long enough to know that they had a point._

"_I feel like taking a risk. Besides, it's not even a waltz, so calm down", he said, kissing her temple to reassure her._

"_Right. If you had insisted on that waltz, I definitely would have bailed", she murmured, still unhappy about the task she had to face._

_Kaidan chuckled. "I know. That's why I dropped it when I saw the look on your face when I even suggested it."_

"_Laugh it up, Alenko. Let's get this over with." Catherine couldn't stop the surprised gasp when Kaidan twirled her around before pulling her close to him. "Warn me next time you wanna do something like that", she said, her eyes slightly widened, when she put her arms around his shoulders. _

"_I don't think so. More fun this way", he answered. Kaidan then nodded shortly at Joker who was responsible for the music – at least for this very moment._

_A slow song came on that Catherine had never heard before. She relaxed in Kaidan's arms when they started to sway to the slow melody and smiled when he started to whisper the lyrics in her ear._

"_Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright, and I shall believe", he murmured in her ear. _

_She could hear him smiling at the words. It didn't take a genius to figure out why he had chosen the song. "Where the hell did come across this?" she asked as she put her head on his shoulder, soaking in the feeling of his arms around her._

"_My mom actually suggested it", Kaidan said._

"_Really?" Catherine couldn't hide the surprise in her voice._

"_Yeah. I … we talked a lot after … after the Normandy went down." Kaidan stopped and took a breath. Even with her in his arms, it was hard to talk about it. "I told her a lot about you and ... about us. At one point, I came to the point when you teased me that I couldn't even come up with a simple comforting line. She obviously remembered that bit when she helped me look for a song. She found it in a music collection that belonged to my great-grandmother", he explained._

"_Remind me to thank her later", she whispered and closed her eyes for a moment. She listened to the song, letting Kaidan guide her through the slow movements. "This really is us", she finally concluded. No matter what happened … as long as Kaidan was beside her, loving her, giving her strength and believing in her, she could do anything._

"_Yeah, it is", he simply answered._

_They continued to dance as the next song came up, lost in their own world. They hadn't even noticed that a few other couples had joined them. Kaidan's parents, Ken Donnelly and Gabby Daniels, Jacob and his soon-to-be wife Brynn, even Garrus and Tali along with a few members of Kaidan's family._

_Catherine smiled when she caught sight of her best friend dancing with the Quarian. "So much for that being just a fling", she murmured to herself._

"_What?" Kaidan asked._

"_Tali and Garrus. I sort of walked in on them on the Normandy once and Tali claimed how it was just a fling and told Garrus that she was only using him for his body", she explained, grinning._

"_They were way too obvious about it for it to be just a fling, anyway", he said, thinking about the behavior of the two aliens over the last couple of months. They were still stuck on Earth because the repairs on the relays were moving slowly, but they didn't seem to mind._

"_Yeah, they were … well, I'm happy for them", she added as an afterthought._

"_Me, too", Kaidan replied, looking down at the woman in his arms. Her blond hair had grown out over the last eighteen months. She hadn't cut it when she was imprisoned, there had been no time to do so when they were on their mission and afterwards she claimed that she had gotten used to it and she didn't want to cut it anymore. Now, the long tresses fell down her back in soft curls, a few strands held back from her face with a clip. The white dress she wore was simple, not a princess-like gown with a big, overflowing skirt and sparkling details but a strapless embroidered bodice and a skirt that lacked fancy details. Simple, but it was her. Anything else and he would have thought someone talked her into wearing it."Have I told you how beautiful you look?" he asked._

_She lifted her head, smiling at him. "I think you did … but it doesn't hurt to hear it again", she answered. "Besides, you clean up pretty nicely, too" she added._

_Kaidan chuckled and kissed her temple. "You look stunning, Cathy", he said, before lowering his voice, "I can't wait to get you out of that dress, though."_

_She raised an eyebrow at the statement. "And here I thought you liked it."_

"_Oh, I do, really, it looks great. But I think it will look even better over the back of a chair or on the floor when I show you just how much I love you later", he whispered in her ear, a smile on his lips when he noticed the goosebumps that his statement had caused to appear._

"_Tease", Catherine accused him, making him laugh. _

"_May I cut in?" A voice behind them asked, effectively bringing them back to the present._

"_Sure, Dad", Kaidan said and slowly released his wife. _

"_I'm not sure you wanna do that, Robert. Just because Kaidan's not limping yet doesn't mean that your toes will be save from harm, too", Catherine warned her father-in-law, smiling._

"_I think I'll be fine", he replied when he wrapped his arms around her._

"_Don't say I didn't warn you." She watched Kaidan walk over to her mother who looked just as panicked at the idea of dancing as she had a while ago. Well, at least now he knew where she got it from._

"_Thank you", Robert said, grabbing her attention again._

"_For what?" Catherine asked, confusion written over her face._

"_For bringing my son back alive. For making him happy. Take your pick", he answered, a warm smile on his face that reminded her of Kaidan._

_Catherine shook her head. "Don't thank me for that."_

"_For a long time, I thought he would never be able to be truly happy again after what happened at BAaT. It weighed him down more than I think he even realized himself. I'm just glad I was wrong. And that I gained the savior of the galaxy as my daughter-in-law in the process, well, that's just a benefit", he teased._

_Catherine rolled her eyes, smiling. "Well, then I guess you're welcome. And I'm so glad you approve", she said, the second part underlined with good-natured sarcasm._

_Robert laughed. "I have a feeling that Kaidan couldn't have cared less if we approved of his choice or not."_

_Over Robert's shoulder, Catherine saw the man in question twirl her mother around who had a hard time keeping her feet on the ground. Maybe she wasn't the worst dancer at her own wedding, after all._

* * *

**28th July 2190**

Catherine was pulled out of her memories when she felt Kaidan's lips leaving a trail of soft kisses on her neck. She sighed, a smile on her lips when she lazily combed a a hand through his hair, making it stand up in various odd angles.

"Good morning", she whispered when she heard him groan in protest of her actions.

Kaidan pulled away and propped himself up on his elbow so he could look at her. "Good morning", he answered before leaning down and kissing her lips. Catherine pulled him down slightly, deepening the kiss. She shivered when she felt Kaidan's free hand slowly tracing down her body. "Happy anniversary", he mumbled against her lips when he had to pull away.

"Happy anniversary", she replied, smiling into the kiss Kaidan initiated as soon as the words had left her lips.

When the kiss ended, Kaidan rolled over on his back and pulled Catherine with him. She curled up next to him, her head resting on his chest, her hand over his heart, their legs tangled together. If she had to describe the moment, she would have called it perfect. Kaidan took her hand and intertwined their fingers.

"I was just thinking about our wedding", she told him after several moments of silence.

"Anything in particular?" he asked as his free hand drew small circles on her back.

"Our dance", she simply said. His chuckled vibrated in his chest.

"Oh, you mean the dance you were so afraid of at first?" Kaidan teased.

"I wasn't afraid. I just didn't want to hurt you", she defended herself.

"Yeah, well, you didn't. And you enjoyed it, don't even try to convince me otherwise", he stated. He remembered the satisfied smile on her face, how right it had felt to hold her in his arms while swaying on that wooden dance floor in the middle of the orchard.

"I wasn't going to, don't worry", she answered. They were silent for a moment before a memory made her shake with silent laughter.

"What is it?" Kaidan asked, looking down at her. When she raised her head to look at him, her blue eyes were sparkling with happiness.

"Remember when James tried to hit on your cousin?" Catherine replied, making Kaidan laugh with her at the memory.

"Of course. Apparently, his pick-up line was so bad that her drink just begged to be poured in his face", he said. "She never told me what he said, by the way."

"James never told me, either", she agreed.

"Doesn't surprise me. Knowing you, you'd never let him live it down." Kaidan softly pinched her side, making her yelp in surprise.

"You're gonna regret doing that, my dear husband", she warned him, the sugary-sweet tone in her voice contrasting the words she spoke while the amused sparkle in her eyes still remained.

"I don't think so, my dear wife", he replied, letting go of her hand. A second later, Kaidan used their tangled legs to his advantage and flipped them over, eliciting another surprised yelp from Catherine and effectively boxing her in when he balance his weight on his arms.

Catherine quickly composed herself again and rolled her eyes when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down. "Just you wait. I'll let you live in your little bubble where you think you're nice and save just a little bit longer, but then ..."

She was cut off by a kiss that made her head spin. Happy anniversary, indeed.


	5. Only One

Hey everyone,

not so much fluff this time around, but after four pieces that came close to giving me a toothache, I felt like adding a bit of drama. What I came up with is that a jealous Catherine and an oblivious Kaidan don't mix too well.

The title refers to the song "Only One" by Yellowcard.

* * *

_Cause' something's breaking up, I feel like giving up  
I won't walk out until you know  
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one _

_- Yellowcard, "Only One"_

* * *

**14th April 2191**

Catherine Shepard had never been a jealous person. Granted, after meeting Kaidan on Horizon and the message that had followed, she had felt the emotion briefly. For him, it had been two years, but for her, it only had been a few weeks. So reading that he had a date with another woman – it was hard and it had hurt. But at the same time, she realized that she didn't have a right to be jealous. She had been dead. And if she was honest, she knew that she wanted him to move on because he deserved to be with someone who loved him. Had she stayed dead … she wouldn't have wanted him to stay alone.

Catherine Alenko had never been a jealous person, either. She had no reason to, being married to a man like Kaidan who was the very model of loyalty. However, her mindset had changed a few months ago when a behavior analyst had joined the team Kaidan and Jack – even though she still hadn't learned to keep her cool – belonged to. Megan Smith. Every time she heard the name, Catherine felt like punching something. Or someone. From day one, Kaidan kept talking about the young woman who apparently was a prodigy and who provided advise on how the children should be taught to deal with their gift. Kaidan put the 24-year-old woman on a pedestal and Catherine hated it. She didn't want to hear him ranting about how great that other woman was. How bright or how witty she was and how great the civilian handled herself around the members of Alliance military that were part of the team.

She had tried to take her mind off the matter by keeping herself busy. About a year ago, Catherine started to help coordinate the rebuilding effort of the mass relays and reorganization of military structures. She had retired from active duty initially because she had seen enough battle to last her ten lifetimes, but then she had Jeremy and she knew that she had made the right decision. Her son needed her and she had given enough of herself for everyone else. She felt entitled to be selfish just once and lead a somewhat calm life. Hadn't she deserved a little peace and quiet after everything she'd done? But she still wanted to help move things along and this seemed the right way to do so.

When Catherine started working on her assigned projects, she first thought that her presence would be required at Alliance HQ and that she had to make arrangements for Jeremy. However, she quickly realized that she could do most of her work at home, receiving and sending data over the extranet. She was happy about it, being able to help and keeping an eye on her son at the same time. When he had been born, Catherine wanted to stay at home, watch him grow up. Because growing up on ships, the one thing she missed most was spending time with her mother. Hannah Shepard had been busy most of the time and simply didn't have time to take care of her, something the older woman regretted today, as she had told her daughter. Catherine wanted to do things differently. She wanted to be there when her son took his first steps or said his first word. So far, she had succeeded in that.

However, keeping herself busy only worked for so long before the green-eyed monster took control of her thoughts and actions. Tonight, when they had sat down on the couch and Kaidan told her a supposedly funny story about how Megan made an older behavior analyst stutter in embarrassment and that Kaidan was going to have lunch with the younger woman again tomorrow, Catherine couldn't take it anymore. She snapped, her jealousy getting the best of her and before she knew it, she had accused Kaidan of having an affair with the behavior analyst.

Why else would he rant about her so much? Why else would he work late hours on a nearly daily basis when he hadn't before? He wasn't even making an effort to hide it, telling her how he allegedly had to stay because Megan needed his input on something or how they had lunch together. Yeah, right. And the Batarians suddenly developed a soft spot for humanity. Kaidan had been shocked at first when she fired away with her accusations, but the shock quickly turned into anger and he got defensive. What had he done to make her think that he betrayed her?

"Jesus, Kaidan, you can't even admit it! Can't you at least be honest about it? Don't I deserve that much?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest, closing off physically as much as she had emotionally. The anger was evident on her face.

"There is nothing to be honest about, Catherine! You're imagining things!" Kaidan had no idea how they had gotten into this argument. One minute, they sat on the couch and talked, the next they stood, verbally attacking each other.

"Oh, so it's just my imagination running wild that you can't stop talking about her? _Megan is great, did I tell you what Megan found out, Megan told me today that_ … Megan, Megan, Megan! The way you just keep talking about her makes me wonder if the sun's actually shining out of her ass. But, yeah, guess I really am just imagining things." The last words were laced with sarcasm.

"She's just a colleague, okay?!" All he could do right now was defend himself. However, he didn't like the position she put him in. Because usually, if a person got defensive, there was a certain truth to whatever they were accused of.

"Yeah, right. And the Collectors just wanted to play tag", she deadpanned, a sick sense of pleasure surging through her when she saw him wince at the mention of the creatures that had killed her once.

"You're being irrational! Calm down, for Christ's sake!" Neither of them realized that their voices had steadily gown louder, turning their argument into a screaming match.

"Sorry, I bet your precious prodigy scientist Megan wouldn't be irrational. My bad. I just … God, Kaidan. I thought this was for real. Us. I certainly never saw this coming. Is this some sort of midlife-crisis thing because you're nearly forty? Or is it just the fact that she's younger and prettier and smarter that made you realize that this wasn't enough for you?" While she spoke, she had uncrossed her arms and waved around the living room, not pointing at anything in particular. "Tell me one thing: just how stupid do you think I am? Sure, I was tutored on the ships my mother served on and didn't go to a regular school, but that doesn't make me an idiot. Do you really expect me to believe that crap about working late when you never had to before she pranced into Alliance headquarters? If it quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, then _it_ _is_ a fucking duck." She realized that she didn't make much sense in the end, but Catherine couldn't bring herself to care about that right now.

"What the hell, Catherine?! Why would you even think that?!" Kaidan was at a loss of words. What had gotten into her? This was completely insane, he could never … No. The thought in itself was simply ridiculous. But somehow, Catherine had gotten to the conclusion that he was betraying her and she didn't listen to a word he said. How could he make her listen to him? See reason? Was it even possible at the moment? The anger came off her in waves, her blue eyes turned to an icy glare but somehow sparkling dangerously at the same time, almost taunting him to give her another reason to attack him.

"Right, because it's totally unheard of that men have left their wives before for younger women to escape the responsibilities of having a family." It was a low blow and she knew it, but that didn't stop her from delivering it. Her verbal filter had stopped working several minutes ago.

Neither of them noticed the movement in the doorway.

"Mommy?"

Catherine's eyes widened when she whirled around and saw Jeremy standing there in his pajamas and a plush pyjak clutched tightly in one hand while his big brown eyes – Kaidan's eyes – jumped back and forth between her and Kaidan, shining with fear. How much had he heard? Catherine felt like someone had emptied a bucket filled with ice over her head. She rushed over to Jeremy, taking him in her arms and pulling him into a tight embrace, a tiny part of her desperately hoping that the contact would make him forget anything he might have overheard.

"Jer … what … what are you doing up, sweetie? You should be asleep", she said, forcing herself to sound calm and only partly succeeding.

"Why are you and Daddy fighting? I don't want you to fight", the little boy whispered into his mother's hair. She fought the urge to punch herself when she felt something wet in the crook of her neck. Catherine tightened her hold of his small body, shaking while he cried, trying to sooth her son while she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She had made her son cry. Could someone just shoot her? Seeing him like this and knowing that she caused it hurt worse than anything else possibly ever could.

Kaidan stood in the middle of the room, unable to move. Jesus Christ. He had never wanted his son to witness something like this. He watched as Catherine wrapped her arms around their son, but he couldn't bring himself to say or do anything. Jeremy being in the room had shocked him to the core. He felt sick. They couldn't allow whatever was going on between him and Catherine – and Kaidan was still trying to figure out what exactly that was, anyway – to affect Jeremy. They just couldn't. There was no way in hell that he would put his son in the middle of a war zone. The thought stung. He never wanted to apply that term to his marriage, but apparently, that had been too much to ask. He needed time to figure this out.

Catherine rubbed soothing circles on her son's back. Damn it. What was she supposed to tell him? She quickly decided to avoid Jeremy's question altogether. "Come on, I'll take you back to bed", she silently told him before picking up the small boy. She didn't look back at Kaidan when she carried her son upstairs to his room. Jeremy was getting bigger and she was sure that rather sooner than later, she wouldn't be able to carry him around like this anymore.

"Mommy, I don't want you and Daddy to fight", Jeremy repeated his earlier words.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart", Catherine whispered when she sat him down on his bed. The boy got back under the covers and she tucked him in, kissing his forehead. She never wanted him to witness something like that. Hell, this was the first big fight her and Kaidan had since they had gotten married. No. This were the first really hurtful words spoken between them since Mars. Sure, there had been small arguments, but nothing that came even close to this.

"Is Daddy going to leave us?" Jeremy asked softly, his eyes still wide with fear and glistening with tears.

The words had Catherine's blood frozen in her veins in a second and she felt sick. "What? How … why ..." She was completely thrown off-track by the question and had turned into a stuttering mess. Where the hell had that come from? Her son was way too young to ask something like that. Shouldn't have to ask something like that in the first place. However, it was too late to remedy that now.

"One of the boys in the playground told me that his parents fought a lot and then his Daddy left him and his Mommy. I don't want Daddy to leave us", Jeremy explained, hugging the stuffed animal close to his chest.

Catherine closed her eyes for a second, pinching the bridge of her nose while she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She needed to tell him that there everything would be fine and he had nothing to fear, even if she had no idea if she was actually telling him the truth. "Everything's going to be okay, Jeremy. I promise", she said, desperately wishing that she would have been able to believe it herself.

Many reassuring words and two bedtime stories later, Jeremy had fallen asleep again and Catherine left his room on tiptoes, afraid to make a noise and wake him up again. When she walked past her and Kaidan's bedroom, she saw movement in the corner of her eye and entered to find Kaidan putting some clothes in a bag.

"What are you doing?" Catherine asked, hating how weak her voice sounded when the picture fit her son's earlier question so well.

"I'm going to stay with my parents. I think we both need a little space right now to calm down and figure things out." It hadn't been an easy decision for him. Once Catherine had left the living room with Jeremy, Kaidan had all but collapsed on the couch, replaying the conversation that had turned into a shouting match in his head several times. He didn't know what to do or what to say to make things right. And it wasn't fair. He had done nothing that justified her accusations. He just wished she could see it. Wished she could trust him.

"So that's it? You just leave and expect me to believe that you're going to stay with your parents?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

He sighed. Apparently, they were up for round two, even if they both tried to keep their voices low. He had been just as shocked when he saw his son standing there, his eyes darting back and forth. "Not this again, Catherine."

"Why not? Why _the hell_ not? This looks kinda bad, you know" She hissed, pointing at the bag that from the looks of it held clothes that would last him at least a week. The realization hurt, but Catherine shoved the feeling aside, burying it underneath the anger that had started to rush through her system again.

"You're not thinking straight. I don't know what brought this on, but … I'm not going to stay here and let you accuse me of things I'd never do. I love you, more than I could ever say, but apparently that's not enough because for whatever reason, you don't trust me anymore. I … I need time to wrap my head around what happened tonight. I'll be back in a few days." Thinking about it had been hard enough, but actually saying the words out loud hurt on an entirely different scale. It didn't help that Catherine looked at him like she'd just been slapped and took a step back. However, the look on her face quickly vanished and she put on the mask of Commander Shepard that he had seen so many times. The mask that hid her real feelings. He hated the fact that she put it on here, in their home, the one place she wasn't supposed to need it.

"What do you expect me to tell Jeremy tomorrow morning when he discovers that you're gone? Wanna know what he just told me? One of the kids he's been playing with told him that his father left. Jeremy's afraid that you're gonna do the same. And to think that I just promised him ..." She had started out business-like, but her voice slowly betrayed her and she stopped talking altogether, a humorless laugh cutting through the otherwise silent room like a knife.

"Promised him what, Catherine?" He asked, trying to look into her eyes.

Catherine turned her head slightly, avoiding his gaze. She couldn't look at him right now. Her mask would slip if she did and she wouldn't allow that. "That everything was going to be okay. Guess I lied."

Kaidan felt like he had been punched in the gut when he heard the statement. She really seemed to have lost her faith in them. "Catherine ..." he tried, but she shook her head, cutting him off.

"No. Go. If you think that's what you need to do, then go." She left their bedroom and went back to the living room without looking back. She stood in front of the large windows, staring out into the night sky, biting her bottom lip as she fought the tears she felt coming to her eyes. No. She was not going to cry. She was Commander-fucking-Shepard. She didn't cry. She held her head high even if she felt like breaking down. Her dignity wouldn't allow her to be weak. A few minutes later, she heard cautious steps behind her.

"Catherine ..." he tried again, but again, she shook her head, not turning around. She couldn't look at him right now or she knew that she was going to lose the battle against her own emotions.

"Go." The word almost sounded like an order. "We'll be fine. I … I'll think of something to tell Jeremy." She tried hard to sound like the thought didn't faze her, but she could hear the slight tremble in her voice. Catherine took a deep breath that was meant to steady her but in reality did nothing to calm her. She heard Kaidan approach her slowly and slightly winced when she felt his hands on her upper arms. "Don't touch me", she said. God. She never thought that she would ever say those words to him.

Kaidan ignored her request, even if the words hurt. When she had left their bedroom without putting up a fight to make him stay, he knew that if he really left, he'd prove her right and lose her. "I'm not going. I'm not running away from this. I don't know why you'd think that … that I could do that to you, but I'm gonna set this right." He knew that there was a good chance that she'd punch him, but he decided to take the risk and leaned in to press a soft kiss to her cheek. Kaidan felt Catherine go rigid at the caress, felt her whole body tense. This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. There had to be a way to mend this rift he hadn't even realized existed until tonight.

"How could I_ not_ think it? From the day she was assigned to the project, you talked about nothing else anymore. It was always just her. How much of a prodigy she is as a scientist, how funny and witty she is, how great you get along with her, how much you enjoy working with her … God, Kaidan, you spend more time with her than with Jeremy and me. We're your family. I feel like she's taking you away from me and you're not even trying to hold onto what we are … were …" she stopped herself, her voice nothing but a broken whisper in the end.

Kaidan let go of her arms, shocked at her statement. She had said something similar earlier, but he had been blinded by his own anger and not really listened. However, he listened now. She thought he had let go of everything they were. Didn't she realize that he would do anything for her? That she was it for him, that nobody could ever take her place? And he couldn't have been so blind, could he? That he didn't notice how he had hurt his wife over the course of months until it all finally blew up in his face tonight? Apparently, he had been. Yes, he liked Megan, but not in the way Catherine thought. Being an only child, Kaidan valued the almost sibling-like relationship he had developed with the 24-year-old behavior analyst. The easy bickering between them while it had been almost scarily simple to trust her. However, he apparently hadn't really conveyed the nature of their relationship to Catherine. He wouldn't be in this mess right now otherwise.

Catherine took the absence of his touch and the lack of a reply as a sign that she was right after all and she felt her heart break. She had been fooling herself. There was no happy ending for Commander Shepard. Of course there wasn't. She was a soldier and not the princess in a goddamn fairy tale. She took a few steps to get away from Kaidan, crossing the room to escape his presence, feeling like she was going to suffocate if she stayed close to him for just one more second.

Her movement brought Kaidan back to the present. He looked alarmed at the empty space where Catherine stood before him just seconds ago and turned around to find her on the other side of the room, bringing as much distance between them as the room allowed. She looked down, but he could still see that her blue eyes sparkled with the tears he knew she was desperately fighting. She hated to show weakness, that hadn't changed over the last couple of years and most likely never would.

Kaidan crossed the room with a few quick steps and felt a stab in his heart when she flinched away from him. He ignored it and took another step towards her, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close. She fought him, punching against his chest and shoulders, but he didn't let go. If anything, he only tightened his embrace until she finally stopped. He was probably going to have a few bruises because she hadn't exactly been gentle in her attempt to free herself, but he didn't care.

"Let me go", she demanded, inwardly cursing at how weak she sounded.

"Never", he whispered in her ear before pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder. Again, she grew stiff in his arms and Kaidan hated it. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I love you. More than anything. I didn't realize what talking about Megan did to you. Yes, I like her. A lot." He kept his arms locked tightly around her when he felt her fighting against his embrace again. "But, Cathy, there's something you need to realize and you have no idea how sorry I am that I never said this before. Megan … she's become a good friend over the last couple of months. She's almost like the little sister I never had. But she could never replace you. _No_ woman could ever take your place. You're _it_ for me. _You_ are the _only one_ I could ever love like this. Please, you need to believe me." He didn't care that he was almost begging her in the end. All he wanted was for this nightmare – which was the only way to describe what had happened tonight – to end.

They stood like that for what felt like an eternity before Catherine finally, although hesitantly, looked up at him, her gaze still full of caution and her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Like a little sister?" She asked silently, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Like a little sister", Kaidan confirmed. He held her gaze, trying to convey to her without words that what he told her was the truth. That he could never betray her. That other women just held no interest for him whatsoever.

A few more moments of silence passed, both of them staring into each others eyes. Kaidan's gaze reassuring, Catherine's searching. Finally, she closed her eyes, the movement causing the tears she had held back to roll down her cheeks. Kaidan lifted his hand to wipe them away, internally beating himself up to have caused them. When had he become ignorant to what happened around him and more importantly to his wife? He was supposed to take care of her. Instead, he had made her feel miserable.

"I'm sorry", she softly whispered, though Kaidan had no problem making out the words in the otherwise silent room. A moment later, she wrapped her arms around him, returning the embrace at last, her head resting against his chest. "It's … it's just … the thought of losing you … I hate it. It's driving me insane", she tried to explain. She thought back to that incident on Mars after the Reapers had invaded Earth – and while the threatening force back then had been injury and not another woman, she had felt the same helpless panic during the last few months that she had felt back then, sitting in the med bay of the Normandy while they were on their way to the Citadel, not knowing if they would make it in time.

"You won't. I'm not leaving. I love you. Remember? Until my last breath", he answered, reminding her of the words they had said almost four years ago while resting his head on top of hers. He inhaled deeply, her closeness filling his senses while his heart was flooded with relief. She seemed to believe him. She wouldn't have wrapped her arms around him if she didn't. He only hoped that this calm between them would last. He hated fighting with her.

Catherine nodded slightly. "I remember." She believed him, even if there was still a low voice in the back of her head whispering to be careful. Kaidan had never lied to her before, she had to trust him not to start now. What sounded like an easy enough task in her head was going to take more effort for her heart, though.


	6. Black & Gold

I realized that I forgot something when I posted the last chapter, so I'm going to say it now. I just wanted to thank CyanB for the review, I'm glad you enjoy the story so far :)

The chapter title refers to the song "Black & Gold", originally by Sam Sparro. However, I like Ellie Goulding's version better.

Only one more thing to say: reviews are always appreciated, let me know what you think!

* * *

_I looked up into the night sky and see a thousand eyes staring back  
And all around these golden beacons I see nothing but black  
I feel a way of something beyond them, I don't see what I can feel  
If vision is the only validation, then most of my life isn't real  
'Cause if you're not really here, then the stars don't even matter  
Now I'm filled to the top with fear, but it's all just a bunch of matter  
'Cause if you're not really here, then I don't want to be either, I want be next to you  
Black and gold, black and gold, black and gold _

_- Ellie Goulding, "Black & Gold" (Sam Sparro Cover)_

* * *

**20th May 2191**

Kaidan didn't remember the last time he had felt so frustrated. The fight with Catherine had been a month ago and even though she kept saying that everything was okay, he knew that it wasn't. Hell, he would have to be blind not to notice. They walked around eggshells, almost scared to talk to each other in order not to break the calm that had settled between them in the wake of their fight. They both acted as if nothing was wrong when Jeremy was around, but Kaidan had noticed the smile slipping off his wife's face and her shoulders sagging ever so slightly the second their son left the room. When he kissed her, it felt tense, even forced, and it was never more than a short peck before she pulled away, avoiding his gaze. And while they still shared the same bed, there was now a solid gap between them whereas before, the had fallen asleep and woken up as a mess of tangled limbs.

He had to do something. He wanted her back, dammit. Wanted things to be the way they used to be. He needed her to be happy again, the smile on her face to be real. Needed the spark to return to her blue eyes.

When Catherine told him that she had to head into Alliance headquarters for the day for several meetings, Kaidan had taken the day off to stay at home with Jeremy, a plan forming in his head. After he was sure that she was gone, Kaidan had grabbed their son and left the house as well, spending the entire morning and a good part of the afternoon to get the things he hoped would help him to get his wife back and set his plans in motion.

His last stop was his parents' place. He had asked them to watch Jeremy for the night, only explaining that things between Catherine and him were somewhat tense right now and that he wanted to fix it. His mother had agreed to watch her grandson. Of course she had. She adored Jeremy and loved Catherine like a real daughter and had looked alarmed when she heard that something was wrong, even if Kaidan didn't go into detail. He had the distinct feeling that his mother wouldn't be too understanding about how it had even come to this. In fact, Kaidan was pretty sure that he'd earn a slap to the back of his head for making his wife question his loyalty towards her.

After dropping off Jeremy, Kaidan rushed home and got to work. He put candles in various places around the combined living and dining room, enough to light up the room so there would be no need to turn on the light. The red roses he bought were put in a vase on one side of the dining table where they were in the line of sight but wouldn't be in the way. He then went to their bedroom and placed the box that contained the dress he had bought for her on her side of the bed. It was blue, a few shades darker than her eyes, which would make them stand out even more.

Kaidan had begun to slightly doubt his plans when he had bought it, wondering whether it was too much and if he was trying too hard, but he had quickly shrugged the thought of. If Catherine needed proof, she would get it. Of course she had never asked for it, but he could still sense her doubt. This wouldn't be necessary otherwise. He was about to leave their bedroom again when a thought hit him as he passed their closet. He went into the office they had set up in a spare room, and quickly wrote a note which he then put on top of the one pair of heels his wife owned.

After setting the table, he began to cook, frequently glancing at the clock that sat on the wall to his left. Lasagna. It was the same meal he had prepared when he proposed to her. Would she remember? Kaidan was positive. Of course she would. But the bigger question was: would she call him out on it? The entire set-up was the same. The flowers, the candles – even the music he had chosen was the same as the night he had proposed, with one addition. A reference to a time when there was no doubt between them. When all they had been was happy, not hurt or cautious.

Once he was finished, he changed into black trousers and a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the two top buttons left open for comfort. He came back downstairs to the sound of the front door closing. Kaidan all but ran to meet her at the door. He wanted to steer her directly upstairs, she wasn't supposed to see what he had done just yet.

Catherine raised an eyebrow when she saw him rushing towards her and took in his outfit. Not exactly what she had been expecting when she had left this morning. She certainly didn't look like this when she spent a day at home with their son. "Hey", she greeted, the confusion evident in her voice. Where was Jeremy, anyway? He usually ran to the door like a bat out of hell when one of his parents got home.

"Hey", Kaidan replied and took her jacket from her, putting it on the coat rack while an amused smile showed on his lips when he saw her brow furrow in concentration. She was probably raking her mind if she had forgotten an important date. "Look, I'm going to explain everything to you in a minute, okay? But first, I need you to go upstairs. There's … a surprise for you in our bedroom", he said.

"Could you be anymore cryptic? What's upstairs?" Catherine asked, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips._ 'Well, it's a start'_, he thought.

"I can try if you want me to. And you'll just have to go up there and take a look", he replied.

Catherine rolled her eyes and moved to walk past him. Kaidan caught up quickly, moving in front of her to block her view through the doorway of the living room, silently cursing himself because he hadn't closed the damn door. She shook her head slightly at his odd behavior, but didn't comment any further. He said that he was going to explain everything once she came back downstairs, right?

"Fine, I'm going. I'll be right back", she told him and went to their bedroom. Catherine quickly spotted the white box on her side of the bed, a single red rose sitting on top of it. She swallowed hard. What was going on? She gingerly put the rose aside and opened the box, revealing a blue dress that made her gasp when she held it in her hands. It was beautiful, the soft material slightly shimmering in the light. But the big question was: Why? Why did Kaidan buy her a dress? And what was going on downstairs that he acted like her bodyguard in an obvious attempt to keep her from taking a look inside the living room?

Catherine sighed. Only one way to find out. She put on the dress, happy about the fact that it actually fit her like a glove, hugging her figure in all the right places and ending above her knees. She walked over to the closet after realizing that heels would probably go best with the dress, her mood slightly deteriorating at the thought. However, a note caught her eye.

_I know how much you hate wearing heels, so don't. If you want to wear shoes, you'll be more comfortable in these  
_

An arrow pointed at a pair of navy blue ballet flats that had been in her possession for more than three years. They were old and had definitely seen better days, but she couldn't bring herself to throw them away because they were one of the most comfortable pair of shoes she owned. Looking at the note again, Catherine couldn't help but chuckle._ If_ she wanted to wear shoes? She tried to recall if Kaidan had actually worn shoes, but she couldn't remember. "Damn it", she cursed. Only one way to find out, then.

She walked to the staircase connecting the floors and called down. "Kaidan? Are you wearing shoes?" She felt stupid when she said it and the feeling didn't grow any weaker when she heard him laugh.

"No, I'm not", he finally answered.

That was settled, then. No shoes for her, either. She quickly brushed her hair, pulling a few strands back from her face with a clip and then grabbing the rose before she headed back downstairs. Kaidan really had some explaining to do. For example where Jeremy was, although she assumed that since he obviously wasn't here – he would have come running to greet her by now if he were present – he was most likely with his grandparents. Still, she needed to know.

Kaidan was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs and she heard a sharp intake of breath when he saw her. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, but all he came up with was "Wow."

Catherine bit her bottom lip before answering. "Don't look so surprised. You bought the dress, you knew what it looked like", she answered, avoiding his gaze when she felt warmth crawl onto her cheeks. '_Oh great, you're blushing. Really mature, Shepard'_, she thought.

"Yeah … of course, but … damn, you look even more stunning in it than I had imagined", he said, finally able to voice his thoughts.

"Thanks … and thank you for the dress. It's beautiful", Catherine murmured, her gaze now fixed on the rose in her hands. "What I meant to ask before you all but ordered me to go upstairs … where's Jeremy?" Despite her words, her tone was light, giving Kaidan a little bit of hope that the evening could actually have the effect he desired.

"My parents are watching him tonight", he explained, trying to read her expression. Well, she didn't look horrified at the thought to spend the evening alone with him, he supposed that was a first step.

She slightly nodded. Just like she had suspected. "Okay, now that that's settled … what's going on, Kaidan? You said that you would explain once I got back downstairs. I'm here, so … start talking", she said, looking at him expectantly.

"How about I show you instead?" Kaidan answered and led her into the large room. While she had been upstairs, Kaidan had lit the candles that now bathed the room in soft orange light.

Catherine's eyes went wide as she took in the scene in front of her. The warm light of what seemed to be a million candles, the red roses in a vase on the dining table, soft music playing in the background. "Kaidan … what …" she stuttered. She didn't know what to say. Why was he doing this? Today wasn't any special date when it came to their relationship, her birthday had been more than a month ago … the question remained.

Kaidan stepped in front of her and almost tentatively put an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. His other hand went to her cheek, brushing over the soft skin briefly before moving to her chin, gently forcing her to look him in the eye.

Her breath hitched at their sudden closeness, something that had been missing for the last few weeks. Ever since … no. She couldn't think about it now.

"We need this. I … I want to make it up to you. I've been neglecting you, taking you for granted and I shouldn't have done that. I can't stand the thought that I hurt you. Please, let me do this for you. For us", he said, slowly leaning in as he spoke. His lips brushed hers during the last few words before he kissed her, almost sighing with relief when he felt her respond, truly respond to the soft caress. It felt like it was supposed to: natural. There was nothing forced or tense about it. He deepened the kiss, the wish to make the most of this moment almost painful.

Catherine hadn't noticed that her grip on the rose in her hand had tightened. Hell, she hadn't noticed anything except the way her body was pressed against Kaidan's and how good that kiss felt. She had held back after their fight, that low voice nagging in the back of her head to be careful. God, she had been stupid. There was little in the galaxy that felt better than being kissed like this by her husband. Her free hand moved to the back of his neck almost on its own free will to pull him closer.

However, she did notice when one of the thorns of the rose pricked her skin. The sting made her frown and she broke the kiss, greedily sucking in air while Kaidan's forehead rested against her own. "Ouch", she mumbled as she pulled out of his embrace, lifting her hand to check for damage. Sure enough, she could see a small drop of blood forming on the tip of her index finger.

Kaidan looked at the crimson substance and raised an eyebrow. "You know, that rose was meant for you to look at, not to hurt yourself with it", he chided as he took the flower from her and put it in the vase with the rest of them. He chuckled slightly at the 'you don't say' look she sent his way. "Come on", he said and grabbed her other hand, leading her to the kitchen. "Wash the blood off, I'll get the medigel."

"Kaidan, don't be ridiculous. It's just a scratch", she answered. She had survived the firing Crucible a couple of years ago and he was fretting over a drop of blood?

"So?" he simply asked as he grabbed the small tube of medigel they kept in the cabinet under the sink for emergencies.

"So this -" she pointed at the tube as he unscrewed the cap, "is completely unnecessary. It'll stop bleeding in a minute, anyway."

"I don't care", he stated as he applied the gel. The tiny cut closed almost instantly.

"I swear, if I hear you deny the fact that you're stubborn _ever_ again …" she started, but stopped mid-sentence.

Kaidan put the gel away and stepped close to her again, effectively trapping her against the cupboard next to the sink. "Then what?" he asked, his voice sending a shiver down her spine.

"You'll see", Catherine whispered, her gaze fixed on his whiskey-colored eyes. A moment later, her content sigh was muffled by another kiss. The loud beeping of the kitchen timer made them jump apart.

Kaidan mentally cursed. He was making progress here, real, honest-to-God progress – and then that stupid thing had to go off. Why had he set the clock in the first place? Right, dinner. But still … Catherine wouldn't have let him get this close a few days ago, he was sure of that. She would have made up an excuse to put some physical distance between them. He was getting somewhere, his efforts really seemed to pay off. And to have that taken away by a kitchen timer … in a certain way, it was pretty comical, even if he didn't feel like laughing at the moment.

Catherine bit her bottom lip. On one hand, she cursed the timer that had interrupted Kaidan an her, but on the other hand, she was almost grateful. She needed time to sort out her thoughts and she couldn't do that when she was this close to him. As much as she had missed it, this was moving too fast. From little to no contact over several weeks to almost making out in the living room and then the kitchen … no. She definitely needed a moment to wrap her mind around that.

He could have sworn that he heard the wheels in her head turning. From the look on her face, Catherine was trying to analyze the situation. He bit back a sigh, waiting for the walls she had built around herself to reappear.

She took a deep breath. The beeping had yet to stop, but Kaidan made no move to stop the timer. "So … what's for dinner?" she asked almost hesitantly, trying to give him a hint.

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed that Catherine had to bring up the obvious thing for him to act. He took a step towards the oven, giving her room and effectively blocking her view at the same time while he turned the obnoxious beeping off. "You'll see in a minute. Why don't you sit down? I'll be right there."

"Okay." Catherine nodded and stepped out of the kitchen, dreading the feeling of relief that coursed through her once there was a safe distance between her and Kaidan.

She wasn't supposed to feel this way. Her mind knew that, but her heart … that was an entirely different story. She sat down at the dining table and closed her eyes for a second, taking another deep breath. This was just dinner. When she opened her eyes again, she looked at the bouquet of roses to her left, bathed in warm light. Kaidan had put some work into this evening, she wasn't about to question that. The candles, the roses, her dress, dinner – Catherine felt bad to have put him in a position where he thought it necessary to do all that. But the memories of their fight, of him packing a bag to leave, even if only for a few days, still haunted her. She closed her eyes again. No. She wouldn't think about that now. She had to lock those images away, couldn't let them ruin what was right in front of her. Unconsciously, she began playing with her wedding ring, turning it on her finger as she fought to keep the memories at bay.

That's how Kaidan found her when he entered the room with two plates of food. Eyes closed, turning the ring he had put on her finger absent-mindedly. He cleared his throat and her eyes snapped open. He saw a slight blush creep on her cheeks at the thought of being caught like that. Or was it just a trick of light? He sat a plate down in front of her and saw her eyes widen slightly in realization.

"Kaidan ..." she whispered, but whatever was supposed to follow was swallowed by the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. The pieces started to click together. The roses, the candles, the music, the food – it was all like the evening when he had proposed. The realization hit her like a freight train and effectively knocked the breath out of her. Catherine pressed her lips together in a thin line in an attempt to stay calm but she failed, her eyes cast down on her hands where she still played with her wedding band nervously.

He set down the second plate before crouching down next to her, trying to catch her gaze. When she refused to look anywhere but her fidgeting hands, he covered them with his own, holding them still. The motion got her attention and she looked at him, her eyes wide, the walls he had dreaded earlier crumbled. This was it, his opportunity. He couldn't mess this up.


	7. All That You Are

Hey everyone,

I'd like to thank Luna the Darkness Princess and Jules Hawk for their feedback. Glad you appreciate the story! I really want to show that despite everything they've done, they still are just human, make mistakes and can be pretty dense at times. So it's nice to know that I managed to get that across so far :)

The chapter title refers to the song "All That You Are" by the Goo Goo Dolls. This picks up directly where the last chapter ended.

* * *

_I feel wrong, I'm so human and flawed  
I'll break down even though I'm still strong  
And time will make fools of us all, build us up and then laughs when we fall  
You pull me through when I'm alone in the dark and the fear is my truth  
Yeah all the things that you are  
Beautifully broken, alive in my heart  
And know that you are everything  
Let your heart sing and tonight we'll light up the stars  
_

_- Goo Goo Dolls, "All That You Are"_

* * *

**20th May 2191**

"Cathy … the last couple of weeks have been torture", Kaidan started, pausing to swallow the lump in his throat before he continued. He needed to choose his words carefully. Easier said than done when his thoughts were running rampant. "You say that you believe me and that everything's okay, but it's not and we both know that. You built those walls around you, shutting me out and … I hate it. God, I hate it so much. I hate it that we have to _act_ like nothing's wrong in front of our son. I hate that you don't mean it when you smile, that you only do it to keep up appearances. I hate the fact that I hurt you just because I was stupid and ignorant and took the most precious thing I have for granted. I ... I miss you Cathy, even if you're right in front of me. Because there's this ... invisible barrier that's keeping us apart. I love you … and, dammit, I want you back. Tell me what I have to do to get you back. Whatever it is, I'll do it. Please, just tell me what you want me to do."

He realized that his voice had taken on a desperate tone at the end, but he didn't care. Once he had started talking, the words just kept coming, pouring out his thoughts. He hadn't planned this, hadn't planned for all of this to come out at once but it had and he had to deal with it. He watched Catherine intently, trying to gauge her reaction even if her face gave nothing away while he spoke.

Kaidan's words pulverized every single wall she had built to protect herself. Catherine didn't know what to say. She had withdrawn, yes, but she hadn't realized that she had hurt him in the process. _We do that a lot to each other recently_, she noted, the thought stinging a lot worse than that thorn had earlier. She had been so preoccupied with her own feelings that she didn't pay attention to Kaidan. Hadn't even considered that her actions could affect him like that. After the dust had settled, she had been just as ignorant.

However, now she knew the real reason behind all this. This evening. What he had said earlier sounded more like an apology for what happened, but this was something else, she realized that now. Kaidan was putting up a fight. He was fighting for _them_. Trying to fix what had been broken. He was doing the very thing she had told him was lacking: he was trying to hold onto everything they were.

God … how could she accuse the man in front of her of cheating? The man crouching in front of her, almost on his knees, begging her to tell him how he could fix things, set them right again. The thought of him betraying her seemed so ridiculous right now that she didn't know whether she wanted to laugh or scream in frustration. She freed her left hand from his grip and lifted it to his head, her fingertips brushing his cheek. Catherine had made up her mind. She needed to let go of her doubt and trust him again.

Every second that passed without her saying something heightened Kaidan's anxiety. Had it been too much? Had he pushed her too far with his words? Pressured her into something she could not give him yet? Had he done even more damage? The thought was enough to physically bring him to his knees in front of her. He kneeled in front of her, his head bowed in defeat.

"I'm sorry", Catherine suddenly whispered and Kaidan's head snapped up, his eyes eager to find hers. What was she apologizing for?

"I … God, Kaidan, I miss you, too", she added. Her fingertips trailed from his cheek to his lips and her breath hitched when he pressed a soft kiss to them. "You don't have to do anything. This … what you did tonight … this is enough. God, it's more than enough", she answered. If she had needed proof somewhere in the back of her head, then recreating the evening when he had asked her to marry him was more than enough. She slid off the chair and to her knees in front of him, bringing herself to eye level and leaned forward, touching her forehead to his. "I hurt you as well. I'm ... I've been just as stupid. I was so far gone in my doubt that I didn't even consider how you felt. I'm so sorry ... I love you, too", she said before pressing her lips to his in a soft kiss.

Kaidan was taken aback by her words. It … it couldn't be that easy, right? He was expecting her to struggle, to put up a fight. He was prepared to fight for her, had several more things planned for tonight to make her his again, to convince her to trust him again, that he hadn't let go of them. He certainly hadn't expected this. When her lips touched his, every doubt he had held onto in order to keep his hopes in check left his mind.

This was the first kiss she initiated after their fight. It had always been him who had looked for the intimate contact for the last couple of weeks. Now she started it. His grip on her right hand loosened before he let go completely and wrapped his arms around Catherine, pulling her close. He crushed his lips to hers with almost bruising force, trying to get closer, when he felt the hand that had caressed his cheek move to his hair, tugging him in.

While the kiss had started out gentle, there was nothing soft about it now. It was desperate and demanding, the feelings they had held at bay finally breaking through the surface full force. Kaidan's hands roamed over her back, trying to touch her everywhere at once, the need to feel her almost painful. Catherine's hand was tangled in his hair, holding him in place, while the other one had slipped between them and she tried to undo the first button of his shirt, which quickly turned out to be frustratingly difficult. The thought crossed his mind that apparently, it wasn't just him who was desperate to get closer.

They only pulled away when air became a necessity, both of them panting, trying to catch their breath. Kaidan brushed his lips over her mouth in brief, soft kisses again and again until he felt a smile appear on her lips. He couldn't help but return the smile when he noticed that her lips were slightly swollen from the kiss they'd shared.

"Wow", Catherine simply said, the word little more than a breath. She started playing with the short hair on the back of his neck.

"Yeah", Kaidan replied with a hoarse chuckle, followed by another kiss. Now that he had her back, he just couldn't get enough. Couldn't be close enough to her.

She was about to say something when the combined rumbling of both their stomachs interrupted her. Catherine raised her eyebrows slightly in surprise before she leaned her head against his shoulder, laughing. "Seems like this has to wait", she stated, her shoulders still shaking in silent laughter.

Kaidan couldn't stop himself from laughing, either. He rested his head on top of hers, taking in the scent of her shampoo mixed with her perfume. "I guess you're right", he agreed, but made no attempt to loosen his grip on her.

Catherine reached to her back and grabbed his hands. "Let's get your biotic stomach filled. I don't want it growling at me like an angry dog", she said.

"Hey, your stomach wasn't exactly purring like a little kitten, either, you know?" he defended himself, trying to pinch her side. However, she had anticipated the attack and moved away.

"Nice try. But … better luck next time", she joked, still smiling.

Kaidan's heart jumped when he saw that the spark had returned to her blue eyes. Another brief kiss followed, he just couldn't help himself. After pulling her to her feet, he let go of her, immediately missing the feeling of her in his arms. But he knew that they still had to talk, a lot of things were still left unsaid.

The talk came sooner than he anticipated. While they had started eating in comfortable silence, Catherine suddenly started talking. She told him everything. How she felt, her doubts, why she had reacted so strongly. Kaidan realized that he indeed had been taking her for granted. That he had spent even less time at home than he realized and just expected her to be there and things to just keep going the way they were. By the time they had finished eating, nothing was left unsaid. They had talked, really talked, and cleared the air, a heavy weight lifted from their shoulders.

Kaidan quickly took care of the empty plates before leading Catherine to the couch. He sat down and pulled her into his lap when she went to sit down next to him, eliciting a surprised gasp, followed by a chuckle.

"What are you doing?" she asked, but shifted slightly to get more comfortable nonetheless. She leaned into him, soaking in the warmth that radiated off him.

"Just keeping you close. I'm not letting go of you again", he replied, smiling as he heard her content sigh when he started to pepper her neck with small kisses.

Catherine closed her eyes, enjoying the way Kaidan's lips felt on her skin. She opened her eyes again when he suddenly pulled away. "Hey, don't stop!" she complained with a mock-serious expression on her face.

Kaidan laughed and pressed a short kiss to her lips. "I'll pick up where I left off in a minute", he assured her before reaching over to the coffee table, picking up a small box Catherine hadn't noticed sitting there. She frowned when Kaidan placed the box in her hand. "I wanted to give this to you on our wedding anniversary, but I think this occasion is just as good", he explained.

"Wait, you didn't know how this evening would go. Would you have tried to butter me up with jewelry?" she asked, eying the little container suspiciously. He must have known that that wouldn't have worked, right?

Kaidan shook his head. "No, not trying to butter you up", he said, sighing. "Why don't you open it so I can explain?" He didn't like where this was going at all.

Now Catherine was the one to shake her head. "No." The way she said it left no room to argue. "You wanted to give this to me on our wedding anniversary?" she asked. When he nodded, she continued. "Then that's what I want you to do. Give this to me in two months." She handed the box back to him.

"Cath-" he started, but her kiss effectively shut him up. _'Well, at least she's not angry'_, he thought. When she pulled away, he searched her expression. "Are you really sure? You're not curious what's in there?" he asked.

She huffed slightly. "You _know_ that I'm curious. But … I don't want our mixed stupidity to change things more than it already has. So you keep whatever is in there for now. Curiosity killed the cat, and since that's what my dad used to call me when I was about Jeremy's age, I'm not gonna take any chances", she explained, a small smile playing on her lips when she finished.

Kaidan chuckled at her explanation. "Fine, I'll keep it for now", he said and put the box back on the table. He kissed Catherine briefly before lifting her off his lap and next to him.

"Okay, now I'm confused. I wanted to sit down in this very spot five minutes ago and you wouldn't let me. Now you put me here yourself because …?" she trailed off, looking at him expectantly.

"Because I just remembered dessert", he answered. When he saw the smirk on her lips, he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "_Not_ what you think, but actual dessert", Kaidan added.

"Pff. See if I ever let you in my bed again, you're no fun", she taunted him.

He raised an eyebrow. "No fun?" he asked.

"No fun at all", she confirmed, still smirking.

Kaidan had taken the bait. With one quick motion, he pushed Catherine down on the couch and hovered over her, his lips nearly brushing hers when he spoke. "Let's see if you still think that when I'm done with you later", he said, the tone of his voice sending a shiver of anticipation down her spine.

Catherine looked up at him. His little attack had actually taken her by surprise. Usually, Kaidan was not prone to that kind of maneuver but much more gentle, coaxing her with kisses and soft touches. However, she approved of this apparent change of heart. "Is that a promise or are you all talk?"

He leaned down to kiss her and she softly sighed in approval. When he pulled away, the smirk on her face was replaced by a content smile. "Have you ever known me to be all talk? It's a promise. God, as if I'd be able to _not_ see this through after not touching you for weeks", he said. "But more on that later."

As quickly as his attack came, he was gone again, vanished to the kitchen to grab dessert. Catherine sat up, chuckling. Nothing got between a biotic and his food. When he came back with two bowls of strawberries and what she knew was vanilla ice cream, she raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said more on that later. But this … come on, seriously? You're expecting me to sit still, eat strawberries and ice cream when I can perfectly remember just _how badly_ things got out of hand the last time we had that for dessert? I believe about nine months later, Jeremy was born", she reminded him. Then it hit her. The next thing Kaidan had up his sleeve. He was good, really good, she had to give him that.

The realization must have shown on her face, because she heard Kaidan chuckle. He sat down again, handing her one of the bowls and a spoon. "We can always save something for later", he said. His voice had taken on a suggestive tone that made Catherine gulp.

"Somehow, I think we won't need that tonight", she replied.

He kissed her cheek, still chuckling. "You're probably right. Living celibate for weeks with you laying right next to me was enough to bring me to my knees, no need to give you even more ammunition to drive me crazy."

They ate mostly in comfortable silence, only interrupted by more teasing and innuendos they didn't follow up on. When they were finished, Kaidan suddenly stood up and held his hand out for her to take. "Dance with me."

Catherine raised an eyebrow. "You realize that the last time I danced was at our wedding, right?"

"So? It's high time I get you to do it again", he said, still in the same position.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" she asked, sighing when she saw him shake his head. Stubborn. "Fine", she grumbled and took his hand. When she pushed herself off the couch, Kaidan slightly pulled, the combined force carrying her into his arms so fast that they slightly stumbled, both of them having a feeling of déjà vu of a similar moment eight years ago on board the original Normandy. Catherine laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Okay, Romeo, we really need to practice that", she commented.

"Noted, ma'am", he answered, kissing her temple. Then, he tapped his omnitool a few times and the song changed. He watched another wave of realization wash over her face when she recognized the tune.

"You were really going to bring out the big guns if you hadn't convinced me by now, hm?" she asked when she put her arms around his shoulders. It was their song, as she had dubbed it after the wedding.

His arms encircled her waist as he pulled her close. "Well, yeah. I mean, that little speech earlier wasn't exactly planned. But I'm glad that things happened the way they did. Because now I can simply enjoy this without worrying about anything anymore", he let got of her, grabbed one of her hands and twirled her around, the motion accompanied by a shriek of laughter from Catherine, before he pulled her back to the safety of his arms.

Catherine shook her head, still grinning. "You are definitely crazy, Kaidan", she said.

"Only about you", he replied, causing his wife to snort.

"Okay, that was probably the cheesiest thing you ever said to me", she told him, her eyes sparkling with silent laughter. The sight of her, finally happy again, had him smiling as well while he reached for the clip that held back her hair. He took it out and threw it carelessly on the couch. "What are you doing?"

Kaidan didn't answer. Instead, he tangled his fingers in her long hair before he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss made her see stars and had her hold onto his shoulders because she feared that her legs were going to give out under her. When they came up for air, she whispered "Bedroom. Now", against his lips, the words a breathy order, before pulling him back in for another kiss. Kaidan was happy to follow her order, picking her up to carry her upstairs while still kissing her. He had her back and he was going to make damn sure that he'd never come close to losing her again.


	8. Lucky Ones

Hi everyone,

just a quick thanks to everyone who's following this story. I'm happy about every single one of you! And of course thanks to Vanessa Masters for the review :)

The chapter title belongs to the song "Lucky Ones" by Lana del Rey.

* * *

_ Every now and then, the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great design  
Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones?  
Everybody told me love was blind, then I saw your face and you blew my mind  
Finally, you and me are the lucky ones this time  
_

_- Lana del Rey, "Lucky Ones"_

* * *

**28th July 2191**

"Cathy, wake up."

The woman in question groaned in response and buried her face in the bare chest she used as a pillow. The pillow vibrated with a chuckle and she felt fingertips tracing down her spine.

"Come on, wake up, love."

She shook her head, barely noticeable due to her position. She was way too comfortable right now to wake up. The fingertips made their way to her hip, leaving a tingling trail behind. She felt a kiss being placed on the top of her head and sighed. Yep, definitely too comfortable to wake up yet.

Suddenly, the fingertips vanished from her hip. Instead, she was grabbed and flipped on her back. Her eyes snapped open and she looked up at Kaidan who watched her with an amused smile on his face.

"Good morning", he said and kissed her before she could get a word in. She responded, her hand tangled in his dark hair as she tugged him closer. When he pulled away, another content sigh left her lips.

"I hope you have a good reason to wake me up when I could have slept in", she grumbled as her hand moved from his hair to his back, her fingers tracing a pattern on the warm skin.

"I do", he replied and reached over to his bedside table while balancing his weight on one elbow. "Happy anniversary", he said, pecking her lips again before handing her a small box she knew too well.

Catherine smiled when she saw it. Two months ago, she had handed it back to him, but now she couldn't open it fast enough. "Damn", she swore under her breath when the clasp wouldn't budge at first. Once she had the darned thing open, she saw an artfully engraved locket. "It's beautiful", she told Kaidan, smiling at him. She didn't own much jewelry except for her wedding ring because she simply didn't wear it, but the locket would be a an exception. She took it out of the box to get a closer look.

"Open it", Kaidan whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek.

Catherine nodded while looking for the clasp. When she found it, she carefully opened the pendant to reveal two images. On the left side was the same picture that was framed in the hallway downstairs, Kaidan and her at their wedding, his arms tightly wound around her while she leaned back into his embrace. On the right side was an older image of Jeremy, a back then still toothless grin lighting up his little face. She smiled at Kaidan and kissed him thoroughly after whispering "I love you" against his lips.

He leaned his head against hers after the kiss ended. "I love you, too", he said before pulling back and reaching for the locket to close it again. He then turned it around so she could see the back of the pendant. _Until my last breath. Kaidan_ was engraved in cursive writing. He got somewhat worried when he saw her eyes glisten with tears. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, searching her face for an answer.

"Nothing's wrong", she said and put her hand on his cheek, her thump tracing his lips softly. "It's … it's perfect. Thank you." She took the necklace from him again and struggled with the clasp. "Help me put it on?" she finally asked. Her fine motor skills still left a lot to be desired. Another reason why she didn't wear jewelry. She didn't have the patience to deal with tiny clasps of necklaces, bracelets or earrings.

"Of course", he agreed, still wary about her reaction. Catherine wasn't one to tear up easily. They sat up and Kaidan placed the piece of jewelry around her neck.

"So? What do you think?" she asked once the necklace was in place.

Kaidan smiled when he took in the sight in front of him. Blond hair still tousled from sleep, her blue eyes sparkling happily, the locket he had given her around her neck and the blanket pulled up to cover her naked form held in place by the hand that held her wedding ring. "Perfect", he simply stated before kissing her again.

After a moment, she pushed him away and on his back in one fluid motion, chuckling when she saw the flabbergasted expression on his face. "I guess since you gave me this", she touched the locket, "I can give you your gift, as well. Or at least part of it", she said.

"We'll have to be quiet, wouldn't want to wake Jeremy", he replied, a confident smirk now firmly in place as he reached for her waist to pull her close, but she swatted his hand away.

She rolled her eyes. "Get your mind out of the gutter", she chided. "And close your eyes while you're at it. And no peeking. That's an order."

"Yes, ma'am", he replied, mock-saluting her before complying.

Now it was her turn to reach for her bedside table. She opened the top drawer and reached in, finding what she was looking for quickly.

Kaidan felt something small and soft being placed on his chest.

"You can open your eyes now", Catherine said, watching his expression attentively.

Kaidan's eyes snapped open and to look at what she had placed on his chest. A tiny pair of shoes. He picked them up, studying the small shoes that weren't even meant for walking. He remembered that when Jeremy had gotten his first pair like these, the little boy hadn't even started crawling yet. Kaidan's eyes wandered from the shoes to Catherine and back again. "Since those aren't exactly going to fit me or Jer … does that mean what I think it means?" By the time he was finished, his gaze was fixated on his wife.

"I'm pregnant", she confirmed with a smile. "We're having another baby. Happy anniversary."

Kaidan put the shoes on his bedside table before pulling Catherine close to him and crushing his lips to hers in a kiss that made her see stars. When they had to stop to catch their breath, she put her head on his chest again, listening to the beating of his heart. His hand rested on her still flat abdomen.

"How far along are you? When did you find out?" he asked, still in awe. He hadn't expected this. They hadn't even talked about it. They were happy to have Jeremy, but they had never discussed the thought of having another one.

"Doc says about ten weeks, give or take a couple of days. And I found out a few days ago", she answered, smiling when she felt his fingers ghosting over her skin. "So … what do you think? I know we never really talked about it."

"What do I think? I think this is amazing", he replied, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. His hand stilled on her stomach when another thought entered his mind. "Wait a second. About ten weeks?" When Catherine nodded in confirmation, he smirked. "You don't suppose that this baby was conceived when we made up, do you?"

She laughed. "Could be, I mean, you were pretty insatiable that night if I remember correctly. Though we'll never know for sure", she said, smiling when he started to draw invisible lines on her stomach again.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't exactly tell me to stop. Or ... wait. You actually did say stop _a lot_ that night. Though there was always a _don't_ in front of it", Kaidan replied, a smug smile on his face.

"Oh God. Stop right there. Please. I don't want to spend the rest of the day taking your ego back down several notches", she said, humor evident in her voice as she lifted her head to rest her chin on his chest so she could look at him, her tone a bit more serious when she spoke again. "What do you want? A boy or a girl? I mean, we don't have any say in it, but if you could choose. What would it be?"

Kaidan stayed silent for a moment, looking at her thoughtfully. His hand left her stomach and went to her back, pulling her closer. "A little girl would be great. We have an incredible boy already. So … yeah. A little girl that looks like her mom. That would be perfect", he finally said.

Catherine placed a soft kiss over his heart before looking at him again. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I somehow don't see that happening. I mean, look at Jeremy. He looks like you, all dark hair and brown puppy-dog eyes. Those genes are dominant. There's a reason why there are way more people with dark hair and eyes than blond hair and blue eyes. You know, since that coloring is due to recessive genes and all that."

Kaidan shrugged. "It could still happen. We'll just have to wait and see."

She nodded slightly. "True." She glanced at the clock and sighed. "We should put on some clothes. It won't be long before Jeremy wakes up now."

Kaidan let go of her reluctantly and watched her intently when she slid out of the bed and reached for the shirt she had put on last night to sleep in – his shirt - until he had taken it off her again. Not that she had objected. She threw him the pajama pants that had somehow ended up next to the shirt on the floor next to her side of the bed. He quickly put them on before pulling her back into his arms. She didn't fight it but curled up in his embrace once more.

"Shouldn't we get up and prepare breakfast?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

"You know our son. He'll just want his cereal, anyway. And I'd rather stay here with you for a few more minutes. But we probably should. I mean, you're eating for two now", he answered. She could hear him smile even though she couldn't see it.

"I doubt that a few minutes are gonna make a big difference", Catherine said. She raised her head when she heard the door open.

"That's what I call timing", Kaidan whispered in her ear before pecking her lips once more, earning them a heartfelt "Ewww!" from Jeremy. He had picked up the notion that girls were icky on the playground recently. "You're amazing", Kaidan added as an afterthought.

She turned to look at him, a mischievous smile on her face. "Funny. That's also what you said last night." She bit her lip to keep herself from laughing when she heard him groan softly at the implication behind her words.

Catherine sat up to look at her son, smiling when she saw that he had brought his beloved plush pyjak. Sometimes, she could have sworn that the toy was attached to his arm. "Good morning, sweetheart. Wanna crawl in?"

Jeremy nodded eagerly and almost jumped between his parents, causing them to laugh. He crawled underneath the blanket and rested his head on his father's arm while his mother wrapped her arm around him.

Catherine and Kaidan looked at each other, silently communicating. They would tell him about the baby later. For now, it was just the three of them.


	9. Defenceless

Hey everyone,

just a little warning. Two more parts, then my inner drama queen took reign of the keyboard again. So, to quote one of my favorite TV shows: "Brace yourselves."  
I'd like to thank Eleneri for the amazing feedback. I can safely say that it absolutely made my day! I'd also like to thank CyanB for the feedback - and for pointing out a pretty embarrassing typo. Always greatly appreciated :)  
That being said, I wanted to mention again that I'm still looking for a beta. Since English isn't my first language, I'm not always 100% sure when it comes to idioms or the right way to put things, so I'd be glad for some input. If you're interested, just send me a PM.

The chapter title refers to the song "Defenceless" by Schmidt.

* * *

_I love the sound of your voice at night, I love the taste of your lips  
And when you look through me with your eyes, I can no longer resist  
You leave me defenceless as I'm walking back home  
You fill all my senses so I'm never alone  
I'm left feeling fragile as you take me apart  
Invasion of the heart  
I love the way you keeping touching me. feels like you enter my skin  
Sometimes I think you're the enemy, then I surrender within_

_- Schmidt, "Defenceless"_

* * *

**14th December 2191**

Wood crackled in the fireplace as Catherine leaned back against Kaidan's chest, his arms wrapped around her and his hands resting on her swollen stomach. They – or rather Kaidan, insisting that she wasn't allowed to help – had moved the coffee table out of the way and sat down on the soft carpet in front of the couch. Catherine had just settled down between his legs after tucking Jeremy in. The little boy had been dead on his feet from the excitement of the day but refused to go to sleep. It had taken a lot of sweet-talking to get him upstairs, but as soon as his head touched the pillow, he was out like a light.

"Thank you", Kaidan whispered in her ear before pressing a soft kiss to her neck.

"What for?" she asked while she got more comfortable in his embrace. It had been his idea to sit on the floor because Catherine had started to struggle when she had to get off the couch on her own about a week ago. To say that she hated it would be an understatement. She had defeated the Reapers for Pete's sake and now she had trouble to get off the couch because she was pregnant. It would have been pretty hilarious if she wasn't the one suffering from that fate.

"Keeping things quiet today", he explained, another kiss just below her ear following his words.

Catherine smiled and placed a hand on his thigh, giving it a light squeeze. "I figured you'd like it better this way. I mean, you don't turn forty every day, but I thought that you'd want to spend today with the family."

"You were right. It was nice to just have mom and dad over. And Hannah … I really didn't expect her, that's for sure." Catherine's mother was overseeing rebuilding efforts of the relays and colonies, still zipping around the galaxy at FTL speed. So it had been a big surprise to see her on their doorstep. Hannah simply explained that she was long overdue with some shore leave and that seeing her pregnant daughter and her son-in-law's fortieth birthday were pretty good excuses to take said leave. _"Besides, I'm a Rear Admiral. I can damn well do as I please", _she had added, the same mischievous twinkle in her eyes that he saw in Catherine's eyes from time to time.

Catherine chuckled. "Same here. She didn't tell me that she would stop by. But Jeremy was over the moon to see her, so I guess I'll let it slide just this once." Her son usually saw his grandmother via vidcom, so every time she stopped by was a reason for the little boy to go rampant.

"Yeah … did you see his face when she gave him that toy dreadnought? I was worried that his eyes were going to pop out any second", Kaidan said, chuckling while his hands ghosted over Catherine's stomach. He stopped when he felt the baby kick and took a deep breath. "You'd think that since we already have Jeremy, it wouldn't be such a big deal to feel this little guy kick … but, damn, it is."

Catherine smiled and put her hand on top of his, intertwining their fingers. "I think that's something that never changes, no matter how many kids you have." She turned her head to kiss his cheek. "Sorry you're not getting the daughter you were hoping for", she murmured, her lips brushing his skin as she spoke.

Kaidan shook his head and looked into her eyes. "Nothing to be sorry about. We'll have two amazing boys instead of one. Sounds good to me. Besides, we can still try for that daughter." He muffled her laughter with his lips, kissing his wife briefly.

"Let's get this little guy out first, okay? Then we'll see how things turn out with two rugrats around and _then_ we'll talk about another one. Deal?" Catherine looked up at him expectantly, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Deal", he agreed and his free hand began to rub soft circles on her stomach.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments that was only broken when Catherine started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Kaidan asked, looking at her with his eyebrows slightly raised.

"I was just thinking about all the poor girls once our boys hit puberty. I mean, you can already tell that Jer is really taking after you in the looks department and I have a feeling that this one", she nodded to her baby bump, "won't be too different. So once they realize the effect they can have on girls, there will be a _lot_ of broken hearts", she said, still chuckling.

Kaidan snorted. "If they turn out anything like me, they'll be so oblivious it's not even funny anymore."

Catherine turned slightly so she could look at him. "Are you trying to tell me that you had no idea what one of those smoldering gazes of yours could do to a girl? Yeah, right."

He rolled his eyes. "That's exactly what I want to tell you. Besides, when I got to the age where things could have gotten interesting, I was at Jump Zero and had a lot of other things in mind. Even if I _was_ a teenage boy."

She looked at him, still skeptical. "But you must have had at least a hunch. Come on, Kaidan. You couldn't have been _that_ blind."

"In case you haven't noticed, when we met I was 32 years old and still put my foot in my mouth on a pretty regular basis when you were around. What does that tell you?" he asked.

Catherine grinned at him. "That I'm pretty damn impressive if I managed to have a thirty-something year old biotic fumbling for words."

Kaidan groaned and kissed her, if only to get her to be quiet for a second.

"I walked right into that one, huh?" he asked. "Besides, I told you about Rahna. Things didn't go too well back then. After that, I figured it would be easier to just … stay away, you know? If a biotic girl was afraid of me, what would normal girls be like? Once I joined the Alliance, I concentrated on my career, you know that. Well, at least until I started serving under this really hot Commander that reminded me that there were more important things than a career." He chuckled when he saw Catherine rolling her eyes and kissed her again. "What about you?" he asked once the kiss ended. "If we actually have a teenage daughter one day … Any reasons why I should get that Claymore out of the weapons locker in the basement?"

Catherine laughed and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "You'd be one of those fathers, huh?"

"Sure. Gotta watch out for my little girl. Besides, she wouldn't be allowed to date until she's thirty, anyway", he said, grinning.

Catherine rolled her eyes. "You realize that we met when I was 29, right?"

He nuzzled her neck and was rewarded with a soft sigh. "I know. But that wasn't my question, love. Any escapades from your teenage days that could serve as bad example for any daughter we might have?"

"I grew up on ships and space stations, Kaidan. There weren't too many kids around in the first place. And once I was old enough … let's just say that any servicemen at least close to my own age were too afraid of my mom to try anything, even if they _were_ interested", she explained.

Kaidan chuckled, his warm breath brushing over her skin. "I can imagine. Hannah can be pretty intimidating when she wants to be."

"The sad thing is … she wasn't even trying. But by the time I was a teenager, she had already made a name for herself, was a Commander and XO of the ships she was stationed on. I guess getting it on with Commander Hannah Shepard's daughter was just too much of a hot zone. Except … ", she trailed off and shook her head slightly.

Kaidan perked up at that. "Except?"

"Well … except for this one guy", Catherine offered and smiled when she felt her husband's arms tighten slightly around her.

"Is that so?" he asked. "What was his name?"

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "Why, are you jealous? Do you want to hunt him down even after all these years?"

He kissed her neck, that one spot that made her knees go weak and she was grateful that she was sitting already. "Why should I be jealous? You're _my_ wife, here in _my_ arms and pregnant with _our_ second child. I don't really feel the need to hunt down a guy you had a thing for almost twenty years ago."

Catherine bit her bottom lip at his words, her eyes drifted to their linked hands that rested on her stomach. Why hadn't she been able to be this confident about their relationship? Why had she jumped to conclusions? Kaidan seemed to guess where her thoughts were going and he gave her hand a light squeeze. She raised her eyes to meet his.

"Cathy, don't", he simply said.

"I'm sorry", she mumbled. She meant it. She had made things complicated between them instead of just talking to him.

"_Don't"_, he repeated and leaned his forehead against hers, their noses touching. "Let's not think about it anymore, okay? It's not going to change anything. We're okay now, right? That's all that matters."

Catherine sighed. He was right. Bringing it up again and again wasn't going to magically make go away what had happened. "Okay … yeah, you're right", she agreed and kissed him softly.

She settled back into his embrace after the kiss, closing her eyes to just enjoy the moment. Kaidan got her attention by kissing the sensitive spot on her neck again. "You still haven't told me his name", he mumbled against her skin, causing her to chuckle.

"Fine, fine. His name was Colin Thompson, he was a Serviceman Third Class back then. We met when I was in high school. I stayed on Arcturus Station at the time, it was just easier that way. I was sixteen, he was twenty. And … I guess even my mom's imposing shadow wasn't enough to keep him away. We had a thing for a few of months while he was stationed on Arcturus, but when he was transferred, we broke it off. He … God, this is embarrassing … he was the first guy I kissed", she said, feeling the warmth creep onto her cheeks at the end.

"And I guess he was also the guy you did … other things with for the first time", Kaidan mumbled, his lips still peppering her neck with small kisses.

"Yeah, but that was years later. We lost contact a few months after he had left Arcturus, but we ran into each other again on Elysium. You know that I was on shore leave when the Blitz happened. So was he. Well, I walked into this bar and … there he sat, beer in hand. We talked and drank … a lot. And somewhere along the way we decided in our drunken stupor that it would be a great idea to go back to his hotel room. It was pretty underwhelming, to be honest, with a lot of drunken fumbling and … well, it ruined the whole thing for me. I had no desire to get close to a guy like that again anytime soon. I think he realized it and felt bad about it the next morning. The day after, the Blitz happened. After that, I was always just so busy with service or my N7 training that I didn't really have time to look for a guy. And I was okay with that, I was content … until I stumbled upon this Lieutenant with probably the best ass in the galaxy. And he slowly, but steadily turned my world upside down" Catherine explained, smiling when she felt her husband chuckle.

"Did Colin make it?" Kaidan asked. He really didn't feel any jealousy towards the guy.

"Yeah, he made it. We even kept in contact this time, even though we decided that we were far better off as friends. We were still in contact when I met you, by the way", she said. Kaidan's lips on her neck stayed still for a moment.

"Where is he now?" he wanted to know. Apparently, the guy meant something to his wife even if this was the first time he ever heard of him, but he was still genuinely interested.

"He went down with the Warsaw in the Battle of the Citadel", Catherine said quietly.

"I'm sorry", Kaidan said, giving her hand a light squeeze. That explained why she hadn't talked about Colin before.

"I lost a friend to the Reapers that day … though he wasn't the first and not the last, either", she replied. The first one they lost had been Jenkins, only minutes after setting foot on Eden Prime. The place where it all began.

"I know. A lot of good people sacrificed their lives to make sure that future generations got a chance to live", he agreed, his free hand softly stroking her stomach.

Catherine sighed. "Yeah." She paused a moment to focus again on the topic they had originally talked about. Catherine pulled away slightly to look at Kaidan. "Well, I guess what I actually wanted to say was … if we ever have a daughter and she takes after me at all, you won't need that Claymore. She'd probably be too busy with other things to pay attention to boys."

He chuckled. "If she'd take after you in the looks department, I would definitely need that shotgun. Because the boys would be drawn to her like moths to a flame, believe me."

She rolled her eyes. "You're kinda biased, Kaidan", she said, resting her head on his shoulder again, her lips trailing over his jaw with small kisses.

"Just telling you how it was for me … how it still is, really", he answered.

"If I'm supposed to be the flame in that scenario, you better watch out or might get burned", she joked.

"Yeah, wouldn't want that to happen. Though I gotta say … I really don't mind things getting hot from time to time", Kaidan said and managed to keep a straight face.

Catherine on the other hand couldn't help but laugh at his words. "You're lucky that today is your birthday. Any other day of the year and I wouldn't let you live _that_ sentence down."

Kaidan turned his head, his lips brushing hers as he spoke. "I know, Cathy. Believe me, I know", he mumbled before claiming her mouth in a kiss that effectively stopped her from saying anything else on the matter.


	10. Carry this Picture

Hey everyone,

just a quick thanks to anyone who is following this story or even added it to their favorites. My muse is working overtime because of you!  
I have a few more chapters planned and some of them already written, but I figured now is as good a time as any to ask: are there any scenes you would like to read? Let me know. A review is also always appreciated :)

The chapter title refers to the song "Carry this Picture" by Dashboard Confessional.

* * *

_Carry this picture for luck, kept in a locket, tucked in your collar, close to your chest  
Make it a secret, shown to the closest friends  
And meet me at quarter to 7, the sun will still shine then at this time of year  
We'll head to the inlet and we'll share a bottle there  
And color the coast with your smile, it's the most genuine thing that I've ever seen  
_

_- Dashboard Confessional, "Carry this Picture"_

* * *

**9th February 2192**

When Catherine woke up in the hospital room, the sun was already setting and she was greeted with a sight that made her heart beat faster. Kaidan was standing in front of the window, looking down at their son as he talked to the small boy, a brilliant smile on his face. She felt movement next to her in the surprisingly comfortable hospital bed and looked down to see Jeremy curled up on top of the blanket. She smiled and pushed a stray strand of dark brown, almost black hair out of his face.

Jeremy had insisted to stay until his little brother was born, even though Kaidan's parents had offered to take him to their place, saying that it could take hours and he would get bored. It had indeed taken hours, but Jeremy had sat in the waiting room with his grandparents patiently, waiting for the new addition to their family to arrive. The long wait seemed to have taken its toll on the boy now, though.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." Kaidan's smoky voice brought her back to the present.

"Sleepyhead? Seriously? You try giving birth, then we'll talk", she replied, watching him as he crossed the room and pulled the chair closer to the bed, sitting down, the baby safe in his arms.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, concern showing on his face.

Catherine gave him a weak smile. "Exhausted. Like a platoon of Krogan stampeded over me. Take your pick. It's your fault, anyway."

"How is that my fault?" Kaidan asked, amusement evident in his voice.

"Because your son isn't exactly on the tiny side", she explained.

"_My_ son? Last time I checked, it took two people to make a baby", he answered, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"Yeah, but it's your fault that this little guy is as big as he is. It was the same with Jeremy, if you remember." Catherine bit her bottom lip when she saw the look of confusion that crossed her husband's face.

"You lost me there, love", he declared.

"When I was pregnant with Jeremy and it became obvious that he would be a big baby, I talked to my mom and yours, as well. I was just looking for some kind of advice, I guess. How to deal with the pain in my back and so on. Our mothers told me a thing or two about their pregnancies. Turns out, I was a tiny baby when I was born whereas you … weren't", she explained.

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "So it's my fault? You know, I can't really help genetics."

"Oh, I know. But it's nice that I can actually blame you that my whole body feels sore. I'll live, though. I mean, I felt the same way after this guy here and I made it out alright", she said, her fingers softly brushing over Jeremy's cheek.

Kaidan slightly nodded. "Yeah, I remember. Though you never did what my mom warned me about."

"And what would that be?" Now she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Apparently, she told my dad to never touch her again while she was in labor", he explained, grinning.

"Yeah … well, that explains why you don't have any siblings", she retorted. "But there's no way I could ever tell you that. I mean … you're way too good at what you do. I'd be crazy to tell you to keep your hands off me. And _please_, do me a favor, wipe that smug grin off your face."

"Sorry, can't help it when you boost my ego like that", Kaidan said, chuckling softly.

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Stop being an ass and give me my son", she demanded smiling. She pulled herself up slowly, biting back a groan when the sore muscles in her body protested the movement.

Once she was propped up slightly, Kaidan placed the baby in her waiting arms, whispering "Thank you" against her lips before kissing her softly.

"For?" she asked.

"Giving me two healthy, perfect kids", he explained, looking at the baby in her arms and then at Jeremy, still curled up next to Catherine.

"My pleasure." She smiled when she saw two big blue eyes staring up at her, a mop of dark hair on her son's head. "Hey there", she whispered, the tip of her index finger slowly tracing over the small boy's cheek. "I told your daddy that you were going to end up with his dark hair, you know. But noooo, he wouldn't believe me", she continued softly before placing a soft kiss on her son's forehead.

Kaidan chuckled and shook his head slightly. Why he had thought exhaustion would keep her from teasing him, he didn't know.

"He still needs a name", Catherine said, looking down at the baby. He arrived two weeks early, apparently eager to see the world. They had thought that they'd have a bit more time left to pick out a name. So much for that theory.

"Yeah … I've been thinking about that while you were sleeping", Kaidan replied, reaching out to trace his son's arm with his fingertips. It was amazing. Sure, they already had a child and this wasn't new, but it was still completely overwhelming for the biotic and hard to wrap his mind around.

"So … any suggestions?" She asked, looking at him expectantly.

"What do you think of Nathan?" It hadn't been a name Kaidan had considered before but that had come to mind when he looked at his son.

Catherine bit her bottom lip, her eyes roaming over the baby in her arms. "Nathan Alenko", she tried, satisfied with the way the name rolled off her tongue. "It has a ring to it", she agreed, slightly nodding. "But I think we have to make a small adjustment. Nathan Robert Alenko."

"You want to give him my dad's name as middle name?" Kaidan asked, surprised.

"Why not? Jeremy's middle name is Anthony after my father, so ..." she trailed off mid-sentence when the baby in her arms shifted slightly. "What do you think, little man? Nathan Robert Alenko sound good?" The little boy yawned in response. "Well, that's … not a no, I think."

"Mommy?" a sleepy voice asked next to her.

Catherine smiled at Jeremy who rubbed his eyes. "Hey, sweetheart. I guess you already met this little guy here?" She nodded slightly towards the small boy she held tightly against her chest. Suddenly, Jeremy seemed to be wide awake.

He crawled further up the bed so he could be closer to his mother, his curious gaze was set on the baby in her arms. His grandpa had told him all about his duties as an older brother while they waited for the baby to be born. He had to watch out for his little brother, protect him. Jeremy had hovered around his daddy while he held the baby, studying the addition to their family. He looked so _small_. "Daddy said he doesn't have a name yet when I asked", Jeremy said.

"We were talking about that before you woke up", Catherine informed him. Might as well ask Jeremy. "We were thinking about calling him Nathan. Do you like it?"

Jeremy pondered for a moment, missing the amused look his parents exchanged at the serious expression on the three-year-old's face. Finally, he nodded. "I like it", he decided.

Catherine chuckled. "Then that's settled. Your name is Nathan", she told the baby.

"Mommy? Can I hold him?" Jeremy asked, looking at her eagerly with big brown eyes that made her heart melt. Yep, definitely the mirror image of his father and he had her wrapped around his little finger just as much.

"Sure. Sit up here", she told him, gesturing to the headboard of the hospital bed. He clambered into a sitting position eagerly. "Okay, hold your arms like I have mine", Catherine instructed. Jeremy mimicked her hold on the baby and Catherine rested Nathan against her chest a little more so she could adjust Jeremy's arms slightly. She then placed the baby in his waiting arms. "You have to support his head a little bit more", she said, moving his arms gently until she was satisfied. "There you go, big brother." She smiled as she took in the image in front of her. Her boys. It seemed like yesterday when she had held Jeremy the way he now held Nathan. Where did the time go?

She hadn't noticed Kaidan move around the bed until she saw the orange glow of his omnitool as he took a picture. "For that little gallery you have put up in the hallway", he told her before moving slightly to capture only his sons. "And I think we need to update the picture in your locket."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Was the first one necessary? I look like sh-" she remembered Jeremy right next to her and stopped. "I look terrible", she corrected, earning her a chuckle from her husband.

"You look beautiful", Kaidan objected.

"I'm exhausted, sore, I wear a shirt I usually sleep in, my hair is a mess … yeah, right, I look like the winner of beauty pageant right now", Catherine murmured, but the pout she wanted to send Kaidan was replaced by a smile that lit up her face when she heard Jeremy talk to his little brother. She put her hand in front of her mouth to stifle her laughter when the three-year-old told the baby he held tightly that he'd share his toys with him. The laughter died in her throat when she heard him say that he would watch out for him and protect him and that he'd even give him his plush pyjak. She looked up to meet Kaidan's gaze, raising an eyebrow in silent question, but he simply shrugged.

"Jer ... why do you want to give him your pyjak?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah, I thought you love Charlie", Catherine added.

Jeremy's eyes never left his little brother as he answered. "He needs Charlie more. And I'm a big brother now, I have to look out for him and I want him to be happy." He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, rendering his parents speechless.

Catherine bit her bottom lip, blinking rapidly when she felt tears well up in her eyes. She looked up when she felt Kaidan's hand over hers, sqeezing it gently. She smiled at him before leaning down to press a soft kiss to the crown of Jeremy's head. "You're the best big brother he could wish for", she finally whispered into his hair. Up until this very moment, she had had no idea just _how_ right she was in calling him 'sweetheart'.


	11. Darkening Sky

Hey everyone,

I gave you a heads-up two chapters ago, so ... here goes nothing, I guess.

The chapter title refers to "Darkening Sky" by Peter Bradley Adams.

* * *

_Her hair is damp, her skin has turned cold, there's hardly a sound that she makes  
Oh stay, my love, please open your eyes, and promise me you'll never leave  
Oh my love, stay, my love  
Hey, angel, there over her head, tell me the time hasn't come  
Have mercy, please, on the one that I love, her body's too weary to run_

_- Peter Bradley Adams, "Darkening Sky"_

* * *

**22nd June 2192**

"Thank God that's over", Catherine muttered as she stepped outside of Alliance headquarters into the warm sun.

Next to her, Kaidan chuckled. "Hey, we were lucky. We expected to be stuck here all day", he said and watched as his wife turned her face towards to warming rays, her eyes closed. His omni-tool flared to life and he quickly took a picture. It was a beautiful and rare sight to see Catherine this calm and he wasn't going to let this opportunity go to waste.

Despite the fact that they had taken a few days of leave, they both had been called into headquarters for meetings today, leaving them little choice but to ask Kaidan's parents to watch Jeremy and Nathan. However, things had gone better than they had hoped for.

After his meeting, Kaidan had moved to his office to kill some time with paperwork while he waited for Catherine. However, half an hour later a soft cough from the doorway had gotten his attention. As soon as he had raised his head, Catherine entered the office, smiling. _"Ready to leave, Major?"_ she had asked, sitting down on the edge of the desk, crossing her long legs. Kaidan's eyes followed the movement and he had all but dropped the datapad in his hands, eager to get out of his office and back home. Who was he to turn down an opportunity to spend some time alone with his wife?

"True. So … what do you suggest we do until your parents bring the boys over later?" Catherine asked, smiling when she looked at Kaidan again, taking his appearance in once more. Maybe she did have a thing for a man in uniform, after all … or maybe it was the fact that she knew _exactly_ what was underneath that uniform that made her appreciate the view in front of her so much. Or it was just the way the pants hugged his ass so perfectly that she had a hard time controlling herself and not just grab it in public.

"Oh no. I know that look, Cathy", Kaidan said, one eyebrow raised.

"What look?" Her eyes widened a bit as she tried her best to look innocent.

"The look that tells me that you want to get home and drag me to our bedroom", he answered.

Catherine dropped the act, tilting her head slightly when she looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Says the guy who carried me up the staircase last night because apparently, I wasn't fast enough." She put her hands on his shoulders, let them rest there for a moment before she slowly started to drag them towards his chest. "Besides, who says that we'd even make it upstairs when there's a really comfortable couch in the living room?" The smile she gave him was coy and full of promises before her eyes dropped and followed the movement of her hands.

That was the moment she saw it. A red dot dancing on Kaidan's chest, directly over his heart. No. A thousand thoughts ran through her head at once, but the most prominent was a simple _NO_. This couldn't be happening. She wouldn't allow it. Catherine used the position of her hands, thanking whatever deity was looking out for her husband, and pushed him out of the way, moving with him. A heartbeat later, she heard a gunshot - and felt the impact of the bullet in her back, the force pushing her into Kaidan and she grabbed a hold on the front of his uniform.

Kaidan's gaze was fixated on her face and he looked at her quizzically when she paled visibly and her mood changed in a split-second. Then she pushed, making him stumble backwards. The sound of a gun being fired grabbed his attention before his eyes widened in terror when Catherine was hit and lost control over her body. He caught her, pulled her close to his chest with one arm while he raised a biotic barrier in front of him with his free hand, waiting for another bullet to fly their way.

"Kaidan?" Her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. Then, her legs suddenly gave way and she collapsed completely in his arms.

"Sh, it's gonna be okay", he told her, starting to back up to Alliance headquarters. His field medic training kicked in, but there was nothing he could do for her. He didn't even have medigel. He needed to get her to the medical wing of HQ. Fast. He could feel her blood pouring over his fingers. He looked alarmed when he felt her grip weaken. Her face had lost all color and her breathing came in short, irregular puffs.

"Are you okay?" she asked silently, her voice slightly choaked.

He couldn't hold back a humorless laugh. "You just caught a bullet and you ask _me_ if I'm okay? I am." His eyes scanned the area for any sign of another attack while he slowly backed up towards the building.

Catherine nodded slightly. Mission accomplished, then. The fabric of his uniform slipped from her fingers and her view lost focus. This wasn't the first time she was hit by a bullet, but it was her experience that told her this was a bad one. She had never lost focus this fast before. Never felt this weak this fast before. She saw the concern on Kaidan's face as he more or less dragged her towards the entrance of Alliance headquarters. This had to be _really_ bad if he let his guard slip like that. "I'm sorry", she whispered.

"What?" The words caught him off guard. What was she apologizing for?

Everything started to spin and she had to close her eyes for a moment. Not good. Not good at all. Despite the sun, she felt cold. She knew the feeling that was slowly creeping up on her. The lightheadedness while her body felt heavier with every passing second. She experienced it once already. Only then, the oxygen line on her hardsuit had ruptured and she hadn't been hit by a bullet. She was dying. "Take good care of the boys. Promise me."

Kaidan felt a chill running down his spine when she spoke, the knowledge why she said it making the blood in his veins run cold. "Oh no, you don't. You are _not_ going to die, you hear me? You are _not_ going to leave me, Catherine. Don't you dare", he whispered harshly.

"I love you." She had to fight the darkness that was clawing into her to get the words out. But she wanted, no, _needed_ him to know. Needed to say it for what was most likely going to be the last time. Content when his eyes found hers for a brief moment, she closed her eyes and let the darkness wash over her.

"No, no, no, Catherine, stay with me, you have to stay awake", Kaidan murmured when he saw her eyes close. He swore under his breath when she showed no reaction to his words. He dropped his barrier the second the automatic doors of Alliance headquarters closed and picked Catherine up, moving as fast as he could to the elevator. He didn't pay attention to the people looking at him, shock written on their faces when they recognized the savior of the galaxy unconscious in his arms, her blood dripping on the stone floor. All he cared about was to get his severely bleeding wife medical attention.

Someone must have alerted the staff because as soon as the elevator doors opened on the floor that held the medical facility, Kaidan was greeted by doctors who took her away from him and straight to surgery.

A few minutes later, he sat on an uncomfortable chair, staring down at his hands, covered in Catherine's blood. It wasn't the first time he had her blood on his hands. Hell, he lost count of the times he had patched her up in the field a long time ago on the first Normandy.

But this was different. They hadn't been in the battlefield, in the middle of a firefight, wearing armor equipped with shield generators. No. They had discussed how to spend their unexpected free afternoon, joking around, teasing each other. She had smiled up at him, that amused spark he loved so much twinkling in her blue eyes. A moment later, she was in his arms, heavily bleeding and rapidly losing consciousness.

This couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't. Not again. It tore him apart the first time … and back then, they hadn't been together for years, hadn't built a life together, hadn't been married, didn't have kids.

Jeremy. What was he supposed to tell his son why his mother wasn't home? Nathan. The little boy didn't even know his mother. Recognizing her when he saw her wasn't the same as knowing her, or calling her 'Mommy' like Jeremy did.

Kaidan shook his head. She couldn't die. She had to fight. If not for him, then for the boys she told him to take care of. She just _had_ to. Because he couldn't do this without her.

He could feel the blood dry on his hands and got up. He had to get cleaned up, at least a little because there was nothing he could do about his clothes that were drenched with blood. In the restroom, he scrubbed his hands almost furiously, trying to get rid of the reminder that his wife was in surgery right now, fighting for her life.

Kaidan raised his head and looked in the mirror, only noticing now that at some point, tears had streamed down his face. He saw the still wet tracks they left on his cheeks, but he didn't feel anything. He was hollow inside and he knew that wouldn't change until he got word from the doctors currently doing their best to keep Catherine alive.

Once his hands were clean, he left the restroom, walking back to the chair he had occupied earlier. He sat down, staring at the doors that led to the surgery room, silently praying to whatever deity willing to listen to let her survive this. From the amount of blood she had lost in the short amount of time, the bullet that hit her – the bullet that was meant for him, he concluded, because she pushed him out of harms way – must have hit an artery. She took the goddamn thing for him. Risked her life to safe his. Kaidan rubbed his hands over his face. This wasn't fair. Hadn't she been through enough already? Sacrificed enough? He didn't dare to think that her luck might have run out this time.

Another question came to Kaidan's mind. Who was the shooter? Who had he pissed off so much that they wanted him dead? He didn't have the slightest idea, which didn't help to calm his anxiety. He would find out. There had to be security footage. He vowed to himself that he would find out who the shooter was. And then there would be hell to pay. If he lost Catherine because of this … no. He couldn't think like that. He wouldn't allow himself to think about the possibility.

The beeping of his omni-tool got his attention. "God, no", he murmured when he saw the caller-ID. His mother. Reluctantly, he went to the empty waiting room and answered the call.

_"Kaidan, what took you so – my God, what happened?"_ Ivy Alenko's cheerful tone changed to fearful concern when she saw her son.

"Is Jeremy around?" he asked. He didn't want his son to hear what had happened.

_"No, he's in the backyard with your father. What happened, Kaidan?"_ she repeated.

"Catherine was shot. She's … she's in surgery right now." His gaze dropped from the omni-tool to the floor when he fought to keep control of his voice. A fight he knew he couldn't win. When he looked at his mother again, he saw that her hand was clamped over her mouth, shock written all over her face. "I … Mom, I'm not sure if she's gonna make it. She lost a lot of blood. There … God, there was so much blood." To think it was one thing, but to actually say it out loud … Kaidan felt his eyes grow moist again. The sight of blood shouldn't faze him like this. He was a soldier. But ... damn it, right now, Catherine wasn't a fellow marine that got hit on duty but his wife.

_"Kaidan …"_ Ivy started, but she had no idea what to say. She knew that there were no words that could make her son feel better.

"Can the boys … could you keep them tonight? I … I don't know how long this surgery's going to take and I want to be here when they're finished. And … I don't know … I don't think I'd be able to function right now", he said, rubbing over his eyes with his free hand.

He saw his mother nodding._ "Of course. Do you need anything? I could send your father-"_

"Don't tell Jer what happened. Why he's staying over. Make something up. I ... I don't want him to know. I don't need anything. I … I'm okay. I think. I can't really think straight at the moment, Mom, sorry. Not until ...", he admitted, his eyes wandering to the doors that led to the surgery room.

_"I'll think of something. He's too young to hear something like that. And don't apologize. It's understandable. If you need anything at all, let me know, okay"_, she asked.

"I will. Thanks. Look, I … I gotta go. I don't ..." He really needed to get back in case anyone left the room and could tell him anything at all about Catherine's condition.

Ivy nodded. _"It's okay. Please, call me if you hear anything."_

"Yeah. Bye, Mom. And thanks." He ended the call and hurried back to the chair he had left earlier. He wouldn't move again until there was any word on Catherine's condition. Until they told him that she was going to make it.


	12. Wires

Hey everyone,

first of all, I'd like to thank you all for the reviews, especially Ms Sticha, who cracks me up with her idea of Shepard and Joker having a sibling-like relationship (I really love reading your stories!). Since the last chapter has marked a record review-wise, I guess I either did something very right or very wrong. However, I'd like to say that I'm _not_ almost done with this story. Sorry if I said something that gave off that impression :)

The chapter title refers to the song "Wires" by Athlete.

* * *

_You got wires going in  
You got wires coming out of your skin  
There's dry blood on your wrist  
Your dry blood on my fingertip  
Running down corridors, through automatic doors  
Got to get to you, got to see this through _

_- Athlete, "Wires"_

* * *

**3rd July 2192**

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since Catherine took a bullet for him and Kaidan still felt as helpless as he had when he stared at the doors of the surgery room, her blood covering his hands and clothes. Now he sat next to her bed, holding her hand and waiting for a sign that she was about to wake up. The words of the doctor still resonated in Kaidan's head, haunting him every waking moment and even in his dreams._ "We had to put her in an artificial coma."_

Three days ago, they had taken her off the meds that kept her in the artificial slumber, but she had yet to wake up. The doctors were concerned, claiming that they had no idea why she hadn't come out of the coma yet.

For Kaidan, it was hell on earth.

He spent hours at her side each day, hoping for something to change, for the slightest movement that indicated that she would be okay and smiling again soon. When he wasn't in the hospital, he was at home, taking care of Jeremy and Nathan. His parents were a big help, watching the boys while he was with Catherine and offering their support when he neared his breaking point like he had a couple of nights ago. Jeremy, usually a calm child, which Catherine claimed he definitely got from Kaidan, had thrown a temper tantrum.

"_I want to see Mommy!" the little boy screamed, his eyes bright with tears._

_Kaidan had told him before that he couldn't see Catherine. That she was sick and needed to rest. The same thing he always told Jeremy when his son asked about her. The truth was that Kaidan didn't want him to see Catherine like that. Jeremy only knew his mother vibrant with life. To see her pale and motionless in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines that monitored her health … no. Just no._

"_You can't, Jer. I told you, Mommy is very sick and …" Kaidan tried, but his voice failed him when he saw big tears running down his son's face._

"_But you see her every day! I want Mommy!" Jeremy wailed, hands balled to form small fists at his side._

_Kaidan hadn't thought it possible for his heart to break even more, but the sight in front of him shattered it into a million little pieces. He slowly shook his head, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. "I'm sorry, but no. Jeremy, please -"_

"_That's not fair! I hate you!" The little boy ran out of the living room, up the staircase and a few seconds later, Kaidan heard a door slam shut, followed by Nathan crying. _

"_I'll go", his mother offered and hurried to calm the baby down. No doubt she would check on Jeremy as soon as Nathan stopped screaming._

_Kaidan dragged himself over to the couch and slumped down, his elbows resting on his knees while he held his head in his hands. "God, Cathy, please come back to us … I can't do this", he whispered, rubbing a hand over his face in an attempt to keep the tears he felt stinging in his eyes at bay. He failed miserably. He felt a hand on his shoulder and raised his head, looking at his father as he sat down next to him. "I don't know how to deal with this. What am I supposed to do, Dad?" he asked._

"_Maybe you should take him to the hospital", Robert suggested._

_Kaidan shook his head. "No. He can't see her like this. She … she wouldn't want him to see her like this." His voice had grown hoarse when he uttered the last words. He was talking about her as if she had died._

"_But maybe -" Robert tried, but Kaidan cut him off._

"_No, Dad. Jeremy knows his mother laughing, joking, chasing him around the house. Seeing her comatose … I don't want to think about what that would do him. I'm just trying to protect him. He's still an innocent little kid, I … I won't take that away from him. Even if he hates me for it", he said._

_Robert squeezed his son's shoulder softly. "He doesn't even know what 'hate' really means. He just said that because he's upset and he misses Catherine."_

"_I know. Doesn't make hearing it any easier, though", Kaidan answered, his head hung low._

He shook his head, trying to ban the mental images. He didn't want to remember that situation. Kaidan's eyes were locked on Catherine's face. God, she was so pale. Sure, she always looked a bit pale next to him, but this … it was sickly pale, the color of her skin bearing an eery resemblance to the sheets of the hospital bed.

On the other hand, he didn't look too good these days, either. His usually neat hair stood out in some places because he kept running his hands through it. A seemingly permanent five o'clock shadow built a stark contrast against his unusually pale complexion, which was probably due to the fact that he didn't eat much these days – not exactly a healthy thing for a biotic to do. Catherine would give him hell for it if she knew. Dark circles under his eyes told the story of his lack of sleep. Every time he fell asleep, rather sooner than later his nightmares woke him up again. Sometimes he relived Catherine getting shot, other times his mind was even more cruel and showed him a funeral, Jeremy sobbing, holding his hand in a vise-like grip while Kaidan stared at the casket in front of him, his mother gently rocking Nathan next to him. No matter the scenario, it always did a damn good job keeping him awake, the images haunting him every time he closed his eyes.

The steady beeping of the machine monitoring her heartbeat filled the room, chasing the images away. At least she was breathing on her own by now. That had to count for something, right? However, that didn't mean that he knew what to tell people when they asked him how she was. He only knew what to say when he was asked if there were any news on the incident that put her here in the first place.

They had found the shooter. Or rather, the shooter had been brought to the Alliance. It had been a Batarian who had lost his family when the Bahak system was eradicated. He apparently wanted to take revenge and take a part of her family away from Catherine in return, to make her feel the same pain he felt. When he realized that he had shot the savior of the galaxy instead, he had fled to Omega. What he didn't expect – what nobody expected, really – was another Batarian getting his hands on him and delivering him to the Alliance. Bray, a merc working for Aria T'Loak, the self-proclaimed queen of Omega, had apparently taken a liking to Catherine when she had helped to take the hideout of the criminal scum of the galaxy back from Cerberus, and this was his way of showing it.

Catherine would most likely laugh at this turn of events, call it probably something along the lines of karma kicking the guy in the crown jewels. A Batarian turning in another Batarian for shooting a Human – that was the biggest case of irony Kaidan had ever witnessed.

He let go of Catherine's hand and crossed his arms on the mattress, resting his forehead on them for a moment. If only he could tell her all these things. Hear what she really had to say about it instead of speculating.

It still stung immensely to see her like this. Broken. Hurt. His wife, usually vibrant with energy and larger than life to most people because of all the things she had accomplished, laying there motionless, looking so small and fragile in that damn hospital bed that it broke his heart over and over again.

"Please, you have to wake up, Cathy … our boys need you. _I_ need you", he whispered, his head still resting on his arms where it stayed for the next few minutes.

He didn't notice the movement of her fingers. Neither did he notice the movement of her hand or her arm. However, his head shot up when he felt a hand touching his hair softly. Wide-eyed, he stared into the barely open eyes of his wife.

"Cathy?" he asked, almost cautious. Maybe this was just another cruel trick his mind played on him.

"Hey", she croaked. Her throat was dry and her voice sounded hoarse.

Kaidan took her hand in his again and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, then her fingertips, his eyes never losing contact with hers. He felt his heart leap when he saw a tiny smile appear on her lips. "I should get the doctors", he said, letting go of her hand, dreading the fact that he had to leave her for even just a second.

"Kai-" she started, but he put a finger on her lips.

"I'll be right back. I promise", he said. When he saw her nod slightly in acceptance, he hurried out of the room. The sooner the doctors took a look at her, the sooner he would be able to be with her again. He watched as they examined her, holding eye contact as much as possible. Once the doctors left, he sat by her side again, his chair as close to the bed as possible, holding her hand firmly in his.

"Kaidan … what … what happened?" She asked quietly. After drinking a few sips of water, her throat didn't feel like sandpaper anymore, but she still didn't trust her voice completely.

"You don't remember?" Concern was written all over his face.

"Not really", Catherine admitted. "I know that I was shot, I got that from the doctors, but … everything else is pretty fuzzy."

Kaidan took a deep breath. The doctors had told him that this could happen when she woke up. Disorientation and loss of memory of some sort were apparently pretty common for people when they woke from a coma. While the first one hadn't been a problem – Catherine had spent too much time in hospitals and medbays to _not_ recognize it – it looked like the second one was. It could also be that the shock of getting hit and thinking that she would die, which she definitely had, judging from her words two weeks ago, that had pushed the events to the back of her mind in an act of self-preservation.

"Kaidan?" she asked, squeezing his hand gently.

"Sorry, I spaced out there for a second", he brushed his lips over her knuckles again.

"Really? I hadn't noticed", Catherine said.

The response made Kaidan chuckle. Awake for less than an hour and at least mentally, she seemed to be her old self already. Or she was getting there at least. "Well … as you said, you were shot. We were leaving headquarters and talking about what to do with our free afternoon. You … you must have seen something because you suddenly pushed me away and then ..." he stopped, pressing his lips together.

"And then I was shot", she finished.

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah. I put up a barrier and got you to the medical wing of HQ as fast as possible. They took you into surgery immediately. You … god, Cathy, there was so much blood. The surgeon later told me that the bullet hit an artery. A few minutes later and they wouldn't have been able to ..." Thinking about it hurt, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words out loud. A few minutes later and they wouldn't have been able to save her. He took a deep breath. "They put you in an artificial coma to make sure you're body got the rest it needed to heal. Apparently, those implants you have sped the healing process up quite a bit, so you were taken off the meds three days ago. But why you didn't wake up … well, the docs had no idea. What took you so long, love?" He meant for the question to be lighthearted, but the desperation he had felt during those days seeped through.

Catherine moved her hand so she could lace her fingers through his. "I'm sorry. I … I never meant to put you through something like that … again." The last word was barely more than a whisper, added as she remembered Kaidan telling her about the time after the first Normandy went down or about the time after the Crucible when he didn't know whether she still lived or not.

"I know." Kaidan leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. "I missed you so much", he murmured once the kiss ended. He sat back in his chair a little. "I wasn't the only one. Jer … he's been asking about you every day. But I … I didn't bring him here. I thought that you probably wouldn't want him to see all this." He gestured towards the medical equipment that hadn't been removed from the room yet.

She nodded. "You did the right thing. He's way too young to have to deal with his mother getting shot."

"Yeah. Though he didn't see it that way. He threw a tantrum a few days ago. You would've been proud. It might be hidden, but there's definitely some of that Shepard stubbornness in him", Kaidan said, smiling when she raised an eyebrow slightly.

"And what about that Alenko stubbornness?" She asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about", he answered.

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Right. Must be my other husband that reminds me of a mule once he has his mind set on something. Sorry, my bad." She took a deep breath, regretting it instantly. Apparently, they had her on some lighter painkillers. Damn. "Anyway … do you know who did it?" It was a sudden change of topic, but she wanted to know.

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah. A Batarian who wanted revenge for the Bahak system." He squeezed her hand slightly when he saw her grimace. "He apparently lost his family. He intended to shoot me because he figured that it would hurt you the same way he was hurt. Or at least that's what he said when he was interrogated. But when he realized that he shot you instead of me, he fled to Omega. Seems you have a friend named Bray there?" He waited a moment and continued once he saw the recognition wash over Catherine's face. "That wannabe-assassin boasted that he shot you, Bray overheard it and delivered him on the Alliance's doorstep."

Catherine bit her bottom lip. Who would have thought that getting Omega back under Aria's control would pay off years later? Especially like this. "Guess I have to thank him. He's probably the only Batarian who doesn't want to see me dead, anyway."

"How about you get back on your feet first before you think about thanking him?" Kaidan suggested. The doctors wanted to keep her under their watch for a few more days, to make sure that everything was okay.

"Right", she said but couldn't help the sigh that came over her lips. "Hey … do you think you could bring the boys here tomorrow? I'll get the docs to remove as much of the monitors as possible, I don't want Jeremy to get scared, but … I just want to see them, you know?"

He nodded. "Sure. I'll bring them with me tomorrow." The smile on her face was worth the trouble of getting Jeremy to sit still during the ride in the skycar.

"Thanks. But … what you said about me getting on my feet earlier … what about you? Sorry to say it, but you look like hell, Kaidan", she commented, her eyes roaming over his face, concern etching lines into her features.

"The last two weeks have been pretty rough", he admitted. "But don't worry about me. It'll be okay. You're awake, that's making my life a whole lot easier."

Catherine let go of his hand and put her palm against his cheek. "You need to shave", she mumbled as soon as her skin came in contact with his. Her thumb stroked softly over his cheek, then the dark circle under his eye. "And … when was the last time you ate something or had a good night's sleep? You're pale, Kaidan. And with you, that says something."

He turned his head, his lips pressing a soft kiss to her palm before he spoke. He could see that she was getting tired again, even if she was fighting it in order to talk to him. "Like I said, don't worry about me. I'm okay now. I'll get something to eat later. As for the good night's sleep thing … I guess I won't get that until you're next to me again."

"I'll just have to hurry up with getting better, then. Or harass the doctors so much that they kick me out of here", she said, relaxing slightly when she saw the hint of a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. Just a few more days, then she would be able to look after him again the same way he looked after her. Kaidan filled her in on some of the things that had happened over the past two weeks, but Catherine couldn't bring herself to really listen to the words he said, the comforting rumble of his voice slowly lulling her to sleep, the hint of a smile on her face.

Kaidan kissed her lips softly before he left the room, the first time smiling. He had to call his parents.


	13. Temple of Thought

Hey everyone,

just a quick thanks to everyone who's reading and following this story. And of course thanks to Ms Sticha and radiogirl79 (who's story "First" is amazing!) for the feedback. I always appreciate to know what you think :)

The chapter title refers to the song "Temple of Thought" by Poets of the Fall that I had playing on loop while I wrote this part.

* * *

_So when you're restless,  
I will calm the ocean for you  
In your sorrow, I will dry your tears  
When you need me, I will be the love beside you  
I'll take away all your fears  
_

_- Poets of the Fall, "Temple of Thought"_

* * *

**10th July 2192**

A week after waking up, Catherine was allowed to go home. Or rather, she had insisted to go home, claiming that Kaidan would take her to the hospital the second he thought something was wrong, anyway. After signing what seemed to be a million forms, they were back in her room and she watched Kaidan pack up her things while she sat on the bed. He wouldn't even allow her to move some clothes … yeah, the next few days, or, knowing him, weeks were going to be _so_ much fun.

She took in his appearance while he worked. He looked slightly better than he had a week ago. He had shaved, his hair was back to normal and he wasn't as pale anymore. However, the dark circles under his eyes remained, indicating that he still wasn't sleeping. Hopefully that would change now.

"Ready to go home?" He asked, bringing her out of her thoughts. Once he had her attention, he leaned in to kiss her softly.

After the kiss ended, Catherine nodded with a small smile. "You have no idea _how_ ready. I've never been a big fan of hospitals", she said.

"I know. Let's get out of here." Kaidan had double-timed it when packing her things, more than eager to leave this place and all the memories it held.

Catherine slid off the bed and smiled when he wrapped his arm around her waist. "Let's go, then. I want to see my boys." Kaidan had left them at home, his parents watching them. He knew that bringing Jeremy and Nathan would only on the one hand mean that it would take significantly longer to get his wife home and on the other hand … maybe it was selfish, but he wanted a few minutes alone with her.

On the ride home, Kaidan watched her out of the corner of his eye, grinning when he noticed her bouncing slightly in her seat in the skycar. It reminded him of Jeremy when he had taken the boy to see his mother after she had woken up. Her enthusiasm had rubbed off on the boy, no doubt. But he wouldn't want it any other way.

The second they stepped into the living room, an excited shriek of "MOMMY!" resonated and Jeremy ran towards his mother. She barely had the time to crouch down to her son's level when he all but crashed into her, knocking her down in the process. Kaidan could do nothing but watch as Catherine landed on her ass unceremoniously, laughing, her arms wrapped tightly around Jeremy.

"Careful, Jer. Just because Mommy's home doesn't mean that she's fine now", Kaidan warned softly, his eyes searching Catherine for a sign that she hurt.

She rolled her eyes. "I _am_ fine, Kaidan. It's not like Grunt headbutted me or something." She pressed a brief kiss to Jeremy's hair. "Hey sweetheart", she finally greeted, grinning at her son.

He looked at her, his brown eyes big with worry at his father's words. "Did I hurt you?" he asked quietly as he climbed into her lap.

Catherine shook her head, a reassuring smile on her face. "No, you didn't. I'm okay." She looked at Kaidan briefly, her gaze clearly saying 'good job, Dad', before directing her attention back to the boy that now wrapped his arms tightly around her, his face buried in the crook of her neck. "I'm home, sweetheart. Everything's going to be okay. I promise", she whispered in his hair, a hand rubbing soothing circles on his back while he clung to her.

"Not even home for five minutes and it seems that you already have your hands full again", a male voice said. Catherine looked up to see her father-in-law standing near the window, arms crossed in front of his chest, smiling.

"Yeah. I'd hug you, but I'm a bit preoccupied, sorry", she answered. "Come on, Jer, we should get up. The couch is more comfortable than the floor", Catherine said. Reluctantly, he let go of her and allowed her to get up, grabbing her hand the second she was on her feet. Her heart broke a bit at the small gesture that made it painfully obvious what her son had been through, even if Kaidan hadn't brought him to the hospital when she hadn't been awake. Sure, Kaidan had told her about the tantrum Jeremy had thrown, about her little boy crying because he wasn't allowed to see her, about bad dreams haunting him … but to have him cling to her, refusing to let go for even a second, the need to touch her, that was what really hit Catherine. She walked over to Robert and hugged him with her free arm.

"You gave us a pretty good scare", he mumbled when he wrapped his arms around her.

"Not my intention, believe me", she answered. "Thanks for helping Kaidan with the boys … and for taking care of him, too." Kaidan had been reluctant to tell her about himself, but from the little side remarks he made, she could tell that his parents had not only helped him with Jeremy and Nathan but had also helped him to get by.

"Just don't get shot again", the former Alliance officer said, making her chuckle.

"Aye aye, sir." She grinned at him when she let go and turned around when she heard a soft cooing noise.

Ivy Alenko had come down the stairs, Nathan in her arms.

"Come on, buddy, let your mom say hi to your brother and your grandma", Robert told Jeremy and took his hand.

The boy looked at her as if she might vanish the second he let go of her. He still kept his eyes on her when she crossed the room.

"I think this one belongs to you", Ivy said as Catherine approached her and looked at Nathan.

"And I think you're right", the younger woman answered, a smile on her face.

Ivy shifted Nathan so she could hug Catherine. "Don't do something like that ever again", she said under her breath.

"You would have done the same for Robert, don't you think?" Catherine answered before pulling back. She saw her mother-in-law's eyes move over to her husband. Ivy nodded slightly without saying a word. "Now, Mom … you have something that belongs to me?" She reminded Ivy and smiled at her son. The older woman had demanded that Catherine called her 'mom' after the wedding.

"Cathy, you shouldn't -" Kaidan started when she reached out to take Nathan.

She shot him a look over her shoulder that shut him up. "Oh no, you don't, Kaidan. If you try to get in the way of me holding my son, you're on the couch for the next couple of weeks. So choose your next words wisely", she threatened but didn't wait for an answer. Catherine took her son from her mother-in-law and kissed Nathan's forehead. In the corner of her eye, she saw her mother-in-law bite her lower lip and shake in silent laughter at the disbelieving look on her son's face. "Hey baby", she whispered in Nathan's ear, "Mommy's home."

Kaidan sighed. "Sit down at least. Please, love, you have to take it slow." He wanted to keep her safe, to make sure that she didn't overexert herself. In her joy to be home and with their kids, she seemed to forget that _to take things slow _was one of the conditions so she could leave the hospital in the first place.

The concern was written all over his face and Catherine felt slightly bad for teasing him. He was just looking out for her, she knew that. "Okay, okay. I'll sit down. Wouldn't want to cause any more gray hair", she agreed and moved to the sofa. The second she sank in the soft cushions, Jeremy was next to her, snuggling into her as best as he could.

…

Several hours later, Catherine was fast asleep in Kaidan's arms, her head resting on his chest. Earlier, she had been the one to tuck Jeremy in. It had taken a new record of six and a half bedtime stories until he finally lost the battle he was fighting to stay awake. He had stayed close to her the rest of the day, making sure that she wouldn't just leave again. So of course it had to be her who tucked him in.

When she entered Kaidan's and her bedroom, he was already waiting for her. With his help - and she didn't mind it this time at all - she changed into one of his t-shirts and crawled under the covers with him. He pulled her close, the need to touch her apparently just as strong with him as it had been with Jeremy. She complied happily, snuggling into his embrace, resting her head on his chest to listen to his slow, steady heartbeat while her arm lay across his stomach and their legs were tangled together. Before she knew it, sleep claimed her.

It was Kaidan's voice that woke her up. She glanced at the alarm clock on her nightstand. Not even two hours had passed. Catherine raised her head slightly, her eyes still heavy with sleep.

"No … Cathy, please, no … don't leave me … I can't lose you", he murmured in his sleep, his head moving restless from one side to the other.

Suddenly, Catherine was wide awake. His words sent her blood pumping through her veins as she tried to move to wake him up, but Kaidan's grip tightened.

"Kaidan, wake up, please", she said, her hand stroking his cheek softly. "Come on, wake up", she tried again, but Kaidan continued to mumble. She stretched as much as she could and placed a brief kiss on his lips. "Wake up, Kaidan. It's just a dream. It's just a nightmare." Her hand remained on his cheek. She let go of the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding when his eyes fluttered open, frantically trying to see something in the dark room, only dimly lit by the moon. "Hey there", Catherine said softly, trying to get his attention.

When his gaze focused on her, he suddenly put his hands on her cheeks and crushed his lips to hers with bruising force. He used their tangled legs to his advantage and flipped them over, his weight pushing her into the mattress. There was nothing soft or caring about the kiss. It was desperate. As if he needed confirmation that she was really there, she realized. Her hand moved to the back of his head, entwining in his dark hair, pulling him closer. She had no idea what kind of dream had been haunting her husband, but if this was what would help him to calm down, she wouldn't push him away. His lips left hers and moved on to her neck, leaving a tingling trail behind.

"Kaidan." His name came over her lips as a whisper when he gently bit down on her neck, marking her. However, it got his attention.

He stopped and raised his head, looking at her wide-eyed as realization of what just happened washed over him. "I … I'm sorry", he mumbled and gently kissed the spot on her neck that had started to turn slightly red. He then kissed her lips again, softly this time, an unspoken apology for his earlier assault. Kaidan leaned his forehead against hers, balancing his weight on his arms, both of them trying to catch their breath.

"What the hell was that?" Catherine asked, still panting.

Kaidan closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. "I'm sorry, Cathy. It … it was just a nightmare, don't worry about it."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. I'll stop worrying as soon as Hanar stop referring to themselves as 'this one'." Her hand moved from his cheek to his neck and then rested over his heart – his rapidly beating heart, as she noted. "Wanna tell me about it?"

Kaidan opened his eyes again, shaking his head. "It's okay. Those dreams will go away soon."

"Tell me, Kaidan. I know how cruel nightmares can be when you have to deal with them on your own. Please, just tell me", she demanded. Of course she knew. Nightmares had kept her awake during the war almost every time she had tried to sleep. It had gotten better once Kaidan was with her, holding her and calming her with his presence, but even now, years later, she sometimes woke with a start, seeing that boy burning in front of her.

"Love, I'm okay. It's not a big deal. Really", he said.

She sighed. "Okay, let me put it differently so my pigheaded husband gets it. I won't stop pestering you until you tell me. Which means that if you're not sleeping, I'm not sleeping, either. We'll both be tired tomorrow and every day following until you tell me what's bothering you. So you could safe us a lot of trouble and just spill. We're in this together, Kaidan. Remember? We promised each other something about through the good times and the bad times and all that."

He closed his eyes in defeat. She knew which buttons to push, he had to give it to her. She knew that his concern for her would make him talk. "I keep having nightmares about losing you again", he finally admitted. "At first, I kept dreaming about you getting shot. By now, it's either that or a funeral, the moment I realized you hadn't made it off the SR1 or saying goodbye to you in London after you called in that evac."

"Kaidan ..." she whispered, her blue eyes filled with sadness. She pressed her body closer to his, the only comfort she could offer. "You won't lose me again. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"That's the problem, Cathy. You can't promise me that." There was a resignation in his voice that she didn't like at all.

"Oh? Well, watch me. I swear, _you won't lose me_ _again_." She looked into his eyes as she spoke, holding his gaze.

"It was so close, baby. Too close. But … what scared me the most was that you gave up", he murmured.

"What? What are you talking about?" She was so confused by his words that she didn't even notice him calling her 'baby', something she hated with a passion, she had made that clear early on in their relationship.

"I can't forget what you said to me that day. That you're sorry. To take care of the boys. That you love me. You didn't believe you would survive. You gave up, Cathy", his voice grew hoarse at the end and he looked away, unable to hold her gaze any longer.

It didn't happen often that Catherine was at a loss for words, but right now, she didn't know what to say. Because he was right. She didn't think that she would live. She had felt her life slipping away from her. Her thoughts must have shown on her face because the next thing she knew, Kaidan rolled over, laying on his back. Catherine turned around and saw him staring at the ceiling. "I'm sorry."

Kaidan closed his eyes and took a deep breath before staring at the ceiling again. He couldn't look at her, not when she hadn't told him that he was wrong. Not when she had admitted that he was right without saying it but by apologizing.

Catherine moved closer, cautious when she felt him stiffen the second her hand touched his chest. She ignored it, resting her hand over his heart while pressing her body closer to his. "I'm sorry", she repeated. When he didn't react, she dragged her hand from his chest to his cheek, forcing him gently to look at her. "Kaidan. Please. I … I don't know what else to say. You're right. But … I didn't … I didn't realize that that's what happened. I just … back there, when I was shot, I knew it was bad. In the field, you never let your guard slip. You never let your concern show. But a few weeks ago? I looked at you and everything you felt showed on your face. Concern, fear, you name it, it was there. That's when I knew it was really bad. And … I felt … God, you probably don't want to hear it, but I felt the same way I did when I was spaced. I felt my life slipping away. Fast. I … I just … I didn't think, okay? I just wanted to … I don't know. Tell you that I love you one more time. I was just … glad that it was me and not you. That you were going to be okay." She didn't realize that tears had started to roll down her cheeks. Only when Kaidan raised his hand to wipe them away did she notice the tears that had dropped on his chest.

"Only that I wasn't. God, Cathy, for someone as smart as you, you're really dense sometimes. It would be funny if the circumstances were different. Thinking about what you said, I had this voice in my head, telling me that you didn't _want_ to fight. I knew that it was ridiculous, that you wouldn't leave the boys if you could help it, but … it was still there. Damn it, I came so close to losing you again. I just can't. How am I supposed to be okay without you? I could never be okay without you." His arms had moved around her and he pulled her close again, the last words mumbled as he buried his face in her hair.

"You'll never have to find out. I promise. I love you, Kaidan. I never meant to scare you and ... and I certainly never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry." She closed her eyes again and rested her head on his shoulder, her arm laying across his stomach again. She couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped her when she felt the kiss he placed on top of her head. A few minutes passed, their breathing the only sound in the otherwise quiet room while they took comfort in each others presence. "Are we okay?" Catherine finally asked, her voice muffled as her lips brushed against his skin as she spoke. She needed to know. That he understood. And that he forgave her. It had been unconsciously, but she had hurt him. Had made him think that she didn't want to fight for her life.

"We're okay." His hand moved over her back slowly, tracing the edges of the bandage that covered her injury through the shirt she wore. She was alive and in his arms. In the end, that was all that mattered. "We're okay." Suddenly, he remembered something else. "Are _you_ okay? I mean, I wasn't exactly careful earlier and …" He stopped when he heard and felt her chuckle in his embrace.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it", she said, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder.

"Really? You're not hurting or anything? Should I take a look at your bandage? I-" whatever he wanted to say was muffled when Catherine stretched and covered his mouth with hers.

When she broke the kiss, she smiled. "I'm fine. I'm not hurting and you don't need the excuse to take a look at the bandage to get me out of this shirt." Her smile had turned teasing while she spoke and she relaxed when she saw him roll his eyes. "Besides. We're in bed. Our very soft, very comfortable bed. You couldn't have hurt me even if you tried. I might have something similar to a hickey tomorrow, though", she remarked and turned her head slightly so he could see the damage he had done.

Kaidan kissed the spot again, repeating his earlier action. "Sorry for that. I lost control there for a moment."

"You know, I think I like it when you lose control like that. But I'm already wearing your ring, you don't have to leave your mark to claim your territory", she said, laughing when he groaned at her words. Suddenly, Catherine frowned. "Hey … did you call me 'baby' earlier?"

Kaidan's eyes widened slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about." He quickly pulled her down for a kiss, relieved when she gave in – after chuckling against his lips. He knew that eventually, she would have a thing or two to say about his slip-up. But for now, he was safe.


	14. Long Way from Home

Just a quick thanks to dragonlorerd6 for the feedback - and of course to everyone who's reading and following and adding this to their favorites.

The chapter title refers to the song "Long Way from Home" by The Heavy that (in my opinion at least) fits nicely.

* * *

_Tongue tied on the telephone line  
You got the words to help me ease up my mind  
No one love me like the way that you love me so  
I got to tell you from the tip of my tongue  
Cause I know where I'll find you, I know just where you lie  
Always deep in my heart, you're by my side  
I know it's hard when I'm a long way from home  
With so much pressure on my bones  
I'm such a long way from home but I'll be back soon  
_

_- The Heavy, "Long Way From Home"_

* * *

**15th November 2192**

Catherine couldn't remember the last time she had been this tired. Little sleep the night before because Nathan kept her awake, chasing Jeremy around the house the entire day while keeping her other son entertained as well when he wasn't sleeping … and Kaidan nowhere in sight. He had been called to London for the setup of a school for biotic children. Or rather: he was called to London to check if everything was happening according to the plans that had been made in Vancouver. After London, he was off to other big cities all over Europe. The trip would take up two weeks in total, at least if everything went according to plan.

It had only been two days and Catherine wanted him back. Not because she missed him. Well, of course she did, but that was not the point. She wanted him back because she needed him. Jeremy was a ball of energy, he kept running around the house all day, nearly bouncing off the walls. And Nathan had grown restless since Kaidan left. Somehow, the little boy seemed to notice that something was off.

Finally, she had gotten both of them to settle down for the night, even if she feared that the peace wouldn't last long in regard to Nathan. She had changed into one of Kaidan's sweaters for the night before going back downstairs where she grabbed a beer - one of Kaidan's lagers, the taste offering a little comfort - out of the fridge and settled down on the couch to watch a vid. Several minutes later, she made the mistake to lie down. Catherine was out cold the second her head hit the sofa cushion.

She woke up from a beeping close-by. Groaning, the first human Spectre opened her eyes to realize that the sound came from her omni-tool to alert her of an incoming call. Every colorful word she had thought of left her mind when she saw the call-ID.

"Come home. Please", she said the second she answered the call.

Kaidan chuckled. "Hey, love." He took in her appearance. Slightly mussed hair, eyes halfway closed. Confused, he looked at the time. While for him, it was early in the morning, it wasn't that late back home. "Everything okay?"

Catherine sighed. "Just tired. So fucking tired", she mumbled. "Nathan kept me up all night. I got maybe three hours of sleep – tops. And Jeremy is running around the house as if someone outfitted him with new heavy duty energy cells or he had nothing to eat but sugar."

"Tell Jer to take it easy until I get home." He dragged a hand through his hair, causing another, this time wistful, sigh to spill over his wife's lips. God, how much she wanted to run her hands through his hair right now. "You have no idea how good it is to see you and to hear your voice", he added.

She smiled. "Kaidan, it's been only a few hours since we last talked. You called before you went to bed."

Kaidan shook his head. "No. _We_ didn't talk. Jeremy talked. And talked. And talked. You barely got three words in before I had to go. You didn't even mention the lack of sleep because you didn't get the chance to speak. Jeremy's in bed now, though, right? We won't get interrupted? I won't get another story about that toy gun Vega gave him? I mean, don't get me wrong, I adore our son, but … damn it, I wanna talk to you, too."

His words brought a smile to Catherine's face. "He's asleep. Nathan, too. Though I'm not sure it's gonna stay that way long. Not after last night. And remind me to kill James the next time I see him. I swear, that gun makes more noise than any Banshee we ever encountered while fighting the Reapers." She had really contemplated taking the energy cells out of the damned thing, but when she imagined the puppy look on Jeremy's face, she couldn't bring herself to actually go through with it. However, that wouldn't stop her to give Vega an earful the next time he decided to show up on her doorstep to give her son another instrument of torture.

"Good. So … what are you wearing?" He asked, satisfied when he heard her laughing.

"You know, that line would have been a lot more sexy and a lot less dumb if you couldn't actually see me", she informed him, still chuckling.

Kaidan smiled when he saw her lie back down. "Okay, another suggestion then. You look exhausted. So how about you go upstairs, lie down in bed and I'll talk to you until you fall asleep."

"You just want to watch while I get changed", she accused him teasingly, the words out of her mouth before she realized what she just said. Catherine fought the urge to slap her forehead. Stupid. She blamed her tired brain.

He rolled his eyes. Of course he had recognized the sweater she wore. It was one of his, a habit she had adopted after their date on the Citadel - after Kaidan had returned to the Normandy during the war. And like he always did, Kaidan felt a sense of satisfaction wash over him at the sight. He didn't know what it was, but the fact that she wore his shirt or in this case his sweater to sleep in did strange things to him. In the beginning, he thought it was just the fact that she felt so comfortable around him that she didn't think about it when she grabbed one of his shirts, way too big on her slim body. Now ... now, it was yet another sign that she was his. She'd probably call him a caveman if he uttered the words out loud, so he opted for something different. "Love, I recognize the sweater you're wearing. It's one of mine. Which means I won't get to watch you change because you already did. Pity, but a fact."

"Okay, you got me there. And you know what? I'm gonna take you up on that suggestion." She stood up and stretched her back, the move reminding Kaidan of a cat. "How is everything going in London?" she asked while she walked up the staircase.

"They really paid attention to the outlines they were given. Thank God, because that means less work for me here", he answered.

"Does that mean you can shave some time off that trip?" The hope that bubbled up inside her died when she saw him shake his head.

"Not really. There's still a lot to do." There was nothing he wanted more than to go home early, but he didn't see it happening.

She had reached the bedroom and closed the door behind her. "Damn. I really miss you", she said when she crawled under the covers.

He watched wistfully as she buried her head in his pillow, the gesture making him miss her even more. The things she did to him without even realizing it. "I miss you, too. You have no idea how much I want to hold right now." It was true. All he wanted was to wrap his arms around her and never let her go again. He was only gone for two days, but it already felt like two months.

"Not making this any easier", she remarked as she took a deep breath. The pillow still smelt like him and the sensation of feeling at home overtook her senses.

"Sorry", he said. She was right. Imagining to be able to hold her didn't help. In fact, it made things worse.

"You'll have to make it up to me when you get home", Catherine demanded.

"Gladly. I'm not letting go of you once I get the chance to hold you again", he promised, voicing his earlier thought, smiling when he saw a grin tug at the corner of her mouth.

"I can't wait", she mumbled.

Kaidan could tell that she was struggling to stay awake. Her fatigue plus the comfort of their bed combined were pulling her under. "Same here. I think that, when I get home, we need to ask my parents to babysit for a night. I need some time alone with you."

"Making plans already? I like it", she said, closing her eyes for a moment. The warmth of the bed and the pillow still carrying Kaidan's scent really made staying awake hard. The fact that his smooth, smoky voice washed over her in comforting waves didn't help, either.

"I could cook for you. Then we could curl up on the sofa with a nice fire crackling in the fireplace, drink wine, watch a vid." Yeah, saying something like that _really_ didn't make it any easier that he couldn't be with her right now.

"Sounds good. Or we could make out on the couch like horny teenagers", she suggested, eyes still closed, a sleepy smile on her lips.

"I wasn't finished yet, but have it your way", he replied, chuckling. While he told her what else they could do, he watched as her breathing evened out. "Cathy?" he asked softly after a few minutes. She was asleep. Kaidan smiled. "Sleep well. I love you." The smile seemed to take root when he heard her mumble "Love you, too" in her sleep. The next twelve days couldn't go by fast enough.


	15. Across the Universe

Just a quick thanks to Ortholeine for the feedback - it's great to hear (or read, you know what I mean) that I had a small part in showing a different side of Kaidan's character to you.  
Now, again a small reminder that feedback is always greatly appreciated. As for the next chapter (not this one), you can look forward to drunk Kaidan. But, enough teasing. You'll see in a couple of days, anyway.

This chapter's title refers to the song "Across the Universe" by The Beatles.

* * *

_Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes  
That call me on and on across the universe  
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box  
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe  
Nothing's gonna change my world  
_

_- The Beatles, "Across the Universe"_

* * *

**28th November 2192**

Home. Finally. The past two weeks had felt like years for Kaidan. He had never been separated from his wife and kids that long before. Her time in the hospital didn't count. The trip had been more or less successful, at least. Some places needed more improvement than others and he had written reports on every single facility he visited, telling them what to do and who to coordinate it with. It had been exhausting, moving from one place to another all over Europe, but it needed to be done. So he fulfilled his duty like it was expected of him. Still, it didn't mean that he liked to spent time away from his family.

Kaidan looked around the spaceport that was also used for shuttle transport, but he didn't spot Catherine who had told him that she'd come to pick him up when they last spoke. Meanwhile, Jeremy had bounced on his mother's lap excitedly while they talked and had promised to come, as well. Now the only question was: where were they? Kaidan spotted a flower shop nearby and smiled as an idea popped into his head. A few minutes later, he was still waiting for his wife, now with a single red rose in his hand. He knew that she would understand the implication.

"Kaidan Alenko? Is that you?"

He turned when he heard a female voice to his right. A dark haired woman stood there, looking oddly familiar … but he couldn't place a name with the face to save his life. "Yeah, that's me. Sorry, Miss …?" he looked at her expectantly.

The smile on the woman's face grew a bit strained for a second, but then brightened again. "It's me, Rahna. From BAaT?"

Kaidan didn't know what to say. Almost ten years ago, he had told Catherine about the girl who broke his heart and now … now he didn't recognize her when she stood right in front of him. True, more than twenty years had passed since he had last seen her, but still. "I'm … God, I'm sorry, Rahna. It's been so long and-"

She waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. Like you said, it's been a long time. I only recognized you because of all the news segments on the Normandy crew during the war. That Diana Allers sure knew how to get people to watch her broadcasts." Of course she had seen the reports, thinking again and again that she had been stupid as a teenager to let him go. She would have most likely acted differently, had she known what kind of man Kaidan would become. Thank God she had changed and wasn't that stupid, naive girl anymore. Maybe there was a chance to correct her mistake. He was here alone, after all, and he had fallen for her once, she was sure that she could make it happen again, deliberately this time. Rahna could already see herself attending Alliance fundraisers with him.

He rubbed his neck, a little embarrassed as he remembered the few interviews he had given Allers. He still didn't envy Catherine who had to deal with the reporter a lot more than he did. "I guess. What are you doing here in Vancouver?" Kaidan asked, changing the subject, still surprised. Rahna was probably the very last person he expected to see here.

"It's just a stop-over to change shuttles. I'm on my way to Mars, well, Lowell City to be exact. Take care of some business for my father", she explained, a smile on her face that had made men make fall at her feet in the past. However, it didn't seem to have the same effect on Kaidan, she noticed, unhappy about the fact.

He barely paid attention to her as his eyes scanned the area once more, looking for any sign of Catherine.

"So, Kaidan, how have you been since the war ended?" Rahna asked, trying to get his attention.

He was about to answer when a shout interrupted him.

"Daddy!"

Kaidan turned around to see Jeremy running towards him full speed. He dropped to his knees to catch the boy as he launched himself into his arms. "Hey buddy. I missed you so much", he said, hugging him close. "Jeremy … where's your mom?"

"She's sooooo slow because she's carrying Nathan!" Jeremy complained.

Kaidan chuckled. So his son had took off the second he had seen him. "You remember what I said about running away, don't you?"

"Oh, he remembers alright, he just chooses to ignore it", Catherine answered for her son. "Hey, stranger", she greeted Kaidan, a grin on her lips and her blue eyes twinkling happily.

He looked up and smiled at her, soaking in the sight of her and Nathan while he still hugged his older son tightly. He finally let go of Jeremy and got back up before wrapping his arms around her. "Hey, love", he whispered in her ear before kissing her. He completely forgot about anything except her until Jeremy tugged at the leg of his dress blues, successfully separating his parents.

"Daddy, who is that woman?" the boy asked, looking at the woman he had never seen before.

Kaidan's eyes widened slightly as he let go of Catherine. Rahna. She had completely left his mind the second Jeremy came running towards him. "Uhm … that's an old friend of mine, Rahna."

"I knew your daddy a long time ago", Rahna agreed, though her eyes never left the woman holding a toddler.

Catherine looked at him, an eyebrow raised slightly in a silent question he answered with a barely noticeable nod. She smiled at the dark haired woman. However, alarm bells started ringing in her head when she saw that the smile on Rahna's face was as fake as hair on a Hanar.

Kaidan remained oblivious. "This is my wife Catherine and that are Jeremy and Nathan", he introduced his family, pointing towards his boys before pressing a brief kiss on Nathan's head to which the toddler responded with a few noises caught somewhere between cooing and baby talk.

"It's nice to see that you found a woman after the war", Rahna said, the smile on her face becoming painful as she lied through her teeth. So much for setting a mistake made in the past right. But maybe she could at least show Kaidan what he was missing because he was with that blonde.

"Not exactly after the war. It's _Major_ Catherine Alenko. Although most people probably still know me as _Commander Shepard_", Catherine introduced herself, emphasizing first her rank, then her old name. Apparently, the woman from Kaidan's past hadn't recognized her. Sure, she looked different than on any news reports during the war: She was wearing civilian clothing, her hair was a lot longer and, hell, she held a toddler and not an assault rifle. But, fuck, she was still the same woman. The same soldier. Even if she didn't fight anymore on battlefields all over the galaxy.

It didn't show on Kaidan's face, but he was confused by Catherine's behavior. Usually, she kept things quiet when people didn't recognize her. She was actually grateful when people had no idea who she was because she hated the fuss they tended to make after realizing that the woman who had defeated the Reapers was standing in front of them. So what made this different?

"Commander Shepard?" Rahna asked, genuine surprise taking over her face. _That_ woman was supposed to be the savior of the galaxy? She looked different than she had during and after the war. Probably because she wasn't wearing armor or had blood and Reaper-bits in her hair. To Rahna's chagrin, she still looked good. After fighting in a war, almost dying if the news had been right ... and after two pregnancies, that damned woman still looked good. It was slight blow to Rahna's ego and put a harsh dampener in her plans to show Kaidan what he was missing. The woman she had wanted to outshine wasn't just a ditzy blonde that fell for a war hero ... damn it. Outshining Commander Shepard probably wasn't even possible.

Catherine nodded. "Yes. But like I said, it's Major Alenko now", she said, dropping her last name again. Maybe it was childish, but something about the dark haired woman rubbed her the wrong way and she felt the need to stake her claim. She moved Nathan from her left hip to the right and then brushed a strand of her long blond hair behind her ear, moving deliberately slow so Rahna could see her wedding ring. Catherine then looked at Kaidan and noticed the red rose in his hand. "What's that? Want me to hurt myself again?" She asked, a grin on her lips. She remembered the evening when she had found a single red rose in their bedroom fondly now. It had been a vanguard of all the things awaiting her.

"Only if you let me take care of your injury again", Kaidan replied and handed her flower, receiving not just a peck but a lingering kiss in return. Suddenly, he knew what she was doing. She was claiming her territory. He couldn't help but smile against her lips. And she called him a caveman when he did the same when she caught the eye of someone.

"Daddy, can we go home? I want to show you the toys grandpa got me!" Jeremy exclaimed. He was getting bored, quickly at that. He wanted to go home to show his daddy his newest toys and to play with him.

"New toys?" Kaidan asked Catherine.

"Models of a Mako and a Hammerhead. Don't ask me where your dad got them, but Jeremy loves them. And dad too, I guess, because he spent quite a few hours playing with Jeremy the last two weeks", she explained, chuckling at the memory of them chasing around the living room with the toys.

Rahna cleared her throat. "Well, it's been nice to see you again, but I've got a shuttle to catch", she said, her words directed at Kaidan. She renewed the fake smile on her lips when she looked at Catherine. "It was … nice meeting you", she claimed, the small pause not going unnoticed by the other woman.

"It was nice meeting you, as well", Catherine replied, an equally fake smile on her lips.

Kaidan recognized it. It was the same smile she had forced herself to put up when dealing with Udina. At least in the beginning. "It was good to see you again, Rahna. Sorry for the chaos, but ..." he trailed off, not sorry at all. He loved the chaos that came with having a four-year-old.

"Don't worry about it. Bye, Kaidan", she said before leaving, making it seem like she was in a hurry.

Kaidan directed his attention back to Catherine, a knowing look on his face as he wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her slightly closer. "Don't think that I don't know what you were doing."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "I was just making myself clear, that's all", she defended her actions before stealing a quick kiss from him.

"Can we go now?" Jeremy asked again, almost whining.

Kaidan laughed and let go of Catherine, grabbing his bag in one hand and Jeremy's smaller hand in the other. "Let's go home."

When the boys were seated in the skycar a few minutes later, Catherine rounded the car and wrapped her arms around Kaidan's shoulders. Surprised, his arms moved around her waist almost on autopilot. One of her hands tangled in his hair as she pulled him down for a kiss that made him wish they were already at home and it was a few hours later, the boys asleep. "Welcome home", she mumbled against his lips once the kiss ended. "Although … you'll get your real welcome tonight when the boys are in bed."

"Promises, promises", he accused her, a smirk on his lips.

"You know that I always make good of my promises", she replied, playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck.

"That you do, Misses Alenko. That you do." Another kiss later, they pulled away and got into the car. Kaidan really wanted to get going. He had a few things to look forward to, one being playing with his son and then there were the plans he had just made with Catherine. It was good to be home.


	16. Life in a Beautiful Light

Thanks to CyanB, Trishata96, Ms Sticha and a sadly unnamed guest for the reviews! It's always a huge boost to read your thoughts and makes my muse work overtime :) And of course a big thanks to tag58 for beta-reading this chapter!  
As promised last time, this chapter contains drunk Kaidan. I hope you have fun reading it, because I certainly did while writing this little piece. Let me know what you think.

The chapter title refers to the song "Life in a Beautiful Light" by Amy Macdonald.

* * *

_How do I know when I've found my one and only and these days of searching are through?  
How do I know when you love me as much as I love you?  
How do you know when your life, your life is complete?  
When the butterflies in your stomach sweep you of your feet  
'Cause the stars in my eyes, well they twinkle when I see your face  
And the butterflies keep flying, flying all over the place  
And the dark and grey, well it fits with the black and white  
And all I see is life, life in a beautiful light  
_

_- Amy Macdonald, "Life in a Beautiful Light"_

* * *

**21st December 2192**

Catherine thought that there was nothing better than to sit in front of a wood fire, wrapped in a blanket, a cup of hot chocolate – even though it was almost gone - in hand and to watch her favorite Christmas vid from the twenty-first century: Die Hard. Sure, it wasn't a Christmas vid per se … well, not at all, if she was being completely honest, but it took place around Christmas. That was good enough for her. There was just one thing missing to make her current set-up perfect: Kaidan.

James had stopped by a few hours ago to them out for drinks as a belated birthday celebration for Kaidan. But, James being James, he had just shown up on their doorstep and not called earlier, so they hadn't been able to find a babysitter on such short notice. Catherine stayed at home with the boys after almost physically shoving the men out the front door.

"_Are you sure? We can always stay here and have a few drinks", Kaidan offered. He didn't want her to feel left out just because they couldn't find a babysitter._

"_Kaidan, go. I'm sure. I'll watch a vid or two and call it an early night. Probably the best thing to do anyway, we both know that Nathan's bound to wake up sometime during the night", she answered, a reassuring smile on her face. He really worried too much._

"_Really, Lola? He's right, we can stay here", James agreed._

"_Vega, shut up", she said, before looking at Kaidan again. "Go out, have fun. Please. It's really okay." _

"_But-" he started but was stopped when Catherine kissed him._

"_We'll still be here when you get back. Now get your ass out the door and take James up on the offer to pay for your drinks. God knows that he's usually the one who asks other people to pay for his", Catherine joked and softly pushed against Kaidan's chest to get him to move._

Catherine looked up when she heard the front door closing, followed by rumbling and the rustling of clothes. Her brow furrowed when she left the warmth of her blanket and went to investigate the noise. She put her hand in front of her mouth to stifle her laughter at the sight in front of her.

Kaidan was leaning back against the front door, one of his shoes undone, the other already gone – and placed upside-down on the small dresser that held mostly scarves and woolen caps for the boys. His coat was bunched up on the floor while his scarf, the one his mother had knitted as a Christmas present last year, barely hung around his neck, gravity threatening to pull it down to join the coat. Kaidan's hair was slightly mussed and his eyes were glazed over.

Catherine couldn't remember the last time she had seen him this drunk.

"Baby!" Kaidan exclaimed, smiling brightly as he pushed himself off the door to get to her, almost stumbling over his shoelaces.

This time, she couldn't help but laugh. He was drunk enough to call her baby … she wasn't even mad. He'd pay dearly for it tomorrow, anyway. "Kaidan", she said, amusement at his state evident in her voice. When she was within his reach, he pulled her towards him and crushed his mouth to hers. She could taste the whiskey on his lips. Catherine squirmed when she felt his hands wandering over her body the second they made contact. She had forgotten how touchy-feely he got when he was drunk.

"Missed you", he mumbled against her lips and tried to reach under her sweater.

Catherine put her hands on his chest and pushed him away slightly. She had to get him to bed so he could sleep it off … easier said than done when he was trying to grope her. "I missed you, too", she answered, fighting hard against the urge to laugh.

"Love you, baby", Kaidan murmured before attacking her neck with his lips, covering it with wet kisses while his hands moved to her hips and he tried to pull her closer.

She partly lost the fight and chuckled while taking his scarf off and putting it on the dresser next to her. "Yeah, I love you, too", she said, contemplating how to get his second shoe off so she could get him upstairs. He made her life a bit easier when he kicked his shoe off, not caring where it ended up. "How about we go upstairs?" She suggested.

Kaidan was still busy with her neck. "Read my mind", he agreed, his voice muffled.

"You have to stop doing that if you want to go to our bedroom", Catherine told him patiently before pushing him away again, laughing again when she saw the pout forming on his lips. Her 41 year old husband, Major of the Systems Alliance military, badass biotic … pouted.

"Come on." She grabbed his hand and carefully led him upstairs. She'd take care of the mess once he was asleep. For a moment, it felt like she had three kids instead of two.

In the middle of the staircase, Kaidan suddenly pushed her against the wall and kissed her, his hands busy with trying to get underneath her sweater again. "Let me make love to you", he murmured against her lips before claiming them in another kiss.

Catherine put her hands on his chest, trying to pry him off her. At least the pressure was enough to free her mouth. "Not here", she tried.

"Baby, please, I need you", Kaidan said, trying to kiss her again.

She turned her head away and couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. _'Come on, Shepard. Just a few more minutes, he'll sleep the second his head touches the pillow'_ she told herself. "Just come to the bedroom with me, then you'll get what you want, I promise." It was a lie, sure, but she could live with that if it helped to get him up the rest of the stairs. It seemed to work. Kaidan pulled away and all but dragged her to their bedroom, eager to continue what he had started.

The second they reached their bedroom, Kaidan closed the door behind them and pushed her up against it, attacking her lips again and Catherine couldn't hold back the small moan that escaped her this time. Damn, even drunk as he was, he still knew what he was doing. She had to stop this before it got out of hand, though.

"Let's make another baby", he mumbled when his lips left hers and wandered to her neck again.

"Not tonight, Kaidan", she answered as she freed herself from his grip. "Come on, let's get you out of your clothes", she continued, making it sound like an invitation.

Kaidan happily complied. He let her lead him towards the bed and sat down.

Catherine smiled when she opened the buttons of his shirt. The way he just sat there, letting her work on his clothes … it reminded her of his 37 years younger version down the hall, when he pouted because his mother didn't like the clothes he had chosen and refused to dress himself with the clothes she wanted him to put on. Once Kaidan's shirt was off, she opened the fly of his pants. "Lie back", she softly ordered and let her hands glide over his chest to let him stay in the illusion that he was going to get more than sleep tonight. Thankfully, she managed to push the blankets aside before he lay down and she could pull off his pants.

"Come here, baby", Kaidan mumbled and tried to reach for her, but Catherine escaped his grasp.

"Get comfortable. I'll be with you in a moment", she said and slipped into the adjoining bathroom, shaking her head when she looked in the mirror. Just as she had expected, a minute later, she could heard soft snoring from next door. Catherine couldn't help but chuckle. "Good job seducing me, Romeo", she chided her sleeping husband softly when she entered the bedroom again. After covering him with the blankets, she went downstairs again to put his shoes and coat in their rightful places before taking her empty cup into the kitchen and shutting down the vid-terminal. Back upstairs, she quickly changed into one of Kaidan's sweaters and slipped under the covers. Even in his sleep, he reached for her and this time, she didn't fight it. She snuggled into his embrace and put her head on his chest while he wrapped his arms around her, letting his even breathing lull her to sleep.

…

The next morning, Catherine woke to a dead weight on her chest. Sometime during the night, they must have rolled over, because Kaidan's head was buried in the crook of her neck while he was wrapped around her. She wouldn't be able to get up if she tried, his weight pinning her down. She pressed a soft kiss to his temple, earning her a low groan. "Kaidan?" Catherine asked, keeping her voice as low as possible. Another groan followed. He was awake, alright. "How are you feeling?"

"My head's gonna explode. This is almost as bad as the migraines from my implant", he rasped, his voice hoarse from the alcohol he had poured down his throat the night before.

Catherine rubbed his back soothingly. "There are painkillers and a glass of water on your nightstand", she whispered. When Nathan had woken her up during the night, she had grabbed the stuff she was sure Kaidan would need. She hadn't been wrong.

Almost in slow-motion, Kaidan disentangled himself from her and sat up. Without another word, he took the pills and washed them down with a big gulp of water before settling back in his former position. They remained silent for a few minutes while Kaidan waited for the pill to kick in. "You're the best. What would I do without you?" he finally murmured.

She smiled and kissed his temple again. "You'd have to get your painkillers yourself, _baby_", she answered.

Kaidan nuzzled her neck when he heard the nickname. "I called you baby last night, huh?" It was a rhetorical question.

"Yep", Catherine confirmed, still rubbing his back.

He slowly raised his head, confusion written across his face when he looked at her. "You're not mad?" That was certainly new.

"You're already paying enough for letting Vega get you drunk off your ass. Besides … you were a cute drunk. That makes up for it", she answered, grinning when he closed his eyes, groaning again.

"What did I do?" Kaidan wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. He couldn't remember … maybe for a reason.

Catherine chuckled before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "You were just really set on getting me out of my clothes. And once I had you out of yours, you fell asleep within a minute", she told him. "And ..." she started, but kept herself from finishing the sentence.

"And what?" He had a feeling that she was trying to spare him.

"And you suggested that we should make another baby", Catherine said, biting her bottom lip to keep herself from laughing when Kaidan's head sunk and rested against her collarbone.

"Please tell me that I didn't put it like that", he mumbled.

"Sorry, I can't do that", she denied his request, but then another thought crossed her mind as she replayed his words in her head. "Wait … Kaidan, was that just drunk-you talking last night ... or was that actually drunk-you speaking for sober-you?"

Kaidan raised his head again and kissed her lovingly before answering. "The latter. I … Cathy, our boys are amazing. I ... if my head didn't hurt so much, I could give you a speech now, but in the end, it all comes down to the fact that I want another kid." He looked at her, trying to gauge her reaction. This was the first time the topic had come up. That it had actually been his drunk self who brought it up the night before … well, Kaidan wasn't exactly happy about it, but that was a fact that couldn't be helped now.

Catherine bit her bottom lip, contemplating the thought. She loved her boys. Of course she did. They were perfect. But was she ready for another child? Jeremy had almost been three years old when she was pregnant with Nathan. She looked at Kaidan and saw nothing but love and hope shining in his eyes. Damn that man. Damn him to hell. How could she refuse when he looked at her like that? "Okay", she finally mumbled.

"Okay?" Kaidan asked. He was pretty sure that he heard her right the first time, but he needed to hear it again.

"Okay", Catherine repeated. "We'll … we'll try for another one. _But_", she quickly said when Kaidan tried to kiss her. He stopped, watching her.

"But?" Had his joy come too soon?

"But … I want to wait a few more months. I want Nathan walking before I go through the whole pregnancy thing again. I want him to be steady on his feet, not just wobbling a few steps before his diapers pull his ass back to the ground." That wasn't too much to ask, right? A few more months?

Kaidan let go of the breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. "Sure. We can wait a few more months." A broad smile stretched across his lips and Catherine could help but smile back. He rolled on top of her, ignoring the already lessening pain in his skull. His eyes twinkled happily when he spoke. "Meanwhile, we can always practice", he said before fusing his lips to hers in a searing kiss. Her hand tangled in his dark hair to pull him closer. Neither of them heard the bedroom door open.

"Daddy, what are you doing on top of Mommy?"

Jeremy's innocent question had the same effect as a bucket of ice cold water dropped on their heads. The pulled apart quickly and stared at each other wide-eyed for a second before Kaidan rolled over to his side of the bed.

Catherine was the first one to regain her ability to speak. However, Kaidan wished she hadn't when he saw the mischief twinkling in her blue eyes as she looked at him. "Yeah, Daddy, what _were_ you doing on top of Mommy?" she asked. Seeing him struggle to answer that one was _so_ going to make up for him calling her baby.


	17. I've Just Seen a Face

Thanks toTrishata96 and CyanB for giving me ideas for a future chapter :) Thanks to lvrofreading for the compliment, I really appreciate it (and I seriously adore your Matthew!) And of course thanks to tag58 for beta-reading this. I really value your opinion and your input!

Since we had drunk Kaidan in the last chapter, I think it's only fair to have hung over Shepard in this one. Have fun and let me know what you think!

The chapter title refers to the song "I've Just Seen a Face" by The Beatles. You'll realize why this one fits pretty soon, I guess.

* * *

_I've just seen a face, I can't forget the time or place where we just met  
She's just the girl for me and I want all the world to see we've met  
Had it been another day, I might have looked the other way and I'd have never been aware  
But as it is I'll dream of her tonight  
Falling, yes I am falling, and she keeps calling me back again  
I have never known the like of this,  
I've been alone and I have missed things and kept out of sight  
But other girls were never quite like this _

_- The Beatles, "I've Just Seen a Face"_

* * *

**29th April 2193**

"You know what today is, _Commander_?" Kaidan asked, a small smile on his face.

"Of course I know, _Lieutenant_. We met ten years ago today", Catherine answered, a matching smile on her face while she loosely wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"The best eight years of my life … and the two worst", he said, quickly leaning down to kiss her before she could answer.

A soft sigh came over her lips once the kiss ended. Kaidan might have prevented her from saying something a moment ago, but that didn't mean that she had forgotten about his words. "Let's not think about those two anymore, okay? There's nothing we can do about it unless someone finally invents that time machine that appears in God knows how many vids. And … even then. Would you really want to go back? Do it all again? I don't know about you, but I'm not all too keen on fighting the Reapers a second time."

Kaidan rolled his eyes at her logic. But he knew where she was going with this. It was a similar conversation each year. "So, what you're saying is … let's enjoy what we have and not think about the time we lost?"

"There you go. I was starting to think you're a lost cause", she quipped.

He pulled her flush against him and a satisfied grin appeared on his lips when he heard her gasp in surprise.

"You, my dear husband, have come a very long way in those ten years", Catherine continued and started to play with the short hair at the nape of his neck.

"Oh? What do you mean?" he asked, one of his hands slowly drifting lower.

A knowing smile slowly showed on her lips when she felt his hand wander lower. "I mean that the Lieutenant I met ten years ago was a sweet, gentle, shy man. Not a guy who gropes a woman in the middle of the kitchen while she's trying to make breakfast", she explained with a mock-serious tone.

Kaidan laughed and, to confirm her words, gave her butt a slight squeeze. "Guess someone had a bad influence on me", he said.

Catherine rolled her eyes, though the smile on her lips betrayed the mock-irritated move. "I hope you're not talking about me."

"You? Wouldn't dream of it. I meant … you know, someone … else. Not in the room. Who didn't give me a hickey earlier as payback for the one she got accidentally last week because I got a little carried away", he answered, thinking back to the way they had been curled up on the couch, watching a vid after tucking the boys in. It had been completely innocent and without ulterior motive when he had started to kiss her neck at some point, but he quickly lost control over the situation and a few minutes later, the mark was on her neck and she was furious because she had a meeting at Alliance HQ the next day. Kaidan had spent the rest of the night calming her down, making it up to her and reassuring her that the hickey wouldn't show when she wore her dress blues.

She raised an eyebrow at his words. "Watch it, _Lieutenant_. In your shoes, I wouldn't be such a smart-ass."

"And here I thought you liked my ass, _Commander_." Kaidan took pleasure in the fact that a soft blush crept on Catherine's cheeks as she obviously recalled their first meeting … and her appreciation of the first view she had of him.

**29th April 2183**

_Catherine had never been more grateful for the invention of sunglasses than today. She had met some old friends from her training days in the N-program on her shore leave on Arcturus and they had more than a few drinks, first to catch up and then it was always just one more "for old times' sake" or because her birthday had been earlier this month. Now her head felt like it was about to explode if anyone even let a pin fall to the ground. She had taken painkillers earlier and was waiting for the damn pills to finally kick in and relieve her of the throbbing in her head. She needed to get back to the state of 'presentable' soon because her next assignment was waiting – under Captain Anderson, of all people._

_She had known the man for … hell, for as long as she could remember. Her father had been through basic with Anderson and they had become friends and stayed in close contact over the years. Both of her parents didn't have siblings, but Anderson was someone Catherine would call the equivalent of an uncle – she even had called him 'Uncle David' when she was a little girl, wearing pigtails and with her front teeth missing. Now, there was no room for that kind of affections anymore, but she would be damned if she wasn't happy that he would be her new CO. _

_However, if Anderson saw her in the miserable state she was in now, he would call her out on it – or worse, tell her mother. And being reprimanded by Captain Hannah Shepard was something Catherine could gladly do without. Even 29 years old, she felt no desire whatsoever to go head to head with her mother. The older woman could be frightening if she wanted. And it was not just her crew who feared her wrath. Catherine had learned the hard way not to mess with her mother when she had been a teenager._

_Commander Shepard sat on a bench near the docking bay she was supposed to go, rubbing her temples when she felt the ache in her head starting to lessen. The meds finally seemed to kick in. The smell of coffee reached her nose and she knew what would help to get her back on her feet. She went to the small shop and a few minutes later sat back down on her bench, cradling a paper cup of the liquid gold in her hands, taking small sips of the steaming hot coffee that helped to lift the fog still surrounding her mind. _

_Once the cup was empty, the painkillers had taken full effect and Catherine felt like a human being again. She grabbed her small sea bag – the footlocker that contained most of her belongings had been moved to her new post already – and started towards the docking bay where the Normandy sat, waiting for the crew to trickle in. She would be the XO on this shakedown run. Why a full crew was needed for a shakedown run ... she had no idea about that one. But she didn't mind. It gave her to opportunity to work with Anderson, so she didn't really care. Looking around, she thought that she maybe should have put on her uniform, but technically, she was still on shore leave until tomorrow, so she felt entitled to still wear her favorite (and safe for one other only) pair of jeans, a T-Shirt that she hadn't remembered being such a tight fit and a black leather jacket. The big, dark sunglasses she wore made several people look at her strangely – after all, who wore sunglasses on a space station? - but it also prevented them from recognizing her, so it was probably a good thing. _

_However, when she rounded a corner, she wished that she didn't have to wear them to fly under the radar. In front of her walked a marine, sea bag slung over his shoulder – a broad set of shoulders, she quickly assessed. She could make out dark hair, but whether it was brown of black, she couldn't tell, due to the color of her sunglasses. Her gaze wandered lower and bit her bottom lip to keep herself from voicing her appreciation of the view in front of her: narrow hips and an ass that almost begged to be squeezed. Damn it. How long had it been since she had been on a date? She couldn't even remember. But just because she didn't date much – not that she had the time for it, anyway – didn't mean that she didn't appreciate a good looking guy when she saw one. Or, in this case, his backside. Damn. She couldn't take her eyes off the ass in front of her to save her life. Suddenly, it stopped and it's owner turned around._

_Catherine took a second to realize what had happened and she quickly snapped her eyes up – an unnecessary reflex because he couldn't see where she was looking, anyway. Thank God for sunglasses._

_Kaidan had heard footsteps behind him, but hadn't thought anything of it. Arcturus Station was always busy, so there was always someone heading in the same direction. However, the closer he got to the docking bay he was supposed to get to - the docking bay where the Normandy lay, the frigate the Alliance had built as a joint project with the Turians, the less people surrounded him. Except for the footsteps that kept following him. Before turning the last corner, there was nobody there anymore except for him and his follower, so he decided that it was high time to set someone straight. Probably someone his so-called friends set up to mess with him. The thought made him roll his eyes._

_When he turned around, he was in for a surprise. In front of him stood a woman, blond hair pulled into a messy ponytail with a few strands framing her face … and she was wearing sunglasses. Who the hell wore sunglasses on a space station? He took in the rest of her appearance. She was a bit shorter than him, slender figure but with curves in all the right places, emphasized by a tight fitting shirt and an equally tight fitting pair of jeans, he noticed appreciatively. "Can I help you, Miss?" he asked, once he regained the ability to speak. It couldn't be that she was headed to the Normandy, as well, right? No. He was sure that she got lost on Arcturus Station. Probably her first time there, so he couldn't blame her. The damn place was bulit like a maze.  
_

_Catherine's mind raced a mile a minute when she heard him speak. He had a voice like liquid silk. Before she could stop herself, she heard her own voice say "No, just appreciating the view on the way to work." Oh God. She wanted a hole in the ground to swallow her. Now. Yeah. Right now would be really perfect. She was never, ever going to drink again. Damn alcohol still circulating in her veins that made her mouth work faster than her brain could follow. This was absolutely mortifying and Catherine could hear her mother's scolding in her head while she felt her cheeks heating in embarrassment. 'That is no way for a Commander of the Alliance Navy to behave!' she would say. Followed by a string of colorful curses, no doubt._

_Kaidan's eyes widened when he heard the blunt reply. So he hadn't imagined it when he felt like he was being watched. But … what she just said … Kaidan felt a blush creep on his cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. That … that was something he hadn't counted on happening when he got up this morning and Kaidan had no idea how to deal with it, so he decided to focus on the second part of her statement to change the topic."On the way to work?" She didn't look like a soldier to him. Maybe it had been different had she worn a uniform, but … like this? Not so much._

"_Yeah … new post, starting tomorrow", she answered, grateful that the man in front of her only commented on the second part of her not-so-graceful reply. She pushed the sunglasses to sit on top of her head to get a better view, thankful that she had put on make-up to cover the traces of the night before. So, black hair, it was. And brown eyes that had the potential to make her knees go weak in 0.1 seconds flat if the guy looked at her the right way. Lips that promised heaven. 'Get it together, Shepard, he's going to be your subordinate. No lusting after subordinates!' Catherine had a hard time telling herself that while the alcohol still circulating in her system told her the exact opposite and made it sound a lot more fun, too. _

"_Same here." Dear God. He was going to work with this woman. Kaidan felt like his heart stopped for a moment when she perched the sunglasses on top of her head and revealed sparkling blue eyes that reminded him of the view of the Pacific he had from his parents' place near English Bay. He took in her whole face and realized his mistake when his breath caught in his throat. She was gorgeous. Sparkling eyes, small nose and lips that seemed to beg to be kissed. He needed to know her name, all thoughts of fraternization regs in a part of his brain that had 'access denied' written across it in bold red letters at the moment, something completely uncharacteristic for the usually by-the-book soldier. But before he got the chance to ask, the imposing figure of Captain Anderson rounded to corner and Kaidan straightened his posture out of reflex, his eyes snapping back to the woman in front of him. Damn it, he just couldn't help himself, he needed to look at her, memorize everything about her._

"_Commander Shepard", Anderson greeted, an unusual warm tone accompanying the words when he saw the young woman._

_Kaidan had to fight to keep his jaw from hitting the floor. _That_ was Commander Shepard? The Hero of Elysium? The woman who … just hit on him? And who still consumed every thought in his head? Dear God. He had seen the crew files. She was going to be his superior officer. He had to ban the inappropriate images from his mind. Right now. But she was making it damn hard with the way she kept looking at him, studying him the same way he no doubt had studied her only seconds ago._

"_Captain Anderson", she replied, and equally warm note added to the the words. She was struggling to look at the man she viewed as part of her family and not to look at the younger marine next to him again. _

"_I see you already met Staff Lieutenant Alenko", Anderson continued, sensing the tension between the two officers but unaware of where it had come from._

"_You could say that", Catherine mumbled under her breath. When she saw Anderson raise an eyebrow, she cleared her throat. "We didn't get a chance to introduce ourselves yet. Sir", she added the formality as an afterthought. _

_Anderson took in her appearance. "Shouldn't you be wearing a uniform, Commander?" _

_Catherine bit her bottom lip. "I'm still on shore leave until tomorrow, Captain."_

_Kaidan fought the perplexed look that threatened to appear on his face. This was Captain Anderson she was talking back to … the man was just as much of a living legend as she was. Commander Shepard. He still had a hard time wrapping his head around that piece of information. The vids he had seen of the ceremony when she had received her Star of Terra didn't do her justice at all. Neither did the holos the Alliance used for recruitment purposes._

_The older man shook his head, amused at her words. Not many soldiers would challenge him like that but turn on their heel to find the nearest private place to change into their damn uniform. But then again, Shepard wasn't just any soldier. "You look like you need it, too. You only put on the war paint if the night before lasted until the break of dawn", he commented, much to Catherine's chagrin._

_Damn him for knowing her so well. Had she actually been happy to be under his command? If the thought had crossed her mind before, she didn't feel the same sentiment now. She didn't need to be even more embarrassed than she already was because of her slip earlier. "You're only jealous that eyeliner doesn't suit you as well as it suits me", she replied, trying to take the pressure off her._

_This time, Kaidan couldn't fight the look of surprise. That was _definitely_ not a way to address your commanding officer._

_Anderson laughed at the shocked look on the younger man's face. "Relax, Lieutenant. I'm not that easily __offended__. The Commander and I go back quite a few years", he explained. He contemplated for a moment repaying her by saying that he had changed her diapers at one point, but decided against it. No need to embarrass the obviously hung over woman in front of a subordinate._

**29th April 2193**

"You know that I was somewhere in between still drunk and hung over. Plus, I had only had one cup of coffee and was suffering from a severe lack of caffeine. I can't be held responsible for anything I said back then", Catherine defended herself, still feeling embarrassed as she remembered the not at all graceful way she had introduced herself back then.

Kaidan laughed and kissed her temple before pulling away, immediately missing the feeling of her in his arms. He would never get enough of that. "Right. Then you shouldn't have tried to drink those guys under the table."

"But I won! They didn't get out of that bar on their feet. I did", she grumbled and turned back to cutting fruit for Jeremy's cereal. He would probably complain about it, but she couldn't care less. He needed his vitamins, even if he didn't like it. Besides, in the end, he would eat his cereal anyway and actually like the added fruit. She could tell by the look on his face. He was getting more stubborn the older he got … apparently, the Alenko stubbornness that Kaidan always denied seemed to come through more clearly.

"At what cost, though? Ogling a subordinate in the middle of Arcturus Station? You should be ashamed of yourself, Commander", he softly scolded her, using her old rank, amusement evident in his voice.

Catherine raised her eyebrows and looked at him over her shoulder. "Mhm. Says the guy who was mentally undressing me. I might have been still somewhat drunk, but don't think that I didn't notice. You should be thankful that Anderson intervened when he did … or you might have gotten burnt while playing with fire, Lieutenant."

He rolled his eyes. "Cathy, remember when you told me that there was only one guy who got … _that_ close to you before me? I'd hardly call you a maneater and flirting with you playing with fire."

"You would have had to start saying more than three words to actually flirt with me, Kaidan. And … somehow, I don't think you would have been able to, seeing that I was way too distracting", she answered, blowing over her fingernails before polishing them on her sweater.

Kaidan sighed. This seemed to be one of those arguments he just couldn't win.

His lack of an answer brought a triumphant smile to her face, something that made his defeat worth it. "See? I'm always right. Now … do you want eggs for breakfast? There should be some bacon in the fridge, too", she said.

"Always right … I'm not sure about that. But you're definitely one of a kind, I'll give you that", he replied laughing and ducked out of the way when she tried to hit him with a dish towel.


	18. Miss Impossible

Thanks to CyanB and my wonderful beta tag58 for the reviews. CyanB ... you'll know it when you see it. And hopefully, it'll have you giggling just as much as the last chapter. However, the idea you planted it my head won't happen until a few more chapters. And tag58 ... I see what you did there. And I'm glad that the chapter still made you smile, even though you already knew it.

The title of this chapter refers to the song "Miss Impossible" by Poets of the Fall. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_She can really be a handful like the brownies that she bakes you  
It can be a tad hysterical, but never quite the breakthrough  
She's some kind of an epitome, the sea of intranquility_

_- Poets of the Fall, "Miss Impossible"_

* * *

**11th October 2193**

"Cathy?" Kaidan asked, scanning the living room when he entered it. He found her curled up on the sofa, a blanket wrapped tightly around her body while heat radiated from the fireplace.

"Hey", she answered, the word sounding hoarse and it was followed by a cough that made Kaidan flinch. Two days ago, she had come down with the cold and to say that she didn't like it would be one of the biggest understatements of the century. She hated the fact that a simple cold was enough to bring her down like that … but on the other hand, she was too proud to see a doctor about it. She was still Commander-fucking-Shepard. She had taken on a Reaper on foot … she would _not_ go to a doctor because of a damn cold.

He rounded the couch and lifted her up slightly as he sat down, gently placing her head in his lap. "How are you feeling?" He brushed his lips over her forehead and felt the heat on her skin. So her fever hadn't gone down. Damn.

"I'm just fine. I bet I could win a fistfight with Charlie", Catherine said, rolling her eyes at the thought of a fistfight with the plush pyjak that now belonged to her younger son. She regretted it instantly. Her head hurt almost as much as her throat, her eyes felt like they were on fire if she kept them open for more than a few minutes, she was running a fever and felt cold despite the blanket and the fire. So, yeah. She felt fucking fantastic. Not.

Kaidan chuckled at her words, but covered it with a cough when she glared at him. Sure, it wasn't the most intimidating sight he had ever seen – her head in his lap, a blanket wrapped around her body, knitted woolen socks sticking out – but still, he thought that it probably wasn't healthy to laugh right now.

"Something funny, Major?" she rasped, followed by another coughing fit. Damn it. She hated this.

Kaidan shook his head and brushed a strand of clammy blond hair from her forehead once she stopped coughing. "No, sorry", he apologized for the sake of peacekeeping. "Do you want some tea? I got honey on the way home." Honey wasn't easy to come by these days, most people resorted to artificial sweetener. It was a lot cheaper, which was probably the main reason it was so popular. Kaidan had to go to five stores until he finally found what he was looking for.

Catherine nodded carefully, grimacing when even the small movement sent another jab of pain through her skull. "Tea sounds good. Thanks", she said, closing her eyes. The burning sensation had started to manifest and she was too tired and cranky to put up with it. "Hopefully it'll have the same effect it had on Jeremy", she continued, her voice a hoarse whisper.

Her mother-in-law had told her to put honey in Jeremy's tea, claiming that the vitamins in it would help to get rid of the cold and it tasted better than the sweetener. Catherine had taken her advice, desperate for anything that might help. Not because she thought Jeremy was on the brink of death but because she simply hated to see her little boy, usually running around the house the entire day, laying in his bed or on the couch, barely moving except for the times a violent cough shook his small body. Thankfully, Nathan had been spared … Jeremy had made sure not to come near his little brother. Catherine could have sworn that her heart burst when her almost five year old son had explained why he didn't want to be close to Nathan. _"He's so small, he's going to get sick, too. And I promised to protect him, so I'm protecting him from the evil germs now."_

However, Catherine hadn't been as lucky. Ever since she had come home from the hospital after she was shot, Jeremy stayed close to her. She had heard a boy on the playground call him "mommy's boy" once, but she knew what made him stay around her. Being sick, he needed the close contact of his mother even more than usual and clung to her whenever possible. Since she was a big strong soldier, Jeremy had been sure that the germs couldn't harm her. But two days after Jeremy was back on his feet, Catherine had started sniffling and coughing. The next day, she had started to run a fever and her entire body hurt. So much for her son's theory.

Kaidan carefully lifted her head off his lap, mumbling another "sorry" when he saw her wince at the slight movement. He hated to see her like this, but there was little to nothing he could do to help. He went to the kitchen to make tea, one of the small tasks he could actually do that would maybe, hopefully, help a little. Because he wanted her back next to him during the night. Catherine had been sleeping on the couch because she didn't want him to be the next one to catch the damn cold. He thought she was being ridiculous, but … it had been a mistake to voice that thought. That day, she had used what little was left of her voice to scold him. Once she was finished, he came to realize that while it was a bad idea to piss Catherine off normally, it was an even worse idea to piss her off when she was sick. She had used words he had not known existed, let alone were part of her vocabulary. And he was more than aware of the really colorful vocabulary his wife had acquired while spending most her life surrounded by soldiers.

When he came back into the living room a few minutes later, he saw that Catherine had dragged herself into a sitting position, leaning into the corner of the couch, her eyes opening when she heard him approach. He sat back down next to her and handed her the cup of tea, noticing how cold her hands were when her fingers brushed his.

"Thanks", she rasped before tentatively taking a small sip from the cup. She turned her head away when Kaidan leaned in to kiss her. "Don't", she warned him. "I don't want you to be next, you know that. And I need you to take care of Nate until I'm back on my feet."

Kaidan sighed. Why the hell was she so frustratingly stubborn? "Cathy, you know as well as I do that these things take a few days until the first symptoms rear their ugly heads. For all we know, I'm already sick."

She rolled her eyes and took another sip of her tea. Damn, Ivy had been right about the honey. It tasted better than that artificial crap, alright. "Yeah, and for all we know, you could also still be perfectly healthy. I'm not going to let you get sick just because you can't keep your hands … lips … whatever to yourself."

He took a deep breath. Arguing with her wasn't promising on normal terms, but right now, it seemed like an impossible task. "Then let me take the couch at least. You're sick. You need to sleep in a proper bed." The point he was trying to make wasn't new; he had tried to get it across before, but she deflected him, claiming that he needed to get a few hours of shut eye because he needed to go to work while she could rest on the couch when she needed to. Damn her for being stubborn.

"Kaidan ..." She wasn't about to add anything, but the way she said his name was a clear warning. Flashing in bright red letters. _Back off._

"Don't 'Kaidan' me", he replied, wincing when he remembered the last time he had uttered the words. From the look that flashed across her face, she remembered, too. "Look, I'm just trying to help, okay? I want you to get better as fast as possible, but you have to _let_ me help you, Cathy." He saw her contemplating his words and moved in to kiss her quickly, using the moment she was distracted.

She pulled away as if his lips were on fire. "Damn it, Kaidan", she hissed, squeezing her eyes shut when the pounding sensation returned to her head. She let Kaidan take the cup from her hands and heard him put it on the coffee table. A moment later, she felt his hands on her temples, rubbing soft circles into her skin. Involuntarily, she felt herself relax slightly at the soft ministrations.

"Come here", he whispered in her ear and stopped rubbing her temples only to pull her into his lap.

Catherine didn't fight it this time. It felt good to be close to him. Hmpf. Apparently, Jeremy inherited the need to be held when he was sick from her. Damn it. But on the other hand, she had the feeling that Kaidan wouldn't take no for an answer, anyway. Damn stupidly stubborn man. She was just trying to look out for him. But if he so desperately wanted to catch a cold – fine. She leaned slightly into his chest when he resumed to rub slow circles into her aching temples, relieving a bit of the pain. If anyone knew how to deal with headaches, it was him, she supposed.

Kaidan pressed a kiss to her hair when he felt her relax. Apparently, she had accepted the fact that he was trying to help. At least for the moment. He kept his ministrations up for several minutes, working in complete silence, though he couldn't help but smile every time he heard her sigh or felt her sag a little bit more against him. "Are you sure you don't want me to get you any meds?" He asked, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't disturb her.

"Yeah, I'm sure. The last time I took something for a cold, I might as well have taken red sand or drunk ryncol because I dreamed about a Volus and an Elcor in a pole dancing competition", she muttered.

Despite his wife's sorry state, Kaidan couldn't help but laugh at the image she had just presented him with. "Okay, no meds for you, then", he said once he regained his composure.

She could still hear him smiling through his words, though. "Glad you think my nightmare material is funny." She wasn't exactly mad, but the image had been way too disturbing for her to find it even remotely funny.

He pressed a soft kiss on her temple after wrapping his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. "Sorry. But … come on. A Volus and an Elcor … pole dancing? Seriously?" He bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing again. She had headache and the way she was leaning against him … she would skin him alive if he started to laugh a second time.

"Yeah. A Volus and an Elcor pole dancing. In fucking catsuits", Catherine grumbled, followed by an "Ouch, stop laughing, damn it, or the next time you get any, you'll be as gray as your dad."

Kaidan tried desperately to reign his laughter in and managed to reduce it to a chuckle that vibrated in his chest. "Sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear", he apologized, fighting the images that threatened to push him over the brink of laughter again. However, he made a mental note to ask her about other pharmaceutically induced dreams once she was better. Apparently, his wife's imagination was far livelier than he had been aware of until now. He took a deep breath to calm down. "You'll sleep in our bed tonight, right? I mean, I kissed you earlier. So if I didn't have those, as Jeremy called them, evil germs before, I'm sure I have them now. No reason for you to camp down here anymore."

Catherine rolled her eyes, even though she knew he couldn't see it. Still, it made her feel better. "Your funeral. If you catch this cold, I'm getting you that stuff I had to take back then. Have fun with the Volus and Elcor."


	19. Edge of the Ocean

Since the temperatures here in Germany are lower than they were on Christmas (which is really not normal at all), I felt entitled to write a Christmas chapter. But it's not all that christmas-y (is that even a word?), so don't worry. I think I kept the Jingle Bells at a minimum.

And, of course, thanks to my wonderful beta tag58 for her input and CyanB for the review! Your compliment really made my day. And don't worry, you'll recognize it when you see it a few more chapters down the road ... and I really hope it's going to make you laugh (it certainly makes me giggle to think about it).

The chapter title refers to the song "Edge of the Ocean" by Ivy. Let me know what you think, your reviews are always appreciated!

* * *

_There's a world I've always known, somewhere far away from home  
When I close my eyes I see all the space and mystery  
Ohhh, we can begin again, shed our skin, let the sun shine in  
At the edge of the ocean, we can start over again _

_- Ivy, "Edge of the Ocean"_

* * *

**25th December 2193**

Catherine smiled at the view in her living room. Jeremy was playing with Nathan, flying his little toyship – a model of the Normandy, given to him by his Uncle Joker who was currently sitting on the couch and watching the boys play as well while nursing a beer – over the younger boy's head and making wooshing sounds. Nathan was sitting there, watching the toy glide through the air, his eyes wide as they followed every movement. Earlier, Kaidan had entertained the boys with his biotics, making the ship soar around the living room, enveloped in a soft blue glow … that was, until he had been distracted by her wrapping her arms around him from behind and pressing her body close to his. He had crash landed the ship smack in the middle of the Christmas tree, making the ornaments swing dangerously for a moment and a few pieces of tinsel fall off the big green tree that took up a good portion of the usually free space in the room. After getting the ship out of the tree, Jeremy had reclaimed his toy from his father and inspected it for any damage. Kaidan hadn't been allowed to put his hands - or his biotics - on it again since.

A mistletoe appeared in front of her eyes and Catherine chuckled, turning her head to look at her husband who stood next to her with an innocent smile on his face.

"Seriously?" she asked him, eyebrows raised.

Kaidan shrugged, sneaking his free arm around her waist to pull her close. "Humor me."

"But that's … come on, a mistletoe? That's just plain cheesy. You don't need that excuse to kiss me, you know", Catherine replied.

He rolled his eyes. "If there is a time of the year to be cheesy, it's Christmas. Please?"

"You. Are. Fighting. Dirty", she said, pronouncing every word individually when he looked at her with his damn puppy eyes. Just like Jeremy when he wanted her to do something. Soon enough, Nathan would start, too, she was sure of that. Catherine smelled a conspiracy against her brewing. She huffed. "Okay. Fine. Just … kiss me and then get rid of that thing", she mumbled.

Kaidan laughed and mumbled "Thanks for the permission to kiss you, Missus Grinch" before descending his lips upon hers to keep her from answering ... or revoking said permission. That would have been a shame.

Once Catherine was free to speak again, she looked into his eyes. "Don't think that I'm going to let that Grinch comment slide. You'll pay for that later", she warned him before leaning into his embrace and watching her boys play again. "Remember when we talked about kids for the first time?"

Kaidan tightened his hold around her waist slightly. "Sure. It was the same night we talked about marriage for the first time. That evening while we were on shore leave on the Citadel after we took care of your evil twin."

"_Clone_. That was a _clone_. And it was after you claimed that you wanted to impress me with your cooking. But … I think that was just a plot to butter me up so you'd get me into that big, comfortable bed later", she answered.

"Hey, _you_ suggested that we should 'burn off those calories'", he replied, quoting the words that were burnt into his memory.

She huffed. "You didn't exactly complain, Major."

Kaidan chuckled and stole a quick kiss from her lips. "I might be an L2, but I'm not one of the crazy ones."

**September 2186, Citadel, Sunset Strip**

"_That was ..." Catherine started, unable to find the right words to finish the sentence as she drew slow circles on Kaidan's chest, one of her legs rubbing against his in a lazy fashion._

"_Yeah", he agreed, his hand caressing her back softly. "We should repeat that later."_

"_Mhm", she simply replied, pressing a kiss on his chest, directly over his heart, before rolling over to lie on her back next to him. She looked up at the ceiling for a moment before she felt Kaidan move next to her. When she turned her head, he lay on his side, propped up on one elbow and watched her intently._

"_What are you thinking about?" He asked._

_Catherine shrugged. "It's not important."_

_He sighed. "Come on. Tell me. It's not healthy to bottle stuff up."_

"_I'm not – bottling anything up, that is. I'm just … I don't know. Anderson mentioned that he had planned to settle down with Kaylee here. It just … it feels kinda weird to be here instead of them, you know? Like … like he doesn't expect to come back again. And it makes me think about the future, about all the 'what if's", she bit her bottom lip, stopping herself before she could continue._

_Kaidan brushed a strand of blond hair from her forehead before he placed a soft kiss on the smooth skin. "What kind of 'what if's?" he asked, trying to get her to talk. She hadn't admitted it, of course she hadn't, but she kept__ too much__ to herself, bottled stuff up. He wanted her to share her thoughts with him, to not hold back like she did. He wanted her to know that she didn't have to carry the weight of the world – or the galaxy – on her own. Not anymore._

_She looked at him, searching his face … for what, she didn't even know herself. But the look in his brown eyes, the reassurance, the love, the friendship, the trust, all rolled up into one big, overwhelming emotion … it was enough to make her open up to him. "What happens if we win this? Once the Reapers are gone? What … what happens if we survive this? If … if I survive this?" Her voice was nothing but a whisper in the end._

_Kaidan heard the words, despite how low her voice had been. He hated them the same moment. "Don't say something like that ever again. You _are_ going to survive this. We both are. We are going to win this war and get rid of the Reapers." His fingertips stroked her cheek lovingly and a small smile appeared on his face when she leaned into the soft caress. _

"_What makes you so sure? So many people have lost loved ones." She wasn't being pessimistic, she was just stating a fact. His own father was missing … he of all people should know what she was talking about._

_He knew it, but that didn't mean that it helped him accept this train of thought. "You do. Look at all you have accomplished so far. You helped cure the genophage. You united the Quarian and the Geth. You can do this. _We_ can do this." He found her looking up at him, her blue eyes wide and, to his surprise, insecure. "Besides, you have to survive this. Because once this is over, I want to make you my wife."_

_Her eyes widened even more at the words. That was unexpected. They had never talked about this before. They never had the time. But she didn't have the slightest hunch that Kaidan even thought about these kind of things, to begin with. "Are you … is this your way of proposing?" She hated the fact that she stuttered, but she had no idea how to deal with this. Give her a rifle and something to shoot and she was fine, but this? This was completely new and unfamiliar territory._

_Kaidan smiled when he saw the nervous look cross her face. Commander Catherine Shepard, nervous because she thought he was proposing. He thought it was cute. Not that he would tell her. He wanted to live to actually marry her, after all. "What would you say if I was? Proposing, I mean?" he asked, keeping her in the dark. He didn't plan to ask her. Not now. But for once, the opportunity to turn the tables when it came to teasing presented itself and he couldn't resist._

_She took a deep breath. 'Calm down, Shepard', she told herself. Another deep breath. A third one. Finally, she felt her rapidly beating heart slow down again as the anxiety slowly wore off. And then she saw the somewhat smug look on Kaidan's face and suddenly, all her nervousness was gone. Bastard. He was enjoying this. Catherine lifted the covers and let her eyes slowly wander over his naked body. She had to force herself to look him in the eye when she spoke."I'd ask you where the hell you hid the ring for the past hour", she finally answered, letting her gaze drift over his exposed body once more before she put the covers in their original position._

_Subconsciously, Kaidan had held his breath when she lifted the warm covers, but when he heard her words, laughter overwhelmed him. Once she had settled back down next to him, he leaned down and kissed her, feeling her smile against his lips. "This is not a proposal", he whispered against her lips, kissing her again before he continued, "This is a promise. That once we've won this war, I _will_ propose."_

_Catherine smiled and took hold of his free hand, lacing her fingers through his. "Another thing to fight for, then."_

_Kaidan returned her smile. "Does this mean that you won't run screaming when I pop the question?"_

_She rolled her eyes. "I think you already know the answer to that." She placed soft kisses on his knuckles, her eyes never leaving his face. "Have you thought about this a lot? Life after the war?" She hadn't allowed herself to think about it … too scared that if she let herself get absorbed in hopes and dreams, it would hit her so much harder when they went up in flames._

"_I have. The view from the Starboard Observation deck tends to make me think", he answered. When he saw her raise her eyebrows, it was his turn to roll his eyes. "Okay, not just the view from Starboard Observation. But … it helps. Puts things into focus."_

"_Tell me about it. Tell me … tell me what you want to happen in our future", Catherine demanded. She wanted to know what he had imagined. Wanted to share his dreams because she hadn't allowed herself to have any._

_A few moments of comfortable silence passed before Kaidan spoke again, a far-away look on his face, accompanied by a small smile. "I want us to settle down. I know that you won't retire from the Alliance, neither will I. But … there are always groundside posts. Once this war is over, there will be a lot of rebuilding. We could help with that. I already told you that I want to marry you. We could move to Vancouver. Or what's left of it, anyway. Maybe find or even build our own place on the English Bay. Beachfront property … yeah. That would be nice. That way, we wouldn't need to take our kids to the beach. We could watch them from our patio."_

_Catherine stretched and kissed his cheek before settling back down on the pillows. "Kids?" she asked. While Kaidan spoke, she had imagined all those things … and she found that his vision of the future was way too tempting to brush aside. She found that she wanted all those things. With him._

"_Yeah … kids." He watched her intently, hoping that he hadn't unknowingly crossed a line with the thought. Judging from the look on her face, he hadn't._

"_How many kids are we talking?" She had never thought about it before. Never seen herself as someone who would have kids. But now that Kaidan had planted that image of little dark haired children with brown eyes running around in her mind … she found the thought oddly alluring. Not scary at all, like he probably had anticipated._

_He leaned down again to capture her lips in a slow, loving kiss. "That depends on you", he said, resting his forehead against hers and looking into her eyes._

_Catherine tore her gaze away when a dark thought entered her mind. She felt her body tense. Her body. Would she even be able to give him the children he wanted? She had died, been rebuilt. There were … she didn't even know how many implants her body contained._

_Kaidan noticed the sudden change in her and watched her, worried when her until now sparkling blue eyes clouded over. "Hey, what's the matter?" he asked and let go of her hand to brush his knuckles softly over her cheek._

"_What … what if I can't have children? I was dead, Kaidan. And with all those implants in my body … I'm not sure if …" she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence._

_He understood, anyway. He had thought about it, too. Unwillingly, sure, but the thought had crossed his mind. "We'll find out. We could even ask Chakwas. If anyone knows, it's her. And … if we really can't … then we'll adopt. There are going to be a lot of children in need of a new home after the war."_

_Catherine slowly brought her gaze back up to meet his and Kaidan hated the insecurity he saw. "Are you sure? Are you sure that you don't … that you wouldn't rather be with someone who -" She didn't get to finish the thought because Kaidan pressed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss that was meant to wipe away all of her doubt. _

_Afterwards, he rested his forehead against hers again. "Don't you ever think that. Shepard … _Catherine_. I want to spend my life with _you_. Sure, I love the thought of our own, biological children making a mess of our living room, painting walls with crayons and leaving their toys on the floor for us to trip over. But if for some reason, we can't have children, then … damn it, then we'll give another child the home it deserves. The love it deserves. Even if it's not ours in the biological sense, it will still be _our_ child."_

_She pressed her lips to his in a short, soft kiss. "I love you", she whispered against his lips._

"_I love you, too, Catherine", he replied, testing out calling her by her given name again, relieved when he saw a small smile on her face._

_Catherine ran a hand through his hair, tangling her fingers in the short, black strands. "I need to get used to you not calling me Shepard anymore, hm?"_

_Kaidan chuckled and nodded slightly. "Only when we're alone. For now. Because once we're married, there is no way in hell that I'll call you anything else, even if we have company."_

_She tugged him slightly closer, the fingertips of her free hand wandering over his chest. She couldn't help but grin when she felt him shudder slightly. "Then I guess I'd better get used to it, fast. You know the easiest way to accomplish that?" Catherine bit her bottom lip when she felt his fingers starting their own journey over her body. "I need to hear you say it, again and again." A few moments later, her name fell from his lips again, caught somewhere between a moan and a sigh, when her hand glided from his chest to lower parts of his body._

**25th December 2193**

Kaidan saw the far-away look on her face as she seemed to remember that night and kissed her cheek, effectively bringing her back to the present. "Why did you bring that up? Not that I mind thinking about that night, I'm just wondering."

Catherine put her arms around his shoulders and stood on her tiptoes, kissing her way from his jaw and his cheek until she was nibbling on his earlobe. "I'm pregnant", she whispered.

He had closed his eyes, enjoying her soft kisses, but his eyes snapped open again when he heard the words. "Are you serious?" She wouldn't mess with him over something like this, right?

She chuckled when he pulled her closer. "I'm seven weeks along, so, yeah, I guess I really _am_ serious", she said. "What are you doing?!" Catherine hissed when Kaidan pulled her into the kitchen. She looked over to the boys, but they were busy entertaining Joker while playing with the ship and didn't seem to notice their parents disappearing.

The second the door closed behind them, Kaidan had her pinned against the fridge and attacked her lips with his own, kissing her fiercely and swallowing the low, approving noises she made.

One of her hands was buried in his hair while the other held onto his shoulder when she felt her knees go weak. Once they parted, they were both gasping, desperately trying to catch their breath. "Kaidan?" Catherine asked, looking at him, trying to find what prompted this – not that she minded.

"Thank you. That … that is the best Christmas present ever", he mumbled before claiming her lips again, smiling when she laughed into the kiss.

"Hey, you two can get a room later, get your a- behinds back in here!" Joker shouted from the living room, correcting himself mid-sentence as he saw two sets of innocent eyes staring up at him.

Kaidan and Catherine pulled away and started laughing when they looked at each other. The pilot's knack for interrupting them hadn't changed at all.


	20. Don't Stop

Thanks to CyanB, my wonderful beta tag58, dorko525 and WarHarp for the reviews as well as everone who's reading and following and adding this story to their favorites. I hope you're not growing tired of all the fluff yet because there's still more to come.

The chapter title refers to the song "Don't Stop" by Gin Wigmore

* * *

_Twinkle toes, I think I found the soul to make me happily ever after  
Twinkle toes, I'm glad you shot your bow into the arms of my savior  
Can I say that I am somebody's world?  
How do I live alone with nowhere to go, no  
I say I love you and I'll say it more  
My one and only I can't lose, so  
Don't stop doing what you do, have I paid my dues just to be with you?  
Don't stop doing what you do, I will be your something old, new, borrowed, blue  
_

_- Gin Wigmore, "Don't Stop"_

* * *

**25th February 2194**

Catherine sat on the bathroom floor, thankful for the heating system installed underneath the tiles as she leaned back against the bathtub, eyes closed. God. She hated this part of being pregnant with a passion. Humanity had mastered FTL travel, was part of the galactic community and had a seat on the council … but they still hadn't invented anything to prevent morning sickness. Though she had no idea why it was called morning sickness when she woke up in the middle of the night to hug the toilet like a long-lost friend. She opened her eyes again when she heard the bathroom door open.

Kaidan used his hand to shield his eyes from the bright lights when he entered the bathroom. He had woken up to the sound of muffled retching and immediately cringed. Catherine hadn't dealt with morning sickness – a euphemism if there ever was one – for this long in either of her other pregnancies. The retching finally stopped, but when Catherine didn't come back to bed even a few minutes later, Kaidan decided to check on her. He found her sitting on the floor, her arms wrapped around her legs as she leaned against the bathtub, her face even paler than usual. He hated to see her like this, unable to do anything about it. "Hey", he said softly, offering her a small smile.

"Hey", she replied. She tried to force herself to smile, but failed miserably. She couldn't smile when her stomach had revealed its contents only a few minutes ago.

He sat down next to her, shivering slightly when his bare back came in contact with the cold material of the bathtub, but he shrugged it off and wrapped an arm around Catherine's shoulders. "I thought I told you to wake me up or at least shake me when you feel like you're going to be sick", he scolded her gently.

She leaned her head against Kaidan's shoulder, soaking up the feeling of comfort his proximity offered. "I didn't exactly have time to wake you. I'm glad I made it in here in time", she mumbled, closing her eyes again. She stretched her legs out in front of her and rested her left hand on the small bump where her baby was starting to make its presence known while her right hand landed on Kaidan's thigh. People couldn't tell she was pregnant by looking at her, but she felt like her body was changing and the baby inside her growing a little every day.

He drew her in closer and kissed her forehead. "Do you feel better now? At least a little bit?" The second question was added quickly when he saw the 'are you fucking kidding me' look she gave him.

"It's two A.M. And I just puked my guts out. What do you think?" Catherine didn't mean to snap at him, but she was too tired to care.

"Sorry. Stupid question", he murmured into her hair. He probably wouldn't be in a better mood in her place.

Catherine sighed and tried to snuggle closer into his embrace, her sour mood slowly dissipating. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to snap at you", she said. "It's just … I'm so sick of this, no pun intended. It didn't last this long with Jeremy or Nathan."

"Maybe that means something? That I get a daughter this time?" Kaidan rested his free hand on top of hers and linked their fingers.

"Oh yeah, I can see it … daddy's little girl. She would have you wrapped around her little finger and you would be completely helpless and unable to say no, making me the bad cop", she said and felt a small smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

He raised his eyebrows at that. "Huh, look who's talking. I don't think I've ever heard you tell Jeremy or Nathan 'no'. They have you wrapped around their little fingers, don't even try to deny it. With the boys, I'm always the bad cop." Kaidan looked down on the small bump that had started to take shape a few weeks ago. "Please, be a girl."

Catherine chuckled. "Yeah, that's totally gonna work."

"Can't blame a guy for trying", he replied. "Ready to go back to bed?" he asked. "I mean, the floor is warm and all, but our bed is a bit more comfortable."

She sighed and nodded slowly. "Yeah … I think I'm okay for now."

Kaidan let go of her and pushed himself up before holding out his hand, pulling her up as soon as she took it. He pulled her close to him, eliciting a light laugh from her when her hands landed on his bare chest to catch herself. He leaned down to kiss her, but she quickly turned her head away and his lips only made contact with her cheek.

"Sorry. I have to brush my teeth first. In both our interests", she explained before disentangling herself once again and moving to the sink to get it over with.

Once she was done, Kaidan pulled her back into his arms. "Can I kiss you now?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

She gave him a cheeky grin. "You better. This is your fault, anyway. You were the one who wanted another ki-" Kaidan interrupted her with a slow, loving kiss that made her hold onto his shoulders because she felt her knees slightly weaken. Damn. She was doomed. Because there was no way that she could ever get enough of that man and he knew it. Catherine was so focused on the kiss that she didn't pay attention to Kaidan's hands – until he suddenly broke the kiss and her feet left the ground a second later as Kaidan picked her up bridal style. She looked at him, eyebrows raised when she noticed that she had wrapped her arms around his neck on instinct. "What the hell?" she simply asked.

Kaidan stole another quick kiss from her lips before answering, a teasing smile on his lips. "Come on, let me carry you while I still can. A few months from now, this is going to be difficult."

Catherine's jaw dropped. Did he really just say that? Judging by the smug look on his face upon her reaction, he certainly did. "Asshole!" She tried to struggle to get down, but he held her firmly in his arms as he slowly walked back into their bedroom.

Kaidan barked out a laugh when he heard the insult. "I love you, too. But, really, Cathy … watch your language. You don't want Jeremy and Nathan pick up words like that already, do you?"

She rolled her eyes and resumed struggling, to no avail. "They aren't around, so I feel perfectly comfortable with calling you an asshole when you deserve it", she said.

He stopped in front of their bed, still holding her in his arms. "Do I, now?" he asked, his eyebrows raised and his amusement evident on his face.

"Yeah. You just told me that a few months from now, I'll be too fat for you to carry me. You deserve so much worse than just me calling you an asshole. You are in the doghouse. Indefinitely", she told him while letting go of her hold around his neck only to sock his arm.

Kaidan couldn't help but laugh again at the earnest look on her face. He gently placed her on the bed and followed immediately, balancing his weight on his arms on either side of her, effectively boxing her in. When he tried to kiss her, she turned her head and his lips landed on her cheek instead, another thing that made him chuckle. "You know, you're cute when you try to act angry", he informed her, earning him a glare that would have any other man quivering in his boots. Not Kaidan, though. He had built up a certain immunity to her glare. Especially when she was underneath him, her cheeks slightly flushed and her eyes sparkling with an unspoken challenge.

"You don't get to kiss me. I'm mad at you. And I'm still Commander-fucking-Shepard to most of the galaxy. I'm _not_ cute", Catherine said, though she couldn't contain the small shudder when she felt his breath on her neck. Oh no. He wouldn't. A second later, her eyes slid shut and she bit her lower lip to keep herself from moaning. He was using her weakness against her. Bastard.

"No, you're not mad. You wouldn't allow me to do this if you really were", he mumbled against the soft skin of her neck before going back to placing teasing kisses on the spot he knew made her melt. "And yes, you are cute. The great Commander Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy, is cute."

"Yes, I _am_ mad", she insisted, though it was only weakly. Against her will, one of her hands found the back of his head to hold him in place. "This is so unfair", Catherine complained, followed by a small whimpering sound when Kaidan lay down next to her and his now free hand slipped underneath the sweater she wore to allow his fingertips to trace slow lines on the still small bump of her abdomen. She felt Kaidan smile against her neck.

"See? That noise just now was cute", he said and pulled back from her neck to look at her. The flush on her cheeks had intensified and her breathing came in short, irregular puffs. She looked at him, her blue eyes wide, as if she was trying to guess his next move. In some way, this was similar to her behavior on the battlefield when she was trying to anticipate the enemy's next move. You could take the woman away from the battlefield, but you couldn't take the soldier out of the woman. And Kaidan was more than just glad that some things would never change.

"I'm still mad at you", Catherine mumbled, lowering her gaze to his bare chest and running her fingertips over the smooth skin. She noticed with a grin that he wasn't unaffected by the gentle touch and shivered slightly, his hand now resting on her stomach. "What is it, Kaidan? Are you cold?" she asked innocently and raised her eyes again to look at him.

He saw the mischief sparkling in her eyes and knew that there was no way in hell that she was actually mad. He knew what she looked like when she was furious … and this was definitely _not_ the same look. "You know, it's actually pretty cold in here, don't you think?" he replied before pulling the blankets over then and wrapping his arms tightly around her. She struggled for a moment, putting on a show, before he felt her relax in his arms. He rolled on his back and dragged her with him, smiling when she rested her head on his chest. A few minutes of comfortable silence passed between them and Kaidan thought that Catherine had fallen asleep when she spoke.

"What you said earlier … that this extended edition of morning sickness might be a sign that it's a girl this time … did you mean it or were you just messing with me?" she asked, drawing a pattern on his chest he didn't recognize.

Kaidan shrugged slightly. "My guess is as good as yours. But you said it yourself, it didn't last this long with either of the boys. So maybe it really means something. Or maybe not. We'll have to wait and see."

"I hate to sit around and wait", she mumbled as she buried her face in his chest, smiling when she felt him stroke her hair.

"I know. You always were impatient", he said, chuckling when she hit his arm again good-naturedly. "Hey, no abusing the husband!" he warned her.

"I have every right to abuse my husband if he keeps insulting me", she complained and raised her head to look at him. "Watch it or I just might trade you in for a younger model. Without all the gray hair but more muscles."

Kaidan tightened his arms around her, bringing her closer. "Oh really? Am I in danger of losing you?" he asked, an eyebrow arched in question.

Catherine bit her bottom lip, trying to get over the fact how sexy he looked. "Maybe. I mean … there are a lot of younger guys who wouldn't mind my company at all", she answered. A second later, she was on her back again, Kaidan hovering over her. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with excitement.

"I know, believe me, I know", he almost growled before claiming her her lips in a passionate kiss. He had seen enough young soldiers stare at his wife at Alliance HQ, mentally peeling off her dress blues. He never was able to stop the smug feeling that washed over him at the realization that he was the only one allowed to know what was hidden underneath the heavy cloth.

"Then you better treat me right, Major", she whispered against his lips once they pulled apart to catch their breath. She loved it when his possessive side started to show.

"You wouldn't be happy with one of those young soldiers, love", Kaidan said, tracing a line of small kisses from her lips to her neck.

"Oh? You think?" Catherine's hands moved slowly over his back, stopping at his shoulders as she waited for his answer.

"I _know_", he corrected. "Because they would never know you as well as I do", he explained. "Because they would never even _begin_ to understand what we have been through. What made you the woman you are today."

She smiled at him, caressing his back again with one hand while the other found its way to the back of Kaidan's head again, tangling in his hair. "I guess I'm stuck with you, then", she replied. When he raised his head to look at her, again with that arched eyebrow that made him look sexy as hell in her opinion, she placed a quick kiss on his lips. "There's no-one else I'd rather be with."


	21. Good Times

I know that I'm five days late to the party, but here's Shepard'd birthday with some of the old crew!

Thanks to Ortholeine and my wonderful beta tag58 for the reviews. Reading you comments brought a smile to my face.

The title of this chapter refers to the song "Good Times" by The Rolling Stones. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_It might be one o'clock it might be three  
Time don't mean that much to me  
Ain't felt this good since I don't know when_

_- The Rolling Stones, "Good Times"_

* * *

**12th April 2194**

"James Vega, if you don't put me down this second, I'll kick your ass all the way to the Terminus Systems!" Catherine exclaimed when her former guard picked her up and swung her around in a circle in greeting.

She and Kaidan had celebrated her birthday the day before with the family, just like they had with Kaidan's fourtieth three years ago, but today, several members of her old crew had announced that they would stop by. Catherine and Kaidan hadn't planned to have a party, but much like the one in Anderson's apartment during the war, Joker had started to invited people, claiming that he had expected Catherine to do it, anyway.

Vega chuckled, but still placed her back on the ground. "Sure you can still do it, Lola? You've been out of practice for a few years now."

She raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I can still take _you_ on, that's for sure."

"Children, don't fight, we're here to celebrate", a familiar voice said.

Catherine turned around fast enough to make her head spin for a moment. "Garrus!" She stood there, her mouth open in shock, until she regained her composure – at least a little bit. "What … what are you doing here?"

"Well", the Turian started, stepping closer with what Catherine had learned was an amused twitch of his mandibles, "your husband invited me to this little party of yours", he finally explained. "Didn't he tell you?"

She shook her head slowly. "No, he didn't." Her eyes scanned the room for her husband and when she saw Kaidan watching her, the smile she sent him was radiant. Catherine focused on the Turian in front of her again before she hugged him tightly.

She hadn't seen him in years since he had returned to Palaven to help rebuild after the war - at least not in person. With the relays still not properly working, most races still applied a 'better safe than sorry' policy and only traveled on FTL speed. While safer, that method also meant that traveling from one end to the galaxy to the other took a lot longer than it used to. Trips to visit old friends certainly weren't something that happened on a daily basis. So they relied on vid-calls, talking from time to time to keep each other up to speed. And while her sons had never met Garrus in person, they still called him 'uncle Garrus' – or in Nathan's case _Gawwus_ - when they saw their mother talking to him.

Garrus was taken aback by the gesture, but then returned the embrace before letting go of her again. "Kaidan informed me that you Humans tend to make a big deal out of birthdays marking a decade … and I couldn't miss the chance to be there for the party. The last one you threw was quite the success, at least the parts I _can_ remember", Garrus said, his mandibles still pulled up in the Turian equivalent of a grin. "And I finally want to meet those two boys that keep calling me uncle."

"Not just you, buddy, so don't get all high and mighty", Joker said.

Catherine hadn't even noticed him getting up from the couch and hobbling over. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at the remark. "You're all part of this family, like it or not. Although _some of you_", she looked first at Joker, then at James, "are more like the annoying younger brothers I never had than others", she finished, her gaze landing on Garrus.

James brushed her comment aside. "I hope you stocked up on the Tequila for this fiesta, Lola", he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"After you got my husband drunk off his ass the last time I let you two go out alone? Besides, why would I stock up on booze when I can't drink any?" She couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her when she remembered how Kaidan had acted that night.

"Hey, you told him to have a good time! And you all but kicked us out of the house, so don't blame me", James defended himself, arms raised in a 'I didn't do it' manner. "And what do you mean, you can't drink?"

"I'm sure you were completely innocent, Mr. Vega", Steve said before shaking his head and smiling. "And the no-alcohol policy could be due to the fact that she's pregnant, but that's just an assumption", he continued, pointing to the bump on his former commander's abdomen. It was less visible than it had been at this point with either of the boys, but it was still noticeable.

Catherine couldn't stop herself from laughing when she saw Vega's slaw-jawed expression. "What, you didn't notice the bump? Too busy swinging me around like a ragdoll?"

"I just figured you ate a little more than usual", James mumbled, embarrassed. "Besides, I doubt the Major would've liked it too much if I had undressed you with my eyes. Not that I would have a problem with the latter", he added, trying to cover up his embarrassment.

Kaidan clapped his hand on Vega's shoulder, chuckling. "I'd care if I felt threatened by you", he said before crossing the room to wrap his arm around Catherine's shoulders. "And I have it on good authority that there's nobody else she wants to be with."

"_She_ is right here, you know?" Catherine said while shrugging his arm off. "Don't be too sure of yourself. Maybe I'll run off to Palaven with Garrus, now that I have the opportunity", she joked, nodding in the Turian's direction.

"You would have to make that Rannoch. And while I'm sure Tali would love to see you again, I'm not sure she would be too impressed if you tried to steal her man. Not that I could blame you, of course", Garrus informed her.

"Wait, Rannoch? When did that happen?" She asked. The last time they spoke a few months ago, he had still been on Palaven.

"Not yet. That's where I'm headed after I leave Earth", the Turian said.

"Guess we know who wears the pants in _that_ relationship", James interrupted, causing everyone to chuckle except for Garrus and Liara who both looked confused.

"What do you mean?" Liara asked, looking at the humans expectantly.

"Of course she wears pants, she still has to wear her enviro-suit", Garrus said, the confusion even more evident in his voice than his face showed.

James crossed the room and put his hand on the Turian's shoulder, laughing. "Man, you have no idea how much I missed you."

…

Later that night, most of the guests had settled down in the living room, using the opportunity to catch up. For most of them, it was the first time in months or even years to be in the same place again, so drinking wasn't too high on everyone's list of priorities, even if James had demanded that they should break out the Tequila on several occasions when the conversation had mellowed down. Now, he was occupied with playing jungle gym for Jeremy who tried to do pull-ups on his biceps at the moment while Nathan happily sat in Liara's lap while she told him the asari equivalent of fairy tales.

Catherine came back to the living room with two bowls of chips and a smaller one with something similar for Garrus she had found in the kitchen – no doubt her husband's doing – and sat on Kaidan's lap, his arms moving around her waist immediately. She didn't sit there necessarily because she felt the need to be close to him right now but because every other seat except for the one James had occupied earlier was taken.

Vega saw her sitting down and raised his eyebrows. "I had no idea you could be so lovey-dovey, Lola! Though I can fully understand that the Major wants you in his lap, if you know what I mean."

She shot him a look that screamed 'shut up', but didn't get a chance to actually say something because her son beat her to it.

Jeremy had jumped back to the ground and looked at his mother. "What does he mean, Mommy?"

Catherine felt Kaidan chuckle and rolled her eyes. She took a deep breath before answering her son. "I don't know, sweetheart. You'll have to ask him." No way would she suffer because Vega couldn't keep his big mouth shut.

She bit her bottom lip to keep herself from laughing when she saw Jeremy turn around and look at the soldier with big, innocent eyes. "What did you mean, Uncle Jimmy?"

"I don't think I've ever seen Mr. Vega blush _that_ color before", Steve commented, loud enough for everyone, including James, to hear, sending the adults into fits of laughter.

Once everyone had calmed down, Joker directed his attention back to his former commander. "So, when is the next little Alenko going to pop out?"

Catherine smiled when she felt one of Kaidan's hands rest on her stomach. "It's a little Shepard this time", he answered for her.

"God help us all, one Shepard is more than enough", Joker muttered under his breath, followed by a "Hey!" when the woman in question threw a cardboard coaster at him.

"You _did_ meet her mother at the wedding, right?" Kaidan asked, regretting it instantly when Catherine threw him a glare. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that … I was just … I mean, I just wanted to say that there is already more than one Shepard and everything's okay … That came out wrong again ..."

Steve put up his hand to make him stop. "Major, just stop talking, you're only going to make it worse", he advised.

"Yeah, keep digging a bit more and you can send us a postcard from China", Joker commented.

"Hey, James?" Catherine called over to the big man still posing as monkey bars. "You still interested? I'm free as the dust in the solar wind, as Tali would say." She bit her bottom lip for a second. "Or rather quote Fleet and Flotilla", she added as an afterthought as she tried to get up.

"I'm game if you are, Lola", he replied while holding Jeremy up on his ankles whose giggling was muffled by his shirt that had given in to gravity and covered his face.

Kaidan's arms around her waist tightened, keeping her in place, as he whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry, love. You know that I didn't mean it like that, right? Besides, you wouldn't do that to me and the boys, would you?"

She turned her head around to look at him, one brow raised in what she hoped would be a skeptical manner. Inside, she was still laughing her head off at her husband's earlier struggle to find the right words while failing miserably. After a few moments, she couldn't take the pleading look in his puppy dog eyes anymore. Catherine rolled her eyes before pressing a short soft kiss on his lips. "Of course I wouldn't. But you're lucky you're cute, otherwise, you'd have a really big problem on your hands right now", she finally said, laughing when she saw him relax. She looked at James who had – thankfully – turned her son back around. "Sorry James, I changed my mind."

James sat Jeremy down on the ground to put his hand over his heart, followed by a dramatic sigh. "You're killing me, Lola. You can't toy with a man's heart like that!"

Catherine leaned her head on Kaidan's shoulder, putting one hand on top of his as she laughed. She had really missed her extended family. "You'll find the right girl one day, James."

"And then what, deny all the other ladies a piece of this?" He posed in front of the group, making everyone laugh again. "I'm sure there would also be a few guys who'd be pretty sad about that, right, Esteban?"

Steve shook his head, still laughing. "There would be people grieving in every part of the galaxy, Mr. Vega."

Catherine kissed Kaidan's cheek before looking at him. "I couldn't leave you for him even if I wanted … there wouldn't be enough space for me _and_ his ego in the same room."

He nodded slightly, chuckling at her reasoning. "And don't you forget it. He couldn't keep up with you, anyway."

"Hey, I resent that", James complained as he plopped down in his seat forcefully, the movement sending Liara along with Nathan up in the air a few inches, making the boy giggle loudly.

Jeremy scrambled in James' lap. "Can I be strong like you one day, Uncle Jimmy?" he asked, looking at expectantly.

"God no. Please", Kaidan mumbled, making Catherine chuckle.

The soldier nodded, smirking. "Sure. But only if you ask your _madre_ to work out with you, your _padre_ won't be any help."

"James!" Catherine scolded him, but she couldn't keep the grin off her face. Yep. She had really, _really_ missed her extended family, indeed.


	22. Happy Sad

Thanks to tag58, CyanB and PamelaPandemic for the feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it - I was pretty nervous about posting that chapter because I kept worrying whether I had done the characters justice.

As for this chapter, special thanks to my wonderful beta tag58 who gave me the inspiration for it. The title refers to the song "Happy Sad" by Gemma Hayes. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_Gotta meet you face to face  
Convince you that I'm not so strange  
Just happy sad  
I'm broken down  
But I'm upbeat when you come around_

_- Gemma Hayes, "Happy Sad"_

* * *

**21st April 2194**

There were few things Catherine hated as much as being coddled. Husks. Banshees. Reapers. Spiders. The color pink. Being called baby. All of these things were on her shit-list right alongside with being coddled. And given the fact that half of them didn't exist anymore boosted the dreaded hovering to an even higher rank on said list. And Kaidan was definitely hovering. Sure, he was worried, she got that. But Kaidan was being ridiculous about it.

She sighed and stretched her legs in front of her. She was confined to the couch, doctor's … no, Kaidan's orders. She had fallen down the stairs a few days ago which had scared the hell out of Kaidan. Nathan had left one of his toys lying around and Catherine had been talking to her mother on her omni-tool, not paying attention where she stepped. Her foot had caught on the toy, she had stumbled and fallen. She felt fine afterwards, but Kaidan had insisted on taking her to the hospital.

The doctors had confirmed what she already knew: she was fine. Sure, she was going to have a few bruises, but otherwise, she was fine. However, they told her that she should rest for a couple of days. For Catherine, that meant that she was going to take it slow and maybe not play tag with her boys or climb any trees with them. However, Kaidan had interpreted the doctor's words differently. In his books, 'rest' apparently meant the same as 'not move at all'. She was not a happy camper right now. Not at all.

The blanket that covered her legs slightly bunched in her lap. She was bored out of her mind and needed to do something. She didn't care what it was, as long as it didn't involve sitting on the couch. But no, her mule-headed husband wouldn't let her.

A frustrated sigh came over her lips when she saw Kaidan in the kitchen, preparing dinner. He wouldn't even let her cook. Or help him cook. He caught her looking at him and smiled at her, but Catherine just rolled her eyes and turned away. She didn't see him frowning at her reaction or putting the knife down. However, she heard him come closer a few seconds later.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, crouching in front of her.

"I'm tied to this sofa by marital red tape, that's what's wrong", she replied, not looking at him.

Kaidan took a deep breath. So they were going to have _that_ talk again. "Cathy, you heard the doctor. You have to rest, let your body heal."

"I fell down a flight of stairs and not the damn Citadel Tower", she almost growled.

"Cathy -" he started and tried to grab her hand, but she pulled away.

"I'm fine, Kaidan. Everything's okay. I don't need to get up in the morning only to sit my ass down on the couch all day to get back to bed in the evening. I feel fine." Her gaze landed on the vid-terminal and she inwardly cringed. If she had to watch one more vid, her head was going to explode. She really couldn't take it anymore.

This time he managed to grab her hand and didn't let go, even when she tried to pull away again. He heard her huff, but he didn't care about that at the moment. Why was she being so stubborn? He was just looking out for her. His heart had stopped for a moment when he saw her on the floor, curled up in the imitation of a fetal position, hands pressed against her stomach. "I'm just worried about you. Both of you. I just … I don't want one of you to get hurt. Is that so hard to understand?" He spoke calmly, trying to steer clear of a confrontation. Because calm was what she needed right now, whether she believed it or not.

She closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened her eyes again, Kaidan looked at her pleadingly, the worry evident on his face. Catherine placed her free hand on his cheek, her thumb stroking over the always present five o'clock shadow. "Kaidan, I get that you're worried. But you heard what the doc said. Take it easy, pay attention if anything feels off or if there's any pain. That was almost a week ago. There was no pain and nothing felt off. I'm okay. And more important, our daughter is okay. You know that I wouldn't do anything that could harm her."

Kaidan looked at her for what felt like forever, silent, before he turned his head and kissed the palm of her hand. "Yeah, I know", he finally mumbled, his lips brushing over her skin as he spoke.

"Then please don't make me stay on the couch anymore. I'm going stir crazy here", Catherine said, almost whining. She didn't give a damn as long as it got her off that couch she was beginning to loathe. The silence that followed almost drove her crazy. "Please. Let me help you cook. Nothing too exciting about that, right? I just need to _do_ something. Anything."

Finally, Kaidan gave in. "Okay. You can help. But you have to sit down at the kitchen island to help. Otherwise no deal."

Catherine smiled and nodded. "I'll sit down. Scout's honor."

He laughed. "You were a lot of things in the past, but you never were a girl scout, Cathy."

She raised her eyebrows at his words. "Didn't you know? According to Jack, I'm their queen!"

Kaidan shook his head and stood, offering his hand to help her get off the couch. She accepted, but he could see her roll her eyes a bit. He found that he loved her a bit more for humoring him. "Let's get to work, Queen of the Girl Scouts." He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they made their way to the kitchen. He pressed a kiss to her hair when she sat down on the bar stool he had pulled out for her. When he stepped away, Catherine slapped his butt. He turned around and looked at her, brow raised. "What was that?"

Her blue eyes were wide as she looked at him innocently. "I couldn't resist, you're way too tempting. So I'm not going to apologize", she told him, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing. Her gaze followed him as he came closer again and she wound her arms around his waist when he wrapped his around her shoulders.

"Your mood improved a lot since you're off the couch", he noted.

"I could have told you that was going to happen, you know", she replied, grinning.

Kaidan couldn't help but smile. He liked this look a lot better than the frown she had worn only a few minutes ago. Instead of answering, he leaned down and kissed her, smiling against her lips when he felt her responding eagerly. Reluctantly, he pulled away. "We should get dinner ready", he said. He would have loved to continue, but Jeremy and Nathan weren't likely to care about what their father wanted when they got hungry.

Catherine sighed. "You're right. What do you want me to do? What are we having, anyway?"

"I was thinking French fries for the boys and steak for us", he answered. "You could peel and cut the potatoes."

The thought of her husband's homemade French fries made her stomach rumble and Catherine could see the smirk forming on his lips. "Don't laugh. And hand me the damn potatoes", she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, ma'am", he said, chuckling, before getting everything she would need. Once she was set up, he went back to preparing their side dish, sneaking glances at her every now and then while they worked in comfortable silence, though he could hear her softly humming. He didn't bring it up, though. If he said anything she would stop and he didn't want that.

When the fries where on a baking sheet in the oven, he grabbed the steaks from the fridge, Catherine watching him intently. He looked up and saw the frown he dreaded back on her face. "Cathy?" he asked, concern sneaking up on him when he saw her eyes glistening.

She shook her head, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath. "It's nothing."

"Right." Kaidan wiped his hands on a towel and walked around the kitchen isle. She turned away, but that didn't stop him from wrapping his arms around her again, her back lightly pressed against his chest. "What's the matter?"

She shook her head again. "Like I said, it's nothing. Stupid hormones, that's all." She leaned back against him when his arms tightened slightly around her, silently urging her to speak. "Just a déjà vu."

"Tell me." One of his hands stroked over the bump on her abdomen where their daughter was growing.

"It's stupid", Catherine mumbled.

"Tell me", he demanded softly. He was really beginning to worry.

"You cooking, me sitting here, watching … it just reminds me of that evening in the apartment on Silversun Strip. Anderson's apartment." The last two words were nothing more than a whisper.

Kaidan heard her nonetheless and closed his eyes. He knew that even eight years later, she still felt guilty for not being able to save her mentor and father figure. "Cathy -" he started, but stopped when she held up her hand.

"It's just not fair. Why did I make it and he didn't? Why did I deserve to live when I wasn't strong enough to fight, not strong enough to ..." her voice broke and she stubbornly wiped away the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

Kaidan pulled away slightly to turn her around before closing his arms around her again. He placed his head on top of hers and drew her even closer when her body began to shake with muffled sobs. "Shh, it's okay", he whispered into her hair, although he knew that there was nothing he could do or say to make it better. To make her guilt go away. He had tried countless times. The only thing he _could_ do was to hold her and let her cry. Being pregnant didn't necessarily make her more emotional, but it made her control slip from time to time, something he knew she hated but that couldn't be helped.

After a while, the shaking subsided and Catherine pulled away, staring at the dark spot on Kaidan's chest. "Sorry, I soaked you shirt", she said quietly, tracing the edges of the wet part of the fabric.

"It'll dry", he answered dismissively. He brought his hands to her cheeks to wipe away the last traces of her tears away with his thumbs before forcing her softly to look at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I think. Sorry for … that." Not exactly eloquent, but she knew that he would understand what she meant.

"Hey, don't apologize." Kaidan kissed her forehead before leaning down to press an soft kiss on her lips. He sent her a reassuring smile once he pulled away. "Do you want to head back to the couch?"

"No. No way am I going back there without you", she said. A small smile appeared on her face when she heard the boys laughing upstairs. "Okay, back to work. Dinner. Doesn't make itself, even at the end of the 22nd century."

He chuckled and kissed her forehead again before letting go, even if it was reluctantly. "True. Besides, I don't want to face those two when they're hungry." He pointed to the ceiling when another loud laugh rang through the house.

"A five-year-old and a two-year-old throwing fits because they're hungry … the horror!" She mock-gasped and put her hand in front of her mouth.

Kaidan was glad to see that her mood was improving again. "Exactly what I'm saying."

The first traces of the smell of fries entered her nose and made her stomach rumble again. Catherine put a hand over her it and looked at Kaidan. She could see that he was on the verge of laughing again. "Hey … do we have pickles?" she asked.

"Let me check", he answered. A moment later, he placed a jar of pickles on the kitchen isle.

"Great", she said, stretching on the bar stool to reach the drawer that held the cutlery. She grabbed a fork before looking at Kaidan again who was watching her warily. "Since I'm not supposed to move … could you grab the maple syrup from the fridge?"

His brows shot up at the request. "You don't plan to eat pickles with maple syrup … right?" he inquired, his tone unsure when he saw her shrug. "Oh come on, that's disgusting … or … I don't even _know_ what that is." He couldn't find the right word since 'disgusting' didn't seem to do that combination of food even remote justice.

"Wouldn't be the first time I eat it", she simply answered.

"Oh God ..." Kaidan mumbled, shaking his head. He grabbed the syrup from the fridge and handed it to her, his disgust evident on his face. He wasn't looking at her when he handed her the bottle.

"It's not that bad, you know? At least I can blame _my_ weird craving on the pregnancy", Catherine explained while getting one of the pickles out of the jar with her fork. She grabbed the syrup and squeezed the plastic bottle, pouring a big blotch of it on the small cucumber.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kaidan asked, looking at her creation as if it might jump in his direction any second.

Catherine took a bite of her snack and chewed happily, ignoring the gagging sounds her husband made. "You eat cheese with _grapes_. And you call _this_ disgusting", she answered before adding more syrup to the pickle and taking another bite.


	23. Universe & U

Thanks to Trishata96, CyanB, jadedstar, j and millsenberry For their feedback!  
Trishata: Of course she always gets the last word ... she's Shepard after all *lol*  
millsenberry: Not exactly future medicine ... I mean, it's mini Shep we're talking about. Her mother survived the Crucible, so a flight of stairs is nothing for the little one XD

Special thanks to my awesome beta tag58 for giving me the idea for this chapter. The title refers to the song "Universe & U" by KT Tunstall. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_A fire burns, water comes, you cool me down  
When I'm cold inside you are warm and bright  
You know you are so good for me  
With your child's eyes, you are more than you seem, you see into space  
I see in your face the places you've been, the things you have learned  
They sit with you so beautifully  
You know there's no need to hide away  
You know I tell the truth, we are just the same  
I can feel everything you do, hear everything you say  
Even when you're miles away, 'cause I am me, the universe and you_

_- KT Tunstall, "Universe & U"_

* * *

**26th July 2194**

"I'll be right back, I just want to pick a few cherries", Kaidan said, pressing a soft kiss to Catherine's cheek when he passed her on the way to the door that led to the backyard. His parents had dropped them off at the orchard last night. It had been his mother's idea: she had claimed that the weekend before their wedding anniversary would be perfect to spend some time alone – the boys were probably being pampered like little princes by their grandparents right now - since they would get even less time alone once their daughter was born. Their daughter. Kaidan still couldn't keep the smile off his face every time the thought crossed his mind. He was a goner already and Catherine teased him about it more often than not, but he didn't mind at all. He would gladly admit that his daughter was going to have him wrapped around her little finger the second she looked at him for the first time.

"Now? It's almost dark outside", Catherine answered, raising an eyebrow. He had the whole day to go outside … and he wanted to go now? She had actually planned to curl up on the couch with him now ... not have him run around the orchard to pick cherries.

"Don't worry. I'm a big boy, I can look out for myself", he answered, chuckling when he saw her roll her eyes.

When he was gone, Catherine noticed just how dark it already was in the living room and went to turn on the lights, only to find the light bulb not doing its job, even after she flicked the light switch several times. Great. She needed to change the light bulb. For a moment, Catherine contemplated waiting for Kaidan to come back, but knowing her husband, there was a good chance that he would get lost in thought while he was outside. Besides, she was still Commander-fucking-Shepard. She didn't need a man to change a damn light bulb. Thank God she had spent enough time here to know where her in-laws kept these things. She went down to the basement to grab a new bulb from a small box stored safely on a shelf and climbed the stairs again, already thinking that it hadn't been her greatest idea to prove her independence like this. The added weight from the pregnancy was making easy tasks like climbing stairs a little bit more exhausting each day.

Back in the living room, she looked at the ceiling light and the bulb in her hands, a frustrated huff coming over her lips upon realizing that she would need a ladder. She looked around – until her eyes fell on the chairs surrounding the dining table. That would work, too. Catherine grabbed one of the chairs and positioned it underneath the nonfunctional lamp. Climbing on top of the chair turned out to be a lot more difficult than she had anticipated, though. "It's high time you get out of there", she told her unborn daughter. Only two or at most three more weeks … or at least that's what the doctors told her.

Standing on her tip-toes, she unscrewed the burnt-out light bulb and carefully threw it on the couch, making sure that it wouldn't shatter. She was halfway done with putting the new bulb in place when the patio door closed loudly, causing her to start. She looked over her shoulder to see Kaidan standing there, his mouth open in shock as he stared at her.

"Are you insane?!" he asked, anger and worry evident in his voice as he crossed the room, placing the cherries on the coffee table to have his hands free. "Get down. Right now", he demanded once he stood in front of her, his eyes on the same level as her swollen belly.

Catherine raised her eyebrows. What the hell? He had never talked to her like that before. Why the hell did he think that he could speak to her like that? Here, of all places? They were supposed to spend a nice weekend here … and he was barking out orders? "I'll get down once this light bulb is-" she began, but Kaidan interrupted her.

"Right now, Catherine." She really seemed to have lost her mind. She was heavily pregnant and climbing on top of chairs … what the fuck was wrong with her? It was like she _wanted_ to fall - again. He could still feel a chill run down his spine at the memory of his pregnant wife falling down the stairs of their home.

Her jaw dropped. He had never ordered her around before. Not once in their time together on the Normandy during the war, even though he had been the ranking officer, had he tried to give her an order. Who the hell did he think he was to try it now? Catherine focused on the task at hand again without saying another word, standing on her tip-toes again, even if now it was just to spite Kaidan.

His hands flew to her hips immediately to steady her when he saw what she did. "Get down from that damn chair", he almost growled, his patience running low - fast.

"Patience is a virtue, Kaidan", she answered, her voice sickeningly sweet. She screwed the light bulb in a lot harder than she probably should have, only stopping when she heard the metal protesting.

Kaidan heard it, too, and took it as a sign that she was finished. He tightened his hold on her waist and lifted her off the chair to place her back on solid ground, taking the choice to come down on her own away from her. He didn't care that she was mad – which she obviously was. All he cared about was the fact that she was safe on the ground again.

Catherine blinked several times, her irritation obvious. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked, taking a few steps back to bring some distance between Kaidan and herself as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, effectively shutting him out. Her elbow met the light switch and the result of her work illuminated the room in warm light.

"I could ask you the same thing! What were you thinking? _Were_ you even thinking when you decided that it was a good idea to climb on a chair?" he shot back. This was not how he had imagined this weekend would go. Not at all. He had wanted to enjoy a few quiet days with her when he took his parents up on their offer to watch the boys – because quiet would be something that would be missing again for a while once the baby was born. But now they were standing here arguing.

"Oh, I'm _so_ sorry that your stupid wife likes to actually get something done herself", she bit out. "You shouldn't have married me if you wanted a wife who just sat around, twiddling her thumbs while she waited for the man in the house to get all the work done." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself, but Catherine realized that she didn't even care. She was too far gone in her anger about the way Kaidan spoke to her. Tried to order her around.

"What the hell? You know that-" Kaidan stopped mid-sentence when the light went out. Instinctively, he looked up to the ceiling light, but the bulb couldn't be the problem. Catherine had just changed it, after all, the very reason why they _were_ fighting. He saw that the holo clock across the room had shut off, as well. "I'll check the fuse", he mumbled and stalked past her to the basement. However, one look inside the fuse box confirmed that they were all in place. "Damn it", Kaidan swore under his breath. Power outages were still a common thing, even eight years after the war ended. The Reapers had been thorough in their destruction and it took a lot longer to rebuild than to destroy. Rural areas hadn't been hit as hard as big cities, but that also meant that the main focus of rebuilding was set on the cities, too. His parents had told Kaidan that they had been out here for half a week without power. He sighed as he turned to go back upstairs. Thank God his parents had stocked up on candles for the orchard house after that incident.

"So, what, is it my fault?" Catherine asked once she spotted Kaidan.

He noticed that her voice sounded somewhat strangled, though, and his brow furrowed. "It's a power outage. Are you okay?" he asked. When he got closer, he saw that her hands were tightly clutching the back of the chair she had stood on earlier. "Cathy?" His anger faded into the background as the worry became more prominent.

"My water broke. I'm going into labor", she stated, taking a deep, calming breath afterwards.

Kaidan's eyes widened. No. Not now. They didn't have a skycar. His parents had dropped them off here with the intention that they couldn't be called away on a whim. Damn it. "I'm calling an ambulance", he said, almost running to the comm-terminal.

"If this is a power outage, that terminal isn't going to work", Catherine reminded him as he stood in front of it.

"Damn it!" he voiced his earlier thought. She was right. Of course it wasn't going to work. "We need to get help. Somehow. You … you're going into labor. The baby … we need someone who knows what to do. We need to get you to a hospital. Asap." Kaidan started pacing the living room, mumbling to himself.

If not for the first wave of pain washing over her, she would have probably laughed at the comical sight of Kaidan pacing like a caged animal, running his hand through his hair again and again, making it stand at odd angles. However, all she could do right now was gasp in pain and clutch the wood she was holding onto even tighter. "Kaidan, you need to stay calm", she said through gritted teeth.

The sound of her voice brought him back to the present and he rushed over to her, wrapping his arm around her to offer support. Catherine let go of the wood and grasped his shoulder instead, her fingernails digging painfully into his flesh, even through the fabric of his shirt. She held onto him for what felt like an eternity, then her grip finally weakened. They stood like that for a few more minutes, Catherine trying to regain her composure at least a little bit while Kaidan searched her face for any indication that she was still in pain, but he found nothing. "We need to get you out of here somehow", he mumbled into her hair before pressing his lips to her temple. His voice was slightly trembling with worry for his wife and his unborn daughter.

"How? There's no skycar, we can't call anyone … and it's not like you can just ask the neighbors for help. Unless you want to go for a walk that would take longer than getting this baby out", Catherine said, pointing out the facts. She didn't like it, either, but there was no use to fret over things that weren't there. "I guess you'll have to play midwife."

Kaidan looked at her like she had just grown a second head. "What?! I have no idea what to do!" he exclaimed. "What if there are complications? What if I do something wrong and hurt you? Or our daughter? Or both of you? I can't … I can't do -" Worry surged through him. So many things could go wrong. He couldn't do this. Yes, he was trained as a field medic, but he had no idea how to deliver a baby. There were too many variables. No. He couldn't do it. There was too big of a risk that one or even both of them could get hurt because of his lack of knowledge.

Catherine pressed her lips to his in a brief kiss to shut him up. "You wanna know what you _can't_ do? You can't _panic_ now, Kaidan. I need you. _We_ need you. You _have_ to stay calm", she told him, putting her hands on his cheeks to make him look at her. "Okay? Because I can't do this on my own."

A few seconds later, Kaidan nodded. "Okay. Okay." He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Easier said than done, though. "We should get you upstairs. You need to lie down." Kaidan was trying to approach this mess logically. Getting her to lay down seemed like a good first step to him.

"Yeah, that sounds good", she replied.

He put his arm around her waist to support her as they slowly made their way upstairs. "I'm sorry about earlier", he told her once they had reached their bedroom. Well, Kaidan's old room in the orchard house, really, but since they had lived here while building their home, it had become their room. Their fight over Catherine standing on that chair didn't matter anymore – they had something far more important to focus on now – but Kaidan still felt the need to apologize. "I was just … when I saw you standing on that chair, my mind kept telling me that you'd fall and both of you would get hurt this time and I took that out on you. I'm sorry."

Catherine gave him a small smile when she sat down on the bed. "Me, too. I shouldn't have done that. Hell, I had a hard enough time getting up there in the first place", she said, glad when she heard the light chuckle coming from him. She looked down at her stomach. "I probably shouldn't have told her to get out of there, though."

Kaidan raised his eyebrows. "You did what? So … me having to play midwife is your fault?" He was teasing her, hoping to get her mind off the fact that it was only a matter of time until the next contraction would hit her.

"I guess. Sorry?" she bit her bottom lip and looked at him, her eyes wide.

He closed his eyes for a moment before he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "Forgiven. If you promise me you'll never do it again. I'm nervous as hell", he confessed, walking to the closet to grab a few towels. He needed to keep himself busy, otherwise he was bound to go insane.

"You were there when I gave birth to Jeremy and Nathan, you'll be -" she gasped and put a hand on her stomach when the wave of pain hit her. Okay. No time for small talk, then.

…

Almost 14 hours later, Kaidan placed the squirming bundle that was his daughter wrapped in a towel on Catherine's chest after cleaning the little girl up, pressing a soft kiss to his wife's lips. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, watching in wonder when her fingers gently stroked their daughter's cheek, still red from when she had screamed her little head off the second she entered this world.

"Jeremy is going to give us hell because he wasn't here to welcome his sister", Catherine whispered, looking down at the baby on her chest.

Kaidan slowly nodded, a smile on his face. "He'll forgive us. Eventually."

"You know how to make an entrance, don't you?" she asked the little girl and brushed the top of her head with her lips.

"Sure she does. She's a Shepard." There was nothing teasing in Kaidan's words, he was was simply pointing it out. "By the way: I was right."

Catherine looked at him and saw the smug smile on his face. "Yeah, you were. You were right and I was wrong."

She had been sure that their daughter would inherit her father's dark hair and and an only slightly lighter version of his tan skin. Both her boys had, so why shouldn't her daughter? However, the small bundle in her arms proved her wrong: Elizabeth Hannah Alenko had her mother's fair skin and blond hair. A lot of hair, the only thing she had in common with her brothers, though not as noticeable due to the light color. And Kaidan had told her time and time again that any daughter of theirs would take after her. He had been stubborn about it, too. Catherine had relied on the fact that his illusions would be put to rest once the baby was born. So much for that theory.

"Can I get that in writing?" he asked, chuckling when she glared at him.

"Enjoy you're small victory while it lasts, Alenko", Catherine replied, eyes focused again on the baby on her chest. She was a lot smaller than the boys had been, too. Kaidan had been right earlier: Elizabeth really was a Shepard, coming into the world on her own terms, kicking and screaming.

Kaidan placed his hand on his daughter's back, his thumb caressing the soft skin of her shoulder that wasn't covered by the towel he had wrapped her in. "Don't take this too hard. You were right the first two times. Maybe you'll be right again next time."

Catherine raised her eyebrows as she looked at her husband. "Next time? Yeah, right. There is no way in hell that I'm going through labor again."

"You said the same thing after Nathan", he reminded her, grinning at the memory.

She bit her bottom lip. He was right, after all. "But … third time's the charm, right?"

Kaidan laughed and kissed her forehead. "We should talk about this another time."

"Only if you do the whole pregnancy thing, including swollen ankles and aching back. Otherwise … forget about it. Fast", Catherine said while placing her hand on top of his, lacing her fingers with hers. "Do you know what time it is?" she asked, looking at the burned-out candles on the nightstand before her gaze wandered to the window where she saw the sun shine brightly before she closed her eyes for a moment. She was exhausted.

"No idea. But it doesn't matter. Get some rest. If dad comes to pick us up, he'll just have to wait. Somehow, I don't think he'd mind too much once he saw the reason for your nap." His eyes shone brightly as he smiled, looking down at Elizabeth, taking in her profile as she lay on her mother's chest, a tiny hand placed next to her head. She had him wrapped around her little finger already, just as Catherine had predicted. But Kaidan found that he really didn't mind. At all.


	24. The Trick is to Keep Breathing

Thanks to Trishata96, CyanB and tila for the reviews!  
Trishata: I'm pretty sure Kaidan had that whiskey with his dad later on, even if I didn't write it *lol* But what about Shepard? She was the one in pain for 14 hours, I think she deserves something, too XD  
CyanB: Same here, so I thought: why should Kaidan be different, especially put in that situation where he's not just holding Shepard's hand but actually has to do something?  
tila: I considered that while writing, but since there was no power in the area, I figured that the transmitter boosting the omni-tool signal would also be down.

This is another part inspired by my awesome beta tag58. She just puts these amazing ideas in my head, so special thanks to you, my dear!  
The chapter title refers to the song "The Trick is to Keep Breathing" by Garbage. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_She's not the kind of girl  
Who likes to tell the world  
About the way she feels about herself  
She takes a little time in making up her mind _

_- Garbage, "The Trick is to Keep Breathing"_

* * *

**30th September 2194**

"Well, shit", Catherine said, looking at herself in the body-length mirror on the inside of the closet door. If Vega could see her now, he'd probably say a lot of things, but definitely not that she filled out a uniform like nobody's business. Then again, if Vega _could_ actually see her now, Kaidan would probably kill him, anyway.

It had been two months since she had given birth to Elizabeth, but her body was nowhere near the shape it was in before the pregnancy. Despite the fact that the bump had been a lot bigger with either of the boys, it didn't take her long to get back in shape. What was different this time? 'You're getting older', a voice in the back of her mind whispered.

"Oh, shut up", she murmured to herself, her voice portraying her sour mood all too well. She grabbed one of Kaidan's shirts and roughly shoved it over her head. When she looked in the mirror again, the view that made her frown was hidden by the too-big shirt that reached her mid-thigh. There, all better. Or at least she didn't have to see the sorry sight anymore. There was no way she could fit in her old armor with the way she looked. Hell would probably freeze over before.

She climbed under the covers and grabbed the book – a real book, not a datapad – from her nightstand. 'It' by Stephen King, a tale considered a horror classic that had been turned into vids countless times. She still preferred the written version, even if clowns freaked her out just because of that book.

Catherine glanced at the empty space next to her. Kaidan was probably still stuck in the Alliance training facility for biotics. He had gone back to teaching at the beginning of the month and she could tell that he loved it. Finally rid of planning and paperwork and back to teaching students like he had before the war. Usually, she waited up for him, but today was just not one of those days. Elizabeth had kept her up last night and she was just too tired to stay up until he got home.

As if on cue, she heard some noise on the floor below before a familiar pattern of footsteps climbed the stairs. A small smile appeared on her face when the bedroom door opened and Kaidan entered the room. "Hey. Didn't think I'd see you before I go to sleep", she greeted.

He rounded the bed and kissed her softly. "Rough day?" he asked, pushing a strand of long blond hair behind her ear.

"Not really, just the remnants of partying with our daughter all night", Catherine answered.

Her words made him chuckle and he shook his head. "I'll be with you in a second. Don't fall asleep on me", he said, receiving a mock-salute from her in return.

She watched as he took off his clothes and bit her lower lip. It just wasn't fair. He still almost looked like he had when he had rejoined the Normandy and they had gotten back together. The only real difference was that there was a bit more gray in his hair these days. Stupid man, still all broad shoulders, muscular chest and rippled abs. Sure, she enjoyed the view immensely, but it was still unfair. Catherine sighed when the door to the adjoining bathroom closed behind Kaidan and went back to her book. She needed to focus on something else, asap.

A few minutes later, Kaidan was beside her, propped up on one elbow and watched her read.

"What?" she asked. She hated it when he just looked at her without saying anything.

"Nothing", he said, but grabbed her book from her hands, placed the piece of paper – a small copy of a picture Jeremy had drawn – she used as bookmark between the pages and set the book down on his nightstand, out of her reach.

"I was actually read-" she started, but was cut off by his lips claiming hers in a kiss that made her entire body tingle. Catherine returned the kiss, her hands almost instantly on his shoulders before they traveled down his back. Her eyes snapped open when she felt his hand at the hem of her shirt. Catherine pulled away from the kiss, panting. "Hey, um, you didn't even tell me about your students. Anything interesting happen today?" Her hands were back on his shoulders, pushing him away slightly.

Kaidan's brow furrowed. "You want to talk about my students? _Now_?" Had he lost his touch over the course of the last two months? This was the first time he had tried - or even started to try - to seduce his wife since she had given birth to Elizabeth, but apparently, he was out of practice.

"Sure, why not? You always talk about your students when you get home", she answered, watching his reaction. There was just no way in hell that she would let him take that shirt off her. Not while she despised what was underneath.

"How about I tell you tomorrow morning at breakfast and we concentrate on other … more fun things now?" he replied and leaned in to kiss her again. His confusion grew when his lips came in contact with her cheek because she turned away.

"We won't have time tomorrow morning because the boys will keep you entertained, you know that", Catherine said, silently praying to whatever deity was out there that he would go for it. Apparently, he didn't, because she felt his hand sneak to the hem of her shirt again. She swatted it away through the blanket. "Come on. The sooner you start talking, the sooner we can move on to whatever you have in mind. Are you actually trying to seduce me?" She hoped she could come up with another topic to distract him once they had finished talking about his students.

"If you have to ask, I must be out of practice", he voiced his earlier thought, unintentionally repeating something he had said to her before. Only then, they had talked about his attempts at flirting with her.

"Seems like it. So, what about your students?" she asked again.

"I don't want to talk about my students right now, Cathy. I want to focus on my beautiful wife who is right in front of me and whom I haven't been close to in over two months", Kaidan replied, though he knew that flattery wasn't likely to get him anywhere. It might have worked with any other woman ... but not with his wife.

'Damn it', she thought, biting the inside of her cheek. Stubborn bastard. Why couldn't he just for once be easily distracted? Catherine sank deeper into her pillow. She had to think of something. Fast. Thankfully, a thought crossed her mind quickly. "Oh, I totally forgot, I meant to send you a picture this afternoon. Nathan wanted me to teach him how to write his name when he saw Jeremy doing his homework. His attempts were … interesting. I think we could sell them as modern art."

Kaidan laughed as he tried to imagine his two-and-a-half year old son trying to write his name. He slid his arm around Catherine's waist to pull her closer and noticed the wary look that crossed her face for a second before she smiled at him again. His confusion vanished and the suspicion that something was up took its place. "You'll have to show me tomorrow", he said.

"I can always get it now, I put his masterpiece up on the fridge", she answered, pushing slightly against his chest to get away, but he held her firmly in place.

That confirmed his suspicion. Catherine usually nestled into his embrace, something he enjoyed immensely. She didn't try to get away. He rolled on his back and pulled her with him, wrapping his now free second arm around her as well to hold her close. Kaidan could feel her shift, almost as if she was uncomfortable, before she stopped moving. "Or you could tell me what's wrong", he simply stated.

"What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong", Catherine replied, biting her bottom lip after the words left her mouth. Okay. She could still do this. She just needed to distract him. It was still possible.

He sighed. Why had he expected this to be easy? If it were easy, it wouldn't have been his wife. He needed to get her to talk. But how? Absentmindedly, he started drawing circles on her back, which also had the effect of inching her shirt up her back.

She reached behind her back and put her hand on top of his, effectively keeping him from continuing. "Kaidan, stop", she said. God. When had been the last time she told him that without a _don't_ in front of it?

Suddenly, something clicked in his head. She had started acting weird when he had tried to move his hand under her shirt. Then she deflected him when he flat-out told her that he wanted to seduce her. Now she stopped him again. The only question was … why? Did he do something wrong? No. She wouldn't have greeted him the way she did if that had been the case. "What's the matter?" he asked, not really expecting to get the answer he wanted.

"I'm just not in the mood, okay? I'm tired", she said, not looking at him in fear that her gaze would betray her words.

She didn't need to look at him. He knew that she was lying because she averted her eyes in the first place. "'Not in the mood?' That was _never_ an issue before", he responded.

"We didn't have three kids before, either", Catherine explained, mentally repeating her new mantra of 'please believe it'.

"Catherine ..." When he said her name, his tone held concern mixed with a warning.

"Kaidan ..." she mocked him, rolling her eyes in an attempt to lighten the mood. Judging from the look on his face, it wasn't working. Well, he had used her full name to begin with. He only did that when he was serious.

"There's this giant pink elephant in the room and I think its name is sex, but I'm not entirely sure. Some help here, please?" Maybe he could coax the problem out of her this way.

She squinted and looked around their bedroom. "Nope, can't see an elephant in here. Especially not a pink one."

"Well, you can't be too tired if you're joking around like this", Kaidan commented. Her answer had confirmed his suspicion, voiced in the metaphorical elephant's name. "Why don't you want to have sex?" He usually didn't talk about it this bluntly, but since Catherine wanted to be difficult, he had to resort to drastic measures.

"I never said that!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.

"Then take off your shirt", Kaidan said, looking at her expectantly. Maybe, just maybe, she would blurt out what was bothering her when he annoyed her enough. Childish? Absolutely. But it had also worked before.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Really sexy. I think I'll pass, thanks."

"Afraid to take your shirt off? That's new. Commander-fucking-Shepard being afraid of something", he challenged.

"Why would I take it off when I hate what's underneath?" she hissed, realizing a second too late that she had spilled the beans. "Damn it", she cursed silently before she started pushing at Kaidan's chest. "Let go of me."

"Yeah, not going to happen", he mumbled, distracted by the fact she had just admitted, unable to really understand what she was talking about. "What do you mean you hate what's underneath?"

"Can we not talk about this? We should get some sleep, who knows when Elizabeth is going to wake up", she said, trying to change the subject again. Damn it. She really fell for it. One of the oldest tricks in the book. Annoy someone long enough to make them spill.

"Not going to happen, either. Tell me what the hell is going on", Kaidan demanded. He had dealt with many emotions when it came to his wife … but insecurity had never been one of them. He didn't know what to think.

Catherine closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. "I'm … I'm just not the same anymore", she tried to explain.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly, rubbing soothing circles into her back with his thumb.

She huffed out a humorless laugh. "Look at you. You … you're even hotter than when we first met. Me … I can't even get my body back to the way it was before you got me pregnant."

The weight of Catherine's insecurity hit Kaidan like a freight train. Without thinking, he rolled over, pinning her into the mattress underneath him. When her eyes refused to meet his, he put a hand on her cheek, gently forcing her to look at him. His other hand crept under her shirt, despite her wiggling. "Listen to me", he started, but she was too preoccupied with getting his hand away from her body. "Catherine Alenko, listen to me." His use of her full name finally got her attention.

She looked at him, resignation settling in on her face. "What?" she simply asked.

"You're stupid as hell", he told her. When she opened her mouth to protest his statement, he kissed her, a long and loving kiss that made her stay silent once it ended. "You're stupid as hell if you think I care. Because I don't. I don't know what brought this on … and, you know what? I don't care about that, either. I love you. So what if your body isn't the same it was when we met eleven years ago? In case you've forgotten, here's a little reminder what you went through since then. Countless firefights. You died, got resurrected. Then almost got blown to pieces by the Crucible. Several surgeries and months of physical therapy until you were back to your old self. Three pregnancies. You know, it's actually pretty funny that the last thing – the only really positive thing on that list – is what bothers you the most."

Catherine didn't know what to say. She stared at him, wide-eyed, her mouth slightly agape in wonder. He was right. The bastard was actually right. And she had no idea how to respond to that. She gasped when his hand slid under her shirt and stroked over her abdomen – the part of her body that had filled her with resentment in the first place.

He saw her reaction and knew that he had hit dead center. "Cathy, what bothers you is the result of us having three healthy, perfect kids. And I know you. Given enough time, this result will vanish again. And even if it doesn't", he said, nipping at her lips in an almost playful kiss before he continued, "then this is also a reminder of how those kids were conceived. And I don't know about you, but those are pretty fond memories for me." He chuckled when he saw her roll her eyes. That was a good sign. "I love you. All of you. No matter what. And, you know, some of those changes aren't too bad", he added while his hand moved from her stomach to her hips, slightly wider than they used to be while his eyes moved to her chest.

This time, Catherine couldn't help but laugh. All the sweet things he had said … to be concluded in a caveman move. "You know, James would be proud of you for that remark and for having the _cojones_, as he would say, to stare at my chest like that", she informed him.

"Husband's privilege", Kaidan explained, grinning. His hands moved to the hem of her shirt. When he tried to take it off her this time, she didn't refuse. "Now … let me show just how much I love you", he said, the second half of his sentence muffled because he was covering her neck with open-mouthed kisses.

"You would've said anything to get me out of that shirt, huh?" she asked, breathlessly when his hands started to wander over her body.

"It worked, didn't it?" Kaidan answered, laughing when she swatted one of his hands away playfully before pulling his lips down to hers in a searing kiss that was meant to show him how much she appreciated what he had just done for her.


	25. Home Is Where Your Heart Is

Thanks to tag58, CyanB, xforeverquotex and millsenberry for the reviews! I really appreciate it.  
xforeverquotex: I'm always a bit afraid if I step over that dreaded OOC line, so hearing (or rather reading) that really made my day, thank you!

A part of this chapter was inspired by a review of CyanB ... I hope I didn't promise too much when I said that you'll recognize it when you see it *lol* So thanks for giving me that idea and - of course - as always thanks to my awesome beta tag58! The title is a reference to the song "Home Is Where Your Heart Is" by The Sounds.

* * *

_Oh, what you know, stop to think, start to feel, and then you'll heal  
You got to rise to the occasion, you got to read between the lines  
Then maybe you'll find, who you are inside  
When I look into your eyes, I feel what you feel  
_

_- The Sounds, "Home Is Where Your Heart Is"_

* * *

**7th January 2188**

_Catherine smiled when Kaidan brought the bright red fruit to her lips. She opened her mouth and leaned in to take a bite, but in the last second, Kaidan pulled his hand away and took a big bite of the strawberry. "Hey!" she exclaimed, "That was mine!"_

_Kaidan did his best impression of the Cheshire Cat while he chewed before he put the rest of the fruit in his mouth._

"_Oh no, you don't", she mumbled, shaking her head slightly, her gaze fixed on his lips._

_He raised an eyebrow and was about to prove her wrong when she attacked his mouth with her own in a fierce kiss. He groaned and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss but a few seconds later, Catherine pulled away, a triumphant grin on her face … while she ate the piece of strawberry she had just reclaimed. Kaidan closed his eyes, chuckling about the fact that he had fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the book. _

"_Told you that was mine", she explained, still grinning, while she grabbed another small strawberry from the bowl that sat next to them on the floor and put it in her mouth, chewing happily. "You still didn't tell me where you got them in the middle of winter." _

"_Let me keep this one little secret, okay?" he asked before leaning in and kissing her again. The smile on her face when he pulled away was rewarding him for the trouble he had to go through to get the fruit._

"_Okay, okay. Fine. Keep your boring little secret", Catherine replied, trying to pout, but the smile that kept tugging on the corners of her mouth betrayed her. In the end, she lifted her hand and her fingertips brushed his cheek lovingly. "Thank you. For making this night even more special", she whispered. _

_They lay in front of the fireplace in their living room. Their living room. Catherine still had a hard time wrapping her mind around that. Their home. They had purchased land close to the English Bay – not beachfront property like Kaidan had dreamed of, but close enough – and built their own house. Not renovated something that was already there but built their _own_. The thought made her smile. This was their place, their dream. Where they would spend the rest of their lives together, however long that may be. It had a lot of open space which reminded her of the apartment Anderson had given her on the Citadel – the apartment that had been destroyed along with so much more when the Crucible had fired. _

The house was even bigger than the apartment. Catherine had insisted on adding several bedrooms, keeping in mind that she wasn't exactly opposed to Kaidan's wish to have still didn't know whether she would be able to have kids. Sure, she could just ask Chakwas, the only doctor she really trusted ... but there was a part of Catherine that was actually afraid of the answer she might get. So she had put it off, again and again. When Kaidan brought up the topic of kids, he almost automatically talked about adoption. Maybe he was just as afraid, or maybe it was just his way of reassuring her that it didn't matter to him whether it were their biological children or not, as long as they raised those kids together. But still, the thought of several children was taken into consideration when they had planned their home. And then they would also need a guestroom or two from time to time because she had sent her old crew a message to feel free to stop by whenever they had the chance. It had cost them a small fortune to get everything done the way they wanted, but in the end, it was worth it.

_And now they were spending the first night in their new home. There was not a single piece of furniture yet, they had brought the mattress from Kaidan's old bedroom at the orchard to sleep on along with a few pillows, blankets, duffel bags and firewood to keep them warm. They had spent the entire day planning where they wanted to put the sofas, where the dining table should go, which one of the rooms upstairs would be the first one to be turned into a nursery. It had been the most domestic thing ever, but Catherine couldn't get enough. It was so new, so different from anything she had ever experienced that she quickly became addicted. Kaidan had humored her, found her enthusiasm endearing when she told him that the hallway downstairs would be decorated with pictures – real ones, not holos. _

_Kaidan grabbed the small carton of vanilla ice cream that sat next to the berries and one of the spoons. It had already melted a little due to the close proximity to the fire, but he couldn't care less when he offered a small portion of the sweet ice cream to Catherine and watched her lips close around the spoon while she looked at him, taking her time until she finally released the piece of cutlery again. Kaidan swallowed dryly. So far, his plan of seducing his wife with the ice cream and strawberries – her favorite fruit and hard to get your hands on in the middle of winter – was seriously backfiring, if the fact that his pants started to become uncomfortably tight was any indication._

"_Your turn", Catherine said, grinning, when she took the spoon from him and returned the favor. She noticed a bit of ice cream that hadn't made it past the corner of Kaidan's mouth and chuckled. "You've got some ice cream there. Let me ..." she started and leaned in, closing the distance between them kissed the spot that had been decorated by the sweet dessert. She heard him groan softly when her tongue darted out to get rid of the ice cream. _

_Any witty remark that might have floated around in her mind died when Kaidan's hand found the back of her head and he pulled her close in a passionate kiss she could feel all the way down to her toes. It was her turn to groan when he deepened the kiss and his hand caressed her back, wandering lower until he finally pulled her body closer to his. Catherine pulled away from the kiss, her eyes slightly darker than they had been before. "Your ulterior motive for this", her gaze lowered to the ice cream for a second, "will have to wait a little longer. There are still strawberries left and I learned growing up on ships to never let anything go to waste."_

_Kaidan closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, followed by a hoarse chuckle. "You're killing me, you know that, right?"_

_She shook her head, grinning when he looked at her again. "Relax, Kaidan. Just imagine how much sweeter it's going to be when you finally get what you want." Catherine laughed when she heard him groan again._

"_You just had to put those pictures in my head, didn't you?" He grabbed one of the strawberries from the bowl, hoping that something to eat would distract him. But the way his wife watched him intently as he put the red fruit to his lips … that didn't help at all to distract him._

"_Sorry. Let me make it up to you", she said, still grinning, when she grabbed another strawberry and brought it to his lips. _

_He watched her, wary at first because he expected her to retaliate for the little stunt he had pulled earlier, but she let him take a bite and watched as he ate. Kaidan grabbed her wrist to hold her hand in place when he leaned forward to get the rest of the fruit and let his tongue brush her fingertips, holding her gaze the whole time. He heard a soft gasp and saw her gulp afterwards, satisfied that he wasn't the only one affected. "Two can play this game, love", he told her._

_Catherine licked her suddenly dry lips before deciding to keep herself busy with the strawberries. She fully intended to make Kaidan wait, now even more than before. She couldn't let him win what he had called a game. To her, it was more a competition of self control. She took another fruit, dipped it into the ice cream that had already melted, coating the tip before biting down on it. She moaned softly when the combined flavor exploded in her mouth._

_Kaidan watched her the entire time, following her movements. He knew what she was doing. She was testing him. Testing how far she could go until he finally broke. When he heard her moan, he did. He pushed the bowl of fruit as far away as he could and took the ice cream from Catherine to put it away, as well._

"_Hey, I wasn't fini-" she started, but Kaidan stopped her from finishing her sentence when he claimed her lips in a passionate kiss as he pushed her on her back, hovering over her as he opened the zipper of her black N7 hoodie. _

_He pulled away a few moments later, both of them panting from the kiss. "You can eat your strawberries later", he almost growled, his husky voice slightly deeper than usual. He almost groaned when he saw that all she wore underneath that hoodie was a bra, its innocent white color glowing in the orange light provided by the fire._

_Catherine pulled his sweater over his head, revealing his bare chest. A sight she would never get enough of. "Okay", she relented, running her hands over the exposed skin, smiling when she felt goosebumps underneath her fingertips. "Oh, and Kaidan?" _

"_Hm?" came his reply. He was busy covering her neck with open-mouthed kisses._

_She was sure that he could hear the smile in her voice when she said "I win." _

_He pulled away, looking at her dumbfounded. Then he groaned when the realization washed over him what she was talking about._

_Her laughter about his reaction quickly turned into soft sighs and moans when he started to show her that all she had accomplished was a draw, even if it was the best kind. Especially after he dragged the ice cream back within reach, giving her words - that his reward would be much sweeter after waiting for a while – a whole new meaning. Both of them would never look at vanilla ice cream the same way ever again.  
_

**8th November 2194**

Kaidan woke up with a smile on his face, his mind still halfway stuck in his dream. He definitely preferred that one to those that took him back to the war. He lowered his gaze to the sleeping woman in his arms and his smile broadened. She'd have a field day if she knew. He pressed a soft kiss to her tousled blond hair and simply watched her sleep. At times like this, when her guard was down completely and she lay in his embrace, it was hard to believe everything she had done. Everything she had sacrificed along the way. That she was real, alive. That this wasn't a dream.

He had told her once. A few weeks after she got out of the hospital, her wounds not fully healed yet, but on the right track. She had told him in return that she hadn't expected to survive. They had fought after that, both of them venting all the pent-up emotions from the war and everything that happened after it ended. His lack of knowledge of what had happened to her while the Normandy limped back home to Earth. Her frustratingly slow healing process. They took it out on each other. In the end, Catherine had cried for the first time in years. Both of them had, holding onto each other as if they might vanish any second. Once they had calmed down, they made up wordlessly, getting lost in each other and the fact that they were still alive and finally had the chance to be together.

They had never spoken about it again.

"Hey, what's with the face? What's the matter, bad dream?" Catherine asked, her voice still hoarse from sleep when it pulled Kaidan out of his thoughts.

He hadn't noticed her waking up, but the smile returned to his face when he felt her fingertips trace the lines his frown had brought to his forehead. "It's nothing. Don't worry." He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing soft kisses to her fingertips. "I had a pretty great dream, actually."

She arched a brow. "Oh? Care to share with the rest of the class?"

"How about I show you instead?" The smile on his face took on a suggestive note when he ran his hands down her sides.

Catherine chuckled. "Do I have to remind you just how bad our luck is when it comes to having sex in the morning?" They had been interrupted by beeping omni-tools just one too many times. Other than that, she still vividly remembered Jeremy almost walking in on them. While Kaidan trying to talk his way out of their son's interrogation had been funny as hell, at least for her, neither of them wanted to experience a repeat of that situation. That's why Kaidan had suggested to put a chain with several small bells on the door handle to alert them. Catherine had agreed, but so far, those bells never had to do their job.

"But we're on leave, so ... no calls to interrupt us." His hands slowly crept under the hem of her shirt, slowly inching the soft, worn out fabric upwards.

She rolled her eyes. "And what about your parents?" Catherine looked at the holo clock on the nightstand. "They're probably already awake."

Kaidan's hand was on the small of her back, pulling her closer, before he went back to work on her shirt. "So? Let them be awake." He grinned when she let him pull the shirt over her head without resistance. He leaned in to kiss her; a slow, sensual kiss full of promises.

"Must have been one hell of a dream", she mumbled against his lips. "But still, we can't. I mean … come on. Could you look your dad in the eye without knowing whether he and mom … well, know?"

They were back at the orchard, this time with the boys and Kaidan's parents. It had become a tradition of the Alenko family to celebrate the end of the war out here instead of in Vancouver, where people went all out with parties and fireworks. Instead of drinking until they weren't able to remember their own names anymore, they spent several hours each day outside, one of them building snowmen with the boys while the other watched Elizabeth, and sat in front of the fireplace in the evening, sharing stories with Kaidan's parents.

"You worry too much", Kaidan told her and kissed her again before slowly rolling them over, giving her time and opportunity to stop him. She didn't.

"Kaidan, they're going to hear us!" Catherine hissed, but quickly bit her bottom lip when Kaidan started kissing her neck, instantly moving to the spot below her left ear that made her lose coherent thought.

"We'll just have to be quiet, then", he whispered in her ear before kissing her again, balancing his weight on one arm while his free hand roamed her body.

She involuntarily arched her back slightly, pressing her body closer to his. They shouldn't be doing this. They really shouldn't. But Kaidan knew _just_ where to touch her to tell her worry to take a walk out the airlock. Her hands moved to his back, fingernails dragging over his skin. She smiled against his lips when she felt goosebumps appearing as he pressed his hips to hers.

"No pockets. You must be happy to see me", Catherine mumbled against his lips, her fingers playing with the waistband of his pajama pants.

"Cathy? Shut up", Kaidan answered before kissing his wife again just in time to swallow her moan when his hand drifted further south as one of her legs wrapped around his waist.

A few moments later, the bells that hung from the door handle suddenly chimed.

Catherine and Kaidan took a second to register where the sound had come from before hastily pulling away from each other. Kaidan rolled over to his side of the bed, expecting so see Jeremy or even Nathan enter the room. What he didn't expect was his mother standing in the doorway, a hand covering her eyes.

"Mom!" Both of them exclaimed simultaneously while Catherine pulled the blanket up hastily to cover herself.

"It's not what it looks like!" Kaidan blurted out, earning a raised eyebrow from his wife.

"Oh my God, I'm … I'm so sorry!" Ivy Alenko stammered, mortified. "It was so quiet in here, I thought you were already outside with the kids!" Her hand was still firmly pressed against her eyes, blocking her sight. She had already seen more than enough. Her son hovering over her daughter-in-law who had her leg wrapped around his waist … dear God. There were some things a mother just didn't need to see. "I … I'll see you both later at breakfast", she mumbled, hurriedly turning around and closing the door behind her.

Catherine and Kaidan stared at the closed door for a moment before she looked at her husband. "_It's not what it looks like?_" she asked. "Seriously, Kaidan?"

"Yeah, that probably wasn't the best thing to say", he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"You could say that. Because it was _exactly_ what it looked like." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. How was she supposed to look Ivy in the eye ever again? "God, this is embarrassing", she mumbled. "This is all your fault", Catherine said a moment later, hitting his biceps.

"What? How is that my fault?" Kaidan asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself! _We'll just have to be quiet_, my ass."

He sighed and grabbed her hand, pressing a soothing kiss to her knuckles. "Hey, don't worry about it. Mom is pretty good at pushing embarrassing stuff to the back of her mind. She won't mention it."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, Mister 'It's not what it looks like'?" She wasn't happy at all about the current situation. She felt like a teenager again … only this was _so_ much worse than when her mother had caught her making out with her first - and only - boyfriend on the couch of the quarters they were given on Arcturus.

"You won't let me live that down anytime soon, huh?" Kaidan already knew the answer to his question, but there was a small glimmer of hope still left that she would have mercy.

Catherine raised a brow when she looked at him. "You can bet your perfect ass that I won't."

No mercy for him, then.


	26. This is War

Thanks to REB-ART (glad you enjoy the story!), millsenberry and CyanB for their feedback! And of course thanks to everyone else who's reading and following.  
millsenberry: That lock would be perfect, but ... not gonna happen XD What if there's an emergency? They're both just way too overprotective of their kids to take any chances, even if it means no romp in the sheets in the morning *lol*  
CyanB: "The second part: the most epic romance fail I have ever had the pleasure to read." I'm just going to take that as a compliment *lol*

Thanks to my really awesome beta tag58 who keeps me up until almost the crack of dawn because of the time difference ... but I don't regret even one hour of lost sleep because of our fangirling *lol*

The title of this chapter refers to the song "This is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars. Let me know what you think, reviews are always greatly appreciated!

* * *

_A warning to the people, the good and the evil: this is war  
To the soldier, the civilian, the martyr, the victim: this is war  
It's the moment of truth and the moment to lie  
The moment to live and the moment to die  
The moment to fight, the moment to fight  
To fight, to fight, to fight_

_ - 30 Seconds to Mars, "This is War"_

* * *

**8th November 2194**

A few hours after one of the most embarrassing moments of Catherine's life, she sat on the patio of the orchard house, holding her daughter in her arms while she watched Kaidan build a snowman with Jeremy and Nathan – right next to the one they had built yesterday and the day before that. She looked down at Elizabeth, who was sleeping soundly as her mother gently rocked her. The little girl was barely recognizable underneath the layers of clothing to keep her warm. Carefully, Catherine stood up to place the baby back in the stroller, covering her daughter with a hand-knitted orange blanket, a gift from Ivy. She stroked a soft, cold-flushed cheek with her fingertips before she sat back down to watch her three men again. It didn't take long until she had to cover her mouth with her hand to muffle her laugh.

"No, Daddy, not big enough!" Nathan exclaimed, shaking his head furiously as his father suggested that they should start the second globe that would pose as the snowman's torso.

Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing when he looked at his younger son, standing next to the first ball of snow that was already taller than the two-year-old. "But we have to stop. If we keep going, there won't be any snow left to build another snowman tomorrow."

Jeremy interrupted them. "But there will be more snow tomorrow, right, Daddy? There was more snow when we woke up today!"

"I don't know, Jer. It could snow again tonight, but there's always a chance that it won't. So we have to save some for tomorrow", Kaidan answered. Truth was that he was sure it was going to snow again – there had been nothing _but_ snow for the last two weeks – but he wanted to get this thing done. Despite the gloves he wore, he started to get the feeling of needles pricking his fingertips. "So, what do you say, Nate? Keep going or start the next one?"

Nathan seemed to be in deep thought for a few moments. "Next one", he decided, repeating his father's words.

"Thank God", Kaidan mumbled under his breath and started forming the next ball, Jeremy and Nathan running around the wide area to gather more snow. He raised his eyes to look at the patio and saw Catherine grinning at him. "You know, you could always help us", he suggested, forming the slowly growing snow globe.

She shook her head. "I'm good, thanks. It was my turn yesterday", she answered, pointing to the snowman she had built the day before. "Besides, someone has to watch Lizzie."

However, Nathan heard Kaidan's suggestion. "Mommy, come help us!" he demanded, looking at her innocently with his big caramel-colored eyes.

Out of nowhere, Jeremy appeared next to his brother, a look of excitement on his face. "Yes, please help us, Mommy!"

Catherine sighed, glancing at her daughter who seemed to be fast asleep. "Fine. I'll help. But only with the head", she said, proving once again that Kaidan was right - she couldn't say 'no' to her boys. She got up and joined her men, glaring at Kaidan when she heard him chuckle. "You're going to pay for this", she warned him, the words spoken softly so only he would hear them.

"I'm already looking forward to it", he replied, still chuckling, his hands staying still on the halfway-done ball of snow.

"Daddy, make it bigger", Nathan demanded, looking at the globe his father currently wasn't working on before scurrying off to get more snow.

Kaidan's eyebrows shot up as he looked at Catherine who was snickering while she started on the last piece. "Yeah, definitely your son", he said.

"I don't know. He looks an awful lot like you. And that demanding tone right now? He even sounded like you when you want me to take my clothes off", she replied, grinning when she saw his cheeks flush a deeper red color than they already held due to the cold.

"Cathy! The boys!" It was one thing to tease him when they were alone, but another to do it when the boys could hear them.

Catherine couldn't stop herself from laughing, mentally marking up one point for her and zero for Kaidan. "Calm down, Major. They didn't hear anything. They're way too focused on their snowman."

A few minutes later, she pressed two more or less circular stones in the top ball, giving the snowman eyes. Nathan had insisted that he should be the one to do the mouth, so she had hoisted him up on her hip a few moments ago to let him work on it. Meanwhile, Kaidan had helped Jeremy with the twigs he had found and that would pose as arms.

"What do you say, boys? Good?" Kaidan asked.

While Jeremy simply nodded, Nathan tilted his head while looking up at the snowman that ended up almost three times his own size. "I want a more big one tomorrow", he decided.

Catherine laughed and picked him up again, tickling him. "A bigger one, huh?" she corrected gently before she continued, "We can't make him much bigger than this without using a ladder, you know?" she said, laughing even harder when she heard the shrieks of laughter coming from her son. Ivy had come outside to see how they were doing and had taken Elizabeth inside with her, so she didn't have to worry about waking her daughter.

"Mommy, stop!" Nathan exclaimed, laughing.

"What do you say?" she asked. She didn't care that she was probably grinning like a fool.

"Please, Mommy!" the little boy gasped between fits of laughter.

Still grinning, Catherine sat him back down when the door opened again, revealing her father-in-law.

"They probably heard you all the way back to Vancouver", he said. He had witnessed the whole thing from the window. Robert looked at the snowman. "Good job, boys. Did your parents even help you at all?"

Catherine rolled her eyes at the comment but kept quiet. "Come on, time for you two to go inside. No arguing", she added when both of them opened their mouths in protest simultaneously.

"I think your grandma made cookies. Want to try them?" Robert provided helpfully. Suddenly, they couldn't get inside fast enough, their sudden enthusiasm making their parents and grandfather chuckle as they raced inside. "I'll get them to take their shoes and jackets off", he said before closing the door again.

When Kaidan walked in the same direction his sons had take off to a moment ago, Catherine bent down, gathered a handful of snow, formed a small ball and threw it, hitting the back of his head dead center. Her aim was still as excellent as it had been when she had deliberately missed that shot on the Presidium and proclaimed her favorite Turian king of the bottle shooters.

He turned around slowly, trying to wrap his mind around what just happened. "What the hell?"

He saw that Catherine already held another ball in her gloved hand, looking at him with her eyebrow raised. "I told you that I would make you pay." She threw the ball in her hand, hitting his chest right over his heart because he was still stunned, trying to comprehend what was happening. By the time he had gathered his wits, she had already taken cover behind a large tree and was forming another snowball.

"Seriously? Cathy, you don't need to take cover in-" he started, but stopped when another ball hit his chest. "Okay, fine. If that's how you want to play it", Kaidan said, covering down behind the snowman they had just finished and forming his own ball.

Catherine leaned around the trunk of the tree to see where Kaidan went, but quickly drew back when she saw the ball flying at her. She would need to change her position to get a clear shot in. She looked around for an alternative and decided that another tree to her right would provide better cover and better oversight. She made a run for it, dodging another ball coming her way. Once she was in cover, she took a deep breath before grabbing a handful of snow, forming another ball and quickly throwing it at Kaidan. She almost laughed when she missed her target, his back, and hit his backside instead. Almost.

"Fighting dirty, Commander Shepard?" Kaidan asked, leaning around the snowman to look at her. "Come on, this isn't combat. Do you really want to stay behind that tree, waiting for me to make a wrong move so you can go in for the kill?"

"If that's what it takes, then yes", she answered. "You know that I can be very patient in this kind of situation."

He shook his head. "Seriously? Cathy, a snowball fight is meant to be fun, it's not about taking down an enemy." He got out of cover and was almost immediately hit by another snowball in the chest.

"You've never been in a snowball fight with an N7, then", she replied, still in cover behind the tree. She heard the snow scrunching under his boots as he came closer to her and looked around, spotting another tree further away from the house. Quickly forming several small snowballs, she ducked out of cover, throwing them at him while she ran for the tree, dodging one snowball successfully while another hit her leg. "Damn it", she cursed under her breath.

Kaidan still heard her in the otherwise silent backyard and laughed. "If every hit counted, I would've been down before this whole thing even started", he told her, hoping to lure her out of cover. She didn't take the bait.

"Don't care", was her simple reply before she hurled another round of several small snowballs his way.

He managed to dodge most of them, but one hit his knee anyway. For a moment, Kaidan contemplated taking cover again to humor her, but he decided against it. He refused to be turned into a sitting duck because his wife took a snowball fight too seriously. Then, an idea struck him and he grinned. The next snowball he threw her way flew in a curve around her cover and hit her side.

"Hey! Using your biotics is _not_ cool! That's cheating!" she exclaimed, leaning around the tree to glare at him.

He laughed at her words. "I need to flush you out of your cover somehow. And I remember you telling me once that you thought seeing me in action was hot." Another biotically guided snowball had her actually running out of cover, seeking shelter behind another tree to her left.

"I thought you said this wasn't combat?" she challenged him, throwing another staccato of smaller snowballs his way.

He deflected the one that was headed straight for his face with his hand. "Since you treat this like a battle, I have to, as well." He sent another ball her way, grinning when he heard her yelp because it hit her backside. "Now we're even", he said.

"We're nowhere near even, Mister 'It's not what it looks like'" she told him, followed up by another set of snowballs.

The words actually made him lose focus for a second. Was she still mad about his slip this morning when his mother walked in on them?

Catherine used his moment of distraction to come out of cover. She charged at him and bowled him over, landing on top of him.

When he saw her coming, it was already too late. All he could do was watch out that neither of them would hit anything when they hit the ground, the thick layer of snow underneath them acting as a buffer – at little bit, at least.

She straddled his waist and held his hands over his head, looking down at him with a triumphant grin on her face. "Do you give up?"

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Really?"

Catherine leaned in a little closer, her nose almost touching his when she spoke again. "Do. You. Give. Up?" she repeated.

He took in her appearance for a moment. Cheeks flushed, blue eyes shining bright with the adrenaline he knew was pumping through her veins, her blond hair partially hidden underneath a woolen hat, showing in two braids that reached past her shoulders. He strained against her hold, the need to kiss her almost unbearable, but she leaned back and out of his reach again.

"I'm waiting", she said. She was perfectly aware of what he had tried to do and while one part of her was more than willing to comply, another part of her, the soldier, wanted to hear the words.

Kaidan shook his head slightly. "Never."

"Wha-" she started, surprised at his answer, when he wound one of his legs through hers and used it to roll them over. She stared up at him, eyes wide with surprise.

"Do _you_ give up?" he asked, a smug grin on his.

"Never", she repeated his answer, making him chuckle.

"I guess I just have to claim my victory then", Kaidan said before putting his hands on her cheeks and leaning down, kissing her. "I win", he mumbled against her lips.

Catherine returned the kiss, even deepening it. She felt Kaidan relax on top of her and saw her opportunity. A fistful of snow met the back of his head before she shoved him away, jumping to her feet and running toward the house. "No, you don't!"

Kaidan sat in the snow, dazed for a moment while he tried to comprehend what just happened. When he did, he shook his head and started laughing. Defeat just wasn't an option for her. Not even in a snowball fight.


	27. Fix You

Thanks to elfy2888, millsenberry, AngstyShenko and Ms Sticha for the feedback! Glad you enjoyed the last chapter because I was a tad nervous about posting it. I feared that a snowball fight might cross the line from fluff to too fluffy (and I think there is such a thing as too fluffy), but it's a relief that my fear was for no reason.  
Ms Sticha: The though of a game of Monopoly turning into a full-contact match had me laughing for several minutes ... and if my muse doesn't overdo it, I just might try my hand on a scene like that *lol*

As always, thanks to my awesome beta tag58 for her constant support and input!

This chapter's title refers to the song "Fix You" by Coldplay. Let me know what you think, reviews are always greatly appreciated!

* * *

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?  
Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you_

_- Coldplay, "Fix You"_

* * *

**14th January 2195**

"Woosh, woosh, woosh – look Lizzie, that's how uncle Joker flies the Normandy!" Jeremy told his little sister, the model of the frigate in his hand as he made it soar around in circles over Elizabeth's head, turning it upside down and performing evasive maneuvers – just like Joker had shown him when he was with them on Christmas. These days, the best pilot in the galaxy flew freighters, doing his part in the rebuilding efforts. Besides, the Normandy lay in dry dock – where she would remain. The ship had become iconic during the war and became a symbol of victory afterwards. Apparently, being a symbol meant that one of the most advanced warships of its time would stay in one place so people could see it whenever they wanted and wander the corridors. The Normandy had been turned into a museum.

It had become a tradition for Joker to spend the holidays with the Alenko family after losing his father and sister to the Reapers when they had attacked the colony on Tiptree. Catherine had to blackmail him into coming the first year, though. He had still been angry and hurt, about losing EDI, the wounds still to fresh to have healed – and she didn't blame him. She didn't blame him at all when he had come to her hospital room, screaming at her that she had taken EDI away from him after encouraging him to give it a try. However, Catherine's stubborn side had shown its face and while Kaidan had been angry at Joker for lashing out, Catherine wanted to help him. She knew that it would take time, but she had nothing _but_ time since the Reapers were gone, so why not spend it on helping a friend?

**16th December 2186**

_"What is it, Shepard?"_

_Catherine bit back the sigh that threatened to come out of her throat when she heard the bitter tone in Joker's greeting. However, she considered it a small victory that he had even answered the call. "Look, Joker, I know that -"_

_"You know nothing, so don't even try to pretend."_

_For a second, she was grateful that the call was voice-only. "Joker, just listen to me for a second, okay?"_

_"Talk. Fast."_

_She considered it progress that he was willing to listen, even if she had heard the underlying aggression in his words. "Thank you", she started before taking a deep breath. "I won't say that I'm sorry for what I did. Because you know as well as I do that it was the right choice to destroy the Reapers. The only choice. But don't think for a second that I did it coldheartedly. Don't think for a second that I didn't consider the other choices that AI gave me to save EDI and the Geth. But … you know as well as I do that destroying the Reapers was the only way to make sure that the cycle would never repeat itself. And if it makes you feel better … I didn't expect to survive. The AI told me that the Crucible wouldn't discriminate, that all synthetics would be killed. And you said it yourself, I'm half robot, thanks to Cerberus. So, yeah, I didn't expect to survive. But I was more than willing to die if it meant getting rid of the Reapers. And I know EDI was, too. She told me. I'm sure she told you the same thing, that she would risk nonfunctionality, as she put it."_

_There was a long silence on the other end, the timer on her omni-tool the only indication that Joker hadn't ended the call. "How is that supposed to make me feel better, Shepard? Knowing that I could have lost not only my girlfriend but a friend as well?"_

_Catherine swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "I didn't realize you still thought of me as a friend."_

_"Well, I do." Another long pause followed before Joker spoke again. "How are you, Shepard? I … I'm sorry… I didn't exactly ask when I stopped by."_

_That was definitely progress in Catherine' s book. Maybe she had really gotten through to him, judging from the fact that the aggression had left his voice."It's okay. I don't blame you. I'm … well, I'm going to be okay. Eventually. At least if the docs aren't lying to me. It's just going to take a while. Think you can teach me to walk on crutches?"_

_"I'd say I could even show you how to dance with them … but I guess nobody wants to see _that_."_

_A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Insulting her non-existent dancing skills … that sounded a lot more like Joker. "Probably …the chances of me stepping on Kaidan's feet would just double." _

_"How's Alenko doing?"_

_"He's okay. And … he's sorry, you know. For kicking you out. He of all people knows how you feel right now." It hadn't been pretty when she had confronted Kaidan with that truth after he kicked Joker out of her hospital room … but it had been effective._

_"I guess ..."_

_Catherine heard the caution in his voice."Joker, stop right there. I told you, I couldn't leave you behind. And I still mean it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."_

_"Yeah."_

_This time, she couldn't stop the heavy sigh from escaping her lips. "I mean it."_

_"I know Shepard."_

_Another silence settled between them, Catherine biting her bottom lip while she tried to figure out how to approach the next subject. In the end, she decided for the direct approach. "Joker … what are you doing for Christmas?"_

_"What?" The confusion was almost painfully evident in his voice._

_"You heard me. What are you doing for Christmas? Where are you going to spend the holidays?" Okay, maybe the direct approach wasn't all that effective this time around._

_"I don't know. Probably gonna hit a bar somewhere."_

_"No, you won't. You're going to spend it with us. Kaidan. Me. His parents." It almost sounded like an order._

_"Yeah, I don't think so, Shepard. I'd be the fifth wheel. Literally. Besides, I don't belong to that family."_

_"Yes, you do. If anyone asked me if I had siblings, I'd tell them that I have this annoying little brother who's one hell of a pilot. Probably the best in the galaxy."_

_"Flattery would usually get you everywhere, but … I'm not really in the mood for Christmas, you know? And those people are going to be your in-laws rather sooner than later if I know Kaidan at all … you don't want me there on the first Christmas you spend with them."_

_"Yes, I want you there. And you better show up. Because if you don't, I'll tell Hackett to ground you again. Remember, I saved the galaxy … he won't even ask why." She knew she had won when she heard Joker sigh in defeat._

_"I hate you."_

_"No, you don't. I'll send you the address and time."_

**14th January 2195**

"Uncle Joker doesn't fly the Normandy anymore. He hasn't for a few years now, you know that, sweetheart", Catherine said, smiling at the enthusiasm of her oldest son. He had shown the same love for Elizabeth from the moment he saw her like he had with Nathan. It had made her heart almost burst on more than one occasion.

"Mommy, don't call me that!" Jeremy whined from where he sat on the floor with Elizabeth lying on a blanket on the carpet.

She chuckled. After he had started school, he insisted that she shouldn't call him sweetheart anymore because he was a big boy now. Yeah, right. Like she was going to stop calling him that anytime soon. "Sorry. Won't happen again, _sweetheart_", she answered, laughing when she heard the frustrated sound escaping his throat at her deliberate use of the nickname.

However, she stopped laughing when she saw Nathan sitting on the couch, a frown on his little face as he stared at his brother who was focused on playing with Elizabeth again. Catherine saw down next to him looked at him, her head slightly tilted. "What's the matter, darling? Why aren't you playing with Jer and Lizzie?"

"I don't like her", came Nathan's reply, though he didn't look at his mother when he spoke.

"What?" She had no idea what else to say. Had she heard him correctly? He didn't like his sister? Where the hell did that come from? And why now all of the sudden? Catherine noticed that her son's hands were balled into small fists. "Why don't you like her, Nate?" She finally asked, wishing Kaidan was here. What was she supposed to do?

"Jer only plays with her. He doesn't like me anymore", Nathan explained, glaring at his little sister as he spoke.

Catherine closed her eyes. Okay. He was jealous. At least now she knew what was wrong. She pulled her son in her lap and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. It broke her heart a little when he snuggled into her embrace, wiggling around like he wanted to crawl inside her. "That's not true. Of course Jer still loves you", she told Nathan.

The little boy shook his head. "No", he mumbled.

She smoothed down the dark locks on her son's head with her free hand. "Yes. Nate, just because Jer plays with Lizzie doesn't mean that he doesn't like you anymore." Catherine looked at her older son who was currently making his little sister giggle when he tickled her stomach and held her favorite toy – a plush Hanar, a gift from Liara – over her head, it's tentacle-like legs swinging back and forth. "How about I play with you? Or do you want to read a book?" She wanted her little boy to smile again. And despite the fact that she knew he was exaggerating, she would talk to Jeremy later and try to tell him that he should divert his attention between his siblings, even if Elizabeth might still be more interesting because she was smaller and even after six months still a fairly new addition to their family.

While she waited for her son to answer, she heard the front door open. A minute later, Kaidan entered the living room. "Hey there", he said, smiling at her as he stepped closer.

Catherine looked at the holo-clock. "You're home early. Not that I'm complaining", she answered.

He raised an eyebrow when he saw Nathan curled up in her lap.

'Later', she mouthed.

He nodded in understanding and sat down next to her. Nathan surprised both of them when he climbed in his father's lap and looked at him with big eyes. "Daddy, play with me, please?" Kaidan looked at his wife, unsure what to think.

She nodded before pressing a soft kiss to Nathan's temple. "Good idea. Entertain your son", she told Kaidan, a small smile on her lips. Crisis averted. At least for now. That gave her some more time to think of a way to fix this.

...

Later that night when the kids were in bed, Catherine sat next to Kaidan on the couch, curled into his side and his arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close. Her legs were draped over his lap and he drew lazy circled on top of the fabric of her pants with the index finger of his free hand while they watched a vid, both of them not really paying attention but distracting each other with occasional long, undemanding loving kisses that had them smiling afterward.

"You know … you still haven't told me what was up with Nathan when I got home", Kaidan said after a while, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead when he heard his wife groan.

"He's jealous", she started, tilting her head so she could look at him. When she saw the confusion on his face, she explained the emotional mess further. "He's jealous of Lizzie. Because Jeremy spends so much time playing with her, Nathan thinks that his brother doesn't love him anymore. And therefore, _he_ doesn't like Lizzie."

"What?" Kaidan asked, but when Catherine simply shrugged, a sigh escaped his lips. Kids. He would never understand their logic.

"Exactly", she said, leaning her head against his shoulder. That had been her first reaction as well, after all. "What do we do? We have to fix this somehow. Because ... I don't know about you, but I can't stand the thought of our son holding a grudge against his five month old sister. I mean, I already talked to Jeremy, tried to explain it to him … but that's a lot easier said than it was done."

He nodded and pulled her slightly closer, a small smile tugging on the corners of his mouth when she wrapped her arms around his torso. "How did Jer take it? And you're right, we really have to do something about it."

"You know him. Of course he took the blame, he … he almost started crying because he hurt his little brother. So now one of our boys has a serious case of jealousy towards a baby and the other one has a guilty conscience. Yeah, I guess I really won't get that 'Mother of the Year' award", she said, taking a deep breath and inhaling that scent that was uniquely her husband.

Kaidan chuckled at her assessment and kissed her temple before leaning his head on top of hers. "You don't need it, anyway. One more award and I think that drawer you put them in to forget about them is going to give out. But the only question is … what do we do about that mess with our boys?"

"I have no idea", Catherine mumbled, closing her eyes. Suddenly she stiffened in Kaidan's embrace as an epiphany hit her. "Actually, scratch that. I do have an idea." She sat up a little straighter so she could look at him. "We never took the boys to see the Normandy, right?"

He smiled when he saw the excitement shining in her eyes. He didn't know where that thought had come from, but he was sure that she would explain soon enough. "No, we didn't. But what does that have to do with anything?"

"You could take them to see the ship. Make it a boys' thing. I'm sure that would help. You know how they both love Joker's stories about the Normandy, so seeing it together for the first time … what?" She looked at him, eyebrows raised, when she saw the smile on his face that made his whiskey colored eyes sparkle.

Kaidan lifted his hand from her leg and tangled his fingers in her hair, pulling her face close to his. "You are a genius. I love you", he simply stated before claiming her lips in a fierce kiss, muffling her laughter at his statement in the process.


	28. In My Life

Thanks to tag58, Ortholeine and CyanB for the reviews!  
Ortholeine: I'm still just as happy that I managed to show you a different side of Kaidan as I was the first time you told me :-)  
CyanB: Well, Joker is not there for the trip ... but let's just say that he has a thing or two to say about the fact that they didn't take him. But that's for another chapter, not the one you're about to read :-)

As always, thanks to my awesome beta tag58 for putting up with my rambling and whining. What would I do without you? Oh, and since I totally forgot to mention it last time, I'll just point it out now: that last chapter was another one inspired by tag58, so half the credit should go to her for giving me the idea, really :-)

The title of this chapter refers to the song "In My Life" by The Beatles. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_There are places I'll remember  
All my life though some have changed  
Some forever not for better  
Some have gone and some remain  
All these places had their moments  
With lovers and friends I still can recall  
Some are dead and some are living  
In my life I've loved them all  
But of all these friends and lovers  
There is no one compares with you_

_- The Beatles, "In My Life"_

* * *

**17th January 2195**

"Daddy, come on! You're so slow!" Nathan exclaimed, tugging on Kaidan's hand when he saw the Normandy – the real one, not just a toy replica – for the first time.

"Hurry up, Daddy!" Jeremy added, equally excited and had a slightly increasing bounce in his steps as they came closer to see the ship his uncle Joker told him so much about every time he stopped by.

Kaidan chuckled at the excitement radiating off of his boys. They should have taken them here sooner, he realized that now. And he silently asked himself why they hadn't. The Normandy was docked near Alliance HQ, they saw it every time they had to go there. Why didn't they have that idea before? Probably _because_ they saw the ship so often … the sight was so normal for them that they didn't consider how special it would be for the boys. Catherine should have come. She should really see the way the boys bounced next to him, their patience with their dad wearing thinner with every passing second. Without another thought, he let go of Nathan's hand and started tapping on his omni-tool, snapping a photo of his sons for Catherine a moment later. He had a feeling that he would be doing a lot of that while they were here.

A bored-looking women in Alliance uniform sat at the counter selling entrance tickets. She saw the boys first and started talking while her gaze slowly moved up. "Two kids, one adult … that's gonna -" her eyes widened when she saw Kaidan. She jumped up from her chair and into a salute, back straight and her hand almost slamming against her forehead. "Major Alenko, sir!"

Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing. He could imagine that there were more exciting things to do than selling entrance tickets for the Normandy. However, her snapping to attention like that was a more than funny sight. He had to make a mental note to tell Catherine about it. "At ease, Private …" he looked at the name tag pinned to her uniform "Worthington. How much is it?" He opened his omni-tool to make the transaction, but the woman in front of him shook her head vigorously.

"You don't have to pay, sir. I don't expect you'll need a tour guide?" she said, standing in a parade rest.

He shook his head, chuckling. "No, I think I still know my way around the ship. Thanks, Private." He looked down to see his boys shifting from one foot to another. "Come on, let's go." He grabbed Nathan's hand and sighed when Jeremy took off on his own through the airlock. "Jer, get back here!"

Kaidan didn't notice how Private Worthington's eyes wandered lower while he stepped through the airlock … nor did he hear her sigh at the view.

In the airlock, he felt a chill run down his spine. It was weird to be back here after all these years. Especially to be here without Catherine but with his boys, the ship not zipping through the galaxy but in dry dock, turned into a museum. It almost felt surreal. Nathan tugging on his hand, pulling him inside the ship brought him out of his thoughts.

Barely inside the ship, Kaidan snapped the next picture of his sons: both stood next to him, their eyes wide in wonder. "Want to see where your uncle Joker used to sit?" he asked, receiving two excited nods in return before he steered them to the cockpit. He ignored the sign that said "Please Do Not Touch" and helped his sons to climb into the pilot's and co-pilot's chair, taking another picture.

Kaidan showed Jeremy and Nathan the galaxy map and explained how their mother used to set course there, telling Joker where to go. The room that once held security scanners on the way to the War Room was different than Kaidan remembered – it was empty, except for pictures of the crew members that had served on the Normandy during the war and a few people that were added due to his wife's nagging, he was sure. He shivered when he saw the images of Mordin Solus, Thane Krios, Legion and EDI stare back at him. Good people – and he considered Legion and EDI to be people – that had lost their lives to defeat the Reapers.

"Look, there's a picture of you, Daddy!" Jeremy said, excited when he saw the photo of his father with the description _XO Major K. Alenko_.

"There's Mommy!" Nathan exclaimed, pointing at the single picture in the top row, titled _Commander C. Shepard_.

A younger couple taking the tour with an audio guide turned around at the exclamation and recognized Kaidan from the picture only a few feet away. Their eyes widened when they saw who Nathan was pointing at. "Commander Shepard is your mother?" The man asked, stepping closer and crouching down to Nathan's level.

The little boy nodded shyly before hiding behind his father's legs. He had learned that a lot of people still called his mother that name, even if he didn't grasp the concept behind it.

"Can you tell me about her?" the man asked, this time directed at Jeremy.

Kaidan put his hand on his son's shoulder but looked at the man. "Look, I just want to show my boys around the ship. I'm pretty sure you already know a lot of things about Commander Shepard." He asked himself when he had last referred to her by that name except in a teasing way, but he couldn't come up with an answer.

"Well, yeah, but what is she doing now? She just vanished about a year after the war!" The man stood, looking at Kaidan, demanding an answer.

"Maybe she just didn't want to be in the public eye anymore? She's still working for the Alliance, that's all you need to know", he answered, hoping to get rid of this man who reminded him a lot of Conrad Verner.

"But she's the Savior of the Galaxy, she can't just vanish like that, it's selfish! Hey, how is she as a mom? Does she tell you about all the things she has done, all the planets she has been to?" The man asked, his question directed at Jeremy again who looked warily at his father.

Kaidan moved slightly, bringing his body between the tourist and his sons like a wall to protect the boys. Something snapped inside him when the man called Catherine selfish. "You don't know her, so don't _ever_ call her selfish again", he almost growled. "She is the most selfless person you could ever meet. She sacrificed so much to save everyone. She ran herself into the ground during the war. She would have gladly given her life if necessary. She nearly did. So don't you dare to call her selfish. She had _every_ right to vanish after the war. She, more than _anyone_, deserves to finally live a life in peace and quiet." He stared the man down while he spoke.

The civilian shrank back several steps until his back hit the wall on the other side of the room. "I … I'm sorry, I didn't mean … I mean, I didn't want to ..." he stuttered, unable to finish the sentence.

The woman grabbed his upper arm. "I'm really sorry for my idiot brother, Major Alenko. He just doesn't use his brain before he speaks. I hope he didn't freak your boys out too much." With those words, she dragged the man back to the CIC.

Kaidan turned around and crouched down to be at the same level as his sons. "Everything okay?" he asked, searching their faces for any sign of distress. When they both nodded, he grabbed Nathan's hand again. "Come on. I'll show you the War Room. That's where your uncle Wrex used to hang out while he was on the ship."

Down on the crew deck, he showed the boys Liara's old office, the lounge, the medbay and the main battery, shaking his head sometimes when he saw the small plates explaining something about the part of the ship you were at. It was weird to be back … but it was even weirder to see the ship he had served on, the ship that had led the fight against the Reapers and that had zipped back and forth through the whole galaxy, turned into a museum, complete with tour guides and information plates. He told the boys stuff that wasn't on the plates, how Garrus always had one more thing to calibrate or how James had cleared everyone out at the Poker table – except for their mom.

On the way to Starboard Observation, they passed the memorial wall. "What's that?" Jeremy asked.

Kaidan looked at the names for a moment, remembering the people who didn't make it. His eyes lingered a little longer on one name: Ashley Williams.

"Daddy?" Jeremy asked again.

He took a deep breath. "That's … those are the names of the people who aren't with us anymore because of the war", he said. The concept of death was still foreign to his boys, thank whatever deity was out there. However, they had explained to Jeremy at one point how the war had taken people away from them. Friends. Kaidan saw his older son nod slightly in acceptance of the explanation before scurrying off towards the next room. "I wish you could be here, Ash. You'd have a field day with the kids. If you hadn't told Catherine back then to ... well, you're the reason they even exist ... I'll never stop being grateful to you for that", he whispered, touching the plaque that held her name for a moment before following Jeremy.

When he reached Starboard Observation, a small smile crossed his face. "I spent a lot of time in here", he said, taking a look at the place. It looked the same it had nine years ago, time seemed to be frozen. "When we were in space, you could see thousands of stars through that window", Kaidan explained, chuckling when he saw the look of awe on both his sons' faces.

On the Engineering Deck, he showed them Tali's hideout and told them about Javik, laughing when the Jeremy said that their uncle Jimmy always said the bug-man was a grumpy _pendejo_, stumbling over the Spanish word. Down in the Shuttle Bay, they almost ran to the Armory when they heard that's where their uncle James used to work. It would definitely take a while to get them off the ship.

…

"What the … what are you wearing?" Catherine exclaimed, laughing when her boys entered the living room, both of them wearing too-big baseball caps with SR-2 printed on them – almost exact copies of the one Joker still wore occasionally.

"Daddy bought us hats!" Nathan explained, rolling his light brown eyes at the fact that he had to tell his mother something so obvious before pushing his hat back a little since it hung so low in his face due to his movement that his world had gone completely dark for a second.

"I can see that", she said, biting her lower lip to stop herself from laughing again. She noticed the happy look on both their faces and breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently, taking them to see the Normandy had the desired effect. "And … what's in there?" she asked, pointing to the bag in Kaidan's hand.

"Well, the boys pointed out that they only have one Normandy model to play with", Kaidan explained, pulling a ship from the bag.

Catherine noticed subtle differences. "The SR-1." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah … I tried to explain to them that it was an older model and that it wasn't the ship they had just visited, but … Nathan was set on getting this one", he said.

"Can I have it, Daddy? Please?" Nathan asked, looking at his father with wide eyes.

Kaidan took the ship out of the plastic box and handed it to Nathan. "There you go." A moment later, he watched the boys run upstairs, no doubt to play with their respective Normandy copies.

He wrapped his arms around Catherine and pulled her close. "Hey there", he said before leaning down to capture her lips in a long kiss.

"Hey yourself", she replied once the kiss was over, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Judging from what I just saw, your little trip was a success?"

Kaidan kissed her temple before resting his head on top of hers. "Yeah, it was. Thank God. But it was weird to be back on the ship."

"I can imagine", she replied, loosely wrapping her arms around his waist.

"The boys were really impressed by your model ship collection", he told her, "and they now want to be pilots after sitting in Joker's old chair. I'll show you the pictures later. By the way, did you know that they put information plates everywhere? In the main battery, there's the plate explaining about the Thanix Cannon and the GARDIAN lasers or in Engineering, it's about the Tantalus Drive Core", Kaidan said, still having a hard time wrapping his mind around that little fact.

Catherine shook her head. "I didn't know, but I kind of figured that they would do something like that. So … is there a plate in the airlock that says "Here, Commander Shepard stared at Major Alenko's ass when he rejoined the Normandy after the coup attempt on the Citadel?" she asked, smirking when she heard him groan.

"No, they left that bit out", he answered, shaking his head. "And before you ask: there's also no plate in the loft that says 'This is where Commander Shepard let Major Alenko take charge.'"

She laughed. He was slowly, but steadily getting better at teasing her. "Then I guess there's also no plate next to the aquarium that says 'This is where Commander Shepard and Major Alenko rekindled their relationship twice after their date at App-"

Kaidan cut her off with a kiss. When he pulled away, he looked into her eyes, seeing the mischief sparkle in their blue depths. "No, there isn't", he simply stated.

Catherine sighed."You know, I think we should go there on our own sometime."

"Oh?" Kaidan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I remember that there were some spectacular views when walking through the airlock." She couldn't help but laugh again when she saw Kaidan's face flush slight before he buried it in her shoulder. He might be getting better at teasing her … but he really had to work on his immunity to her teasing first. The laugh turned into a surprised squeal when Kaidan picked her up and draped her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

Now it was his turn to laugh. "Catherine Alenko, did you just squeal?" He asked rhetorically as he crossed the room with long, determined strides. He put her down on the couch and hovered over her, his hands on the backrest on either side of her head.

"What if I did?" she asked, still grinning, while she shook her head at his behavior and rolled her eyes. Secretly, she was happy to see him like this … to see him let loose and just be silly for a few minutes. Even if it was at the expense of her making the most girly sounds … something that she only allowed to happen when he was around.

Kaidan leaned in closer, their noses touching when he spoke. "I think James and Garrus … oh and of course Wrex and Grunt would be seriously interested in knowing that you -"

Catherine cut him off with a kiss and wrapped her arms around his waist. She pulled him down on the couch next to her and climbed into his lap, straddling him, never breaking the contact of their lips. When they pulled away, her hands were on either side of his head, mimicking his earlier position. "I'm sure I can talk you out of telling them about it."

He pecked her lips again before smirking at her while his hands moved to her hips. "Hm, I wouldn't be so sure … because this opportunity is just too good to pass up."

She ground her hips into his and was rewarded with a low groan and the tightening of his hold on her hips. "Oh, I think my arguments are pretty convincing." She leaned in and kissed him again, pressing her body close to his. When he pulled away, she heard a huff of frustration coming from him and grinned. "So, what do you say? You forget about what you heard and I'll make it worth it later tonight?"

"Why not right now?" he shot back before claiming her lips again. His hands wandered underneath her shirt and stroked over the soft skin hidden by the fabric. He moved his mouth from hers and started to plant open-mouthed kisses on her neck, slowly approaching that spot that would have her agree to anything.

"We can't … the boys could come down again any second", she mumbled and bit her bottom lip when he reached that spot below her ear that made her limbs go weak. "Kaidan", she breathed, closing her eyes.

"I like to live dangerously", he murmured, still busy kissing her neck as his hands moved further underneath her shirt.

"Since when?" It took her more effort than it should to ask that simple question, but she had a hard time concentrating on talking with Kaidan assaulting her senses.

"Since I met you, I guess", he answered, chuckling against her throat when he felt her weakly punching his biceps. "I don't regret a single second of it", he relented and pulled her closer when she relaxed again.

Catherine met his lips in a fierce kiss and groaned against his lips when she heard Elizabeth cry upstairs. She pulled away and sighed. "So much for her afternoon nap. I'll go get her", she said and pecked Kaidan's lips again and started to climb off his lap, only to get pulled back for another short kiss.

"Tonight", he whispered against her lips once the kiss ended.

"Tonight", she agreed, finally standing. She looked over her shoulder, eyebrows raised, when she felt him smack her backside, a smug grin on his face when his eyes met hers. "What the hell?"

"I don't think we need to visit the Normandy. There are some pretty spectacular views right here at home", he explained.

She burst out laughing and left the room to check on their daughter, putting an extra swing in her hips as she walked, satisfied when she heard him chuckle. She decided that she really liked it a lot when he allowed himself to relax like that.


	29. Cradled in Love

Thanks to tag58, CyanB and AngstyShenko for the reviews!  
tag58: Glad you still liked it as much as when you first got to read it *lol* and I remember something about you liking protective!Kaidan, or am I wrong? *lol*  
CyanB: Now I keep imagining Nathan trying to headbutt one of Wrex' kids because he heard a story of how his mom headbutted a Krogan once ... oh dear XD  
AngstyShenko: That part ... was written when I wasn't entirely awake, so I blame my sleep-fuzzy mind XD But upon rereading it, I found it funny enough to decide that it should stay in the chapter - so it's good to hear that I got that one right XD

The title of this chapter refers to the song "Cradled in Love" by Poets of the Fall. As always, thanks to my super-awesome beta tag58 for her input and support. And I really should mention millsenberry here, too. Because she asked for something like this in a review a while ago ... a day after I actually had started writing this part. Great minds think alike, right? *lol* Anyway, enough with my rambling and on with the next part. Let me know what you think!

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_You had the blue note sapphire eyes, to back up all those gazes  
To pierce my guard and to take my soul off to faraway places  
Told me I'll never be alone, 'cause you're right there  
We took a gamble with this love, like sailing to the storm  
With the waves rushing over to take us, we were battling against the tide  
You were my beacon of salvation, I was your starlight  
So don't cry for your love, cry tears of joy  
'Cause you're alive cradled in love_

_- Poets of the Fall, "Cradled in Love"_

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**27th July 2195**

"It's hard to believe that Elizabeth is already a year old. Where did the time go? I still remember Kaidan standing there, smiling like a fool when I came to pick you up, like it was yesterday", Robert Alenko said, grinning when he saw his son roll his eyes.

"He was smiling then. You should have seen him when I told him he'd have to deliver his own daughter. For a second, I was afraid he was going to faint", Catherine quipped, chuckling when she heard the man who had his arm wrapped around her shoulders mumble under his breath. "Yes, _dear_?" she asked, biting her lower lip to stop herself from laughing when he narrowed his eyes at the nickname.

"You know, I _will_ get you alone later …" he simply stated.

"I consider myself warned and am quaking in my boots", she answered, this time unable to keep herself from laughing when he sighed in defeat.

Ivy shook her head, smiling at their behavior. It was good to seem them like this. Happy. Carefree. They deserved it after everything they had to go through. An image of how devastated her son had been after the first Normandy was destroyed crossed her mind, but she quickly shook it off. Everything was okay now, that was all that mattered.

"Well, for all it's worth, son, I would have been just as nervous had I been in your shoes", Robert said, his hand resting on his wife's knee. He knew how nervous he had been when Kaidan was born … and he was just in the same room, holding Ivy's hand and letting her curse him across the galaxy and back again. To actually have to deliver the child … no. He didn't even want to think about it.

"For all his initial nervousness, he did great, though. I mean, once his hands stopped shaking and he stopped rambling about the whole_ I can't do this _thing", Catherine said, resting her head on Kaidan's shoulder when his arm tightened slightly around her to pull her closer, even if it was just a fraction.

"I remember a time when you were rambling, love. Though that had to do with Jeremy, not Elizabeth", Kaidan said, grinning when she huffed beside him. It was a fond memory for him, to see her struggling and stumbling over her words for once.

"What? Catherine rambling? That's a bit hard to imagine, Kaidan", Ivy said, watching her daughter-in-law bite her lower lip again.

Catherine sighed. "He's right, though. I was nervous as hell when I told him that I was pregnant with Jeremy. And excited. And scared. It was the strangest thing ever", she admitted. "I mean, I didn't even know if was able to have kids before I found out about the pregnancy, so it just all came together in this weird mix of emotions."

**18th February 2188**

_Catherine Alenko, the woman still known as Commander Shepard to the entire galaxy, was pacing around the living room like a caged animal. She was waiting for Kaidan to come home. The news she had for him … she still had a hard time wrapping her head around it herself and had no idea how to tell her husband, but she knew without a doubt that she needed to tell him the second he got home. _

_She had gone to see the only doctor she really trusted - Karin Chakwas – today. Over the years and all the things they went through together – including a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy once a year - the women had become friends. And despite the doctor's claims that she only felt comfortable on ships, she had taken a ground side job after the war in a medical facility of the rebuilt Alliance HQ. She was made head of the medical staff in recognition for her work during the Reaper War and shared her wisdom in regard to "how to handle stubborn marines" with younger doctors._

_Chakwas had also overseen her recovery after the Normandy was back on Earth, something Catherine would always be grateful for. No other doctor knew her body – along with all the implants – as well as Chakwas. The Normandy's ship doctor had been pretty vocal about her opinion what had been done for Catherine until she had arrived … she hadn't been impressed at all. She still liked to check Catherine's implants for functionality every couple of months, just to be sure. _

_However, during a check-up today that Catherine thought was necessary because she had started to feel sick almost daily about two weeks ago, Chakwas had told her something that had floored the younger woman. She was six weeks pregnant. She hadn't even worked up the courage to finally ask the doctor whether she would be able to have children when Chakwas smiled at her and simply stated that she hoped they had room for a nursery in their new house. Catherine had needed to sit down after that, her hands on her lower abdomen and her mind in a daze. _

_The daze had slightly lifted by now, but her hands still wandered to her still flat stomach every now and then. There was really a baby in there. Kaidan's baby. The image of her husband holding a child with a mop of black hair on its head popped up in her mind and she couldn't help but smile, her hand on her stomach again. She stopped in her tracks when the front door opened. Kaidan. She stood frozen in place when he walked into the living room, a smile on his face the second he saw her._

"_Hey there", he greeted while he crossed the room._

"_Hey", she replied, shoving her hand in the pocket of her jeans._

_Kaidan leaned down to kiss her gently. "How did that check-up with Chakwas go today? Any idea where the nausea comes from?"_

"_The check-up went great, everything is as it should be", she answered, dodging his second question deliberately while she grabbed his hand and led him to the couch. "There is … well, there is something we should talk about, though."_

_Worry started to show almost instantly on his face. That didn't sound good at all. He squeezed her hand gently. "What is it? Did something else come up? I mean, the doc usually just checks your implants."_

_Catherine took a deep breath. Okay. She could do this. "Remember when we talked about kids … and you said that you wanted to adopt?" _

_His brow furrowed. Sure, he remembered those talks, but what did that have to do with anything? "Yeah, I remember."_

"_Were you serious? I mean, do you really want that? A kid?" She didn't even know why she asked. This was Kaidan, the man who over thought even his choice of breakfast._

_He nodded, even more confused. Where was she going with this? "I wasn't joking. That's not really something to make light of, you know?"_

_Catherine took a deep breath. It was the answer she had expected … but why didn't that help to ease her anxiety? "Well … I … I need to tell you something. It's good news, though, so stop looking at me like that. It's not like there's another Reaper invasion waiting or a Collector ship in the back yard. That would really ruin the plants, wouldn't it? And it's not like -"_

_Kaidan squeezed her hand again, his worry mixed with confusion reaching new heights. This wasn't like Catherine. At all. Whatever she was trying to tell him had her worked up in a way he didn't recognize and it scared the hell out of him. "You're rambling. You _never_ do that. What is it?" he asked directly. He needed to know so he could help her with whatever it was._

"_I don't want to adopt a child, Kaidan", she said, biting her lower lip as soon as the words left her mouth. That probably wasn't the best thing to say._

_His eyes widened in disbelief. What? She had never been against the idea before, so why now all of the sudden? What changed? "Come again? I thought … but … you said … what the hell? How is this good news?" Kaidan had no idea what to think anymore. _

"_Sorry … That came out wrong", she apologized, before adding: "guess I took some pages out of your 'how to put my foot in my mouth' book." She hoped that her attempt at joking would ease the tension that had settled between them, but judging from the look on her husband's face, she had no such luck._

"_Catherine, stop it. Right now. Is this just a big joke to you?" He let go of her hand and stood from the couch, pacing back and forth like she had done earlier. Didn't she want to have children, after all? Had she changed her mind? If so, why choose this brutal way to tell him?_

"_Damn it", she swore under her breath. This was not how she had imagined this would go. Damn nerves turned her into a blabbering idiot. "What I meant to say was … we don't need to adopt a child. I know there are a lot of kids who lost their parents and who need a new home and I really have the utmost respect for people who are willing to give those kids the love they deserve -" she started again, but Kaidan raised his hand to stop her._

"_Stop beating around the bush! What are you trying to tell me?" Anger started to seep into the mix of worry, confusion and hurt that welling up inside Kaidan._

_This was getting out of hand. Fast. Catherine took a deep breath. If she wanted to stop this before it escalated, she needed to tell him. Now. No more evasive techniques that would have made Joker proud. "Okay … here goes nothing", she mumbled before looking at Kaidan again. Now or never. "I … I'm pregnant, Kaidan. That's why we don't … well, why we don't have to adopt a child. I guess it sounds cruel to just say it like that, but … we don't need to. We can have our own children." She paused, trying to gauge his reaction. He stood perfectly still, staring at her like she had just grown a second head. "Kaidan? Please … say something … anything?"_

_His hand fell to his side and the world seemed to stand still for a second. Pregnant. Catherine was pregnant. They were going to have a baby. Their baby. He was going to be a father. Suddenly, the world started moving again and he placed his hands on her cheeks, kissing her fiercely until they had to part, both of them panting, desperately trying to catch their breath. "I love you. I love you so much", Kaidan whispered against her lips and kissed her again, gently this time._

"_I love you, too", Catherine replied softly. She watched surprised when he dropped to his knees and pulled her shirt up, exposing her stomach. She shivered when she felt his press a soft kiss on her skin. "Kaidan?" she asked._

"_I can't believe it … our baby is in there. Our baby." He kissed her still flat abdomen again. "Hey … I know you probably can't even hear me yet, but … I'm your dad. Your mom just told me about you, but I already love you so much, I just wanted you to know that. I promise that I will always protect you and your mom, no matter what. God, I can't wait for you to be here, to hold you. Are you going to take after your mom or me or are you going to be just perfect mix of the both of us? You know what? It doesn't even matter. I love you." He pressed his lips against his wife's soft skin once more before looking up, startled when he saw tears rolling down Catherine's cheeks. He stood again and wiped them away with his thumbs. "Hey … what is it?"_

_Catherine chuckled through her tears. "You. You're an asshole. Look what you did, you made me cry", she told him before kissing him again, effectively cutting off his chuckling. She squealed into the kiss when Kaidan picked her up and twirled her around, his joy getting the better of him. _

**27th July 2195**

"You scared the hell out of me at first, though", Kaidan told his wife before kissing her temple when she looked at him.

"I know. And I'm sorry", she answered.

Kaidan drew small circles on her shoulder with his thumb. "I know. I remember you apologizing that night … pretty thoroughly", he whispered in her ear, making her laugh. He blushed when he heard his father cough pointedly and saw his mother blush slightly. Crap. Apparently he hadn't been as quiet as he thought. Now he knew why Catherine was laughing.

"Nice of you to share that bit, son", Robert commented, earning a glare from Ivy.

"Stop it! That's not something to talk about", she chided him.

If Catherine hadn't known already, she had probably realized now where Kaidan got his traditional views and values from. Not that she minded because that involved him taking care of her in a way that's wasn't too common anymore. "Don't worry about it, Mom. I grew up around marines. I had heard a lot worse than that by the time I started to get tutored. Not that I had any idea what any of it meant, but my Mom certainly had her hands full with distracting me. _And_ shoving her boot up several people's asses for not paying attention what they said around a little kid", she said, chuckling at the memory of her own mother chewing out soldiers about their behavior.

"I can imagine, your mother seems like she would have a bit of a leash on her marines", Robert said. From how well he had gotten to know Hannah Shepard over the years, he imagined that the woman had a pretty tight rein on her crew. "And you should be thankful that Catherine at least tried to break the news gently."

Kaidan raised his brow. "What, did Mom just drop the bombshell?"

Ivy rolled her eyes, but that didn't stop her husband from answering. "You could say that. She had bought those books about pregnancy and shoved them at me, accompanied with a _'Read them, you can thank me once our child is born.'_ So yeah, I'd say you can consider yourself lucky."

Catherine laughed out loud. "Really?"

Ivy Alenko shrugged. "Why not? He wouldn't be the one carrying the child for nine months and going through the pain of birth. No need to take it easy on him."

Kaidan kissed Catherine's temple again. "Okay. I take everything back. I'd rather have that scare than … _that_. Seriously. I think I actually _would _have fainted if you had told me that way."


	30. Blood for Poppies

Thanks to CyanB, AngstyShenko and millsenberry for the reviews! They really made my day :-)  
CyanB: Nope, Shepard doesn't know how to do anything the easy way ... she really took a page out of Kaidan's book *cough* and you'll get your wish, but not in this chapter XD  
AngstyShenko: True story ... I have to admit that I didn't know the band before I played Alan Wake, but ... damn, now I love their music!  
millsenberry: I know what you mean. He just gives of the impression that he would cater to Shepard's every wish to make sure she and the baby are fine and happy, right? Which has me thinking again ... where the hell do you find a guy like that? I want my own Kaidan *sigh*

As always, thanks to my great beta tag58 :-) The title of this chapter refers to the song "Blood for Poppies" by Garbage. Let me know what you think!

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_To lift the sun, I've been sitting here all night long_  
_ Rolling rock, over Buddha with the longhorn_  
_ Got a hole, rip a pocket off my uniform_  
_ With the black watch boys, g__et your heads down_  
_ Duty calls, but it's way too late_

_ - Garbage, "Blood for Poppies"_

* * *

**January 2186**

_She should have seen this coming. Should have known that a Reaper artifact in a research facility wouldn't simply sit there without affecting the people surrounding it. And yet … yet she had been fooled. She had let herself be led into the proverbial lion's den like a green-behind-the-ears recruit, believing everything she was told by Dr. Kenson, only because the other woman was an old friend of Hackett's. That had been enough to convince Shepard that Kenson was trustworthy. Stupid. If the situation wasn't as dire as it was, Shepard would admit that she deserved to get knocked out and sedated for two days after being so foolishly blind. Now she had less than two hours to prevent the Reapers from entering the galaxy. _

_Finally, after fighting her way through what felt like half of the research station, she stood before the control panel that would start the Project – and in return destroy the mass relay and the entire Bahak system with it. Her stomach turned at the thought. She didn't want to do it. But she knew that she had no choice in the matter if she wanted to stall the Reapers, even if only for a little while._

"_Welcome to Project Control", the Project VI greeted her as soon as she approached the console._

"_I wanna activate the project", She said, forcing herself to sound strong. She needed to sound strong, to sound like she was in control and that this didn't faze her. For her own sake. She couldn't allow herself to be weak. Not now. Not until she did what needed to be done to keep the Reapers at bay for a little longer._

"_Warning: Activating the Project will result in estimated three hundred and five thousand casualties. Do you wish to continue?"_

_304 942. The figure glared at her on the display as she staggered backward slightly, the sheer number hitting her harder than any punch ever could. Bright white numbers on a slightly red tinged background, almost a parody of the blood that would be spilled when the Project fulfilled its purpose. The gruesome price she had to pay. A death sentence for more than 300 000 unsuspecting Batarians on Aratoht. Men. Women. Children. She would never forgive herself, that blood would always be on her hands._

_Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward again, forcing her hand to stop shaking as she activated the Project. She hoped that whatever deity was out there would have mercy on her soul for this. She had no choice, this had to be done. Otherwise, the galaxy would go down without a fight. She stumbled as the drive cores that would propel the asteroid toward the mass relay came to life, shaking the entire rock. There was no way back now._

"_Project activation in progress. Warning. Collision with mass relay is imminent. Begin evacuation procedures."_

_Evacuation. There was still time. She looked at the countdown to her left. Almost two hours. There was still a chance to get out of the system, to survive the explosion of the mass relay. She had to warn the colonists. Maybe, just maybe, some of them could escape. Maybe she had not sentenced all of them to death. "Alert: All colonists living in the Bahak system, this is -"_

_Doctor Kenson showed up on the display in front of her, effectively cutting off her transmission. Her warning to the colonists. "Shepard, no! Do you have any idea what you've done? You leave me no choice. If we can't stop this asteroid, it must be destroyed!"_

"_Tell me where to find Dr. Amanda Kenson." She didn't feel the need to answer Kenson. It was wasted breath to try to argue with the indoctrinated woman. However, the words of that indoctrinated woman posed a very real threat that she needed to take care of. Fast. Otherwise, the people in this system would die in any case when the Reapers came through that mass relay. If she took out Kenson now, she could still warn everyone to get the hell out. But Kenson took priority, her brain told her. It didn't matter how much her heart screamed at her to take care of the colonists first._

_The Project VI switched from showing Kenson to showing surveillance footage. "Doctor Kenson is traveling to the reactor core module."_

_Kenson's image took the schematics of the core module the VI had shown her. "An eezo core meltdown should do it. Because of you, everyone on this rock will be obliterated!"_

_No. She wouldn't take the blame for the victims of the Reaper indoctrination. That was not her fault. She couldn't have stopped that from happening. And Kenson herself needed to be handed over into Alliance custody."Not if I get to you first." She tore herself away from the console. She couldn't waste anymore time. _

…

_Two hours later, she was back on board the Normandy, clutching the metal bar as she looked at the galaxy map, her gaze fixed on the spot where the Bahak system had blinked out a few minutes ago. She couldn't move. The guilt of her actions weighed her down. All she could do was stare at the empty space on the galaxy map. She had stopped the Reapers from coming through the Alpha Relay. But at what cost? 304 942. She would never forget that number again. 304 942 people she had left to die on Aratoht because she couldn't warn them._

_When she had come to after the explosion, the timer had shown less than 30 minutes and the communication systems hadn't been working. There was just enough time to get to the comm tower and hail the Normandy for a pick-up. There was nothing she could do for the colonists. But that was no excuse. She should have been faster. More alert. Should have taken Kenson out before she had the chance to blow herself to smithereens, trying to take Shepard with her. _

_It was her fault those people were dead. And while she didn't exactly care too much for Batarians – no human did after what the other race had done to the colonies of Mindoir and Elysium – that was no excuse. She should have tried harder. Just because they were Batarians didn't mean that they deserved a death sentence. So many innocent lives. She closed her eyes when she thought of the children that had died at her hand. They would never laugh again or play games. She had killed them, sacrificed them for the rest of the galaxy. That didn't make it any better. "I'm sorry", she whispered, her voice hoarse from the emotions she fought to hold back so desperately. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."_

**27th January 2196**

"Forgive me, please, I'm so sorry" Catherine called out in her sleep, thrashing around, unconsciously fighting her husband's embrace.

"Cathy, wake up, please", Kaidan whispered, shaking her slightly. She had been mumbling those words at first, begging for forgiveness. Her plea had grown in intensity, rousing him from his sleep to find her restless in his arms, fighting against her nightmare, unable to come out of it. Tears were streaming down her face, something that had shocked him when he noticed it. Whatever haunted her dreams, it had to be powerful to get that reaction.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry", she repeated over and over again.

"Wake up!" Kaidan demanded again, louder this time while shaking her a bit harder. Worried didn't even begin to cover what he felt. He needed her to wake up. To tell him what was going on.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open and she looked around the dark frantically, her breath coming in short, irregular puffs. When her gaze found Kaidan's, she stared at him, wide-eyed. "Kaidan", she whispered his name, her hand flying to his cheek, pulling him close to kiss him. She needed this, him, this kiss, to make sure this was real. That this wasn't just another dream.

Though he knew that they needed to talk about that nightmare, Kaidan complied to her unspoken wish and returned the kiss while he shifted from her side to hover over her, knowing that the feeling of his body close to hers would ground her and offer additional comfort. She had admitted to that, about a year after the war when the nightmares of that burning child still haunted her._ "I know it's strange, but … feeling your weight on top of me … it just makes this real, you know? Like it tells me that this isn't just another dream. I can't really explain it. It just calms me down, I don't even know why, it just does"_, she had explained. And he was willing to offer that comfort. He deepened the kiss, his tongue stroking against hers in slow, calming kisses. When he pulled away, she had slightly relaxed under him, her gaze not frantic anymore. "You okay?" he asked softly, his lips brushing hers as he spoke.

"No", she answered truthfully. She had stopped lying to him about her nightmares a long time ago after deeming the act useless and a waste of breath. Kaidan didn't let her get away with it, anyway, so why even try?

"Wanna tell me about it?" He snaked one arm around her, pulling her close, while he allowed a little more of his weight to pin her smaller frame down on the mattress.

"It was the Bahak system", Catherine whispered, her eyes meeting his.

He could see the blue depths shimmering with more unshed tears in the dark and wondered what had brought that dream on. She had never dreamed about that, at least as far as he knew. It usually was something about the war, not the incident that had gotten her locked up prior to it.

"304 942", she mumbled, closing her eyes.

"What?" Kaidan found himself asking.

"That's how many people died on Aratoht. 304 942. That's how many people I killed that day", she explained, turning her head away. "The number was there, right in front of me. And I still did it."

"You didn't kill them", he said, kissing her temple. He had been shocked when he had first heard about the exlosion of the Alpha Relay back then, even more so when he heard that the woman that now lay in his arms was responsible. But by now, he knew enough to be able to disagree with her.

"No? Then it wasn't me who activated the Project? It wasn't me who started the engines that sent the asteroid into the mass relay?" she questioned, her voice hoarse when she fought the tears.

"It's not that easy and you know it, Cathy", Kaidan objected. His free hand stroked over her tousled blond hair and went to her cheek, forcing her gently to look at him. When her eyes met his, the blue orbs were dull, lacking the spark he loved so much. "You didn't kill those people. Kenson kept you from sending out a warning. If you want to get technical, she killed them. You wanted to save them."

"But I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. Not fast enough. I should have seen the signs of Kenson's indoctrination sooner. I had more than two days when I arrived on that asteroid. Two days, Kaidan! That would have been more than enough time to evacuate the entire system. But I was weak, I -" Catherine didn't get to finish her sentence because Kaidan cut her off with another kiss.

He hated to hear her doubt herself like that. Because he knew that it was her guilt that spoke, not the rational part of her mind. When he pulled away, he held her gaze, his hand stroking her cheek gently. "You were not weak. As far as I know, Kenson appeared to be perfectly fine until standing next to that Reaper artifact. You had no way of knowing that she was indoctrinated."

"I should have seen it", she insisted. "I should have recognized the threat. I should have realized what the situation in that facility was the very second I heard about that artifact." She took a deep breath. "How many Batarian children did I kill, Kaidan? How many children that could have changed the way the galaxy sees their race? How many children's blood is on my hands?"

He saw her look at the door, no doubt thinking about their own children, sleeping soundly in their beds, safe from any harm and unaware of the sacrifices their mother had to make in the past to get to the point where she was today. "I don't know how many children died that day", he answered. "But I know that because of them, a lot more children had a chance to be born. To live."

"That's not good enough", she whispered and felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Kaidan dipped his head to kiss it away. He could taste the salt on his lips. "Cathy, love, I know that you did everything you possibly could that day. I know that you tried to warn the colony. I know that you would have fought until your last breath if it meant saving even one of those colonists. I know that you would have sacrificed yourself for them if there had been any way." He waited for her slight nod of confirmation before he spoke again. "And that _is_ good enough. I know that it won't bring those people back. Those children. But I know that you fought for them. So hard. You fought for them during the war, too. To make sure their sacrifice wouldn't be for nothing. To make sure that they didn't die in vain. And _that_ is more than good enough."

Catherine looked at him while he spoke, more tears escaping her eyes. "I love you", she simply said in return, lifting her head off the pillow to kiss him again. He had been right in his assessment. That didn't mean that it hurt any less or that she could ever forget about it. But he had given her a peace of mind that hadn't been there before. Because the Alpha Relay had always been a topic she avoided talking about, the guilt too all-consuming to bring it up. She realized her mistake now, in her husband's arms, as he offered her comfort after a nightmare that had been a reality once.

Kaidan returned the kiss gently, pulling her slightly closer to his body before rolling on his back, taking her with him. He broke the kiss when she was draped over his chest, her blue eyes now staring into his again. "I love you, too", he answered. The hand on her back stroked soft, calming circled into her skin as she snuggled closer into his embrace.

Catherine put on hand on his chest and rested her chin on top of it, looking at him, studying his face. "What did I do to deserve you?" she finally asked.

"I'd say you saved the galaxy, but since you already had me before that ..." he trailed off, the thumb of his hand was still on her cheek brushing over a slightly raised corner of her mouth, "I guess you were just really good as a child, so Santa granted you a bigger wish as an adult."

Despite everything, the nightmare and her desperation earlier, she laughed at the ridiculous reasoning Kaidan had just offered. "What would I do without you?" she asked, leaning up to peck his lips.

"I told once and I'll tell you again for the rest of my life. You'll never find out", he said, pulling her in for a kiss that stopped her from asking more questions.


	31. Friends Will Be Friends

Thanks to AngstyShenko and CyanB for the reviews!  
AngstyShenko: Tell me if that wish works? Because if it does, I _so_ have to try next year *lol*  
CyanB: You wished for Wrex and the Alenko offsprings ... so here you go XD I hope you like what I did with it :-)

As always, a big thanks to my amazing beta tag58 for her constant input and support!  
The title of this chapter refers to the song "Friends Will Be Friends" by Queen.  
Reviews are always appreciated!

* * *

_It's not easy, love, but you've got friends you can trust  
Friends will be friends  
When you're in need of love, they give you care and attention  
Friends will be friends  
When you're through with life and all hope is lost  
Hold out your hands 'cause friends will be friends right till the end _

_- Queen, "Friends Will Be Friends"_

* * *

**1st November 2196**

"Daddy, I'm bored", Nathan said, looking at his father. He didn't know why he couldn't just get up and walk around, but everyone in the big room sat in their chairs and looked up where an old man with a big scar on his face stood and talked. He had on the same clothes as his daddy next to him and his mommy stood beside the man. "Why is Mommy not with us?"

Kaidan took Nathan's hand and squeezed it gently, smiling down at his son. "Because she is about to speak as soon as Admiral Hackett is finished", he explained. He looked up to the stage and saw Catherine standing ramrod straight beside Hackett. Only the fact that she kept tugging on the jacket of her dress blues indicted that she was nervous. Chuckling to himself, he remembered just how nervous she had been a few weeks ago when Hackett approached her with the wish that she should give a speech.

She hadn't denied the request, but as soon as the call had ended, Catherine had started pacing around the living room, muttering under her breath. It had been a comical sight and Kaidan hadn't been able to keep himself from laughing. Needless to say, he had spent the rest of the day in the doghouse and tried his best to make it up to her.

Now she was on the stage, waiting for her turn to approach the microphone. He could understand that she was nervous. The entire galaxy was listening, after all. This was ten-year-anniversary of the defeat of the Reapers. That had been Hackett's main argument when he asked her to speak. Of course the woman who had united the galaxy to achieve that victory had to speak. Now she stood there in her dress blues, her long blond hair cascading over her back in big curls. Kaidan smiled reassuringly when she looked at him and her blue eyes sparkled with happiness when she looked at her sons, seated on his left and right side.

Jeremy followed Hackett's words intently, even if he probably didn't even understand half of what the Admiral was saying, while Nathan played with his father's fingers, obviously bored out of his mind. Both of them wore clothes a similar color to their parents' dress blues and while Jeremy had been happy to wear them, Nathan had kept tugging at the jacket, saying it was itchy. It had taken a good amount of bribery on Catherine's side until he finally stopped fussing. There were a lot of sweets and a new model ship in her younger son's future. They had left Elizabeth at home in the care of her grandparents, deciding that the little girl wouldn't be comfortable in a room full of people she didn't know.

She took a deep breath when Hackett finally finished his own speech and introduced her. She nodded slightly in his direction and took a deep breath before she approached the microphone. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with great honor that I speak today. Though I have to admit that at first, I was a bit nervous when Admiral Hackett asked me to do this. Today marks the ten-year-anniversary of the defeat of the Reapers. Ten years ago, the galaxy united against a common foe. Wars that had been going on for centuries were laid to rest, conflicts that divided not nations but entire races for hundreds of years were overcome. Wrongs that had hurt civilizations for a long time were righted. Krogans and Turians fought alongside each other as well as Quarians and Geth." She looked at Wrex and Bakara who sat in the front row next to Primarch Victus, Garrus and Tali.

Catherine waited a moment to let the words sink in before she spoke again. "Many brave men and women from all over the galaxy gave their lives to save even more. They fought for us and sacrificed themselves so we could live and build a new, united galaxy from the rubble and dust the Reapers left behind. There were many who believed that the galaxy wouldn't be able to rebuild everything that was lost during that thankfully short, but all the more horrible war. That the destruction was too big to overcome. We proved those skeptics wrong. Yes, it's true that there is still a lot that needs to be rebuilt, but it's also true that the galactic community has been hard at work over the last ten years to make things go back to normal. Not the way they were, because there were a lot of mistakes in the way we interacted with each other in the past that we need to be aware of in order to avoid repeating them."

Another short pause followed and Catherine saw many people in the audience nodding. Her eyes found Kaidan's for a second and a smile appeared on her face. "We are the first cycle that survived the Reapers and that now has the chance to set the path for a better, brighter future for all of us. We are the first who have the chance to overcome past mistakes and grow stronger in the wake of an enemy we defeated united. We have a chance to make the galaxy a better place for our children and many future generations. Let us use that chance we were given, that chance we fought for ten years ago."

She took a deep breath. She had said a lot more than she had planned, but once she started speaking, the words just kept coming out. "All of that being said, let me make an announcement. Ten years ago, the mass relays were destroyed along with the Reapers. A fact that has made our lives a lot more difficult, we are all painfully aware of that. Today, I am happy to announce that the relays are fully functional again. The best technicians from all over the galaxy worked hard to fix what was broken. We can now use the relays again safely. Let's celebrate. Life, happiness, the future and everything else we gained when we stood together and showed the Reapers what this cycle was made of."

Catherine stepped back from the microphone and smiled at the audience that was clapping and cheering loudly. Her eyes found Kaidan's again and she saw the proud smile on his face, a mirroring one on her own. She bit the inside of her cheek when he winked at her. She couldn't wait to get off this stage and for the official part of this celebration to be over. She had a lot of catching up to do.

…

A few hours later, the living room in the Alenko household was crowded with people. Former crew members who had become dear friends were sitting in the room, occupying the couch and armchairs as well as additional chairs that had been brought over from the dining room table.

Garrus and James were talking to each other in one corner of the room while Tali and Liara were huddled close together on a couch, both the Quarian admiral and the Shadow Broker giggling over something. Joker was nursing on a cocktail with two umbrellas – something Catherine had made sure of when she served it to her former pilot with a grin. Now she sat on Kaidan's lap, his arms wrapped around her waist as she leaned back against his chest. It was meant as a way to give another person a seat, but that didn't mean that she wasn't allowed to enjoy it. Next to them on the couch sat Wrex and Bakara, telling them about the changes on Tuchanka and their own children after Wrex had given Jeremy what was without a doubt the piggy-back ride of his life. Wrex and Bakara had indeed named one of their children after Mordin, and it wasn't a girl like Wrex had joked about, but their first boy.

"So, what about you, Shepard, anymore offsprings planned?" Wrex asked, gesturing to where Jeremy now hung onto every word Steve said as he told him about his adventures as shuttle pilot during the war.

"No", Catherine said at the same time as Kaidan say "yes". She turned a little and looked at him, her eyebrows raised. "What?" she asked.

"Why not?" was his reply, followed by a wink.

She rolled her eyes at him and turned back around, barely able to hold back a squeal when he nuzzled her neck, the action concealed by her long hair. "No, there's nothing planned, but you never know", she finally told Wrex.

The unofficial king of the Krogans laughed, the booming sound filling the living room. "Shepard, I think you're losing your touch, Alenko is getting rebellious", he remarked.

"Don't worry Wrex, I know what threats to make to keep him from getting any ideas", she replied, not missing a beat. "Hey darling", she said when Nathan approached them. He eyed Wrex carefully, assessing the big Krogan with the scars over his face that sat next to his parents.

"Mommy … is it true that you headbuttered a Krogan?" Nathan asked as he climbed on the couch between his parents and Wrex, showing no fear.

"Who told you that?" Catherine wanted to know, ignoring the slightly butchered word for the moment, but when she saw Garrus and James looking in their direction expectantly, she was barely able to hold back a sigh. Of course. Who else, well, maybe except for Joker? "Yes, it's true", she finally told Nathan.

The small boy suddenly stood up, his sock-covered feet on the couch. His forehead was barely at the same level as what passed as the Krogan's chin. Catherine watched her son carefully. What had those two goons told him to do? Her eyes widened slightly when she saw Nathan leaning back slightly, as if he wanted to gain momentum. She was barely able to get her hand in before her son's forehead collided with her palm.

"Mommy!" Nathan complained when she grabbed his shoulders and turned him around to face her.

"What do you think you're doing, Nate?" she asked before glaring at Garrus and James who were leaning against each other, gasping for air as they were laughing their heads off. Oh, there were so going to get it later.

"I want to be a big boy", Nathan said, looking down at his feet.

Catherine frowned. After several attempts to follow her son's logic, she repeated: "What?"

The four-year-old sighed heavily. "Uncle Garrus and Uncle James told me that I would be a big boy if I headbuttered Uncle Wrex", he explain.

Catherine heard Kaidan chuckle slightly at their son's version of the word that no doubt Garrus had planted in his head. She sent them another dirty look, secretly hoping that Lizzie would try to tug on Garrus' mandibles again like she had earlier. But now she had another problem on her hands: how to tell her little boy that those two idiots had been wrong?

Wrex took the choice from her when he put his hand on Nathan's shoulder, massive in size compared to the small boy. She let go of him and allowed him to turn back around to face the Krogan. "You know, I think you're a big boy just for trying. You have a real quad for someone so small."

Kaidan snorted at Wrex' choice of words. Quad … yeah. How to explain that one to a four-year-old? Sure enough, Nathan looked at his parents. "What's a quad?"

Catherine smiled at her son. "I don't know, darling", she said, warning Wrex with her eyes to contradict her. "Why don't you ask Uncle Garrus and Uncle James?"

Nathan nodded, jumped off the couch and rushed over to his uncles. When James shot her a look that screamed 'what the hell?' she simply raised an eyebrow. Defeated, James turned back to the small boy in front of him, the color of his face growing closer to that of a tomato by the second.

"Nice move, Shepard", Wrex commented, laughing again.

"I'm gonna rip each of them a new one later", she growled, clearly unhappy. "They should have known that he would try. And the bones of children are a lot more fragile than those of an adult. God knows what could have happened if … damn them." She huffed and leaned back in Kaidan's embrace when he pulled her back against his chest.

"Hey, calm down, nothing happened", Kaidan whispered in her ear. "I'm pretty sure they counted on one of us to intervene."

"That's no excuse for setting one of my kids up for potential harm", Catherine answered.

Joker, who had witnessed the whole thing from where he was lounging in an armchair, set his drink down on the coffee table. "Calm down, mama bear. Your little one is okay", he said, trying to lighten the mood.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a minute. They were right, she needed to calm down. But she had a good reason for being as protective as she was. "You don't know what it's like to have kids, Joker. You always worry about them. Even more so when having them means that you defeated the odds … again. Before Jeremy, I wasn't sure if I was even able to have children. With all the tech in my body, I just … I didn't think it would be possible. The fact that I have Jeremy, Nathan and Elizabeth … it's even closer to a miracle than having children is when you're not half-robot."

Next to her, Wrex and Bakara nodded. "I know what you mean, Shepard. About kids meaning that you defeated the odds", Wrex offered.

A small smile lifted the corners of her mouth again. "You would."

Bakara looked at Jeremy and then Nathan who was still seated between Garrus and James. "And when children are little miracles, you are just that much more protective of them."

Catherine nodded. "Yeah. The thought than one of them could get hurt … it drives me crazy. And coupled with the fact that it could have happened because those two over there were being stupid, it just makes me angry", she explained to Joker.

He looked down at his drink as if the answer to all of his questions were hidden underneath the two umbrellas until he finally grabbed the glass again and took a sip. "I think I understand. And when you put it that way … they really shouldn't have done that. I mean, I'm the expert when it comes to brittle bones, I know how easily they can break. And the head … yeah, not something you should mess with. No matter how funny it looked when little Nathan tried to headbutt big old Wrex here."

"I think the term he used was headbutter", Kaidan offered, squeezing Catherine's waist slightly in relief when he heard her chuckle.

"He's four-and-a-half, what did you expect?" she asked, finally relaxing in her husband's arms again.

"Hey, I wasn't complaining. It's just another thing we can file away to torment him with when he's a teenager", he answered, grinning.

Joker raised an eyebrow. "When did you become so cruel, Kaidan?"

Catherine laughed. "He always was, he just never showed it." A moment later, she sighed when she heard Elizabeth cry. Nap-time was over. "And that's my cue. I'll be back in a minute", she said.

"Yeah, about time she woke up, too. I haven't seen the little princess in way too long", Joker said, the complaint in his voice clearly noticeable. He hadn't been there earlier for the tugging-on-Garrus'-mandibles incident.

"Then you just have to stop by more often. And my daughter is not a princess", Catherine tossed over her shoulder while she left the living room.

Several minutes later, she came back with Elizabeth settled on her hip. The little girl looked around the room curiously, her eyes still a little red from crying when she woke up. A brilliant smile appeared on her face when she saw Steve. "Deve!" she exclaimed, making the man with the bright blue eyes smile when he came over. Jeremy had grabbed his Normandy model and he and Nathan watched as their uncle Joker showed them once again how he had maneuvered the ship what felt like a lifetime ago.

"That's right, princess", he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Why do all of you insist on calling her that?" Catherine complained, followed by a heavy sigh.

Steve chuckled. "Because she is. Come on, look at her. Beautiful blond curls, big blue eyes, cute button nose, everyone adores her – she's a princess, like it or not, Catherine." He was one of the few members of the old crew who had started calling her by her first name. Being Elizabeth's godfather probably made it a lot easier to adapt to calling his former commander by her first name, too.

"Just for the record, I looked a lot like her when I was her age, minus the curls. My mom compared pictures and pointed it out. And I'm not exactly what you'd call a princess", she informed him as she sat back down in her former spot on Kaidan's lap.

Steve took Joker's deserted armchair and looked at his goddaughter. "You have a point. And I'm sure that with you as a role model, she won't end up as a stuck-up damsel in distress."

"You can count on that", Kaidan answered, grinning when his daughter started giggling as he tickled her stomach.

"Wrex, this is Elizabeth, the youngest member of our family", Catherine introduced her daughter to the Krogan.

He looked at the tiny girl she held. "She's so small. And squishy", he commented before reaching out to touch Elizabeth's blond curls, his curiosity getting the better of him. His movement was almost tentative, as if he was almost waiting for her to start crying again.

Elizabeth sat still on her mother's lap and watched Wrex, her big blue eyes widened slightly. Catherine was afraid that her daughter would start crying when the Krogan reached out, but to her surprise, Elizabeth started giggling again and grabbed Wrex' finger. "I think she likes you", she said before kissing her daughter's cheek. "That's your Uncle Wrex", she told the little girl.

"Ex!" Elizabeth tried and held her arms out to him.

Wrex looked at Catherine, confusion written all over his face. "What does she want?"

Catherine laughed at that. "She wants you to hold her", she explained before holding her daughter out for him to take her.

"I can't, I don't want to break her", he said, shaking his head.

"You won't. If you break _her_, I'll break _you_. Just keep that in mind and you should be fine", Catherine told him, placing her daughter on the Krogan's lap and taking the decision away from him.

Wrex moved his hands around the tiny girl immediately to keep her from falling down. He eyed the squishy being warily for a moment, trying to assess how to touch her without hurting her. Because he was well aware that Catherine's threat had been a real one, no matter how humorous it had been.

Bakara let Elizabeth grab onto her hand when the girl tried to stand up on wobbly legs. Wrex grabbed her other hand to stabilize her and looked down at the small creature in wonder. "She really looks like a small version of you, Shepard", he said, taking in the hair color and eyes as well as the shape of her face. When Elizabeth let go of Bakara's hand and tried to reach for his face, he laughed. "I like her. She's curious, that's good. Children need to learn new things."

A while later, Elizabeth was still sitting on Wrex' lap, babbling happily while she played with the Krogan's fingers.

"Hey, you had her long enough Wrex, hand the princess over and stop hogging her", Joker said, who had dragged over a chair since his former seat was still occupied by Steve.

"Try to take her and see how many of your bones remain intact", the Krogan simply answered, brushing Elizabeth's head with his free hand. He had taken a liking to her, as squishy as she was. She really was an awful lot like her mother, even at this young age.


	32. If I Fell

Thanks to Trishata96 and CyanB for the reviews! Just a little warning, even more fluff ahead, so you might want to don the diving gear because drowning is bad *lol* And as always, a big thank you to my awesome beta tag58!

The title of this chapter refers to the song "If I Fell" by The Beatles. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true and help me understand  
'Cause I've been in love before and I found that love was more than just holding hands  
If I give my heart to you, I must be sure from the very start that you would love me more than her  
If I trust in you, oh please, don't run and hide  
If I love you too, oh please, don't hurt my pride like her  
'Cause I couldn't stand the pain and I would be sad if our new love was in vain _

_- The Beatles, "If I Fell"_

* * *

**1st November 2196**

"You know, I kinda miss the good old times. You know, back when we were hunting Saren", Wrex said, an almost wistful expression on his scarred face.

Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau rolled his eyes at the assessment of the unofficial king of the Krogans. "The good old times? Seriously, Wrex? Come on, back then, we all thought it was one big clusterf-"

"Joker!" Catherine interrupted, sending him a pointed look before lowering the gaze to Nathan who sat on the pilot's lap, snuggled into his uncle's arms while he listened to the adults.

"Sorry", Joker mumbled, stroking over the little boys head and ruffling his dark curls.

"Uncle Joker, stop!" Nathan complained, trying to avoid his uncle's hand, but to no avail. He started squealing with laughter as Joker started tickling him and looked at his mother. "Mommy, help me!"

The adults laughed at the boy's dismay. Catherine chuckled and grabbed her son out of Joker's hold. "You've had enough fun torturing my son for now", she told the pilot and watched her son hurry off to the bathroom to sort out his hair.

"He's worse than Kaidan, you know?" Joker said, leaning back with a grin on his face.

"Hey!" Kaidan objected, unconsciously dragging a hand through his dark hair, sprinkled with gray.

"Who do you think Nathan got it from?" Catherine asked, grinning at her husband when she sat back down next to him. She kissed his cheek when she heard him grumble. "You know that I love your hair", she whispered in his ear and chuckled when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"Hey, Wrex, remember when those two still danced around each other and we had that bet going?" Joker asked the Krogan, grinning from ear to ear when he saw Catherine raise her eyebrows.

"What bet, Joker?" How come she hadn't heard about that until now? She couldn't help but roll her eyes when she saw James sitting on the edge of his seat, apparently deeming the conversation a lot more interesting all of the sudden. Catherine chuckled when she noticed Steve roll his eyes at the younger marine. Apparently, she wasn't alone in her opinion.

"Oh, you know, when you and Alenko would get your sh- eh, act together and kiss", Joker said. By the look on his face, he had won that bet. Or so he thought.

"Who won?" Catherine asked, most likely setting the pilot up for a big surprise. She had a hard time to stop herself from laughing.

"_I_ did, I mean … come on, you know that I was aware of everything that happened on the Normandy. They were stupid to bet against me in the first place", Joker explained, leaning back against the sofa. "I didn't give a specific time like the rest of those comedians, but said that we would need to be close to catching Saren before either of you made a move. And I know that I saw Alenko enter your cabin when the night cycle began while we were approaching Ilos but he only came back out the next morning. And there was definitely kissing involved, so yeah, those credits were mine."

Catherine and Kaidan shared a look, silently communicating. When Catherine nodded slightly, Kaidan coughed lowly before he started to speak. "Well, sorry to disappoint you, Joker, but you were wrong. I 'made my move' long before Ilos."

Joker stared at them, wide-eyed. "What? When?"

Movement throughout the living room of the Alenko's home followed as Wrex, Garrus, Tali and even Liara sat up a bit straighter in their seats. Catherine was slightly shocked to see Chakwas perk up, as well. "Karin?" she asked, disbelief clearly visible on her face.

"What can I say? I wanted to earn a few extra credits", the ship's medic explained simply before smiling down at Elizabeth who was squirming in her lap.

"It was after we took care of that asteroid that was supposed to collide with Terra Nova", Kaidan started to explain.

"I was in the mess with Ashley when we were on the way to Noveria and she told me about her childhood and her sisters", Catherine said, smiling at the memory. "But I had a hard time listening to what she said when Kaidan started working on his console and Ashley thought it was funny to tease me about it."

**August 2183**

"_And then, Sarah just turned around and … hey, Skipper, are you even listening?" Ashley asked, her eyebrow raised at the far-away look in her commanding officer's face as the women sat in the mess, drinking coffee – or what was supposed to be coffee, anyway. She followed the other woman's gaze and started grinning when her eyes found the LT, working at his usual post. Whatever the hell he was doing there, anyway. It was just awfully convenient that the console he worked on was right next to the Commander's cabin. "Earth to Skipper. You might wanna look elsewhere or you're gonna start drooling."_

_Shepard started slightly, her cheeks flushing slightly after getting caught staring at her Staff Lieutenant. No. Not _her_ Staff Lieutenant. The Normandy's head of marine detail. Yeah, that sounded better. A lot less like reg-breaking material. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Williams."_

"_Sure. And Joker's gonna do a tap dance routine on this table in five minutes", Ashley answered, rolling her eyes._

"_Didn't know Joker could tap dance. You think he's gonna wear a smoking and a top hat?" Shepard asked, trying to change the subject, but failing miserably._

_Ashley sighed at the attempt. Way too obvious. "You know, you could just go over there and talk to him, right?"_

"_What about? Comparison of omni-tool models? Sorry, Ashley, but … not my field of expertise", she stated, forcing herself not to look in Kaidan's direction. _

"_That's not what I meant and you know it. How about the fact that you keep staring at each other when the other one's not looking? You're sweet on him, he's sweet on you. Where's the problem, Shepard?" Ashley was tired of watching them dance around each other. Maybe it was time to give them a little push – or in Shepard's and Kaidan's case rather a mighty shove – in the right direction. _

"_There are regs, Ashley, and you know it. Even if - and that's a big if - we wanted to … do something along those lines, we couldn't." It was a simple truth, but it was one that made things a lot more complicated and frustrating recently._

_Ashley rolled her eyes again. "Those regs would only be a problem if someone told on you. And in case you haven't noticed, the crew is more than loyal to you. Nobody is going to rat you out. So go for it!"_

"_'Go for it'? Seriously? I can't just do that", Shepard objected, biting her lower lip. _

"_Why not? Go over there, invite him to your cabin for drinks and see where it takes you", Ashley said, shrugging slightly. It wasn't exactly rocket science. _

"_To my cabin?!" Shepard almost squeaked. No. No way. She couldn't do that. Nope. _

_Kaidan looked up from his console at the sound. It was … unlike Shepard. She was usually calm and collected … but that sound was far from calm. Or collected. He noticed the smug look on Ashley's face and fought the urge to glare at her. Whatever the Gunnery Chief had said obviously sent Shepard into a fit and he didn't like it. He directed his gaze back to Shepard. Her face was slightly flushed and her back ramrod straight. And she seemed … nervous?_

"_What's keeping you? He's hanging around next to your quarters all the time, anyway. And I know that it wouldn't be the first time he's in there with you, so where's the problem?" Ashley lowered her voice when she saw Kaidan looking in their direction, keeping him from overhearing what was said._

"_Yes, he's been in there, but only when we worked on duty rosters!" Shepard whispered. That was the official version, anyway. They had started out like that, but over the last couple of months, they had started talking after they were done with the rosters, about the missions or crew and sharing stories of past assignments or even their childhood. They had become friends – friends that flirted a lot when they were alone. Even if there was nobody who overheard them, it was still a dangerous game to play._

"_Skipper, don't make me hang up mistletoes around the entire ship once Christmas comes around", the dark haired woman threatened, looking at her commanding officer like she meant it._

"_Joker would kill you", Shepard commented. The thought of their pilot getting his knickers in a twist over mistletoes placed all over his ship had her grinning, though. _

_Ashley shook her head and took a sip from her poor excuse of coffee before she spoke. "Not if it ended the sexual tension between you and Alenko. Joker says that the LT is just as wound up as you are."_

_Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Let me get this straight. You and Joker gossip like a bunch of old women. I should have known." She leaned back in her chair and saw Kaidan looking in their direction from the corner of her eye. His head almost snapped back to the console when he realized she was looking at him and Shepard had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing._

…

"_So, long story short, Ash told you to invite me to your cabin for drinks and encouraged you to have your wicked way with me?" Kaidan asked, leaning back in his chair and looked at Shepard with a mixture of amusement and disbelief. _

"_That sums it up. She even threatened to decorate the entire Normandy with mistletoes once Christmas comes around", Shepard added, chuckling. If Ashley knew that she told Kaidan about their earlier conversation, the younger woman would probably throw a fit because those words weren't meant for Kaidan's ears. Oh well. The man knew how to keep his mouth shut, that was something Shepard didn't doubt in the least. _

_Kaidan laughed, thinking about the ship swamped with the corny decorations. "Joker would have a heart attack."_

"_According to Ashley, he would be more likely to help her. Because apparently, he'd do just about anything to ..." Shepard trailed off mid-sentence, biting her lower lip. She wasn't sure if mentioning something like sexual tension would go over so well. Because if she was honest with herself, she knew that Ashley was right. That Joker was right, too. The tension was there, but … there was only one way to resolve that problem and that wasn't an option._

"_To do what?" Kaidan asked, watching intently as her face closed off a little, the careless smile vanishing slightly._

_Shepard shook her head. "Forget it. It's not important", she said, hoping that Kaidan would go for it. _

_He raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter?" Something was obviously bothering her, that was the only explanation for her sudden change of behavior._

_Damn it. She should have known. A sigh came over her lips. "It's stupid, really. I mean … it's Joker and Ashley. How could anyone take them seriously when they're gossiping? Apparently, well … they both claim that there's a lot of … unresolved tension between us. Sexual tension." She mumbled the last part, praying that he hadn't heard her. The look on his face said otherwise._

_The surprise was easily readable on his face. "Sexual tension?" he choked out, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat when she nodded in confirmation, her eyes suddenly very interested in the way her hands played with the hemline of her shirt. Before he could change his mind, he grabbed her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. _

_She looked up, startled. When had Kaidan become so daring? Because as far as she was concerned, it was a daring move on his side. She had come to know him as almost shy, so this … this was unexpected. But not unwanted, if the tingles that shot through her entire body were any indication. "What -" _

"_You know they're right, don't you?" he asked, looking at her._

_Shepard's breath caught in her throat. Oh God. What was she supposed to do? She was supposed to free her hand from his grip, for starters, but … she just couldn't bring herself to break the contact. She looked at him, her eyes wide, almost like a deer caught in the headlights. "Kaidan -" she started, but he interrupted her again._

"_You once told me that in here, we forget about rank and are just two people, friends even, who enjoy spending time together. No need for protocol, right?" He waited for her to nod before he spoke again. "Then … let me tell you that they have a point. Shepard, we both know that the tension was there from the first second when we met." They both smiled a little at the memory of their first encounter. Both of them hadn't been at their best that day._

"_Yeah, I know." Shepard nodded again slightly, her gaze fixed on his as she found it difficult to avert her eyes. She could lose herself in those whiskey-colored depths, even if she knew it was wrong. Was it just that? That stupid forbidden fruit thing? No, it wasn't. She had been more than interested in getting to know him even before she found out that they would serve together. However, that fact made things a whole lot more difficult. It didn't help that he was far more than just a friend to her by now. But she couldn't allow herself to feel those things ... to fall for him. No. She couldn't even think about it. They were marines. There was a chance that every mission they went on would be their last. And the possibilty of losing him ... it was hard enough to think about as it was. She didn't dare to think about how it would affect her if she let him in even more.  
_

"_And it's not going to just go away, you know? Vanish into thin air or something. It's only going to get worse." He was stating the obvious, but he still felt the need to point it out, her hand still firmly in his own. _

"_You're right. But what can we-" she started, but was cut off again. Though this time, it wasn't with words or a gesture. This time, Kaidan stopped her from talking with a kiss. It was soft and innocent, but she felt like her insides were melting. How long had she waited for this? Longed for it? Cursed the fact that they were serving together and it kept them from doing just this? Fought the need to be this close to him?  
_

_Kaidan had no idea what had gotten into him. But suddenly, the courage to act on his feelings towards the woman seated next to him was there and he seized the moment, unwilling to waste the chance. Who knew when they would have an opportunity like this again? Who knew how much time they had together, being in almost constant danger? And as innocent as it was, it felt incredible to kiss her._

_Her free hand moved to the back of his neck, bringing him slightly closer to deepen the kiss. Her body felt like it was on fire and this was just a kiss. How would she feel when … no. She couldn't think about that now. They were in a lot of trouble already without going any further than a kiss. _

_When they finally pulled away, Kaidan leaned his forehead against hers. A smile appeared on his lips when he realized her breathing was just as labored as his own and her lips were slightly swollen from his kiss. He just couldn't help it. It was incredible to know that it was his doing. The slight flush on her cheeks, her trouble to get her breath back under control … and a mirroring smile on her lips, as he realized now._

"_We need to talk about this, Kaidan", she whispered. "You know that we shouldn't … there are regs ..." _

_He pressed his lips to hers again in a soft caress. Now that he had a taste of how good it felt, he was sure that he wouldn't be able to get enough of the feeling. She didn't object. "I know. Believe me, I know. I spent … God knows how many hours telling myself about those regs, trying to make them reason enough not to think about you like this, but it just didn't work."_

"_Still, you … you can't just kiss me, Kaidan", Shepard said, unconsciously wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue._

"_I just did", he answered, chuckling when he heard her laugh slightly. "Look, I know that we need to talk about … this. But can't we just enjoy it for a minute or two?" He stared into her blue eyes, almost begging her to comply._

_Shepard felt her knees go weak at his intense gaze. "Okay", she mumbled before pressing her lips to his again gently. When she pulled away, she leaned her head against his shoulder, caressing the back of his neck with her hand, her fingertips brushing the spot where his implant lay once and again._

_Kaidan's free hand rested on her back, his thumb rubbing small circles into her skin through the fabric of her uniform. They really needed to figure out where this was going and how to deal with it, but for the moment, he was content to sit here with her, holding her after they shared their first few kisses. If he had his way, a lot more would follow._

**1st November 2196**

"So, let me get this straight. It was … August? And nowhere near 'hey, we could die on this mission, let's get it on before we die with big regrets'?" Joker asked, the smile long gone from his face.

"Yep. Kaidan made his move a lot earlier. You should have given him more credit, Joker. I mean, you and Ash even joked about the sexual tension. What was that about being able to cut said tension with a knife?" Catherine asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah", Joker grumbled, making everyone in the cramped living room laugh.

When the former crewmembers of the Normandy SR-1 and SR-2 had calmed down, Catherine leaned her head against Kaidan's shoulder. She saw Dr. Chakwas smiling at them. "What is it, Karin?" she asked.

"I just realized something. Jeff, pay up." Chakwas turned her attention to the pilot who looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"What are you talking about, doc?" Joker had a hunch what she meant, but … no. She wouldn't do that, right?

"You know very well. Now that they cleared the whole thing up, I won that bet thirteen years ago. I want my credits, Jeff", Chakwas explained, her tone calm while she smiled like the cat that ate the canary.

Catherine looked at Joker before searching Kaidan's gaze, biting her lower lip to keep herself from laughing. Her resolve broke when she saw that Kaidan was fighting just as hard to keep a straight face and she started laughing again, everyone joining in at the look of defeat on Joker's face. Just for once, the joke was on him. And it was damn time, too.


	33. War

Thanks to Trishata96, spaceconveyor, AngstyShenko and CyanB for the reviews!  
Trishata96: Hm, I think Joker will need a bit to recover ... or rather his ego, that is *lol*  
CyanB: I figured that if anyone would be winning a bet like that, it would be Chakwas ... and as much as she cares for Joker, she wouldn't let the opportunity to take him down a notch pass her by.

As always, thanks to my awesome beta tag58 for her support and input. And thanks to CyanB who ... well, more or less asked for this chapter :-) The title refers to the song "War" by Poets of the Fall. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_Do you remember standing on a broken field, white crippled wings beating the sky?  
The harbingers of war with their nature revealed and our chances flowing by  
If I can let the memory heal, I will remember you with me on that field  
When I thought that I fought this war alone you were there by my side on the front line  
When I thought that I fought without a cause you gave me a reason to try_

_- Poets of the Fall, "War"_

* * *

**November 2186**

_Kaidan stood at the corner of the remainder of a building, giving orders to his Biotics division over a more or less clear comm-channel. This was it. The final fight through the rubble that once was London, trying to get to the Conduit and then the Citadel. Once he was finished giving out orders, there was nothing he could do but wait for the signal that they would head out and leave the relative safety of the makeshift headquarters Admiral Anderson had set up._

_He could see Harvesters flying around, their dark, twisted silhouettes enough to give a grown man nightmares. Their screams, accompanied by those of the Banshees, tore through the constant rattle of machine guns and explosions of heavier artillery that picked them out of the sky and off the streets, but it wasn't enough. It was a nightmare and he was standing in the middle of it, waiting for a wake-up call that wasn't going to come. Not until somebody reached that beam and made it to the Citadel to open the arms of the space station. He gave the last orders and closed the channel just as he saw Catherine approach him. His stomach twisted into knots. He knew that there was a pretty good chance that this was the last time he saw her. This was a war. There was no guarantee that they would both make it out alive. _

"_Hey Kaidan", she said, trying to smile, but failing._

"_Hey, there you are", he answered, unable to keep the smile on his face for more than a second. He wanted to ease her mind, but the tension was too strong to fight it._

"_You ready?" she asked._

"_Absolutely. For anything. Bring it on." Kaidan tried to sound confident, to convince himself that he was actually ready. But how could one possibly be when going up against an enemy like the Reapers?_

"_And Biotics division? Your students?" Of course she wanted to know about them. She knew how important they were to him, so she cared about them, too. One of the reasons he loved the woman who stood in front of him so much._

"_More than ready. Eager. That's youth for you. Guess we're old soldiers, hey, Shepard?" He forced himself to call her by her last name. They were surrounded by soldiers, they had to keep their distance. It was killing him. All he wanted was to kiss her and tell her to come back to him once this was over so he could finally put that ring on her finger like he had promised on the Citadel. Instead, he was forced to stand at arm's length and call her Shepard instead of Catherine._

"_Yeah, I guess we are." The gleam in her eyes told him that she understood. Despite their surroundings, she understood everything that he couldn't say and knew what he wanted to do._

"_Comrades in arms. We know the score. We know this is goodbye." He hated to say it. He hated himself for saying it because it made the situation so much more real. Goodbye. That one word felt like a punch to the gut. Kaidan saw her eyes cloud over and he wanted to punch himself for causing her pain._

"_When this is over, I'm gonna be waiting for you. You better show up." Her voice quivered slightly and Kaidan sucked in his breath. He felt the goosebumps underneath his armor. Hearing her voice like that … no. He never wanted to hear that sound again. He swore to himself that if … when they both made it through this, he would make sure that she would be happy and smiling for the rest of her life. _

"_Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna fight like hell for the chance to hold you again", he said, holding her gaze. When she nodded so slightly that it was almost not noticeable, he continued. "But, listen. There's things I wanna say. By looking back, I have a few regrets, but not many. That's pretty damn amazing, right? Messed up kid that I was, never would've dreamed of the life I've had. And I owe a lot of that to you, you know." There was so much more he wanted to say but couldn't. He almost screamed in frustration. All he wished for right now was five minutes alone with her to say the things he really wanted, but he knew that it wasn't an option._

"_It's been quite a ride", she replied, her voice so low that he barely heard her over the sound of the machine guns._

"_It sure has. But how are you doing? Scared?" He knew the answer from the look in her eyes before she said a word._

"_Damn straight I'm scared. And that fear is gonna keep me alive long enough to strike these bastards right through the heart." The determination in her voice brought the goosebumps back full force. He knew that she would stop at nothing to win this war. That she wouldn't think twice about sacrificing herself if it meant destroying the Reapers. That he was going to lose her again._

"_Yeah, exactly." He didn't trust himself to say more than that. She seemed to understand because she nodded again._

"_So … take care, Major." She turned to leave with those words, but didn't get far because he stopped her. _

_He didn't care about who saw them. Didn't care if they broke a hundred regulations in one second. He only knew that this was probably the last chance he'd ever get to hold her and there was no way in hell that he would just let her walk away like that. His arm snaked around her waist and pulled her as close as their armor would allow while his other hand went to the back of her head, guiding her lips to his. The kiss was slow and gentle, both of them trying to burn the way it felt into their memory while allowing themselves what could be their last moment together. It was so bittersweet that it broke his heart. He finally forced himself to pull away and saw her eyes shine brightly. This was the closest to crying he had ever seen her and the look on her face was almost too much for him. _

"_Stay safe", he whispered before letting go of her, even though every muscle in his body screamed at him to keep holding on to her. "Well, I should find the rest of my squad." He had to keep himself busy, otherwise he would go crazy before the push for the beam even started._

_She seemed to read his thoughts because she straightened her appearance and walked past him, simply saying "Yeah" as her shoulder brushed his. All he could do now was hope and pray that he would in fact get a chance to hold her again. Because he wouldn't survive losing her a second time._

…

"_Normandy, do you copy? I need an evac, right now!" She had dragged him behind a flipped over Mako and was screaming into the comm-channel, even though she knew that it wouldn't help the interference, even if she screamed her lungs out. He could see the terror on her face, plain as day, as she looked at the blood on his armor. All he wanted to do was tell her that he was okay, but he couldn't do anything but simply nod._

_After she had gotten an answer, or at least he supposed so, she draped his arm over her shoulders. "Come on!" She heaved him up on his feet __as soon as the Normandy came into view__, refusing to let Garrus help her . A few more moments, then they would be relatively safe. As soon as the cargo bay had opened, marines gave them covering fire. Garrus moved in front of them and Kaidan felt his stomach twist into knots again when Shepard handed him over to the Turian. _

"_Shepard!" He saw the look on her face. The look that told him that she wouldn't come. That she would stay._

"_You gotta get outta here." There was the confirmation he hadn't needed. Hadn't wanted. She would leave him behind. Again. He would lose her if he didn't stay and keep fighting. _

"_Yeah, that's not gonna happen." It was his stubbornness talking. He was in no fighting shape, his field medic training told him as much. But he couldn't leave. He had to stay with her, even if it killed him. Harbinger's beam turned the rubble of London over again and again with every hit, but he didn't care. He couldn't leave._

"_Don't argue with me, Kaidan." She locked her gaze to his, her eyes pleading with him. She had to be aware of what she was doing to him. She had to know that with her looking at him like that, he couldn't refuse her._

"_Don't leave me behind", he whispered, one last desperate attempt to get her to come with them. To board the Normandy and get out of this hell. This graveyard. But the look in her eyes told him that she wouldn't come._

"_No matter what happens … I love you. Always." The words broke his heart. She was saying goodbye. She wasn't expecting to survive this. He wasn't going to see her again. The promises they had made on the Citadel had been nothing but lies. Dreams that Harbinger's beam turned to ashes right in front of them. They had been fooling themselves. The dread that came over him in waves was almost overwhelming and he had to lean onto Garrus more because he didn't trust his own legs to keep him up._

"_I love you, too." He said. Four words that conveyed a world of meaning and it still wasn't enough. It would never be enough if she wasn't there. "Be careful", he added, barely a whisper. He wasn't sure if she had heard him, but the need to say it, even if he knew that she wouldn't listen, anyway, was too strong to ignore. _

_The shadow of a smile crossed her face. If she hadn't heard him, she had apparently read his lips. She looked over her shoulder at the Reaper standing between her and the beam. When she turned around, her face was filled with determination. "GO!" She ordered. Her eyes met his one more time and if his despair showed on his face, she gave no inclination that she saw it. He desperately reached out for her one last time, but his arm fell to his side when she turned around and jumped off the platform. Garrus dragged him inside and he focused on his steps for a moment, but when he looked over his shoulder again, he saw the woman he loved running toward the Conduit again._

_Time seemed to slow down as she ran. Harbinger's beam shot red light through the darkness and she evaded the spots where it hit the ground. Once, twice, three times. She zig-zagged through the rubble and flipped over and burning vehicles. And then the beam hit her. "CATHERINE!" _

**2nd November 2196**

Kaidan's eyes snapped open and he blinked, trying to see in the dark. His breath came in short, irregular pants, the images still haunting him. He struggled to sit up, but a weight held him down. He turned his head and saw the blond hair of his wife. Kaidan closed his eyes for a moment and took several deep breaths. It was just a dream. A nightmare. The beam never hit her. But the image was enough to make his insides churn. He disentangled himself gently from her embrace and sat up, roughly dragging a hand through his hair.

Catherine woke up a few moments later because the warmth of her husband's embrace was missing. A low groan escaped her throat and she reached out to his side, only to be met by empty space. She opened her eyes and looked around the room sleepily. When she saw him sitting next to her, shoulders hunched over, head in his hands and elbows resting on his knees, she was awake instantly. Catherine sat up and wrapped her arms around him from behind, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder before leaning her cheek against his warm skin. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice still hoarse from sleep.

He placed his hands on top of hers, shaking his head. "It's nothing. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

She pressed her lips to his shoulder again before trailing a line of gentle kisses to his neck. She changed her position and was kneeling behind him when she kissed his cheek before resting her chin on his shoulder. "You really expect me to believe that it was nothing that has your heart beating like you've run a marathon in the middle of the night?"

Kaidan bit back a groan. Of course she had noticed his rapidly beating heart when she wrapped her arms around him. "It was just a nightmare. Nothing to worry about."

"Tell me about it?" she asked. When he shook his head, she kissed his cheek again. "You always want me to tell you about _my_ nightmares. Let me do the same for you. Please?"

He couldn't hold back the sigh that escaped him. She was right. When her subconscious tortured her in her sleep, he always wanted her to talk about it, hoping that it would help her somehow. "Fine", he simply agreed, turning his head to press a soft kiss to her lips.

Once the kiss ended, Catherine gently dragged Kaidan back down on the bed. She couldn't stop herself from laughing slightly when he wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her close. "You know, that wasn't exactly necessary. I would've come without you forcing the issue", she said, snuggling into his embrace and putting her head on his chest, listening to his by now again slow heartbeat.

"I'm not taking a risk when it comes to you", he replied, his arm still pressing her body firmly against his while his free hand stroked over her hair and then her back.

They lay in silence for a few minutes until Catherine put her hand on his chest and rested her chin on top of it. "So … what about your nightmare?"

"And here I thought you might forget about it if I didn't start talking right away", Kaidan remarked, a poor attempt at joking.

"Beating around the bush is not your style, Kaidan", she told him, trying to hold his gaze in the dark. "What did you dream about?" Yes, she was pushing him. But how many times had he pushed her into telling him what bothered her? She was just returning the favor.

Kaidan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his hold on her became even more firm, almost as if he was afraid that she might vanish if he didn't hold onto her with everything he had. "London. When we said goodbye … both times."

"Kaidan ..." Catherine didn't know what to say. She lifted her head a bit to free her hand and gently stroked his cheek. That day was a sore spot, even ten years later. For both of them. How many times had she woken up in the middle of night, her subconscious plaguing her with dreams about her leaving him behind?

"I lost you all over again. God, Cathy … I still remember the look on your face when you told me that your fear would keep you going long enough to kill the Reapers. Like you meant to die with them and there was nothing I could do to stop you or protect you and ..." he broke off and turned his head to press his lips against the palm of her hand.

"I'm sorry", she whispered. Her heart had broken into a million pieces that day in London when she had to say goodbye to the only man she ever really loved. She hadn't wanted to do it, but there had been a voice whispering in the back of her head to do it anyway, just in case it really was the last time she ever saw him. If she could, she would take the words back and simply tell him that they would see each other again when the fighting was over.

He kissed her palm again. "Don't. There's nothing we can do about the past now. It's just that, the past. It's over. I shouldn't keep dwelling on it. It's just … when you called that evac during the final push to the Conduit and I realized that you wouldn't come to the ship with me … I really thought that that was it. That that was the last chance I'd ever get to see you, and for a split second, I hated you for leaving me behind a second time. But at the same time, I realized that I could never really hate you, no matter how much I wanted to make losing you easier, less painful."

"You didn't lose me, Kaidan. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You're not getting rid of me, Major", Catherine said, a small smile on her face.

"But in my dream, I did. Harbinger's beam … you managed to escape it a few times and then it hit you." His voice sounded hoarse as he spoke and he took a deep breath afterward, an attempt to calm himself down. "In the reality of my nightmare, I had really lost you for good."

She struggled a bit against his almost vise-like hold to move upward. When she was on eye-to-eye level, she placed both hands on his cheeks and forced him gently to look at her. "That was just a nightmare, Kaidan, nothing more. I am right here. I didn't go anywhere. You were the one who crash-landed with the Normandy on some backwater planet on the ass-end of the galaxy, remember?" She smiled when she felt him chuckle slightly and she pressed her lips to his. "I'm right here, Kaidan. I didn't go anywhere and I don't plan on leaving, either. We're married for ten years next July and we have three perfect kids. That's the reality we live in. Because Harbinger's beam didn't get me. It might have in your dream, but not here. Not where it counts." She peppered his entire face with butterfly kisses, starting on his forehead and moving over his cheeks to his chin before she finally claimed his mouth in a loving caress. When she pulled away, she rubbed the tip of her nose against his in an Eskimo kiss, earning her a chuckle and a smile from him. Mission accomplished.

"I love you", he murmured before kissing her again. When he felt her relax completely, he flipped them over and swallowed the surprised squeal that ripped from her throat with his kiss.

"For someone who was suffering from the repercussions of a nightmare a few moments ago, you're pretty daring, you know?" Catherine informed him.

"I have it on good authority that I have nothing to worry about because you're not going anywhere", Kaidan answered, brushing a strand of her long blond hair behind her ear.

The gesture made her smile and she leaned a bit into his caress when he brushed her cheek with his knuckles after securing the strand behind her ear. "Sounds about right", she said, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him slightly closer. "Oh, I love you, too, by the way", she added, a cheeky grin on her face when she said the words in the same tone as if she was discussing the weather.

Kaidan rolled his eyes and captured her lips again in a soft kiss. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked.

"Helping me through my nightmare", he explained.

"You're welcome", Catherine replied. She looked past him at the ceiling for a moment, biting her lower lip, before she spoke again. "You know … about what you said to Wrex yesterday about having another child?" She bit her lower lip again for a second before she continued. "Maybe … maybe we could try. No pressure or anything. If it happens, then that's great. If it doesn't, then it's fine, too, because we already have three amazing kids. It's just … we were given the opportunity to have this family, we should make more use of it. So … what do you think?"

"Are you sure?" he asked. Yes, he had meant it when he more or less told the Krogan that he wanted to have more kids, his wish for a big family still as existant as it was when they had first talked about having children years ago on the citadel. But Catherine's reaction had put a big dampener on any hopes he had. She had been pretty clear about her opinion of the idea to go through another pregnancy without even saying one word.

She nodded slightly. "Yes, I'm sure. I mean … the three kids we have turned out great so far and I doubt that's going to change anytime soon, so … why not?" She grinned at him when she repeated his own words.

Kaidan couldn't help himself, he just had to kiss her. "You're amazing, you know that, right?"

"I know. And don't you forget it", she answered, smirking.

"I won't, believe me", he said before attacking her lips with his own, swallowing another squeal – this one a squeal of delight and not surprise – with his kiss while his hands snuck under the shirt she had grabbed earlier from his side of the wardrobe.

When the kiss ended, Kaidan lowered his face so he could whisper in her ear, his proximity sending her pulse racing. Damn that man for still having this effect on her even after thirteen years. "I think that we really should start trying", he said, his low voice sending shivers down her spine. He kissed that spot below her left ear that made her eyes roll into the back of her head and she pressed her body closer to his, seeking the contact she suddenly craved. She had a feeling that even if that fourth child didn't happen after all, it wouldn't be because of a lack of trying.


	34. Hold Me Tight

Thanks to AngstyShenko, CyanB and PancakeLove for the reviews!  
CyanB: About that fourth child ... well, you'll see *lol* Though I'm not sure if Kaidan would be able to handle two daughters once puberty and therefore boys come around *lol* That comment about the Normandy crash landing on Earth really sent me into a research frenzy ... but are you sure? Because you can see two moons for a moment in that cut scene and Earth has only one, namely Luna. And the Normandy is flying away from Earth when the Crucible fires ... how did you conclude that the ship crashed on Earth?

As always, thanks to my awesome beta tag58 you had to endure a few ... pretty embarrassing mistakes when she read this for the first time. Lesson learned: writing without a program that has spellcheck = bad idea. Anyway, the title of this chapter refers to the song "Hold Me Tight" by The Beatles. That being said, I want to put out a warning for a LOT of fluff again. To avoid drowning, don the scuba gear. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_It feels so right now, hold me tight, tell me I'm the only one  
And then I might, never be the lonely one_

_- The Beatles, "Hold Me Tight"_

* * *

**29th April 2197**

Kaidan woke up to the feeling of his wife's long hair tickling his chest and then his stomach as she showered his neck with small kisses and then moved lower to his chest. He couldn't help but smile. There was just no better way to wake up than this. He brushed a strand of the long blond locks behind her ear, getting her attention. When she looked at him, there was a brilliant smile on her face he couldn't help but return.

„Good morning", Catherine said before pressing another soft kiss to his chest, directly over his heart.

„You're right about that", he replied, grinning when he saw her playfully roll her eyes. „Not that I'm not enjoying this, because I really am, but … what brought this on?"

„Playing dumb doesn't suit you", she told him, stretching so her whole body was pressed up against his when she kissed him.

Yeah, he really didn't mind the mood she was in this morning and he was also aware what brought it on, but that didn't stop him from teasing her at least a little bit. He wrapped one arm around her waist to hold her close while his other hand moved to the back of her head, his fingers intertwining with her hair as he deepened the kiss. There was a deep feeling of satisfaction when she responded almost eagerly to the caress, her fingertips gliding over his chest and abs, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

He rolled over, his weight pushing her into the mattress and he could feel her smile into the kiss. Apparently, he was doing just what she had anticipated. Then again, she had gotten pretty good at reading him by now. His hand left her waist and snuck under her shirt, stroking her lower abdomen. The attempts to try for another kid hadn't been successful yet, but Catherine had been right when she said that they shouldn't put pressure on themselves over the matter.

When they pulled away from the kiss, both of them panting for air, Kaidan leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. He could feel her breath on his face as their noses touched. „Happy anniversary", he said, smiling when he heard her laugh.

„I'm not sure you could call this an anniversary", Catherine objected, playing with the short hair on the back of his neck.

„Why not? It's been ten years now. A whole decade", he argued, pecking her lips again.

„Saying it like that makes me feel old, you know?" she informed him, a playful smile on her face. She put her left hand on his cheek, her thumb stroking his lips in a loving gesture. The sunlight caught on the sapphire embedded in her engagement ring that she always wore along with her wedding ring and she smiled. The ring he had put on her finger ten years ago when he asked her to marry him and that left her finger only shortly before the wedding, sending her into a fully grown panic attack when she had thought she lost the one piece of jewelry that meant the world to her … only to discover that Kaidan had taken it to get the size right when he bought their wedding rings.

**29th April 2187**

"_So … are you going to explain anytime soon what this whole setup means? I mean, I like, I really do, but … what's all this about, Kaidan?" Catherine asked, one eyebrow slightly raised. _

_He had outdone himself. Somehow, he had gotten Ivy and Robert away from the orchard house for the evening and decorated the dining room as well as the living room with candles – honest to god wax candles, not the stuff that only looked like it but actually contained artificial light. She could feel the warmth radiating off the small flames. And then there were the roses. A big bouquet of beautiful red roses was placed in a vase on the table and she couldn't stop herself from glancing at them from time to time, as if they might vanish if she didn't check every few minutes. Kaidan had cooked and from the moment they sat down to eat, there was soft music playing – some of her favorite songs, some of his, pieces that were connected to certain memories they shared. _

_The whole evening was probably – no, surely – the most romantic thing she had ever experienced. However, Catherine couldn't relax entirely because something about Kaidan was off. He seemed almost nervous and she had no idea why, which in turn made her slightly more alert. _

"_I don't know what you mean, I already told you. I just wanted to celebrate the day we met four years ago", he said, not meeting her eyes._

"_You are a terrible liar. There's more to it, it's written all over your face", she remarked, holding back a deep sigh. Sure, she could just wait until he told her, but … no. That would mean that she had to watch him torture himself even longer._

_Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek. He really needed to calm down a little. He already knew what she was going to say, right? So why was he so anxious? "Let's move this to the living room", he said, standing up and holding his hand out for her, evading her last comment. _

_She was even more beautiful than she normally was. When he had told her to dress up a bit because he wanted to celebrate the anniversary of the day they had met, he hadn't expected her to come up with a cocktail dress that hugged every curve of her body just right, its dark red color almost exactly matching the roses he had gotten after a process more painful than pulling teeth. Getting flowers wasn't the easiest task only five months after the Reapers went down, but he had wanted this night to be perfect. So he spent a small fortune on the flowers he had deemed worth every credit when he had seen the awed look on her face when she saw them._

_He let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding when she took his hand and let him lead her to the living room. His free hand went to the pocket of his trousers and he reached inside, a small wave of relief flooding his heart when he felt what he was looking for. In the living room, he stopped her from sitting down, earning him a confused glance._

"_Kaidan?" she asked, not entirely sure what was going on. Wasn't he the one who had suggested this change of location?_

_He took a deep breath. This was it. No way back now. "Do you remember that talk we had when we were on the Citadel? On shore leave? I made a promise that day … and I fully intend to keep it. I promised you back then that once the war was over, I would ask you to marry me." Kaidan squeezed her hand slightly when he saw her open her mouth. "Please, let me finish?" When he saw her nod slightly, he smiled at her. "Thanks, Cathy. Well, like I said, I intend to keep my promise." _

_Catherine felt her breath catch in her throat when he went down to one knee in front of her. It was an old-fashioned and completely outdated gesture, but at the same time one that fit him oh so well. That's when she noticed that the hand he held gently in his was slightly trembling. Good God. Put her up against monstrous machines that want to harvest all intelligent life in the galaxy and she was fine, but the prospect of the man she loved proposing had her trembling. _

_Kaidan felt her trembling and squeezed her hand slightly, offering silent comfort. Apparently, he wasn't the only one nervous about this moment. "I love you. I know that I said it so many times already that you probably lost count a long time ago, but that doesn't make it any less true. I love you and I don't want to lose you. Ever. You complete me in a way I never thought was possible until I met you. Even when I'm at my worst, you manage to pull me through. You make me a better person. You made me believe again … in myself, but also in the idea that you can love someone unconditionally, with all their flaws. I never thought I would find someone I could love as much as I love you. Your love is ... no, _you_ are what keeps me going every single day. You give me strength when I'm weak, you pick me up when I'm feeling down. You … you are like the sun for me, shining so bright … but I'm not afraid to get burned. You are everything to me, Catherine. So …I guess what I'm trying to say is ... will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"_

_The entire time he spoke, Catherine had bitten her bottom lip to keep herself from crying, but she couldn't help the fact that her eyes were starting to glaze over. When he finally asked the question, the feelings he had described were right there, written all over his face. She sank to her knees in front of him, her free hand finding his cheek. She stroked it lovingly, a brilliant smile on her face. "Yes."_

"_Yes?" he asked. He simply needed her to say it again._

"_Yes", she repeated, still smiling. "Do you want me to say it again?"_

"_Go ahead. I can't hear that enough times", he told her._

"_Yes, I'll marry you. Because I feel the same way about you. Always have, always will. So yes, I'll marry you. Yes, yes, yes ye-" she was interrupted when his claimed her lips in an almost feverish kiss and chuckled against his lips. _

_He reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out the ring. Still kissing her, he put it on her finger. "I love you so much", he mumbled against her lips when he pulled away._

"_I love you, too", she answered. When her gaze landed on the ring on her finger, she gasped. "Kaidan … it's beautiful", she whispered. A small golden ring adorned her finger, a sapphire shining in the candlelight. "But … that must have cost a fortune. I … you shouldn't have ..."_

_Kaidan placed a finger on her lips to silence her. "Don't worry about it. That ring … it once belonged to my grandmother. It's a family heirloom, if you want to call it that. I only had it slightly altered, so stop worrying about bankrupting me like I know you do."_

_Catherine laughed. "Okay, okay. Forget I said anything", she answered. Afterward, she didn't protest when Kaidan pulled her to her feet and moved to the couch, pulling her in his lap when he sat wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She sighed contently and closed her eyes. They sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again. "There's just one thing I want to know."  
_

_"What is it?" Kaidan asked, not moving an inch from his position.  
_

_"Why were you so nervous? You knew that I was going to say yes, didn't you?" She wanted to look at him, but at the same time, she didn't want to move away from him, either._

_He chuckled slightly. "I ... yeah, I guess I did. I mean, after that talk we had on the Citadel ... I figured you would. But still. You don't ask the woman you love more than anything every day to become your wife", he explained, pressing a soft kiss to her pulse point. He smiled against her neck when he heard the soft noise of approval the gesture had elicited from her.  
_

_"You're probably right. And in retrospect it was kind of adorable to see you fidget like that the entire evening", Catherine said, grinning at the memory. She snuggled closer into his embrace after that, not willing to let go of him anytime soon. They spent the rest of the night curled up in each other's arms on the couch, kissing and discussing their future together._

**29th April 2197**

Kaidan chuckled, his breath caressing her skin when his lips found her neck. „You are a lot of things, but old is not one of them", he mumbled between kisses.

„Flatterer", she accused him, but closed her eyes and tilted her head a little bit to the side to give him better access anyway. She shivered when he focused his attention on her pulse point.

„You love it", he murmured, his lips never leaving her skin. Kaidan couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face when she laughed and started playing with the hair on the nape of his neck again, her fingertips brushing over the place where his implant lay every so often. The implant that was reason for him to believe that he would never have a normal life. Growing up, he was always singled out as a freak because of his biotics and his implant was the only tangible manifestation of his alienness. Secretly, he had come to terms that he would never have a family of his own. Which woman wanted to be with a freak, after all?

„Lieutenant Alenko, this is Commander Shepard, do you copy?" Catherine asked, bringing him back to the present with her words, using their old ranks as an inside joke. She had gotten a bit worried when he simply stopped moving entirely, obviously lost in thought.

Kaidan sighed and pressed his lips to her collarbone before looking into her eyes again. Blue depths he could drown in so easily that it would scare the hell out of him if he didn't love the feeling so much. „Sorry, I was just … thinking."

Catherine chuckled and brushed her fingertips over his cheeks gently. „When are you not thinking?" she said, wiggling when he made attempts to tickle her sides. „Hey, behave yourself or your anniversary is going to be a very lonely one", she threatened good-naturedly.

He laughed before leaning down press a soft kiss to her lips. „Sorry for the insubordination, Commander", he said, grinning. "And you just admitted that it is an anniversary."

„Just don't let it happen again, Lieutenant", she ordered, returning his grin before she sobered up a bit again. „And I guess it's just easier to admit it now that to have you try to convice me for the rest of the day", she defended her words before changing the subject. "What were you thinking about, anyway?"

Another kiss followed before he answered her. „It was … I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you. I … you know that I was always the odd man out, first because of my biotics and then even more so because of my L2 implant. And before I met you … I kind of figured that I would never have this. A wife. Kids. Because … who wants to be with a freak? And even if there were women that were interested … well, it probably took all of their self-restraint not to run screaming when they heard that I was biotic. And I guess I didn't allow myself to think about having a family, either, because I was afraid that one day, I would snap like so many other L2s. And … you don't miss what you don't think about, right?"

Catherine sighed and looked into his eyes, holding his gaze. „For the record: you are way too cautious to snap like that. Because I think that has a lot to do with how you use your biotics and if you let them and your implant dominate you or not. And you don't. You're in complete control of your abilities. So … you snapping? No, definitely not happening."

„Maybe you're right. But … there were moments when I just wanted to let go, you know? To stop fighting to stay in control", he said.

„Everyone has those moments when you just want to give up. But the fact remains that you didn't and in the end, it made you stronger. And … I don't give a damn about your biotics, I told you that from the beginning", Catherine answered, smirking at the memory of the dumbstruck expression on his face when she told him that she wasn't afraid of his abilities.

Kaidan chuckled. „I even recall you saying something along the lines of finding them sexy", he remarked, thinking back to the time when he had come to her rescue after she ruined one oft he most expensive restaurants on the Citadel by falling through the floor and committing another small fish genocide. He dreaded the day their kids started asking for pets. Definitely no fish for the Alenko children. Just in case they took after their mother in that department.

She shrugged and wrapped her a bit tighter around his shoulders. „Well, they are. What can I say? Not every woman has her own personal Superman as boyfriend … or husband, for that matter."

His answer was another long, loving kiss that made her melt against him. When his hands were busy gliding over her body and making her shiver in anticipation, his mouth moved to her neck again. „Want to try for that baby again?"

„And here I thought biotics couldn't read minds", Catherine mumbled, followed by a yelp when he playfully bit down on her shoulder and a low moan when his lips started traveling further south.


	35. Holding Out For A Hero

Thanks to Space Symphony, CyanB and AngstyShenko for the reviews!  
Space Symphony: You had me at cake! *lol* but seriously, I really appreciate the fact that someone else needed a fluffy happy ending as much as I did :-)  
CyanB: ugh, sorry for misunderstanding ... now I know where my Shepard got it from *sigh* anyway, when you put it that way ... you're completely right, of course *lol*  
AngstyShenko: I'm glad you found my little story, too :-) And ... do you really think it would be a good idea for Kaidan to figure that out? Because then Catherine might get jealous again and ... well, that's probably nothing to wish for *lol*

As always, a big thank you to my awesome beta tag58 who said she squeed when she read this part ... so I hope that's a good sign :-) The chapter title refers to the song "Holding Out For A Hero" by Bonnie Tyler. Let me know what you think, reviews are always appreciated!

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_Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy  
Somewhere just beyond my reach there's someone reaching back for me  
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat  
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet  
I need a hero, I'm holding on for a hero 'til the end of the night  
He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight  
I need a hero, I'm holding on for a hero 'til the morning light  
He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon and he's gotta be larger than life_

_- Bonnie Tyler, "Holding Out For A Hero"_

* * *

**16th June 2197**

Catherine glanced at the holo-clock that stood on the ledge of the fireplace and sighed. Almost ten in the evening and still no sign of Kaidan coming home. She had hoped to spend a nice, quiet evening with him after the boys had tired themselves out when she had been to the beach with them today and they hadn't protested going to bed for once. Even Elizabeth, who for a reason not even Karin Chakwas could figure out, always had trouble sleeping for more than a few hours, was blissfully quiet for once. The only thing that was missing was … well, her husband. Which was not only bad because she wanted to curl up with him on the couch and make out like they had on their first shore leave together but also because she had to tell him something.

Movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. When she turned her head to look at the source, she wished she hadn't the same instance. A big, fat, black, hairy spider sat on the wooden floor. Catherine slapped her hand over her mouth to muffle the sounds of distress that ripped from her throat at the sight. To say that she hated spiders was like saying that the Reapers would have made great pets. She was afraid of them, her fear bordering on a phobia.

She pulled her feet up on the couch quickly and scrambled into a standing position, her eyes never leaving the eight-legged animal when her breath came in short, irregular puffs. Where the hell was her Claymore when she needed it? Or the Cain? Yes, the Cain would be great right about now. Catherine squeaked and pressed her hand a bit tighter over her mouth when the spider moved a bit to the right. Damn it. She had nothing to kill it with. Not that her fear would allow her to get close enough to kill the animal, anyway.

Thank God nobody could see her right now. Joker, James or even Garrus … every single one of them would have a field day if they ever saw their former commanding officer scared shitless because of a spider. And Grunt would probably claim that she was no longer his battlemaster. Even Kaidan made fun of her fear of spiders from time to time. However, since he always made it up to her once they were alone, she let it slide most of the time.

Another muffled squeak tore from her throat when the spider moved again, this time out of view. Catherine stretched to be able to see the black thing over the back rest of the couch. Where the hell was Kaidan when she needed him? What did she marry him for when he wasn't even there to kill damn spiders for her? Right, she loved him. And then there was the sex. And the best ass in the galaxy. And his abs. And those eyes. And hands that could make her feel things that were probably illegal in some parts of the galaxy. She shook her head. Now was not the time to fantasize about what her husband could do to her with his hands.

Soft sounds from the front door caught her attention for a split-second before she focused on observing the enemy again. If the situation hadn't been so dire, she would have laughed at Kaidan's timing. Now, she was just glad that he chose this moment to arrive.

When he came into the living room and saw his wife standing on the couch, Kaidan's eyebrows shot up. "Cathy?" he simply asked.

"Spider. Over there", she explained, her eyes still fixed on the animal when she pointed at it.

Kaidan burst out laughing. The great Commander Shepard was afraid of spiders … that just never got old. If he told someone, he was sure that the other person would call him crazy. He hadn't believed it at first, either. Until the day he actually had to take care of a spider for his wife who had been deathly pale back then and pressed to a wall opposite of the offending animal. She was just as pale now, he noticed, but standing on the couch this time to put some distance between herself and the creature.

"Stop laughing, damn it!" she cursed. She would have glared at him if she wasn't occupied with giving the spider her best death stare.

He coughed, trying to cover up his mishap. "Sorry, love, I didn't mean to", he said, unable to keep from chuckling. When he saw the spider, he knew exactly why she was reacting so strongly. The spider was big, he had to admit that. And probably the worst nightmare for someone who was afraid of them. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass and a piece of paper on the way back to the living room where Catherine still stood on the couch, glaring daggers at the animal.

"What are you doing?" she asked when she saw Kaidan approach the spider with his weapons of choice.

"I'm going to catch it and take it outside?" It was meant to be a statement but came out as a question.

"Oh no, you are not, you're going to kill it", Catherine objected.

Kaidan sighed. "Why? It'll be gone once it's outside."

"No, it's going to come back inside!" She almost jumped when the spider moved again. And while she didn't jump, she moved as far away from the offending being as the couch allowed. "Kaidan, kill the damn thing, right now!"

Another deep sigh followed. It was no use arguing with her when it came to spiders, he had learned that the hard way a long time ago. "Sorry, you just chose the wrong house to camp in", he apologized to the spider before crushing it with his biotics. Kaidan looked at his wife who was still on the couch. "Come down. It's dead."

"Ah, no, thanks. Could you please take it away?" She eyed the now dead animal warily, almost like she was expecting it to come back to life and jump at her any minute.

Kaidan chuckled. "You know, for a badass marine, you are pretty scared right now", he said and shrugged when she sent him a death glare. He might have jumped to action fourteen years ago when he first met her, but over the years, he had worked up somewhat of an immunity to her glare. "Fine, I'll take care of it." He pushed the dead thing on the piece of paper and left the living room. After a few moments, he came back empty handed.

"Where did you put it?" Catherine asked as she climbed down from her refuge on the couch.

He couldn't help but laugh again. His wife, savior of the Citadel, destroyer of the collector homeworld, savior of the galaxy … and afraid of a dead spider. "I flushed it down the toilet", he finally got out.

Catherine glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Stop laughing or there will be four kids growing up without a father", she said. When he stopped laughing and stared at her wide-eyed, she realized what she just said and fought the urge to slap herself. "And I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, sorry", she apologized, biting her lower lip.

Kaidan didn't really hear her apology. Two words kept playing on a constant loop in his head. "Four kids?" He repeated after a few moments of stunned silence, making it a question. Had he really heard her right? Because if he did, that would mean …

"Four kids", she confirmed and let her arms fall to her sides. She watched him carefully. So far, he seemed far from excited. If anything, she would call the look on his face shock and not joy. But he had been the one who wanted their family to grow. He was the one who wanted another baby. She put a hand on her stomach almost self-consciously, as if to shield the child that was growing within her.

Kaidan's eyes followed her movement and landed on her abdomen. "Four kids", he breathed. Then he crossed the room with a few fasts steps, pulled his wife flush against his body and crushed his lips to hers in a searing kiss, one hand buried in her hair at the back of her head to hold her in place.

Catherine automatically wrapped her arms around his shoulders, trying to get closer as wave after wave of relief washed over her. The worry that had crept up on her was forgotten instantly as she reveled in being so close to her husband. When the kiss ended, both of them were panting and he leaned his forehead against hers. "So … I guess I don't have to ask whether you're happy or not after all", she remarked.

Kaidan chuckled and kissed her again. The hand that had rested on the back of her head had traveled down to her abdomen and covered their child. "No, you … don't … have … to ask", he mumbled, his words interrupted by several short, sweet kisses. Finally he pulled away again and dragged her to the couch and into his laps, making her laugh. He would never get tired of that sound.

"I'm really sorry, though. I didn't mean to tell you like that", she apologized.

"When did you find out? How far along are you? I mean … wow. Another baby ..." he stared at her in wonder as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her close to his body. They had three kids and he still couldn't believe it. Couldn't get over the fact how lucky he was. "And don't worry about how I found out. I'm just ... I'm just happy that there was something to find out in the first place."

"I found out yesterday. And I'm six weeks along", she answered his questions. "And just for the record? I had planned to get your parents to watch the kids, cook your favorite food and curl up with you on the couch afterward, maybe top it off with strawberries and vanilla ice cream for dessert … and then tell you about the baby. Not shove that particular piece of information at you like that."

"Hey, I told you not to worry about it", he said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's … you know, it's unconventional. And thinking about how you told me about Jer … unconventional is what we do best, don't you think?" He kissed her again, a deep, slow kiss that made her want to purr like a kitten. "Though I really like the thought of strawberries and vanilla ice cream", he added in a low voice.

Catherine pecked his lips again and smiled. "I thought you might like that part", she said before shaking her head slightly as she remembered her temporary lack of conversational skills when she had told Kaidan that she was pregnant for the first time. "And about the whole unconventional thing ... I guess you have a point there", she admitted.

"So ... I guess one of our guest rooms needs to go to make room for another nursery", he said, smiling at the thought. Yeah, he really liked the idea to prepare another room for a child a lot more than keeping it as a guest room incase Joker or James ... or both of them showed up unannounced.

She nodded. "Sounds about right. Or we could get rid of the study ... we're not really using it, anyway. When was the last time one of us actually worked in there?"

Kaidan chuckled at her assessment. "You have a point. Because if I remember correctly, the last time we were in there, we had a lot of things on our minds that had nothing to do with work and lot more to do with how to get out of our clothes as fast as possible."

Catherine laughed and buried her face in the crook of his neck. "I didn't hear you complain, you know?"

"I wasn't complaining, love. Not at all", he reassured her as his hand crept under her shirt and rested on her stomach again, his fingertips drawing small circles on her skin. "And I didn't hear you complain, either."

"Damn right I wasn't. Why would I, anyway?" she answered, playfully nipping at the soft skin of her husband's neck.

He raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, did I hear that correctly? Did you just agree to what I said?"

She lifted her head again so he could see her as she rolled her eyes. Trust him to make fun of her right now. "Yes, you heard correctly. But don't let it get to your head", she warned.

Kaidan wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer. "Don't worry. Even if I did … I have you to bring my head back down to a normal size", he said before kissing her to keep her from adding another smart-assed remark. Judging from the fact that she responded eagerly to the kiss and her hands started to roam, she wholeheartedly agreed.


	36. Everything

Thanks to CyanB and MEChuckster for the reviews!  
CyanB: You have no idea how many times I wished to have something like a Cain when I saw a spider crawling around somewhere, so, yep, totally justified, indeed  
MEChuckster: I hope you like the little glimpse in this chapter, but there will be more in the next, promise!

As always, a big thank you to my awesome beta tag58 who gave me the idea how to handle this chapter. The title refers to the song "Everything" by Lifehouse. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_Find me here, s__peak to me_  
_I want to feel you, __I need to hear you_  
_You are the light t__hat's leading me_  
_To the place w__here I find peace, again_  
_You are the strength, that keeps me walking_  
_You are the hope, that keeps me trusting_  
_You are the life, to my soul_  
_You are my purpose, you're everything_

_- Lifehouse, "Everything"_

* * *

**28th July 2197**

Catherine woke up to the feeling of her husband's lips placing kisses on her shoulder and neck and she couldn't stop the content sigh that spilled over her lips. She felt him smile against her skin as he brushed his lips over her cheek before meeting her mouth in a soft kiss that made her smile.

"Good morning", she mumbled into the kiss, unwilling to end it yet. She really had picked well over fourteen years ago when she had admired his backside on the way to the Normandy SR1. Who would have thought that her admiration for his assets would lead them here?

Kaidan still pulled away. "Good morning to you, too. And happy anniversary", he added before kissing her again. He pushed himself away, however, when she started running her hands over his back with the intention to pull him closer. "Sorry, my love. Not now."

Another sigh came over her lips, though this time, it was laced with the slightest bit of frustration. "Why not? Enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts. You know it's just a matter of time until the kids wake up."

"They're already awake, Cathy", he chuckled and pecked her lips again before he sat up. "And I have my reasons", he added cryptically.

Catherine noticed that he was already dressed and wore – black pants and a white dress shirt? Why was he dressed up? Sure, the two top buttons of the shirt were open and granted her a teasing view of his tanned chest and the sleeves were rolled up a bit, probably because of the temperature, but still. Not what she would have expected him to wear at all. "What's with the semi-formal clothing?"

Kaidan sent her a smile full of promises that would have made her knees go weak if she wasn't still in bed, she was sure of that. "Like I said. I have my reasons. Meet me in the backyard in half an hour and wear what's in there", he told her and pointed to a box on his side of the bed Catherine hadn't even noticed yet. After saying that, he quickly stood up and left the room before she could inquire further.

"What? I … Kaidan! Get back here!" she called after him, but he didn't come back. Not that she had expected him to. She sat up and grabbed the box, smiling when she saw a single red rose laying on top of it. Upon opening the box, she saw a light blue silk dress. "What the ..." Catherine mumbled as she pulled the dress from the box to inspect it closely. The dress would be held up by thin straps and flared out below the waistline, the lace-covered skirt ending just above the knee, if she had to guess. The fabric shimmered slightly in the morning sun, making it seem like it held different shades of blue. "What are you up to, Kaidan Alenko?" she asked in a low voice, but the empty room didn't give anything away that might have helped her solve this mystery. Remembering the time frame he had given her, she got out of bed and rushed to the bedroom to take a quick shower and get ready. Because whatever he had planned … she didn't want to be late for it.

Half an hour later she was about to leave the bedroom when the sight of her sons made her stop dead in her tracks. Both of them were wearing black pants like their father, but their short-sleeved dress shirts were a dark red color.

"Are you ready, Mommy?" Nathan asked, looking impatient as always.

Catherine had to stifle a chuckle. "Ready for what?" she asked, hoping that her boys would spill their father's secret.

Nathan opened his mouth to answer, but Jeremy quickly put his hand over his brother's mouth to silence him. "We're not supposed to say anyth- eww! Mommy, he licked my hand!" the older boy exclaimed, a disgusted look on his face when he glared at his little brother while he frantically wiped his hand on the leg of his pants.

She sighed. "Nathan, I thought I had a son and not a dog", she chided the five-and-a-half year old. "Apologize."

"Sorry, Jer", he mumbled, not wanting his mother to get angry.

"Just don't do it again", Jeremy mumbled. Then he spotted the halfway open door to his parents bathroom and ran to wash his hands. He didn't want Nathan's germs on him.

When he got back, the boys led their mother downstairs to the living room, where Catherine spotted her three year old daughter in a dress which was a blue color similar to the one she wore herself. And she also noted that Elizabeth held a small basket filled with flower petals. "Lizzie? What are you doing, munchkin?"

"I'm a flower girl!" she answered with a bright smile, recalling what her father had told her earlier.

"Lizzie! You're not supposed to tell!" Nathan said, ignoring the dirty look his older brother shot him.

Catherine fought against the urge to roll her eyes at her sons and replayed the information she had gotten instead. Flower girl. Why the hell would Elizabeth need to be a flower girl? Except … no. That was ridiculous. Kaidan wouldn't do something like this without telling her or at least giving her a heads-up … would he? She hadn't noticed Jeremy stepping to the door that led to the backyard. However, she was pulled out of her thoughts when he grabbed her left hand and Nathan her right one.

Lizzie stood on her tip-toes to open the door that led outside and the first thing Catherine noticed was low music playing. After stepping outside, she quickly took in her surroundings. Chairs were put up, leaving an aisle in the middle. She spotted her mother, Kaidan's parents, Steve, Joker, James, Garrus, Tali, Karin Chakwas and several others sitting there, looking at her. Their family, related by blood as well as those friends they had come to consider their extended family. At the other end of the aisle, Kaidan was waiting for her with a minister. Her surprise must have shown on her face because Kaidan gave his best impression of the Chesire Cat as she was slowly walking toward him, Lizzie in front of her happily throwing the flower petals on the ground. She was finally grabbed by Hannah, much to the amusement of the rest of the audience, when the little girl didn't want to stop once she reached the front of the aisle because there were still flowers left in her basket.

The boys let go of her hands and Kaidan took her left one in his, smiling at her and mouthing "I love you".

The minister started to speak and confirmed her earlier, quickly discarded thought. Kaidan had really organized a ceremony for them to renew their wedding vows without her knowledge. When the man in front of them asked who gave her away, she expected her mother to say something, but instead, her sons stood up from their chairs and chorused "We do!" like they had been instructed to by their father, making everyone laugh.

When it was finally time for them to renew their vows, Kaidan cleared his throat before he started to speak. "We stood in front of priest ten years ago, promising each other our love. A lot has happened since then. You haven given me a life I never thought I would have because of my biotics, three amazing children, another one the way and more happy memories than I can count. But most importantly, we're still together. I love you just as much as I did ten years ago. Maybe even more. You're everything to me, Catherine. My sun, making every day as bright as the one before, my guiding light through darkness, the air that I breathe. You're everything to me. Ten years ago, I promised to love you until my last breath. But over the years, I realized that I was lying. Because nothing could ever make me stop loving you. So I'm going to do it right this time. I'll love you forever, no matter what."

Catherine heard sniffling and saw her mother-in-law frantically wiping her eyes, just like Ivy had done a decade ago. When Kaidan's thumb stroked the back of her hand, she realized it was her turn to speak. "You could have given me a little warning, you know?" she said, chuckling. "Now I'm standing here, fumbling for words like an idiot. When you woke me up this morning, I was thinking that I really picked well when I deemed your backside worth following to get to know its owner", she started, earning her silent laughter and a catcall from James which made her roll her eyes. "However, after the war … I had my moments of doubt whether I could do this. Have a family, settle down, when all I had known before was moving around in space. But there you were, making it so easy that it was almost scary. And I can hardly believe that it's really been ten years. But then I look at our kids and … well, they are the best kind of confirmation that it's true and that really a decade has gone by. And despite the ten years that have passed, my feelings for you haven't changed, either. I still love you just as much, maybe even more. You have a point about the lying part, though. Because you're right, nothing could ever stop me from feeling this way about you. I'll love you forever, no matter what", she concluded, stealing his line with a teary smile. Kaidan raised his free hand to wipe away a tear that had rolled down her cheek.

Once the ceremony was finished, Kaidan pulled her close and kissed her in a way that had her holding onto his shoulders for dear life. She didn't even pay attention to Vega's catcalling or Nathan telling his brother in a disgusted tone "Eww, now Daddy has Mommy's cooties". All she knew in that moment was the man that held her tight and that she never wanted him to let go again. He was forced to, however, when oxygen became a necessity.

"Damn, Lola, I think _I_ need a cold shower now just after seeing that kiss!" James exclaimed.

"Grandma, Uncle James said a bad word!" Elizabeth told Hannah, her innocent blue eyes slightly widened in shock.

The Rear Admiral shook her head, chuckling. "You should tell your Uncle James to wash his mouth with soap, maybe that'll help."

"But soap tastes icky, Grandma", Nathan said, clearly disapproving what she had proposed.

Robert looked at his grandson, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "How do you know, buddy?"

Jeremy was the one who answered faster than his brother this time. "Because he thought that the stuff Mommy puts in his bath looks like apple juice, so he wanted to know how it tastes."

"Sounds like Nathan spent too much time with you already, Mister Vega", Steve said. When he saw the younger marine open his mouth in protest, he went on "Or do I have to remind you of the wax pear you tried to eat once?" James snapped his mouth shut again, taking the hit more or less gracefully as the joke was on him now.

...

That evening, after the guests had left and the kids were asleep, exhausted after the excitement of the day, Catherine sat curled up in Kaidan's embrace on the couch, her back resting against his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around her, one hand softly caressing her abdomen.

"Seems like we'll have another babysitter available soon", Catherine said, smiling when she thought of her mother telling her that she would step down from active duty and take a posting on Earth at the end of the year. Hannah had claimed that she had spent almost 50 years in space and that that had to be enough since she was still willing to continue to serve in the Alliance. She only wanted to get a desk job and move to Earth permanently, Vancouver to be specific, to be closer to the only family she had.

"We'll need her, too. I mean … I feel bad already when we leave three kids at my parents' place. But four? We can split them up now, two for my parents, two for Hannah when we need an evening to ourselves", Kaidan answered, nuzzling her neck, causing her to laugh.

"I somehow doubt that my Mom would mind too much if we dumped all four on her once in a while. She has been complaining about missing out on too much already because she was still serving in space", she mumbled, closing her eyes for a moment to enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in his arms.

Kaidan nodded. "True … but after having Nathan for one night, I think she might change her mind", he responded, thinking about his own father claiming that Nathan always acted like he was on a sugar high when they watched him.

"I wouldn't be so sure. She raised me, after all", Catherine told him, making him chuckle.

"I thought your manners were perfect as a child?" he asked, grinning when he heard her huff.

Catherine placed her left hand on top of the one that caressed her stomach. "Right, because growing up in space equals perfect manners. I was still a child, you know? Growing up around marines. You wouldn't believe the stuff they set me up to do, knowing that I would get away with it and they would get a good laugh out of it", she told him.

"Oh, I have a pretty good idea. Remember when Vega and Garrus told Nathan that headbutting Wrex was a good idea?" Kaidan reminded her, smiling at the image for a moment when he felt her nod before he sobered up again. "You know … I have another gift for you. Nothing big, don't worry", he added quickly when he felt her move to look at him. He brought up his omni-tool. "Since you weren't supposed to know about what I had planned for today, I recorded some things during the preparations for you", he explained before starting the file and leaning back again, watching the video with her.

"_When I tell you, you go upstairs to get Mommy, okay?" Kaidan told Jeremy and Nathan who both nodded. "But you can't tell her what's going on outside."_

"_Why can't Mommy know? She always knows everything!" Nathan said, confusion evident on his face._

_"Because this is a surprise gift for her. You know, like you get surprises for your birthday and Christmas?" Kaidan tried to explain, crouching down to be at the same eye level as his younger son.  
_

_Nathan bit his bottom lip, a habit he had picked up from his mother, no doubt, as he contemplated the words. After a few moments, he nodded. "Okay, I won't tell Mommy."_

Catherine chuckled. "Did you hear that, Kaidan? I always know everything. I really raised him well." She relaxed further in his embrace when he kissed her temple in response. "By the way, he almost ratted you out. Jeremy had to clamp his hand over his mouth to keep him from telling me", she said, grinning when she remembered the little scene this morning. "Nathan repayed him by licking his hand."

"Seriously?" Kaidan asked, chuckling. He slightly shook his head when Catherine nodded to confirm her tale. "And here I thought I had gotten through to him."

"You should have bribed him with sweets. That always works with Nate", she told him. Not that their son needed any more energy than he already had.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time", he answered.

"Next time?" Catherine asked, raising an eyebrow when she looked at him.

Kaidan shrugged. "I don't have anything planned, but ... is it so far fetched that there could be a next time?"

"Guess not", Catherine agreed before tapping her husbands omni-tool again to start the video again. After a cut, she saw her little girl, sitting on Kaidan's lap.

"_You have a really important part in this surprise for Mommy. You get to be the flower girl", he explained, grinning when her eyes widened and she started bouncing up and down in excitement before she stopped again abruptly._

"_What's a flower girl, Daddy?" Elizabeth asked, her brow furrowed as she thought about it._

_Kaidan chuckled. "The flower girl gets to walk in front of everyone else, throwing flower petals on the floor so the other people know where they have to go", he said, stroking over her thick blond curls that reached her shoulders._

"_I'm really im-imp-" she tried, struggling with the word._

"_Yes, you're really important, princess", he provided, kissing her forehead when he saw her smiling happily, the blue eyes which were so similar to her mother's shining with delight._

"You know, I really don't get why you started calling her that, as well. You've seen her covered in mud from head to toe after playing in the backyard with Nathan and Jeremy and you still call her princess?" Catherine asked, turning her head slightly so she could look at her husband.

"I've seen you covered in Reaper bits from head to toe and I'd call you princess if I had any chance of surviving it", he told her, quickly claiming her lips in a kiss before she could respond.

"This is cheating", she mumbled against his lips before deepening the kiss again.

"But the best kind", Kaidan agreed, smiling against her lips before he pulled away and started the video again.

Catherine looked back at the small screen and saw her boys get dressed, Nathan complaining about the shirt and Jeremy telling him to stuff it because this was for their mother. Later she saw Kaidan helping Elizabeth put on the blue dress she had worn earlier and pulling some of her long curls back with her favorite butterfly hair clips after she had almost thrown a tantrum because Kaidan had grabbed the wrong ones at first. Apparently, there was a big difference between fireflies and butterflies in their daughter's ranking system.

When the vid ended, Catherine pressed a kiss to Kaidan's cheek. "Thank you. Everything about today was breathtaking", she said, smiling.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do to make you happy", he responded, a gleam in his eye that told her he meant it.

"That goes both ways", she answered before turning and climbing into his lap. When he raised an eyebrow at her actions, she simply grinned and leaned down to kiss him, pressing her body close to his and sighing into the kiss when she felt him wrap his arms around her again.


	37. Fairies Wear Boots

Thanks to CyanB for the feedback! And as always of course a big thank you to my awesome beta tag58 for her input and encouragement :-)

The title of this chapter refers to the song "Fairies Wear Boots" by Black Sabbath. Let me know what you think, reviews are always appreciated! And, as I've said before, feel free to let me know if there's a situation you want to read about, I'm open for suggestions!

* * *

_Goin' home, late last night, suddenly I got a fright  
Yeah I looked through a window and surprised what I saw  
A fairy with boots and dancin' with a dwarf  
All right now!  
Yeah, fairies wear boots and you gotta believe me  
Yeah I saw it, I saw it, I tell you no lies  
Yeah Fairies wear boots and you gotta believe me  
I saw it, I saw it with my own two eyes_

_- Black Sabbath, "Fairies Wear Boots"_

* * *

**22nd October 2197**

"Mommy, please!" Nine year old Jeremy Alenko begged, looking at his mother with wide, pleading eyes. The same look his father used when he wanted her to do something she didn't want to, she noted.

"Jeremy …" she tried, but didn't get further than her son's name.

This time, it was Nathan who cut her off. "Mommy, Uncle Joker said that it would be a lot of fun!"

"I bet he did", Catherine mumbled under her breath. Her hand lay on the still small bump on her stomach when she pleaded silently with her unborn child that it wouldn't be as easily persuaded by Joker as her sons were.

"He said we could dress up and eat lots of sweets, too", Nathan explained further while Jeremy nodded enthusiastically.

She sighed. Of course he did. And if she didn't allow it, she'd be the bad guy. She had been perfectly happy the last few years when she didn't need to take her boys to go trick-or-treat-ing. But with the constant improvement of living conditions and society overall, it was inevitable that the topic would come up sooner or later since people had started to indulge in things like Halloween again. However, that didn't mean that Joker wouldn't get an earful for turning her own sons against her. "Fine. We'll go", she said. "_If_", she continued, cutting off her sons cheering, "you can convince your father."

She hadn't even finished the sentence when Nathan had already taken off. Catherine chuckled. That boys was a ball of energy, going stir-crazy when he had to sit down longer than five minutes. No doubt he was already upstairs where Kaidan was currently painting the room that had been their study and was now turned into a nursery with Steve's help. Her former shuttle pilot was currently on shore leave and staying over for a few days. After that, he was going to New York. From what he had told her so far, he had met someone, but he didn't want to jinx it by going into detail. Catherine was happy enough to know that he seemed to be moving on finally ... she would be patient for Steve to come around and tell her more once he was ready.

Jeremy sat down next to her on the couch. "Thank you, Mommy", he said, the smile on his face melting her heart. That special bond that had been forged when she got home after she was shot was still as strong as it had been back then. She could still remember her little boy holding onto her hand tightly, refusing to let go. "Are you okay?" he asked, pointing at the hand that still rested on her abdomen.

Catherine nodded, smiling. "Yes, I'm okay. We both are", she answered. The smile on her face widened when Jeremy gently put his hand next to hers on the small bump. He had done that a lot when she had been pregnant with Elizabeth, giggling when the he felt the baby kick. "So … how do you feel about having another brother or sister?" She probably should have asked Nathan that question because Jeremy had been ecstatic when he learned about Nathan as well as Elizabeth.

Jeremy put his head on his mother's shoulder and she automatically wrapped her around him. She cherished these quiet moments with him, aware that they would grow less and less the older he got. It was natural, sure, but that made those moments all the more precious. "I think it's great", he said, confirming her suspicions.

Catherine pressed a kiss on top of his black hair. Not curly anymore like his father's when it grew long enough to show, but straight like her own. Afterward, she rested her cheek on top of his head. "I love you, sweetheart", she whispered.

"I love you, too, Mommy", he answered, just as quietly, like he was telling her a secret nobody else was supposed to know.

She smiled and closed her eyes, soaking in the moment. When she opened them again, she saw Kaidan standing next to the fireplace, his omni-tool open. It didn't take a genius to know that he had just taken a picture. However, she hadn't heard him enter the room.

"I couldn't resist", he told her, a warm smile on his face.

"I know the feeling", she answered, remembering the picture she had taken a while ago.

_Catherine had just finished a vid-call with her mother in the study – or what remained of it, anyway, since they were clearing out the room to put it to better use - and was on the way to the living room when she heard Kaidan's voice: "And now the bird threw down to her a dress which was more splendid and magnificent than any she had yet had, and the slippers were golden. And when she went to the festival in the dress, no one knew how to speak for astonishment. The King's son danced with her only, and if any one invited her to dance, he said, 'She is my partner."'_

_She couldn't stop the smile that spread on her face. Kaidan had taken it upon himself to introduce their children to Grimm's fairy tales and was apparently reading Cinderella to one of them, most likely Lizzie because she loved that story in particular. Catherine slowly approached the doorway and snuck a glance into the room that confirmed her suspicions. Kaidan was holding an ancient looking book – that had been handed down in the Alenko family for generations, she had learned – in one hand while they daughter was curled up on the other side, her head resting against her father's chest as she listened to him, looking at him with adoration shining on her little face. She really was a daddy's girl, but Catherine couldn't imagine it being any other way._

_"Daddy, does the prince love Cinderella?" Elizabeth asked, looking at her father expectantly._

_Kaidan chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Yes, he loves her, but you knew that … we've read that story a million times already."_

_"How much is a million?" she wanted to know and Catherine had to stifle a laugh at the innocent question as she watched the scene before her._

_"Many, many times", he told her. "Now, do you want me to keep reading or do you want a different story?"_

_"Noooo! I want to hear about Cinderella!" Elizabeth exclaimed, making her father laugh again._

_"Okay, okay, I'll keep reading, then", he relented._

_Catherine leaned against the wall for a minute, watching them, before she went upstairs to check on the boys who were suspiciously quiet. That normally meant that they were up to something. _

_When she came back downstairs after a while, she didn't hear her husband's voice anymore and peeked into the living room again. What she saw now made her heart melt. Both Kaidan and Elizabeth had fallen asleep on the couch, the little girl on her father's torso, his arm tightly wrapped around her, keeping her safe even as he slept, a small smile playing on his lips. The scene had been too cute for Catherine to resist the temptation of capturing the image._

Kaidan remembered the picture as well. It had gotten a place on his desk at Alliance HQ and replaced an older one of him bathing their daughter, a big crown of foam on the little girl's head and her blue eyes that were so much like her mother's shining with laughter. "So … Halloween", he stated, immediately getting Jeremy's attention.

"I take it Nathan managed to convince you?" Catherine asked, although she already knew the answer.

"He can be pretty persistent when he wants something", he answered, nodding slightly.

Jeremy jumped up from the couch. "Awesome! Mommy, I want to be Superman!" he exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with excitement. A while ago, he had found Kaidan's ancient comics and didn't read anything else since.

"I'm sure your Grandma will be happy to help with that. Maybe she even has still has my old costume … you know, I was Superman on Halloween, too, when I was about your age", Kaidan said, laughing when Jeremy left the room running, no doubt wanting to tell his brother the news.

"Great. Now not only my husband is a nerd, but my son as well", Catherine said, a heavy sigh coming over her lips.

He grinned as he crossed the room and finally put his hands next to her head, trapping her. "Good thing you have a soft spot for nerds, then."

"Yeah, really good thing", she agreed, smiling when he leaned in and kissed her.

When the kiss ended, Kaidan sat down next to her, taking up Jeremy's old spot and put his arm around his wife who automatically curled up in his embrace, her head resting on his chest. „How are you doing? Still dizzy?" His thumb drew small circles on her upper arm. He had more or less ordered bed- or at least couch-rest when Catherine had almost fallen over on the way to their bathroom this morning because according to her, the whole room was spinning.

"No, thank God. No more free rides on a roundabout for me", she answered. "Are you and Steve finished already?" she asked.

She felt Kaidan shake his head. "Not really. Only finished with the white paint for now and it needs to dry." When he saw her open her mouth, he put his index finger on her lips. "And Steve is upstairs with Elizabeth. I swear, she has him wrapped around her little finger."

"Well, if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black. And I'm what … a filler so you won't get bored while the paint dries?" The playful tone matched her fingers that walked over his chest, down his abs. Catherine laughed when Kaidan started squirming once her fingers had started digging into his side where she knew he was ticklish, something both of their boys had inherited.

"Careful, love", Kaidan warned, trying to get away from her sneaky fingers.

"Or what?" she was taunting him, but Kaidan took the bait gladly just to keep that enticing light shining in her eyes.

"Or I'm going to have to start something we won't be able to finish until tonight when the kids are – hey!" Her fingers had snuck under his shirt and pinched his side playfully. "You're obviously feeling a lot better than you were this morning", he observed.

"You can bet your perf– Kaidan! Oh, hell, no, stop it!" Catherine had started wiggling on her own when Kaidan started to retaliate, expertly seeking the spots he knew would turn her into a laughing mess.

He slowly shook his head. "You started this, Cathy. Now you just have to live with the consequences", he told her before starting to use his knowledge mercilessly against her.

Soon enough, she was almost crying with laughter, begging for him to stop as she lay on the couch and he hovered above her, his fingers rendering her completely useless as she tried desperately to get away but failed spectacularly.

"Daddy, what are you doing with Mommy?" A small voice asked.

When Kaidan looked up, he saw Elizabeth standing a few feet away, looking at them with her head slightly tilted to the side as if she was trying to analyze the situation. Catherine had the same look when she was trying to figure something out. "I'm just teaching Mommy a lesson", he said.

"What lesson?" the little girl wanted to know. And just like her mother, she didn't let him off the hook easy, either.

"That she shouldn't pick fights she can't win", Kaidan answered, grinning from ear to ear when he heard Catherine huff and mumble something under her breath. "What was that, love?"

"I said that I didn't pick a fight", she responded, rolling her eyes, which earned her another finger digging into her side, sending her into a fit of laughter again. "Get off of me, Kaidan!" she demanded.

He complied with her wish and sat up again, pulling her with him and brushing a short kiss against her lips before moving away slightly. Without a word of invitation, Elizabeth jumped on the couch between her parents, effectively separating them.

"Where's Uncle Steve, princess?" Kaidan asked, tugging a blond ringlet behind her ear.

"Right here", the man in question answered, smiling at the scene in front of him. Had somebody asked him during the war if he could imagine his commanding officer in a setting like this … he probably would have been one of the few people on the crew that said yes. Because the way she had cared about everyone on her ship just screamed that she would make a great mother, given the chance. He was glad that he would have been right with that assessment and that she indeed had gotten that chance at a normal life.

"So you didn't get ambushed by the boys after all", Catherine said, grinning. When Joker wasn't around to recount his Normandy stories for the umpteenth time after the boys begged him to, Steve was their next go-to guy for piloting stories.

"No, after the exicted squealing from both of them stopped, Jeremy remembered that he should be doing his homework and Nathan is busy trying to keep Jeremy from doing exactly that with constant chatter", Steve recounted with a smile on his face what he had witnessed a few minutes ago.

Catherine rolled her eyes and sighed. "Seriously, Nate just has too much energy. We need to get him a trampoline or something", she said.

"And where would you put that?" Kaidan asked.

"In the basement. There's enough room", she answered.

"There's just the tiny problem that Nate doesn't go to the basement because someone", Kaidan sent his wife a pointed look, "told him that there were spiders down there."

"Spiders are scary!" Elizabeth exclaimed and looked at her father with wide eyes.

"Catherine, seriously? Why are you teaching her that already?" Kaidan looked at her and sighed.

She rolled her eyes. "Because it's true, that's why."

Across the room, Steve couldn't stop himself from laughing. When Catherine looked at him with her eyebrows raised, he simply shrugged, an apologetic smile on his face. "I was just wondering how someone as afraid of spiders as your are managed to save the Rachni queen. Twice."

When Kaidan snorted next to her and did a horrible job to conceil his laughter by a cough afterward, she shot Steve a glare. "You're just a regular comedian these days. Did you get lessons from Joker, by any chance?"

Steve chuckled and sat down in the armchair across the sofa. "I manage to come up with a witty remark once in a while on my own, thanks. So, what I've gathered from the boys ... you're taking them trick-or-treat-ing this Halloween?"

Catherine sighed. "Joker planted the idea in their head. But I guess all it took for Nathan to like the idea was the thought of getting sweets."

"What is Helloeen?" Elizabeth asked, looking at her parents questioningly.

"_Halloween_", Kaidan corrected gently. "You get to dress up as anything you want for one day. And when it's dark outside, we'll walk around the neighborhood and you get sweets for your costume." Sure, it wasn't the most correct explanation, but it would do for his three year old daughter.

Her eyes widened and the question in her gaze turned to excitement. "Can I be a fairy, Daddy? Oh, no, I want to be Cinderella! Mommy can be a fairy!"

"Here we go again", Catherine mumbled as she leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes for a moment. She had the nagging feeling that the next days would be filled with chatter from her three kids about their costume wishes. Halloween couldn't be over soon enough.

"You would probably be the first fairy that wore boots", Steve remarked and ducked a moment later, laughing, when his former Commander threw a pillow in his direction.


	38. Sweet Dreams

Thanks to CyanB, Trishata96, REB-ART, Guest and Space Symphony for the feedback!  
CyanB: The way I see it, Joker would just plant the idea and then ... well, make a run for it and only show up again once the whole ordeal is over *lol*  
Trishata96: He really should have learned that by now, right? But old habits die hard, I guess  
Space Symphony: What kind of cake are we talking? *lol*

As always, special thanks to my wonderful beta tag58 :-) The title of this chapter refers to the song "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics. Let me know what you think!

* * *

_Sweet dreams are made of this  
Who am I to disagree?  
I traveled the world and the seven seas  
Everybody's looking for something_

_- Eurythmics, "Sweet Dreams"_

* * *

**8th December 2197**

"Nathan, slow down, please!" Catherine said, her eyes narrowed when she saw that the front door to her home wasn't closed but slightly ajar. She had closed and locked the door when she left to pick the boys up.

"Mommy? What's wrong?" Jeremy asked, his eyes filled with worry.

"I'm not sure", she answered truthfully. "Can you watch Lizzie and Nathan for a moment?" Once he nodded, she crouched down the best she could in her state – seven months pregnant didn't make for much flexibility. "Lizzie, stay with Jeremy for a moment, okay?"

"Okay", the little girl said, oblivious to the worried glance her mother directed over her shoulder to the front door.

Catherine placed her daughter's hand in Jeremy's. "I'll be right back, I promise. And don't come inside until I tell you it's okay", she told him before pushing the front door open a bit wider, trying her best to make as little noise as possible.

When she was out of her kids' view, she put her bag down and reached behind the shoe cabinet, grateful that Kaidan had listened to her for once. Catherine had insisted that they should have easy access to at least one gun – just in case. Kaidan had argued at first, not wanting to have a gun where the kids could possibly reach it and she had admitted that he was right. In the end, they opted for a hidden compartment at the back of the shoe cabinet. Catherine pushed the barely-there button to get the Phalanx and a clip of heat sinks, loading the gun with an ease that spoke volumes of how often she had to do just that during her years of active service.

Catherine crept further into the house, the gun ready to take down whoever had entered her home uninvited. When she moved into the living room, movement caught her attention and she aimed the Phalanx at the target. "I know you're here, so quit fucking around and show yourself", she growled. This was her home. This was supposed to be a safe place for her kids. The fact that someone had dared to cross that line and defile this safe haven pissed her off without comparison.

"Do you kiss your kids and husband with that mouth?" a female voice taunted … a voice that sounded oddly familiar.

Movement to the right had Catherine correcting her aim when suddenly the air seemed to shimmer for a moment until it revealed a person Catherine hadn't seen in person in years. She let the gun down. "Damn it, Kasumi, I could have shot you!" she swore, her anxiety getting the better of her.

"Sorry, Shep, I wanted to surprise you", the thief said, though the smile in her apology was audible.

Taking a deep breath, Catherine tried to calm down a little. "Surprise me … yeah, you got that right. Wait here … I have to get the kids", she murmured, taking the heat sink out of the heavy pistol. Without waiting for an answer, she left the room again, got rid of the weapon and ammunition on the way out and went to the door.

She saw that Jeremy had sat down on the steps with his siblings, talking to them to keep his younger siblings from entering the house like his mother had told him to.

"Sweetheart, you can come in now", Catherine said, forcing herself to smile. The adrenaline was still running through her veins and she had a hard time to keep it from showing. "And we have a visitor. Remember all the stories your Uncle Joker told you about Auntie Kasumi?" She hadn't even finished the sentence when Nathan was already past her, throwing off his winter jacket and kicking off his boots. When he made an attempt to go to the living room, Catherine grabbed him at the back of his pullover. "Nate … does your jacket belong on the floor?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.

He shook his head. "No … sorry, Mommy", he said before picking it up and putting it on the coat stand and putting his shoes away.

Meanwhile, Jeremy had started to help Lizzie with her jacket while the little girl poked impatiently at his hands. "Faster, Jer, my scarf is itchy", she complained, tugging at the offending garment she had gotten only a few days ago. While Hannah was happy when she managed to fix a loose button, Ivy managed to knit them more socks and scarfs than they could wear.

"Don't tell your Grandma", Catherine said, the smile on her face this time genuine when she watched her oldest move on to work on his little sister's boots. Jeremy had started to help her when he noticed that it was getting more difficult for his mother to crouch down because her stomach was getting bigger. He really was a miniature version of his father, a fact that became more obvious with each passing day.

"Noooo, Grandma would get sad", Elizabeth agreed, shaking her head vigorously.

"Right, and we don't want that", Catherine answered while pulling the knitted hat from her daughter's head before combing a hand through the blond curls that looked tousled once the hat was gone.

She took off her own coat and boots before entering the living room, Elizabeth holding onto her hand tightly and hiding behind her mother's legs. When they entered the living room, Catherine's eyebrows almost met her hairline when she saw that Nathan was already talking to Kasumi, chatting up a storm. Why was she even surprised? The younger of her sons was just like that. Even if he had never met the thief in person before and only seen her a couple of times when they talked over the vid-comm-terminal.

"Mommy, Auntie Kasumi told me that she brought presents for all of us!" Nathan told his mother excitedly.

Ah. There was the reason why she was already one of his best friends. She should be worried that bribery worked so well on her son, but then again, she used the same tool every so often herself. "Did she now?" Catherine fixed her gaze on Kasumi who put up her hands in surrender.

"Don't worry, Shep, I got them the way you approve of", she said, smiling. Despite the fact that she didn't feel ashamed at all for her time as a thief, she knew better than to bring the topic of stealing up in front of children. "I even have something for the next little Shep … or is it the next little Kaidan?"

Catherine sat down on the couch and couldn't stop the sigh of relief that came over her lips. Her back and her feet were already killing her and she had two more months to go. "It's another girl", she answered, smiling when she noticed how close Elizabeth was seated to her. "That's your Auntie Kasumi … remember what Uncle Joker told you about how she can become invisible?" She left out the part that involved Kasumi's tactical cloak, figuring that explaining that bit to a three-year-old would be just slightly too difficult.

"Can you really do that?" Elizabeth asked, sitting up next to her mother, suddenly not shy anymore at all when she looked at the woman with big blue eyes.

"Do you want to see it?" Kasumi asked, grinning. When the little girl clapped excitedly and Nathan next to her nodded just as enthusiastically, she activated her cloak and got up from the couch.

Catherine laughed at the look on her children's face, finally back to a truly relaxed state. She would have a word later with Kasumi that breaking into her house was definitely not okay, but for now, she enjoyed the awe-struck look on the faces of Jeremy, who had taken a seat on her other side, Nathan who was looking around the room for a clue where Kasumi had gone, and Elizabeth, who was still looking at the spot where Kasumi had been when she vanished, the little girl's mouth slightly open.

Elizabeth sucked in a breath when her blond ringlets suddenly lifted around her face.

"Now your hair looks like a halo", a bodyless voice said.

"What's a halo, Mommy?" Lizzie asked, a puzzled look on her face.

"Remember the angels we've seen this morning when we were shopping?" Catherine wanted to know and continued once her daughter nodded. "The shining ring on their heads are called halo." Only 16 days to go until Christmas, so the streets were flooded with images of angels and fake Santa's could be found on every corner.

"I think she looks like daddy did her hair", Nathan said, snickering when his little sister pouted. A second later, he started looking around the room again when his sister's hair lay on her shoulders again. He yelped when he was suddenly tickled. "Mommy, help!" he cried, laughing at the same time.

Catherine chuckled and tucked a strand of curly hair behind her daughter's ear. "What do you think, munchkin, should we help Nate?"

Lizzie shook her head. "No, he was mean to me", she answered.

A moment later, the tickling stopped and Nathan tried to catch is breath when Kasumi uncloaked again, grinning from ear to ear. This was a new use for her cloak, but one that was definitely more fun than activating it to avoid getting shot at. "I think I promised all of you gifts, didn't I?" the former thief asked when she sat down in the spot she had vacated a minute ago.

…

When Kaidan got home that night, he was met with loud laughter coming from the living room. Upon entering, he saw his wife and Kasumi, both with their heads thrown back while laughing. Jeremy and Nathan both had some sort of controlling device in their hands.

"Daddy, duck!" Nathan exclaimed and out of reflex, Kaidan did as he was told. A second later, two toy ships whizzed by over his head.

Kaidan quickly crossed the room and sat down next to his wife who was still laughing about something. "Hello, love", he greeted her and kissed her cheek.

"Hey", she answered, chuckling. She spotted Elizabeth creeping around the corner of the couch and quickly leaned over to tell Kaidan what was happening. "Lizzie is pretending to have a tactical cloak like Kasumi … or, well, she is pretending that she can be invisible like Kasumi, that's probably more accurate", she explained.

He chuckled and nodded. "Got it. Can't see her, alright." He looked over the shoulder where the toy ships were whizzing through the air. "Hey Kasumi", he finally managed to greet the former thief. "I take it you gave the boys those ships?"

"And what a great gift they were, too", she answered, smiling while she scanned him with her eyes.

Kaidan started to feel slightly uncomfortable under her intense gaze and started shifting slightly where he sat. "Can I help you with something?" he asked.

Kasumi shook her head. "No, I'm all set. I just have a very good idea why Shep is knocked up again. I know I couldn't stop myself from jumping a man who looked like that."

Catherine raised her eyebrow at the comment. "Hands off, Kasumi. Mine."

"Don't worry, Shep, going after married men is not my style", the former thief explained. "That doesn't mean that I can't look, though. Hey, do you know where Jacob is these days?"

"Another married man, Kasumi", Catherine said, unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"I know. But like I said, that doesn't mean that I can't appreciate a nice view. Do you think he's still doing crunches?" Kasumi tapped her chin, apparently contemplating something.

Kaidan coughed slightly, feeling a bit awkward. "Well ... not that I'm not happy that you're here, but … how come? Last I've heard, you were still swamped with work for the Alliance."

Kasumi let out a dramatic sigh as she leaned back. "Well, I'm on vacation. I mean, shore leave. If you can call it that. I can only take so many babbling recruits who need to learn how to put a cloak to good use before going crazy."

Catherine smiled. "Who would have thought. Kasumi Goto, former master thief, now working for the Systems Alliance."

"That's your fault, Shep, you know", Kasumi answered, "when you had me working on the Crucible, I kind of got used to the people and the steady job thing. That's why I stuck around for the rebuilding of the relays and am now ruining my nerves with green-behind-the-ears recruits."

"Can't say that I'm sorry", she said, smiling. "Besides, you're not the only one. I managed to get Jack on the … well, more or less straight and narrow, too."

Kaidan was about to say something when Elizabeth jumped on the couch and tried to tackle her father, failing spectacularly when her foot caught on the armrest and she was sprawled over his lap instead. She blinked up at him with innocent blue eyes. "Hello, Daddy", she managed to get out.

"Hey, princess. What are you doing?" he asked, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing. He did only a slightly better job than Catherine and Kasumi who were laughing out loud again.

"I'm being sneaky! Like Luna!" she explained.

"Luna?" Kaidan asked, his brow furrowed.

"Oh. Right. I probably should have told you", Catherine said, sobering up a bit before picking something up from the couch, the view blocked by her belly. When she lifted her hands again, she held a tiny kitten with almost white fur and only slightly darker markings on her face … and a big red bow around its neck. "This is Luna."

"A cat." He was stating the obvious, yes, but … what the hell? Two months from now, they would have another baby in the house … this was not the right time to get a cat.

"Can we keep her? Pleeeeeeease, Daddy!" Elizabeth was looking at her father pleadingly.

After a few moments, he had to avert his gaze or he would crumble under his daughter's intense gaze. He looked at Catherine who still held the tiny animal, gently tapping its nose with a big smile on her face. That's when he knew that he had lost either way. "Fine", he said, followed by a sigh before he looked at Kasumi. "Couldn't you have gotten her a doll?" Thinking about the space hamster his wife had kept on the Normandy, he hoped that this cat would fare better than her fish had.

"But I did", Kasumi said. "The breed is called Ragdoll." She giggled when she heard the exasperated sigh coming from him. "On another topic ... do you have any idea who easy it is to break and enter your house?"

Kaidan narrowed his eyes at the former thief. "You broke into our house?"

Catherine nodded. "Scared the hell out of me, too, when I got home with the kids and the front door was open when I had locked when I left."

"Not cool, Kasumi", he told her, his eyes wandering over his wife, scanning for any sign that the excitement had done anything more than cost her a few nerves.

"I know and I'm sorry, I already told Shep that. Scaring a pregnant woman ... not my best I idea, I admit. Especially when that woman is Shep and waving a Phalanx around in front if my face", Kasumi said, shrugging slightly.

"Told you that gun would come in handy one day", Catherine told Kaidan, a small smile on her face.


End file.
